


Barriers

by krose13



Category: Harvest Moon DS Cute, Harvest Moon and Story of Seasons Series (Video Games), Harvest Moon: Friends of Mineral Town, Story of Seasons: Friends of Mineral Town (Video Game 2020)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Complicated Relationships, Drama & Romance, Dreams and Nightmares, Drowning, Drug Use, F/M, Fluff and Angst, I’ll probably have to add more tags as we go along but, Jealousy, Mutual Pining, Not for the kiddos, POV First Person, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Unplanned Pregnancy, trying to fit a realistic pregnancy in hm time is a challenge but we doin it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:40:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 100,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27546235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krose13/pseuds/krose13
Summary: Unlike everyone else in town, Gray wants nothing to do with the new farmer. He can't stand Claire, despite all her attempts to befriend him. But when one small mistake leads to an even bigger problem, he might be seeing a lot more of her than they both had planned.
Relationships: Ann the Innkeeper | Ran/Cliff (Harvest Moon), Claire the Farmer/Gray (Harvest Moon)
Comments: 107
Kudos: 55





	1. Leave Me Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gray reflects on how Claire's arrival in Mineral Town has disrupted his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! You might have first read this fic when I first wrote it many years ago when I was like 14-15 on FF.net. It’s been like ten years now, lol. I fell back into my love of Harvest Moon/Story of Seasons when the most recent FOMT remake came out. I found myself ~craving~ the dopamine that stories and art in the fandom provided and stumbled back upon Barriers. Rewriting Barriers has helped me find joy in reading and writing again, which I abandoned when I devoted my life to science and school. Writing again has made me happier than I’ve been in a while. Most importantly, though, writing this has helped me stay sober :-) 
> 
> Curious about the fic? Check the notes at the end.

  
  


I hated it.

The commotion surrounding the new farmer’s arrival was absolutely unnecessary in every possible way. Our tight-knit town in the boonies saw a few unfamiliar faces every year, but the fact that this one was planning on staying made it even worse. Mineral Town wasn’t perfect, but I appreciated the consistency and serenity it provided. She was ruining that for me. 

Inevitably, this newcomer was the subject of everybody's discussions. I couldn't do _anything_ or go _anywhere_ without hearing her name. All the places that I had once called mine, the inn, the smithy, Mother’s Hill, and even my one sanctuary for peace and silence, the library, was now infected with _her_. A once comfortable routine, tainted. As much as I tried to tune it out and go on with my day, she was inescapable. 

I didn’t care how _'nice'_ or _'_ _pretty'_ anyone thought she was. I couldn't even stand to be in the same room with her for more than a minute. For the life of me, I couldn’t understand how one girl had caused such uproar from all the townsfolk for _this_ long.

When I first moved to this tiny town in the middle of bum-fuck-nowhere, there was, at most, a week of chatter amongst the townspeople. Even less when Cliff came to town this past winter. I could understand a week or two of excitement over her novelty, but spring was almost over. It was getting fucking ridiculous.

Anybody with common sense knows that I prefer to not waste time in conversation. There's no point in beating around the bush; if I don't like you, you'll know. I’ll return respect, but there's no reason why I should act 'buddy-buddy' with someone that I can't stand. Despite my attitude, this girl would _not_ give up on trying to be my friend. She obviously wasn’t smart enough to take the hint. 

Don't get me wrong; I didn't turn around right off the bat and scream in her face, _"Hey fuck you, you're annoying. I don't like you, so piss off."_ It wasn’t _quite_ that bad. I at least attempted to talk to her before deciding I didn't like her.

Our first encounter wasn't an ideal situation to begin with, but she managed to make it worse. So far, she seemed pretty good at that. She just _had_ to walk in on that day, at the worst possible time. It was her first week in Mineral Town, but I still remembered like it was yesterday. 

  
  


_._

  
  


_For what felt like the millionth time that week, I was getting into it with my grandpa. Once again, he was criticizing the piece I had so tediously worked on for weeks. It felt like nothing I made was ever good enough for him, but especially at that moment._

_I wasn't sure why yelling at me was his primary form of communication, but I also wasn't going to sit there and take that shit from him. He had already riled me up past the point of no return, and I was ready to go at it._

_"WHAT?" I roared, slamming my fist on my grandfather’s desk. "What about it is_ ** _wrong_ ** _? Come on, old man! Tell me!"_

_He glared right back at me from his seat on the other side of the desk, exhaling as if trying to release the rage built up inside._

_"What's wrong with it?" he asked condescendingly, his eyes narrowing in on mine. "Are you really asking me that question? You of all people should know_ ** _exactly_** _what's wrong with it!" He took a deep breath, followed by a heavy sigh. His tone wasn't as harsh this time around, but the disappointed look on his face said it all, "Gray, you act as if you know everything, but you have so much to learn!"_

_As the words left his mouth, I felt my jaw clench in an attempt to hold back a rebuttal. As always, the attempt failed. "Maybe if I had a teacher who spent as much time trainin' me as he did yellin' and drinkin', I would be gettin' somewhere!" I yelled back._

_His eyes widened, and he opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off._

_"You know, Gramps, you better get your shit together before I hightail it outta here." This was nothing new for him to hear; I threatened to quit almost every other day._

_He took another deep breath and closed his eyes as he shook his head. "Gray…" my grandfather started, the anger becoming clearer in his voice as he finished the word._

_"Excuse me…?" a softer voice spoke up behind me._

_Still infatuated with rage, I wasted no time telling whoever decided to show up to kindly get the hell out. "What the fuck do you want? If you have nothin' to…" I trailed off as I realized who I was talking to._

_An unfamiliar young woman stood before me. I looked down at her, investigating the new human as she stood almost a whole head shorter than me. She nervously tucked a thin lock of golden-blonde hair behind her ear as her wide blue eyes locked on to mine. The expression on her face was indescribable; it looked like she was on the verge of tears._

_"Gray!" my grandfather roared, now at the peak of his wrath. He pushed up from his seat and braced his desk for support, his chair clattering on the floor behind him. "How dare you talk to a customer that way? Nonetheless, a young woman?"_

_I froze up as the anger subsided, and I snapped back to reality. No words came to mind, but yelling at some poor innocent girl I'd just met probably was not the move to make._

_"Shit. Uhm…" I choked on my words, "I'm…sorry…" It was all I could force out of my mouth as I pulled down my hat to hide the heat I felt crawling up my face._

_Gramps turned so he was facing the blonde. "Sorry about that, dear, welcome!" he greeted her with his best customer service voice, the previous anger nowhere in sight. "Please ignore my grandson Gray here… He's not good with people, as you can probably tell."_

_She brightened up a little bit. "_ _Oh really, it’s fine, don't even worry about it!" she assured Gramps, almost a bit too perky.  
_

_The girl looked past me as she spoke animatedly to my grandpa, and I found myself slightly peeved at the bright, new personality she was putting forth. Any remnants of tears from her eyes had seemingly vanished._

_"Good, now is there anything I can help you with?" Gramps asked the new farmer._

_"Oh no, I was just wandering around!” The blonde produced an awkward grin as she slightly shrugged. Why was she smiling_ ** _so_** _hard? "I just bought the farm down the road and finally had some time to venture into town. I was just curious, y'know?"_

_I was surprised. So **that** was her? All the commotion for __her_ _seemed a little strange, but whatever. My grandfather seemed a little more enthusiastic than I was._

_"So you're the new girl around? Heard a lot about 'cha lately," he said, sitting back down in his chair. "What's your name, dear?"_

_"Claire. Claire Langbroek," she replied in that sing-song voice once again, clasping her hands together in front of her chest. "And yup, that's me! What's your name, sir?"_

_"I'm Saibara McIntyre, the towns' blacksmith,” Gramps said with a slight bow of the head. “If you ever need work done on your tools or machinery, come, and I'll help you out, okay?"_

_"Oh, wow, thanks!" Claire smiled and nodded as she headed for the door. I could have sworn I saw her eyes give me a once-over as she turned to exit."I'll see you around then!" she beamed as she left the building._

_A heavy sigh escaped my lips as I retreated to the back of the store. Finally, it was over._

_"Where do you think you're going, boy?" my grandpa questioned as the rage returned to his voice. "Go apologize to that young girl."_

_"But I already did-"_

_"That sorry excuse for an apology?" He raised an eyebrow. "No. Go._ ** _Now_** _." I wasn't going to waste time arguing with him about this; I knew better than that._

_Not a second later, I was out the door searching for that stupid girl, Claire, or whatever. Luckily, she hadn't gotten very far. She had traveled almost halfway to the library by the time I caught up with her._

_"Claire," I called from behind._

_She swiftly turned around, seemingly taken back by my presence, and shot me a questioning glance. "_ _Hi... it's Gray, right?" I nodded, and her face crept up into that awkward smile again. "Soooo, what’s up?"_

_I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. If I had come this far, I might as well just apologize to the new farmer, no matter how badly I wanted to flee to the shop._

_"I, uh... just wanted to say sorry,” I managed to finally get out, “for the way I acted back there and stuff." Claire was silent as if waiting for me to continue. So I did. "Definitely wasn't okay for me to snap at you like that. It's just... ugh, my grandpa really knows how to push me to my breaking point…" I spoke a little more softly this time, really more to myself than her, "Sometimes I just want to quit…"_

_Claire took a step closer, almost a little too close for my comfort. We couldn’t have been more than a foot apart from each other. She brought her gaze up to meet mine, locking me in intense eye contact as she spoke with a purpose._

_"Don't quit. You can’t just give up!" I could almost see the fire in her eyes as she spoke. She raised a clenched fist with vigor. "If you want to improve, you have to put in the hard work. It's called training!"_

_I_ _half smiled at her words of encouragement. Maybe she wasn't all that bad. Or at least, that’s what I thought until she spoke again._

_"I mean, I can tell you have some serious anger issues you need to work on," she said with a small shrug. "But you shouldn’t let one little incident like that make you quit."_

_I stopped dead in my tracks, bewildered at what had just come from her mouth. Claire had said the words so casually; I had to stop and think about what they actually meant. My newly acquired smile disappeared. "_ _Wait... what?" I asked, wondering if I heard her correctly._

_"It's okay, Gray," she smiled once again as if she hadn't just insulted me. "I get it. I'm not the type to judge. But if you ever need someone to talk to, you know where my farm is!" I felt my blood begin to boil as she waved, trotting away towards the library._

_"What the fuck just happened?" I muttered to myself. Anger issues? Me? This bitch had no idea what she was talking about. What right did she have to make assumptions about me? Who was she to determine who I was after one interaction? I had never met somebody that was as content with being so outrageously rude as her. Somebody like that wasn’t welcome in my life._

  
  


_._

  
  


From that day on, I put up a barrier between Claire and me. Despite her apparent desire to become friends with me after that day, I wanted nothing to do with her. She infuriated me. Her presence only reminded me of the disturbance she had caused by moving to our peaceful town. As much as I wanted to tell her to piss off and leave me alone forever, for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to be that mean out loud. 

Since our first encounter in early spring, Claire hadn't rested on trying to befriend me. She visited the smithy on occasion to buy and upgrade tools, attempting to make small talk with Gramps and me each time. Gramps entertained the girl, much to my frustration. I would usually ignore her attempts, focusing on my task. If I pretended she didn’t exist, she would usually leave me alone, claiming she would talk to us “next time.” 

It was the same at the inn, or really anywhere else she saw me. As she got to know the townspeople and infiltrated my friend group, she would make the same attempts. I continued to ignore her, throwing in a grunt or a nod if I felt obligated. Claire had to be the most oblivious girl I had ever met. That, or she was just dumb. The chances were 50/50.

I dropped my head back onto the lumpy pillow at the top of my bed. Somehow, I had managed to waste two hours, silently lamenting Claire’s existence in my town. I picked up the hardcover book that had been resting against my chest, unread, and threw it to the side of my bed with a loud _THUD_. She had been disrupting my routine too much lately. My brain needed a break.

Just as I began to rest my eyes, the bedroom door creaked open. Sometimes I hated being so close to the door. 

"Uh, hey, Gray.” I looked up towards the door, and my roommate, Cliff, was standing in the doorway. He softly shut the door behind him and headed towards the back of the room. 

“Yo.”

"Umm… where's Kai?” Cliff asked a few seconds later. “It's kinda late, isn't it?" I glanced at my bedside clock. He was right. The inn was going to lock up in about an hour. Kai, our summer roommate, was nowhere to be found. I shrugged my shoulders.

"Don't know, don’t care. He’s probably still with Popuri at the beach or somethin'," I said, not particularly interested in Kai's affairs. 

Kai was a pretty cool guy: he could cook, and he was fun to drink with. He was one of my first friends when I moved to Mineral Town over three years ago, as we were forced to share a room that summer. We were both new to town that year, so we quickly bonded over this shared experience.

He was a nice enough guy, but Kai only seemed to care about two things: himself and hooking up with girls. He'd been in the same off-and-on-again relationship with Popuri for over a year now, but that had never seemed to stop him before. When Kai was in Mineral Town, the pair was inseparable. When Kai left in the fall, he acted as if nothing had ever happened. Most of the men in town hated him, while the women adored him. I had to hand it to Kai, though; he sure knew how to keep this boring town interesting. 

"Oh… yeah. Probably," Cliff said quietly from the far side of the room. He hung his head as he walked, long chocolate bangs covering his face. 

Cliff and I had become decently close since he had come to Mineral Town last winter. I didn’t have much of a choice, as Cliff spent most of his time in our room when he wasn’t brooding at the church. Being new and quite shy, Cliff hadn’t locked down a steady job or made many other friends in town besides those he’d acquired through Kai and me. This was partly because he didn't say much, which I enjoyed. It was a nice compliment to the chatterbox that was Kai. When Cliff did speak up, I usually didn’t mind the subject. He frequently needed advice, but sometimes I think he just wanted someone to talk to. I understood that feeling. 

"What's with you, man?" I sat up and turned towards Cliff, who was sitting at the table in the middle of the room. I knew him well enough by now to see that something was bothering him. "You seem off today." 

He fidgeted a little and looked down at his hands. "It's... just Ann again," he sighed. 

Since his arrival two seasons ago, Cliff had been smitten with my cousin Ann, who also happened to be the inn keeper’s daughter. We weren’t _actually_ cousins, but it was easier to say rather than explaining our shared lineage every time.

It was apparent Ann returned his feelings; they were both just too shy to act on it. Instead, they both told _me_ how much they liked the other as if I would do something about it. They were hopeless, but admittedly, entertaining. 

Cliff continued his thought after a deep breath. "She thinks I have a thing for Claire when I don't. It’s just… frustrating." 

My brow slightly twitched at the sound of her name. Was it possible to go one day without hearing someone talk about her? "And why would Ann think that?" I said flatly, not interested in the subject now that Claire was involved.

"Whenever Claire comes to see Ann, Ann thinks she's flirting with me because she says hi,” Cliff said, letting out another defeated sigh. “Ann gets self-conscious like that sometimes. Claire’s just nice…she’s a friend." He crossed his arms on the table in front of him and rested his chin against the top arm.

"Maybe she's doin' it on purpose," I suggested, looking away from the traveler. 

"Huh? Claire?" Cliff turned his head towards me again.

"Yeah. Something about her seems off to me. Wouldn't doubt it," I said dryly. I heard a short chuckle from Cliff in response to my statement, so I returned my gaze to his. 

"Are we talking about the same Claire?" Cliff asked, now propping himself up on one elbow. "I think she’s... kind. She talks to me like I’m a real person." I rolled my eyes. Was I the only one who saw through her act?

I crossed my arms over my chest in annoyance, "She's fake. Trust me; just like every other city girl.” I'd come across so many just like her before I was sent to Mineral Town, girls that seemed sweet and innocent, but deep down, were trouble.

"What do you have against Claire?" Cliff raised an eyebrow, "I mean... she really is a nice girl. She practically just moved in—"

"Yeah, over a season ago," I interrupted him. "I don't see the big deal. I've met her. She's not all that great. If anythin', she's annoyin'."

"She’s still new,” Cliff asserted, somewhat uncharacteristically. As he spoke, I realized that Cliff probably related to the farmer on their shared novelty in town. “I just… I don’t think you’ve gotten used to her yet. She's probably nervous just trying to make friends here. I know I was when I first came… I mean, I still am."

I didn't have time for a chit-chat about feelings with Cliff. I was tired, and most of all, tired of talking about Claire.

"I know her enough to know that I don't want anythin' to do with her," I spat. 

Cliff sighed and rolled his eyes ever so discreetly. With that, I flopped down on my bed, facing away from my roommate. I squeezed my eyes shut, waiting to doze off.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit about the characters, setting, story etc: This story will not be 100% canon, and I’m ok with that. The world I’ve created here is the assimilation of all of the HM/SOS games I’ve played over the years (think: fmot/mfomt, awl, ds cute, btn, hm 64) along with some headcanons that I can’t lay to rest, lol. For the most part, I’ve tried to keep the characters/story/setting as canon as possible while still giving them their own unique characteristics and quirks. Like, if I just wrote all the characters as-is from the original FOMT, it would be bland af. I need a little more ~spice~ for the drama haha. I really wanted each character to seem different from the others, so this may be reflected in not-100%-canon details, interactions, backstories, etc. Harvest Moon left a lot very open-ended when it came to the characters, so I took the opportunity to give it my own spin. I hope you all enjoy it, and I look forward to any feedback you may have regarding how I’ve developed the characters/story/etc.. 
> 
> There are adult themes and language that is not suitable for kids. I feel the need to warn people that this is NOT your typical family-friendly fic. The story will deal with difficult topics such as (but not limited to) alcoholism, abuse, women’s reproductive choices, pregnancy, and mental health issues. Not sure if there will be smut per se, but there will definitely be some ~sexual themes~ lmfao. Ok, I’m done. 
> 
> PS I'm still trying to figure out the formatting of AO3 vs FF.net. If you have any suggestions or feedback please let me know!
> 
> EDIT: Adding chapter names lol. All the chapter names are inspired or based off of a song/songs that inspired me. You don't have to listen to them, but I always enjoy listening to the music that other authors were inspired by.  
> Leave Me Alone by I Don't Know How But They Found Me


	2. A Well-Respected Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gray settles into his summer routine. After a less than favorable visit to the library, he ends up at the bar with his friends.

The next morning I felt the sun's hot rays shine right into my eyes. Burning eyelids had become my indicator that it was time to get up and get ready for work. I was used to it by now. I would lay in bed for a while, dread getting up, and after lying there groggily for a few minutes, I finally managed the strength to rise. After a shower and a quick breakfast, it was always about 7:10, and soon after, I'd begin my commute to work.

  
  


As I exited the inn, the warm summer air greeted me. I looked overhead; there wasn't a cloud in the sky. I could tell it was going to be hot today, which meant lots of time inside. I looked back down at the cobblestone roads and continued on my way to work. The summer heat wasn't my thing; I’d just have to wait it out until fall, as far away as it seemed. 

  
  


When I reached the fork in the road outside work, I stopped. Somehow, I couldn't help but look further south. It was Claire's farm. From what I remembered, that farm was abandoned years before I came to Mineral Town. I had looked at it once or twice before Claire took it over, and honestly, it was a piece of work. That was putting it nicely, too. The field was overgrown and uncared for, the barns were weathered and falling apart, and the farmhouse didn’t even seem livable. I hadn't seen it since Claire had bought it, though. I was curious about what it looked like now. 

  
  


I turned on my heels and headed towards her farm, in disbelief. The same thought played over and over in my head: _why do I care_? Regardless, I ended up at… _Freedom Fields_? I looked up to the sign above her farm’s entrance one more time, just to make sure that I had read it correctly. _What a stupid fucking name for a farm._

I stood under the sign for a few moments, taking in what laid on the other side. Straight ahead, I noticed the field was practically spotless, and several plots of blooming crops lined over half of it. Everything else around the farm looked nicer; the grass around the estate was green and flourishing, the barns had been restored to their former glory, and even the house looked like it had been fixed up. I wasn't exactly impressed, but I'd give her props for making something out of this dump.

  
  


After standing at the entrance to Claire’s farm for Goddess knows how long, I realized I would be late for work. Cursing myself, I hauled ass in the direction of the smithy. 

  
  


_Why did I even bother to look?_ I couldn’t believe how stupid that was of me. Considering I didn't like the girl, there would be no reason to care about her work. These thoughts played on repeat as I pushed open the doors of the shop. I cringed, awaiting the verbal stabs from my grandfather.

  
  


"Please explain to me why you were ten minutes late, Gray," My grandfather said with a hint of rage in his voice, just like clockwork. He glared at me underneath a pair of bushy grey eyebrows and crossed his arms over his broad chest. "You know that’s absolutely unacceptable." 

  
  


It was time for me to think of an excuse. I wasn't going to admit that I was creeping on Claire's farm. Gramps would have a field day with that. 

  
  


"Ah, well…" I started searching my brain for an answer. "It’s Cliff,” I lied, knowing Gramps had a soft spot for the traveler. “He, uh, had an asthma attack this mornin'. Had to take him to the clinic.” I looked away and added a hint of exasperation to my voice, “Sorry for trying to do a good deed every once in a while, Gramps." _Perfect._

I wanted to bask in the glory of my on-the-spot excuse. Instead, I walked to the back of the shop to prepare my work for the day.

  
  


"Hmm… Did he now?" Gramps said after a few seconds, raising an eyebrow and stroking his long white beard. "I never knew that boy had asthma… poor kid."

  
  


"Yeah, neither did we," I lied again. I was going to have to explain this to Cliff later.

  
  


.

  
  


Hours passed, and my eyes couldn't help gravitating to the clock. It felt as if time was going backward. The forge’s heat, combined with the summer air, had drained every last ounce of energy and water that had been in my system. I was a tired, sweaty mess. 

But finally, one o'clock rolled around, and I set my project aside for another day. My grandpa gave me a subtle wave as I, almost a little too eagerly, rushed out of the shop. I couldn't help it, though; it was the best part of my day. I was headed to the library.

  
  


The library was the only place in town that I felt at peace, aside from Mother’s Hill. I didn’t consider that “in town,” though. No matter what was going on anywhere else, I could go to the library and be at complete ease. It was quiet, serene, and, most importantly, it's where Mary worked. She was the only reason I chose the library over Mother’s Hill.

  
  


I pushed open the heavy door to the library, awaiting Mary’s greeting. I looked over to her desk on the other side of the room. She had been reading something but immediately looked up when she heard the bell above the door chime. Her amber eyes beamed as they met mine, and she flipped her thick, black braid over her shoulder. The corners of her lips curled into a sweet smile as she realized it was me. I felt my face unconsciously mirror her smile as the door shut behind me. 

  
  


"Happy Sunday, Gray," she said, still smiling. "How are you today?" 

  
  


"Same old, not too bad," I said with a shrug. "What're you up to?" I joined Mary behind her desk and leaned over her shoulder to see what she was doing. There was a relatively thick stack of handwritten papers on the table. 

  
  


Honestly, I wasn’t too interested in what she was doing; I just wanted to be closer to her. Her sweet vanilla scent grazed my nose; she always smelled so good. Mary gasped and abruptly positioned her arms over the papers.

  
  


"Oh! Uh, it's nothing!" Mary replied quickly. Her face and ears were rosy and hot with a blush. We were so close I could almost feel it radiating off her. "Just uh… reviewing research about the flora on Mother's Hill… father's thinking about cross-breeding to increase harvest yields." 

  
  


I had known Mary long enough to know she was lying. I smirked. "Mmhmm?” I asked, “Really?” I took another step towards Mary, lightly pressing my chest against her back. "So you wouldn't mind if I looked, right?" I snaked an arm around her, playfully reaching for the papers under her arms.

  
  


"Gray, no!” Mary squealed as she slapped my hand and abruptly pushed me away. 

  
  


I returned my hand to my side. Mary turned her back to her desk to face me as if to block me from reaching the papers. While the space between us grew a foot or two, it felt like it was miles. 

“Please," she begged, her eyes wide, "I just.... don't want you to read it." She must have noticed the disappointed look on my face because she spoke up again, wringing her hands nervously over her chest. "It's not like that, Gray. It's just not done… I don't want anyone to see it yet." 

  
  


It felt like I had been stabbed in the gut. I gripped my hat and pulled it down over my eyes in an attempt to hide any remnants of emotion on my face. "Okay," I said flatly, taking a step back. 

Mary frowned. She could tell that I wasn't happy with her protest. I wasn’t sure if I was more hurt that she didn’t want to share her work with me, like she had been in the past, or that she was so quick to brush off my affection. I couldn’t explain how I was feeling; I just felt… stupid. 

"I'm gonna go grab a book," I muttered after a few moments of painfully awkward silence, turning on my heels. 

  
  


"Okay…" she replied softly from behind her desk, "let me know if you need any help."

I nodded and walked off to the back of the library. Though I grabbed an adventure novel Mary had recommended to me last week, I knew well enough that I was too frustrated to actually read it. I plopped down at one of the wooden tables and tossed the book on the surface in front of me.

  
  


We spent the remainder of our time together in complete silence. Occasionally we'd glance at each other from across the room, but nothing longer than a moment. 

Trying to explain Mary’s and my relationship wasn't an easy task. It was clear we had feelings for each other; we had talked about it many times over the years. Much to my disappointment, we didn’t act on these shared feelings often. We went to festivals together, saw each other practically every day, but we still weren’t _officially_ together. 

Mary had shut down the idea of dating when we first started talking two years ago, over a year after I first moved to town. She was barely 19 at the time, and I was 20, which I didn’t see as an issue, but apparently, it was a big deal to Mary’s family. The age gap was an issue for her parents at the time, but it didn’t help that nearly every adult in town had heard about _why_ I had been shipped off to Mineral Town. The icing on the cake was Mary and her parents’ blatant disapproval of the friends I had acquired while living here. Needless to say, her parents weren’t necessarily thrilled about us seeing each other, so Mary opted to wait until we were “ready” to date publicly. Whatever that meant. Sometimes, it felt like Mary cared a little too much about her parents’ approval.

  
  


I was willing to go along with Mary’s wishes because I liked spending time with her. Mary was not only gorgeous, but she was intelligent and dedicated. She was a fantastic yet hesitant writer, and I treasured the moments that she felt confident enough to share her work with me. 

  
  


Besides my small group of friends, everyone else in town saw me as rude, sarcastic, and troubled. Maybe that’s how my friends saw me too. Even if any that was true, though, Mary looked past it all. She always tried to bring out the best in me, and I liked having someone who ignored my past and saw my potential. She was calm, gentle, and supportive, all aspects I lacked in my life before Mineral Town. 

I liked Mary a lot; I thought of her as my ideal girl. I’d been smitten with her since she first visited the shop. Sometimes, though, it seemed as if she didn’t return my feelings. She would tell me how much she enjoyed having me around, then act in a way that didn’t reflect that at all, like today. Our relationship was hot and cold. The good times we shared usually outweighed the bad, but lately, that wasn’t the case. It was even harder to deal with how Mary made me feel when we weren’t exclusively dating. I didn’t know how I was allowed to feel and act around her, only furthering my frustration. 

  
  


I thought about when the insecurity in our relationship had started. Despite our weird circumstances, Mary didn’t always make me feel this way. Only lately did I find myself pondering what was going on inside her head and why she was acting the way she was. The sulking over Mary and our relationship, or lack thereof, really had only started this past season. What had happened? 

  
  


All that could come to mind was Claire. She was the only variable that had changed in Mineral Town recently. I couldn’t explain how she was involved, but I found myself blaming her. Maybe I just wanted a scapegoat. But ever since Claire came to town, she had been consistently disturbing the routine I had grown so accustomed to over the years. It didn’t seem like a reach to blame her for this disruption as well. 

  
  


The real question, though, was why I let Claire wander into my thoughts so frequently? This girl was living rent-free in my head. I wasn’t fantasizing about her; that was laughable. If anything, it was the opposite. I only thought about the little things she always did that infuriated me, like that stupid, awkward smile of hers, her smart-ass remarks, or how she would so confidently insert herself into the conversation. I couldn’t think of one thing I actually liked about Claire. Her one redeeming quality had to be her looks, though her personality ruined that for me. I never spared her more than a passing glance. At this point, I was having trouble distinguishing between my anguish over Mary and the vexation Claire had caused me by moving here. 

  
  


Before I knew it, Mary had crept up behind me. It took a while for her to tap on my shoulder to register, but soon enough, I turned around to meet her steady gaze. The light in the library had changed significantly. I had been in deep thought for longer than I realized.

  
  


"Umm, Gray…" Mary said shakily, "I'm closing the library now…"

  
  


"Why so early?" I questioned, looking over my shoulder to the librarian standing beside me. 

  
  


She raised a thin eyebrow. "Early…? It's 4:14." 

_How long had I been sitting back here thinking?_ I hadn’t even touched the book I picked out earlier. "Oh. Yeah, shi-, I mean, of course, Sorry, Mare," I replied sheepishly, pushing up from my seat. 

  
  


She looked up at me and smiled as I stood next to her, "It's fine. You know that I like having you around.” 

  
  


I pulled my hat down a little to hide my face in response, “And, uh, I like comin' here.” 

  
  


"So I'll see you tomorrow?" she asked a little too eagerly, averting her eyes to the floor. From underneath my hat, I could have sworn I saw pink creeping back into her cheeks. 

  
  


I gave her a nod, attempting to hide what felt like a matching blush. As I walked towards the door, I felt a pang in my heart. Mary was acting like she hadn’t just rejected me hours prior, and I was falling for it. She had been doing this more recently, recoiling from any of my attempts at intimacy or physical affection and then acting as if nothing had happened. After dwelling on that thought for far too long, I figured now would be a good time to address it. 

  
  


I turned to face her once again. “Listen, Mare,” I started. 

  
  


She nodded, indicating that she was listening. Her big brown eyes held mine captive, the windows’ light making them glisten like sea glass. 

  
  


I swallowed the lump in my throat and continued, “Can I ask you somethin'? Be honest.” I quickly shoved my hands in my pockets and looked down at the floor. 

  
  


“You can ask me anything, Gray,” Mary said with her signature lippy smile. She pushed a chunk of her thick raven locks behind her ear, and almost instantly, my gaze followed. I had to stop my eyes from tracing her jawline down to her collarbone. Now was _not_ the time to get distracted. Yet, it was hard not to fixate on her. I had to take a deep breath to focus my thoughts. 

  
  


“A-are you happy?” I asked, feeling a bead of sweat roll from my hairline to the back of my neck. “With me, with how things are between us?” My jaw tightened as I anxiously watched Mary process the question. 

The smile left her face, and her lips pursed and twitched from side to side. I could tell she was thinking. After what felt like an eternity, I saw the energy return to her face. 

  
  


“Of course I’m happy with you,” Mary said sweetly, a soft giggle escaped her lips, “I cherish the time we spend together. I wouldn’t change a thing!” 

  
  


I tightened my lips to resist frowning. She seemed pleased with her answer, but it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I'd desired so much more from Mary for so long. Hearing how content she was with _whatever_ we were doing hurt. I promptly turned back to the door to hide my face from hers. I couldn’t look her in the eyes right now. 

  
  


“Cool,” was the only thing I could manage to say as I reached for the door once again. “I guess I’ll see ya then.” 

I didn’t wait to hear Mary’s reply before I dragged my feet out of the library. The heavy oak door slammed behind me. With my head down, I trudged back to the Inn. I needed a drink. 

  
  


.

  
  


Later that night, I found myself at the inn's bar with the regular summer crowd. Cliff sat to my left, and to my right was Kai, Karen, and Rick. As usual, Kai and Karen were going hard enough for the lot of us. The pair had been going shot-for-shot since we sat down about an hour ago, and the sheer amount of tequila the two of them were able to put down in that amount of time was disgusting.

I took part in a few rounds, hoping it would help me forget what had happened earlier. It was impossible to keep up with Karen and Kai without dying, though. To no surprise, Cliff and Rick didn’t partake. The two casually sipped on a beer instead. 

  
  


"You know, Karen…" Rick started hesitantly, reaching out for the brunette as she slammed the empty shot glass on the bar top, causing him to shudder slightly, "maybe you should slow down a little..." 

She hastily turned on her barstool to face Rick, giving him a look that could kill. She was facing away from me, but I could tell solely from Rick’s terrified expression. To be completely honest, I wasn’t sure if Rick was concerned with how much she was drinking or _who_ she was drinking with. 

  
  


"Are you implying that I can’t handle my liquor?" Karen slurred as she pointed an accusing finger at Rick. “'I feel fine, I just… wait…never mind." She took a deep inhale and braced the bar for support. It looked like the tequila was finally catching up with her. 

“Are you okay?” Rick asked, placing a gentle hand on her back. He pushed his long strawberry blonde hair out of his face and leaned closer to Karen to whisper something inaudible from my seat. 

Karen let out what sounded like a mix between a burp and a hiccup and took another deep breath, “That one just… didn’t go down as well as the others,” she forced out, maintaining her grip on the bar top. 

  
  


I saw Karen drunk often. Almost every night, to be exact, but this was different. I rarely saw her sick from drinking, but tequila was not her liquor of choice, in her defense. It was Kai that loved the tequila, and Karen wasn’t the best when it came to peer pressure. Most nights, Karen could be found drinking copious amounts of wine, which I’m sure Rick would have preferred tonight. 

  
  


"Ah, alrighty then," Rick said softly. He leaned back in his barstool and whispered to us behind Karen’s back, completely looking past Kai as he did so, "I think I'm going to take her home now." Rick quickly chugged the rest of his beer and hopped out of his seat. He gave me a wave and lifted Karen’s arm around his shoulders to bear some of her weight. My eyes followed Rick as he dragged Karen out of the inn. 

  
  


I didn’t envy Rick’s current situation, but I had to admit that I was a little jealous of what Karen and Rick had. The couple had been together off-and-on since they were teenagers, long before I came to town. Ever since the Full Moon Festival last year, the two had been official. Nothing had really changed, but Rick was noticeably calmer since then. After observing their interactions over the last few years, a couple of things were clear: 1. The two deeply cared for each other and showed it often, sometimes in interesting ways, and 2. Karen definitely wore the pants. This tangent brought my thoughts back to Mary, who I was trying so badly to forget in this instant. 

  
  


"Come on, Gray!" Kai said warmly, giving me a playful slap on the back. "You need to lighten up, man. We should take another shot!" 

  
  


It was undeniable that Kai was able to hold his liquor significantly better than Karen did at this moment, making him _literally_ the only person in town that could outdrink her, at least when it came to tequila. Otherwise, the two were a reasonably even match. Almost everyone that frequented the inn had challenged Karen to a drinking contest at least once, yet Kai had been the only one that managed to beat her. Kai was so proud of this feat but always conveniently forgot to mention the advantage that returning to sea-level gave him every time he came back to town. 

  
  


I lifted my mug of beer, which was still half full, signaling that I was OK. Kai just shot me a disapproving glare in response.

  
  


"If I wanted to drink with a party pooper, I would be sitting by Cliff," Kai said with a smile and wink in Cliff’s direction. He noticed Doug passing the bar on his way to the kitchen and flagged the innkeeper down for another shot. “More tequila, please!” Kai sang after him. 

  
  


"Hey..." Cliff started, looking at Kai and then immediately back down at his drink, "I just have better things to do than get drunk." That much was evident; Cliff had _maybe_ finished a third of his first, and only, beer.

  
  


"Okay, whatever you say, man," Kai chuckled, adjusting the purple bandana on his head. His eyes lit up as Doug returned from the bar back with another round of shots. Kai turned to me and pushed another shot in my direction. "Come on, buddy. You only live once!" 

  
  


I raised an eyebrow and scanned the shot in front of me. After a few seconds, I caved in and picked up the glass. "Yeah, and if we keep this up, we won't be livin' for much longer," I joked, a small smile growing on my lips. 

  
  


Kai brought his glass up and clinked it against mine. In unison, we tapped the glass on the bar top, threw the drink back, and slammed it back on the table.

  
  


"Good shit, dude!" Kai exclaimed, wrapping his left arm loosely around my shoulders and leaning into me. “That’s what I’m talking about!” 

  
  


I let out a huff of a laugh. It was clear that the alcohol was starting to catch up with him. And honestly, it was starting to catch up with me too. Relaxation was finally settling over me, and my chest felt warm. All my worries from earlier started slowly drifting away, just as I hoped they would. 

A few moments later, the bell above the inn’s front door chimed. I wasn’t usually very interested in who’s coming in or out of the inn, but I could tell by the way that Kai was repeatedly pushing my arm that _he_ wanted me to look. 

As I looked over my shoulder, I let out a heavy sigh. Blonde hair and overalls. Of all people, it had to be fucking Claire. Just when I was starting to feel good too. I turned back to my beer and took another long sip. 

  
  


"Gray… who is that?" Kai asked, now very interested. He started repeatedly pushing my arm again and I rolled my eyes; I wished he had sat next to Cliff. 

  
  


"Claire. She's the new farmer who took that old piece of a farm," I said between swigs of my beer.

  
  


"You don't say?" Kai smiled mischievously, looking the girl up and down from afar. He turned back to me, his voice only somewhat lower than it had been, "Is anyone hitting that yet?" 

  
  


Cliff and I couldn't help but look at each other and laugh at his choice of words.

  
  


"Not that I know of," Cliff spoke up, still chuckling slightly at the entertainment Kai was providing us.

  
  


"Well, you're looking at him," Kai winked. He faced his attention to the blonde and began waving her over. 

  
  
  


She shot him a questioning look but complied. _Just my luck_. I turned back to my beer, suddenly intent on examining the carbonated bubbles. I secretly hoped that if I were still enough, she wouldn’t even realize I was there. 

  
  


"Um, hi, do I know you?" Claire asked as she approached Kai. She had some sort of wooden crate in her arms, but I could tell the hesitancy in her steps wasn’t due to the box’s weight. 

  
  


He just smiled and stepped down from the barstool. "Kai Inoa; I work at the Snack Shack here during summers," he said confidently. "The real question is, who are _you_?” Kai leaned closer to the blonde, bracing himself on a nearby chair. “I was just over here thinking that I knew all the beautiful girls in this town,” he paused for emphasis, “but I guess I missed one.” 

  
  


I could hear her nervous laugh, so I peeked over my shoulder to see the poor girl’s reaction. Meeting Kai was a trip, but meeting Drunk Kai? That was something else. 

  
  


"Oh… well, thank you, Kai,” she said with a hint of uneasiness in her voice, “I'm Claire Langbroek. I run the farm south of town." She glanced around the inn a few times and brought her attention back to Kai. "You don't know where I can find Ann, do you? I have a delivery for her.”

  
  


"If Ann is what you're looking for… I can be Ann," Kai said flirtatiously. If he wasn’t drunk earlier, he was definitely drunk now. 

  
  


Claire started to inch away. "Oh, ha, that's nice of you…" she said with a plastered smile. "Umm, hey, Cliff, Gray,” Claire started as she stepped aside from Kai. 

  
  


I immediately snapped back to my drink, avoiding eye contact. 

  
  


“Do either of you know where Ann is?" 

  
  


"Hey, Claire," Cliff said, turning to face the young farmer. He took a quick survey around the dining room and then looked back to Claire. “Um, if she’s not out here… I’d check in the back.” 

  
  


Claire silently thanked him as she pushed her way into the kitchen. Kai's eyes stayed glued to her until she disappeared. _Thank Goddess_. It felt like I could breathe again. 

  
  


"Damn…" Kai slurred. He wobbled back onto his stool and turned to Cliff and me. "She's almost as good looking from the back as she is from the front." 

  
  


I just shook my head and glanced over to Cliff. I could tell by his answering look that we were both thinking the same thing.

  
  


"Well…that’s enough harassment for one day,” Cliff said as he got up from his seat. “I think it’s time we went to bed." 

  
  


I followed Cliff’s lead. We placed ourselves on either side of the drunk beach boy and pulled him off the stool. 

  
  


"You guys are so lame," Kai pouted. "I'm…” he paused to take a deep breath, “not even drunk yet."

  
  


"No. You're beyond drunk," I added. 

  
  


Cliff and I hoisted Kai’s arms around our shoulders and began dragging him upstairs to the room. Kai put up a struggle at first, trying to pull his arms away, but slowly tired himself out. We forced Kai up the flight of stairs and into our bedroom. He flopped down on the bed face first and began mumbling into his pillow. 

  
  


Cliff and I looked at each other again, unable to understand the intoxicated man before us. Just as Cliff and I were about to turn away, Kai rolled over. 

  
  


"Watch me," he said groggily, his eyes barely open. "Imma get with her before summer ends... I bet you." I ignored the man's rambling and headed over to my bed. I was tired of listening to yet another person talk about Claire. 

Suddenly, something small hit my back and then landed on the floor. I spun around, confused, and looked to the ground. Kai’s bandana was sitting in a crumpled ball at my feet. 

  
  


“Gray! Bet me!” Kai yelled, trying to get my attention. 

  
  


I looked back over to Kai before rolling my eyes and walking over to my bed. I’d had enough of him for one day.

  
  


"Okay, Kai," I heard Cliff say with a nervous laugh. "You should probably go to bed now."

  
  


"Mmm, okay…" Kai murmured as he rolled back on his face. 

  
  


Cliff left for the bathroom, and it was finally quiet in the room. 

  
  


I tore the clothes off my body and threw them in a pile by my bed. Feeling just numb enough, I finally laid down to rest. I closed my eyes, hoping for a few decent hours of sleep before the inevitable hangover hit tomorrow. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, here's the thing. I love Mary. So it's hard to write Gray being kinda a dick to her but I promise this isn't just going to be a hating on Mary fic. We gotta start somewhere if we're going to have some development though, you feel me? If you're annoyed at Gray, yeah same. If not, you probably will be lol. 
> 
> Anyway. Let me know what feedback you have for me :-)
> 
> Edit: Going back to add chapter names (lol I'm good at this, can you tell?)  
> Names are based on and or inspired by the songs I was listening to while writing, and I kept coming back to A Well-Respected Man by the Kinks. It's totally an ironic use of the song to describe Gray, but I thought it fit :-)


	3. Chamber of Reflection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gray wonders how much longer he can last in relationship-limbo with Mary. He decides to put the relationship to the test, albeit, not a very good one.

  
  


Just as I made it to the peak of Mother’s Hill, the bright orange light of the sun broke over the ocean's horizon. The crisp mountain air felt cool and refreshing as it filled my lungs. I walked to the west side of the mountain’s mesa and plopped down on the ground in front of my usual boulder. I leaned back into the icy surface of the rock, a sensation that reminded me of the cold weather I missed so much. My gaze moved to the valley directly below; a sea of green trees shrouding the path to the nearby village became clearer as the sun rose. I looked east down onto Mineral Town, wondering how many others were up watching the sunrise. 

I hiked the mountain every Thursday morning, sometimes more often if I had the time or needed the solitude. It had been one of the first places I was shown when I came to Mineral Town, and it quickly became one of my most frequented. The view was beautiful, but most importantly, no one ever bothered me there. There was nowhere else in Mineral Town that compared to the tranquility of this spot. The library had been a close second, even a tie at one point, but not anymore.

  
  


I hadn’t been back to the library since Sunday. Ever since that day, I hadn’t been able to face Mary alone. When I wasn’t at the library the next day, like I said I would be, she showed up at my room to check up on me. I panicked and lied to her, claiming to be sick to avoid hurting her feelings. It felt terrible being dishonest and making her worry about me, but it was hard to think when she was around. If Cliff hadn't been there to ease the tension, I’m not sure what I would have said. After Mary left, I couldn’t help but remember her last words to me. 

  
  


_“I wouldn’t change a thing.”_

  
  


I thought about the quiet librarian and… _whatever_ we were doing. Sometimes I could barely reassure myself that there was anything between the two of us. One day Mary would be fascinated with me, and the next, she'd be completely distant, as if I was just another customer at the library. I was tired of feeling this way. I’d been pining after her for over two years now; it was becoming agonizing. Maybe I didn’t have the most experience. Still, I did everything I thought an ideal partner would do: took her to all the romantic festivals, gave her cookies on Thanksgiving, spent quality time with her, and yet, here we were in relationship limbo. It always felt like there was a barrier between Mary and me, preventing us from reaching the level of intimacy that I craved. I wasn’t sure what else I could do to break through to her. 

  
  


I stayed at the peak for another hour, lost in thought, enjoying the seclusion. Only the soft chirps of birds could be heard in the distance. As the sun’s shape broke free from the horizon and rose above the vast ocean, the warm pastel sky faded into a light blue. The air around me began to warm, signaling that it was time to return to town. 

  
  


As I started my descent down the mountain, I continued to think about my relationship with Mary. _How much longer could I do this for? Could I see myself with Mary in the next couple of years? Could I see myself with her for the rest of my life?_ All these questions seemed relevant but slowly made me doubt my own feelings. It was apparent we didn't want the same things right now. My brain had a lot to process before deciding what to do, which meant I had to find something else to occupy my time.

  
  


Though the shop was closed on Thursdays, I figured I could get ahead of my work or even have some time to spend on _my_ projects. Usually, Gramps had me doing the prep for tools, upgrades, and machinery projects commissioned from Mineral Town and the surrounding area. Sometimes he’d even let me do the work itself, under his close supervision, of course. Working as an apprentice was fine, but there wasn’t as much room for creativity. I had always loved working with my hands, creating pieces inspired by the world around me. It had been that way since I was young; my woodshop, design, and studio art classes had been among the few I actually attended. I was eager to finally have some time to practice on my own terms. 

  
  


I headed down the east path in front of Gotz’s shop, admiring the multitude of freshly cut stumps that littered his property. Each one I passed gave me a bit more satisfaction, knowing that I’d helped work on the tools that’d cleared the land. It was a stretch, but I’d look for validation in my work anywhere with the way Gramps praised me, or rather, didn’t. 

  
  


I was so lost in thought counting stumps that I forgot to look where I was walking. Before I knew it, I had collided with, and seemingly knocked over, a smaller person. A surprised cry left their mouth as I heard them fall back onto the ground. I braced myself and looked down at the victim of my carelessness as she sat on the dirt path before me. I noticed the heap of golden blonde hair before anything else. 

  
  


_Claire_. 

  
  


"Shit. Sorry," I grumbled, extending my hand to the grounded blonde. While I wasn't in the mood to talk to Claire, I did feel kind of bad for accidentally laying her out. To my surprise, she didn’t even look at me. 

  
  


"I-it's fine," Claire said as she hastily stood up, completely ignoring my hand. She dusted the dirt off her overalls and readjusted the straps of her rucksack. "I was just in a hurry." This was a different Claire; I’d never seen her so quiet and short with her words before. She continued to avert her gaze from mine, scratching at her neck and fidgeting from side to side. Was she… scared?

  
  
  


"Look,” I started, tracing the brim of my hat before tugging it down, “Really didn't mean to knock you over. _I_ wasn't payin' attention to—" 

  
  
  


"It’s fine. I should get going," Claire interrupted before sidestepping me and hurrying up the trail towards the base of Mother’s Hill. 

  
  


By now, it wasn’t a secret that I went out of my way to avoid Claire. Admittedly, I wasn't the nicest when we _did_ interact. Usually, I just ignored her. I didn't hate her, sure she annoyed me, but my intention wasn’t to make her fear me, only to leave me the hell alone. Ultimately, I guess I had accomplished both, though. I didn’t understand why, but I felt the smallest tinge of guilt as I watched Claire disappear into the trees. This feeling quickly subsided, though, as I made it to the shop. 

  
  


.

  
  


As the rest of the day rolled on, I kept myself busy with tasks to keep my mind off of Mary. It was an added bonus that Gramps was out of the shop on business today, leaving the entire place to myself. I managed to catch up on all of my work for the week and still had time to play around with side-projects. Even if I didn’t have the gemstones I needed to bring my plans to fruition, I could practice until I did. 

  
  


After hours of slaving away in the forge’s heat, I felt like I was going to pass out. I removed the hat from my head and used my sleeve to wipe the growing sweat stream from my hairline. It was nearly time for dinner, and I felt good about calling it a day. After cleaning up my workstation and locking up the shop, I made my way to the inn. I had worked up a fierce appetite on this incredibly productive day. 

  
  


I pushed open the doors and found my usual bar seat with Kai and Cliff. It appeared they had just gotten there shortly before my arrival. Almost on cue, Doug came by to drop off water and take my order. I turned to my roommates after ordering a plate of fried noodles and a beer. 

  
  


"What’s up, man?" Kai said with his signature smile. He leaned forward onto the bar, looking past Cliff as he talked to me. "Where were _you_ all day?"

  
  


"You know," I replied, stretching my neck back and forth, "just some important blacksmith trainin', as usual." 

  
  


Kai nodded, “Ah, so that’s why you smell like shit?” He chuckled to himself before taking a swig of his drink. Based on the lime green color and the decorative umbrella that rested in the glass Kai held, a girly drink at that. An absolute specimen that Kai was. 

  
  


I ignored Kai and looked over at Cliff; he had an unusual expressionless look as he stared off into space. 

  
  


"Oh, um, hey, Gray. What's up?" Cliff said softly, looking over in my direction but avoiding my eyes entirely. His shoulders were slumped as he rested his arms on the bartop. 

  
  


"Same old…” I started slowly, inspecting his body language. “The better question is, what's up with you?" I raised an eyebrow at the traveler. Cliff moped around a lot, but I could tell this wasn’t a typical brood.

  
  


"N-nothing, just tired," Cliff answered, barely above a whisper. 

  
  


I rolled my eyes. "You're easier to read than a book," I said with a chuckle. "Somethin' up with…" I looked around to make sure the redheaded waitress wasn't nearby, "Ann?"

  
  


"Uh, well…" 

  
  


"I'll take that as a yes," Kai chimed in with a smirk. 

  
  


Cliff immediately looked back to his hands. The blush on his cheeks indicated that Kai had hit it dead on.

  
  


"What's it this time?" I asked, propping my head up on my hand. It was always something with those two. 

  
  


Cliff sighed, "I don't even know... she’s been avoiding me all day.” I couldn’t help but notice the way his sorrowful eyes remained fixed on the kitchen doors. He was hopeless. “I just… wish I knew what she was thinking.”

  
  


"Know how you feel," I said as I placed a reassuring hand on Cliff's shoulder. "Wish I understood women too."

  
  


Cliff’s attention snapped back towards me. "Huh? Is something up with you and Mary?" He tilted his head and brought a thoughtful finger to his chin. “Now that you mention it, I _did_ think it was a little strange that you told her you were sick the other day when you clearly aren’t.” 

  
  


And fuck, was I thankful that Cliff hadn’t said anything to Mary at the time. I hadn’t confided in my roommates about what was going on with Mary, and Cliff was not the type to ask unless prompted. I wasn’t eager to share my feelings, but I figured now was a better time than ever. It was better than having them float around my head on repeat. 

  
  


"Been thinking about, uh... breakin' it off with her," I said without thinking. Both men looked at me with wide eyes and raised eyebrows. 

  
  


"What?" Kai grinned, excitement clear in his voice. "Don’t get my hopes up like that. Are you serious?"

  
  


"Just been thinkin' about it a lot lately,” I admitted, letting out a sigh. “It doesn’t feel like we want the same thing. Don’t know if it’s worth it anymore." It was heartbreaking to hear it out loud, but it felt as if a weight was being lifted off my chest. 

  
  


"Nice!” Kai said with a slap to my back. As usual, he was of no help. “Well, if you're going to be a free man, who're you gonna be gettin' at next?" He winked before finishing his last sentence. Typical Kai, it was almost humorous.

  
  


"Ha, I don't know. Maybe I'll get at Popuri," I said with a joking smile. "Seems like you found a new fascination this summer… I wouldn't want Popuri getting lonely." I watched as Kai’s face soured and laughed to myself. Getting a rise out of Kai was always entertaining. Popuri was cute, but aside from _definitely_ not being my type, there was Rick. I wasn’t sure if any girl was worth putting up with Rick for, but Kai certainly begged to differ. 

  
  


Kai glared at me as dinner was placed in front of us by Doug. Cliff and I began to dig in.

  
  


"Good luck with that,” Kai scoffed. It was clear I had struck a nerve. “Popuri is, and always will be mine, dude; she's my main squeeze." He raised his finger, not pointing at anything particular as he explained, "Claire, she's like... the shiny new toy. I wouldn't mind a chance to play with her, but I wouldn’t start anything serious.” He lowered his voice as he continued, “And I wouldn't tell Popuri about it either."

  
  


Cliff and I exchanged confused glances at Kai’s words as we ate. 

  
  


"You never fail to disgust me," I shook my head and reached for my drink. I couldn’t tell if Kai was joking or not, but I wasn’t very optimistic. 

  
  


Kai raised an eyebrow, but I ignored him and took another bite of noodles."Oh, whatever, Gray, you can't just sit here and lie to me,” Kai narrowed his eyes in my direction, but I pretended not to see. Clearly, I'd riled him up. “You and I both know you're just as bad as me." A smile grew on his arrogant face.

  
  


"I'm not nearly as bad as you, Kai," I retorted before taking a sip of the beer. 

  
  


He took a long drink of whatever fruity shit was in his cup and didn’t acknowledge my comment. "So anyway, onto a better topic since you two keep bringing down the mood,” Kai said with a sprinkle of sass. “I think I'm gonna have a lil get together tonight at the Snack Shack. You know, just a little kick back with some of the friends. I invited Ann earlier,” Kai nudged Cliff as he said this, and then looked over to me as he continued the thought, “I even invited some girls from the valley; it’ll be fun for everybody!"

  
  


I turned to meet glances with Cliff, who shrugged. "Yeah, alright, I'll be there," I said, knowing damn well I had nothing better to do tonight. Sure, I had work in the morning, but that’d never stopped me before. 

  
  


"O-okay, guess it wouldn't hurt," Cliff agreed. The thought of Ann must have caught his attention since Cliff wasn’t the type to drink much. His self-control was impressive, considering he didn’t have a job or really any other responsibilities besides sulking around the church. 

  
  


"Can I invite Mary?" I asked. Both the men I was sitting with turned their heads, but it was Kai that gave me a disapproving look.

  
  


"Dude!” Kai said exasperatedly, throwing his hands into the air. “What? _Why_ would you even ask me that? You just said you were going to dump her." The man did have a point. She’d been a priority for so long that it felt weird doing anything without her, though.

  
  


"I dunno… just feels like I should at least try to invite her," I said, taking a bite of my food. I swallowed and turned back to Kai, “And I said I was thinkin' about it. Didn’t say I was gonna do it.” 

"Yeah… I mean whatever, man, if you want to, it’s chill,” Kai said in a calmer tone. He tried to be discreet, but his slight eye roll did not go unnoticed. “She probably won't want to, so don't even sweat it." 

Kai was, unfortunately, right again. Mary definitely wasn't the type to drink, let alone party. I knew that she wouldn’t want to come; she hated Kai because her parents hated Kai. However, I knew that if Mary agreed to go with me despite her feelings towards Kai, it would be clear that she wanted to be with me. If Mary said no, then I guess I knew where we stood. It wasn’t a very fair metric to base our relationship on, but I had convinced myself that it was justified.

  
  


Time passed as I chatted with my two roommates over dinner. I spent every few minutes looking over my shoulder, waiting for the librarian to come to the inn for dinner. 

  
  


Deep down, I knew she would say no, but part of me was hoping she'd surprise me. The truth was, I didn't want to end it. We spent so much time existing in her world; I wanted her at Kai’s so we could hang out as a couple in _my_ world. I wanted to be closer to her, share parts of me that I felt like I couldn’t otherwise. It felt stupid putting so much weight on a party of all things, but it was an opportunity to spend time away from adults, away from Mary’s parents, away from anyone that would judge either of us. I ached so badly for Mary to prove me wrong. 

  
  


Being the clever man I was, I also knew that it would be easier to ask Mary and potentially break up with her if I had some alcohol in my system. This thought justified slamming a few beers and a shot of tequila, thanks to Kai’s pressings. Did he have to press very hard? No. Absolutely not. 

  
  


Eventually, I saw Mary and her family arrive at the inn for dinner as they usually did on Thursdays. At that exact moment, I jumped up from my spot at the bar and all but ran over to her. My roommates attempted to observe the interaction from the bar just as casually as I had shot out of my seat. 

  
  


I stopped a few feet away from Mary and her parents, not wanting to get too close to Anna and Basil. As I waited a few seconds for Mary to notice me, I hoped it would be her who saw me first and not her parents. My prayers were heard, and Mary’s face lit up as she registered me awkwardly standing before her. It wasn’t until moments later that I saw Anna frowning in my direction. Basil had already made his way to an empty table, oblivious to my presence. 

"Gray! It’s so good to see you," Mary greeted me with a smile, delicately adjusting her glasses on her nose. She took a few steps over towards me, looked back at her mother, and then back at me. I tried to ignore Anna’s glare from behind Mary, only succeeding once Mary had blocked her out of view. 

  
  


"Hey Mare, what's up?" I replied, trying my best to hide the uneasiness in my voice. 

  
  


She waved over to her mom, signaling to sit down without her. "Dinner as usual," Mary giggled, twirling the end of her long black braid. “Are you feeling better? I’ve been missing you at the library.” 

  
  


"Oh yeah, ha… definitely better,” I lied, scratching the back of my neck. 

  
  


“I’m glad to hear that,” she said as she batted those thick eyelashes at me. 

  
  


It had felt like years since I looked into her amber eyes last. I’d felt so confident about ending it with Mary earlier, but now that she stood in front of me looking so cute, speaking so sweetly… I didn’t know anymore. It was too late to change course, though; I had to pull myself from my own distracting thoughts and focus on the task at hand. 

  
  


“Anyway,” I cleared my throat, “Kai's havin' a little get together at the shack tonight. You ‘ought to come with me." My heartbeat steadily picked up as I waited for her response. 

  
  


"Oh…" she trailed off, the delight in her voice disappearing. Mary’s smile faded into a frown, and her eyes narrowed at me. "And why would I do that?"

  
  


"To hang out with me…and my friends...” I said sheepishly, reaching up for my hat. “Together? I thought you liked spendin' time with me."

  
  


"But... you know that I don't like Kai,” Mary complained, “ _We_ are not friends. Why would I want to go to a party that _he's_ having?” She sighed and shook her head, “There’s no way Mother would approve." As she spoke the words, I felt each one stab me in the gut.

  
  


I regretted even bringing up the party to Mary. Why I set myself up for failure by asking her in the first place was beyond me, but now I was just pissed off. I understood that she didn’t care for Kai; he was an acquired taste for sure. But I sure as hell didn’t like Anna, and I still suffered through interactions with her for Mary’s sake on multiple occasions over the years. Why was it so hard for her to do the same for me? 

  
  


"Ah, alright,” I sighed, pulling down the bill of my cap to hide my disappointment. “Sorry for askin'." I quickly looked away from the librarian and rolled my eyes in frustration. “Next time, I’ll just go fuck myself instead,” I muttered under my breath, apparently not quietly enough. 

  
  
  


Mary crossed her arms and glowered up at me, taken back by what I’d just uttered. "Goddess Gray, you don't have to be so rude," she protested. "You know I don’t like Kai or drinking. So why would you even take the time to ask me? Why would you put me in a position to let you down like that?" 

  
  


I felt my jaw clench as my body stiffened; the way she talked to me was driving me nuts. "You're right, Mary,” I snapped, turning back to the girl. The adrenaline and alcohol were taking over, my filter crumbling to pieces. “Why _do_ I waste my time with you?" I wanted to say more but had just enough self-control to know I’d regret it. Instead, I turned to walk away. 

  
  


Mary took a few steps after me and grabbed my wrist with both hands before I got too far. "What is with you?" she questioned, switching back to a gentler voice. There was concern in her tone, but it didn’t sound too genuine. "You have an attitude like no other today. I know you didn’t mean to snap on me like that." 

  
  


I couldn’t help it; my blood boiled as she talked down to me. I slowly turned my head to Mary, who still had my wrist in her grip. "I'm just…” I managed to push out, my heart now beating a million miles a minute. “I’m done with this shit! I’m fed up!” I snatched my hand back. “I’ve been waitin' around for years, hopin' you’d come around, and it finally hit me that I was right." I started to walk away before I gave into the anger completely. 

  
  


“Wha‒Gray, wait,” Mary said, taking a step after me. Her voice sounded timid and confused. "What do you mean? Right about what?" 

  
  


I stopped and took a deep breath, trying so hard to focus on the right words. I turned my head over my shoulder. "That we shouldn’t see each other anymore," I said coldly. I continued walking over to the bar, not wasting a second to look back. 

  
  


When I arrived and sat down, both men looked at me like a pair of deer in headlights. I grabbed my fork and picked up the last bits of fried noodles from my plate.

  
  


"That was a scene," Cliff said, obviously dumbfounded. I shrugged and took a bite.

  
  


"She'll get over it," I said with a mouthful of noodles. I reached for my half-empty beer and finished it off in one chug. 

  
  


"I don't know, bro… She looks really upset," Kai said as he looked over his shoulder at Mary and her family. I chose not to look back, knowing it would only make matters worse. Since when did Kai give a fuck about Mary anyway?

  
  


"Okay,” I said, the frustration in my voice still evident, “let her be upset." I pushed out of my seat, angrily kicked the stool back into place, and stomped towards the stairs. "I'll see you guys later." 

  
  


"Hey, whoa, you're still coming tonight, right?" Kai asked, leaning out of his seat to look at me. I stopped at the base of the stairs and turned to my roommates. 

  
  


"Absolutely," I said before heading up to the room. 

  
  


I needed space to process what had just happened. Had I really just broken up with Mary? Did I really just yell in her face like that? I slammed the door behind me as I stormed into my room. The adrenaline was still coursing through my system, only making it harder to get a grip on my temper. I paced back and forth in front of all the beds to release some of the energy. All I could think about was hitting something, anything. I just wanted the anger out of my body; I didn’t care how anymore. It took everything in my power to resist punching another hole in the wall. I knew Doug and my roommates would kill me; we had just repaired the last spot. 

  
  


I looked over to the patched drywall and sighed. The thought of Doug’s last warning about controlling my emotions, the disappointment on his and Ann’s face when they saw the hole last season, it was enough to bring me to my senses. I had finally calmed down enough to think straight. 

  
  


I took a deep breath to collect myself. Immediately I realized that Kai was right; I stunk. I headed to the bathroom, hoping I would emerge from the shower as a new man. I wasn’t getting my hopes up, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe sorry again to Miss Mary. Remember when I said that if you're not mad at Gray now, you will be later? Yeah. He really do be doing some dumb stupid stuff, like punching holes in walls and letting one small incident decide the fate of your entire relationship lol. But hey, he didn't hit the wall this time, so that's growth? right? lol. 
> 
> Anyway. This chapter used to also contain Kai's party but like... such a big event surely needs its own chapter right?? Right? Very much excited to post ze next one. It's so hard going back to work on my old chapters because I'm just so excited for the ~drama~ to come, but I know I have to be patient and lay the groundwork. 
> 
> As always, let me know what feedback you have for me!
> 
> Edit: Going back to add chapter names. Names are based on a song/songs that inspired me while writing. For this chap, it was Chamber of Reflection by Mac Demarco


	4. Whiskey Glasses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After his break up with Mary, Gray finds comfort in liquor and makes a new friend along the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Happy Thanksgiving if you celebrate! I am feeling particularly thankful today, so I decided to go ahead and post a chap as a little gift to myself. Thanks for reading :-)

  
  


It was almost ten o'clock several hours later. I was still lying across my bed, playing back the events that had transpired today. As the alcohol and anger wore off, all that remained was a sinking feeling in my gut. 

  
  


I flipped between regretting snapping at Mary and exhilaration, wishing I would have done it sooner. Though I felt awful for making a scene and hastily disregarding her feelings, I had to remind myself that she wasn’t completely innocent in the situation either. Everything had led up to this point, years of pining after Mary, trying to become somebody worthy of her... just to be held an arm’s length away. And while I realized that I could have handled the situation with more care, I couldn’t change the past now; I had to accept it and move forward. 

  
  


I had gone a few hours without talking to anyone, including my roommates. But that quickly changed when Cliff gingerly eased his way through the door. He did a double-take and took a few steps towards my bed. I sat up from the mattress and met his hesitant gaze as he scanned my body language. 

  
  


“I, uh, just came up here to see if you were—”

  
  


“Good now,” I said, answering his unspoken worry. “Just needed a sec to, well, you know.” 

  
  


Cliff visibly relaxed, his eyes flashing to the patch on the wall behind me before returning with a smile. "T-that’s good,” he said with a light chuckle, “I thought you disappeared.” 

  
  


I replied with a slight smile. Even though I’d only known Cliff since the end of winter, sometimes it felt like he understood me as well, sometimes even better, than Kai did. It made me think that having him here year-round wouldn’t be such a bad thing. 

  
  


Cliff made his way over to his dresser on the far side of the room and then looked back at me. "Do you still want to go to Kai’s tonight? We don’t have to if you’re not up for it..."

  
  


"Oh, we’re goin'." I swung my feet around to the side of the bed and stood up. "If anythin', I want to go more now." Cliff was relacing the brown leather vest around his body as a laugh escaped his lips in response. “Not gonna let that bullshit get in the way of me having fun.” 

  
  


Truth be told, I just wanted to go because I knew there would be copious amounts of free alcohol at Kai’s. _That_ was what I needed tonight; enough booze to forget about everything that I was feeling. I wanted to be numb, even if just for the night. Cliff didn’t need to know that, though. 

  
  


"Good, I'm happy for you," Cliff replied absent-mindedly, tightening his knot in the reflection of the mirror that sat above his dresser.

  
  


"It's on to the next one," I joked as I rummaged through the drawers underneath my bed for a clean shirt. After settling on a white graphic tee, I stepped into a pair of jeans and snatched my hat off my bedside table. 

  
  
  


"Okay, _Kai_ ," Cliff said sarcastically, turning away from his reflection. “Ready to go then?” I just laughed and followed him out of the inn. 

  
  


We walked the cobblestone streets in silence, following the path illuminated by the hazy streetlamps above. Thick, muggy air filled my lungs as we approached the ocean. The beach itself was empty, but we could hear the music in the shack echoing from Rose Square. I was sure that Kai’s neighbor, Zack, _loved_ the summer shenanigans. 

  
  


When we pushed open the door to Kai’s, the atmosphere was reasonably calm despite how loud it had seemed outside. A funky bass riff reverberated in the background while groups of people chatted in various locations around the small shop. Only the young adults, or most of them, were here from town. Notably, Trent, Ellie, and Mary were nowhere in sight. I was incredibly thankful for the latter. There _were_ quite a few people I had never seen before, though it wasn’t surprising knowing how social Kai was outside of Mineral Town. In total, there couldn’t have been more than 15 people there, including Cliff and I, which was plenty enough considering the space of the shack. 

  
  


Cliff and I stayed together as we shuffled our way to the table Kai was leaning on, a group of women surrounding him. A typical scene. Of course, there was Popuri, fawning over Kai as usual. Her right arm was intertwined around his left as her other hand gently traced his forearm. Standing to Kai’s right were two girls I had never seen before. 

  
  


I was immediately drawn to the blonde standing directly next to my friend. Her piercing emerald eyes seemed to glow in comparison to her pale skin as she smiled at her friend. Long curls rested on her shoulders, just grazing the neckline of a... very revealing pink cocktail dress. I mean, it looked good, so it wasn’t like I was mad at the view; it just happened to be one of the first things I noticed. The girl beside her was casually dressed in comparison, sporting some frilly shirt and jeans. She played with her long brunette ponytail as soft amethyst eyes glanced around the party. 

  
  


Both of the women were easily attractive, enough to make me wonder where Kai continued to find all these girls. They both were laughing a little too hard at everything the beach boy had to say, while Popuri seemed to supervise. 

  
  


After a few minutes of awkwardly standing in front of the group, Kai finally noticed us.

  
  


"There are my boys!" Kai greeted us with a slight slur in his voice. "Nice of ya to show up!” 

  
  


Popuri snapped her head in our direction, her cotton-candy waves cascading over her shoulders. She gave Cliff and me a welcoming smile as she squeezed Kai’s arm, “Oh, hi guys! I’m glad you two are here!” I gave the couple a nod in response, and Cliff followed suit. 

  
  
  


Kai leaned towards the two random girls standing next to him and gestured towards Cliff and me. “So these are my roommates I was telling you about, Cliff and Gray,” a mischievous smile grew on his face, “both very single.” The girls next to Kai looked at each other and let out a series of giggles in response. It suddenly made sense why Popuri was so excited by Cliff and my arrival. 

  
  


Cliff’s face immediately flushed at Kai’s boldness, and I just rolled my eyes. Kai was too predictable, and I was too sober for this shit. It’s not like I _wasn’t_ interested in either of the girls; I was just more so interested in getting fucked up. The least Kai could do is allow me to socially lubricate first. 

  
  


“Cliff, Gray, this is Muffy and Jill,” Kai continued as he motioned towards the blonde and brunette, respectively. “I met them in Forget-Me-Not-Valley on my way back to Mineral Town this year.” 

  
  


“Yo,” I tipped my hat towards the girls. When I glanced towards Cliff, his eyes were fixated on his boots. He gave a slight wave and polite smile in the direction of the girls, only garnering more amused tittering from them.

“It’s a pleasure,” Muffy said with what I assumed was a flirtatious smile. Her voice was low and smooth, yet confident. Out of the two girls, Muffy definitely seemed the more charismatic of the pair. She extended her right hand towards me, the top of her hand facing me as she raised it in my direction. 

I stared at her hand for a moment, confused as to what she was expected me to do with it. _Did she want me to kiss her hand or something?_ I felt my brows furrow as I looked up at the blonde and then back down at her hand. While I wasn’t trying to give her a dirty look, I’m sure that’s what it looked like from her perspective. 

  
  


“Ah, yeah,” I mumbled as I met her fingers with a chaste shake before dropping the hand as fast as I had picked it up. Muffy looked back at Jill with a smirk and then returned to Cliff and me.

  
  


“Cute,” Muffy teased me as she retracted her hand, using it to push a clump of blonde curls off of her shoulder, “you must be from the city.” With the same coquettish smile on display, she looked over to Cliff, eyeing him up and down. “And what about you, handsome?” 

  
  


Cliff’s eyes became wide as his cheeks heated to an even deeper shade of red. He swallowed the lump in his throat and opened his mouth slightly to speak, but the only sound he managed to fumble out was a barely audible “N-no.” This reaction only seemed to excite Muffy even more. 

  
  


I looked over to my roommate beside me. He didn’t have to say anything else; his body language signaled that he was clearly uncomfortable with all the attention. Selfishly, I wanted to leave the conversation so I could finally drink again, but I knew I could also save my friend in doing so. 

  
  


“Kai,” I said after clearing my throat. He had been whispering something to Popuri but froze when he heard his name. “You promised alcohol?” 

  
  


“Oh, yeah, how could I forget!” Kai threw his free arm in the direction of the counter behind him. “There’re drinks behind the counter. Check the liquor cabinet or the mini-fridge. There’s shit over there. Just help yourself, boys," he instructed half-heartedly before turning back to the girl on his arm. A smile formed on Popuri’s face as Kai resumed whispering in her ear, and I took that as my cue to get the hell out of there. 

  
  


“Thanks,” I nodded before turning to Cliff, placing a light hand on his shoulder. “Wanna get somethin' to drink?” I asked him, already knowing the answer. I could tell he would have taken any opportunity to remove himself from the situation Kai had created for him. 

  
  


Cliff looked over to me with rapid yet shallow nods. I wasn’t sure if he was scared of offending the girls in front of us or if he was just paralyzed in fear. Either way, it was enough for me. I used the hand on Cliff’s shoulder to usher him away and gave the harem an obligatory wave before heading in the direction of promised alcohol. 

  
  


When we reached the counter, I headed straight for the cabinet directly behind the register. I heard Cliff audibly sigh in relief behind me. “Thanks,” he said softly. 

  
  


“Don’t sweat it,” I assured him, not looking up from rummaging through Kai’s liquor cabinet. “When a friend’s in need, you help ‘em.” 

  
  


The various half-empty bottles clinked together as I shuffled them in search of _literally_ anything other than tequila. Why Kai liked tequila so much in the first place was beyond me, but why the hell did somebody need so many different types of the same liquor anyway? Finally, on the back of the shelf, I saw a familiar black label. 

  
  


I pulled the bottle of whiskey from the back and held it triumphantly as I turned to Cliff. “Plus, I was way too sober for that shit anyway.” 

  
  


This elicited an amused smile from Cliff. It made me happy knowing that my friend wasn’t uncomfortable anymore, but it felt even better knowing that I could finally drink in peace. 

  
  


After locating an empty shot glass, I eagerly poured myself a hefty shot of whiskey. To no surprise, Cliff declined when I offered one to him. He grabbed a can of beer from the mini-fridge and returned to my side. Cliff lifted his beer to cheers me, and I met his can with the shot glass. I tapped the glass on the countertop, threw the liquid back into my throat, and then clinked it back down. For a moment, I relished in the familiar warmth as it hit my stomach and reached for round two. 

  
  


I continued to shoot shots one after the other, making a sizable dent in the bottle sitting on the counter in front of me. Cliff stood beside me, sipping his beer in comfortable silence, which I appreciated. I sure as hell didn’t feel like talking, and Cliff clearly didn’t either. It seemed like he completely understood where my head was at after witnessing my scene with Mary earlier in the evening. No words were necessary. 

  
  


As I set down the freshly empty shot glass, I looked over to Cliff. He was scanning the room for what felt like the millionth time. While Cliff hadn’t said anything, I could tell he was searching for Ann just by his troubled expression. While I wanted to think about how pathetic he looked, I couldn’t help but wonder how often I had worn the same exact face. 

  
  


_Fuck. I’m just as pathetic… probably even more so..._

  
  


The warm comfort I’d managed to build up became darker as I thought about earlier. I had been so pathetic then... I couldn’t imagine how pitiful I must have seemed over the last two years. It made me feel sick, knowing how stupid I must have looked, longing after somebody who didn’t want me the same way. At least back then, I’d had her company... now I was just alone. I didn’t know which was more lonely, though I had to admit that I felt pretty fucking empty. 

I let out a sigh and reached for the bottle again. Thoughts like those were why I needed to drink in the first place, so obviously, I hadn’t had enough yet. The shot burned on its way down this time around, but I was eager for the distraction. I looked back over to Cliff, who hadn’t moved an inch. He was still gripping the same beer, and while I couldn’t see inside the can, knowing Cliff, I figured less than half of it was gone. We obviously had different approaches to dealing with our problems. 

  
  


“No sign of Ann?” I asked in Cliff’s direction, already knowing the answer. Now, did I really care about Cliff’s problems? Not particularly, but again, I just wanted anything to help me get my mind off Mary. 

  
  


He sighed and shook his head, eyes fixed on the dining room in front of him. “Karen and Claire got here a while ago, and Ann wasn’t with them... I wonder if it’s because I’m here.” Cliff frowned as he leaned against the counter and took a sip of his drink. 

  
  


“Probably not,” I offered with a shrug. Cliff didn’t seem very convinced, but I didn’t really care anymore. Cliff’s problems were just going to make me sad again. I needed to find something else to occupy my thoughts, so I reached for the bottle and downed another shot. Then I poured one more for good measure. 

  
  


As I settled into the comfortable numbness I’d created, I scanned the room for a new distraction. I figured I’d try to find either of the girls Kai had introduced me to... that seemed like a safe option. My eyes caught a glimpse of blonde hair, but I slowly realized it wasn’t who I’d been looking for. In the far corner near the shack’s entrance sat the blonde farmer I had run into earlier. Her legs were hanging over the edge of one of the shop's tables as a very intoxicated Karen and her watch-dog, Rick, stood in front of her.

I kept my eyes glued to the scene as the group talked. Karen kept swaying side to side with her drink sloshing around in one hand, the other around Rick's shoulder. I ended up catching the end of their conversation, partially due to the shack’s size, but mainly because Karen was always so damn loud.

  
  


"But Claireeeeee," Karen whined, leaning into Rick, "if we leave, you’ll be all alone... and by yourself…we could just go together?" Claire simply smiled as she watched her friend rock back and forth. 

Karen, already shit-faced that early into the night? I could have predicted that one. Knowing Karen, she had likely pre-gamed beforehand and had shown up to the party already trashed. I couldn’t lie, though; part of me was jealous I hadn’t thought of doing the same thing. 

  
  


"It's fine, Karen! I’m not ready to go home yet. There’s still a bunch of people here," Claire said with a slight edge to her voice, despite the smile on her face. "If you two want to go home, go! I’ll be fine. I can even walk part of the way with Ann if you’re that worried…” She did a quick sweep of the room before looking back at Karen, “I think she should be here soon." 

  
  


"Hmmph. Kay, if you say so," Karen replied blandly, resting her head on Rick’s shoulder. She turned as if she were going to whisper in Rick’s ear, but I could clearly hear the question from the other side of the shack. "Can we go, pleeeease?"

  
  


"Really, Claire," Rick butted in, completely ignoring his girlfriend’s question. "I don't want you walking home alone tonight, especially since you've been drinking. There are wild animals out there, and you never know who else is out lurking in the night!" He placed his free hand on his hip as if he were lecturing a child, “I don’t know if I feel comfortable leaving you—”

  
  


"Rick! I'm a big girl, y’know,” Claire interrupted with a forced laugh. “I can handle myself! So stop freaking out. _I’m_ not the one you should be worried about." She motioned towards Karen, "Now, take that one home before she passes out." 

  
  


Rick wearily nodded and glanced towards Kai and his sister before hauling Karen towards the exit. If there were any other words exchanged between the group, I couldn’t hear them from where I was standing. 

  
  


Claire watched her friends leave and then looked into her drink with a frown. As I watched her, I was surprised that I wasn’t met with the typical frustration I usually associated with her. Instead, it was replaced with… curiosity? I hadn’t thought much about it until now, but I did wonder why she had run off in such a hurry earlier. I also wanted to know why she looked so damn sad.

It was probably just the liquor, but I was having trouble making sense of how I felt. Did I feel sorry for Claire? She did look pretty fucking lonely sitting there by herself. I didn’t understand how somebody who appeared to be so liked by everyone in town could seem just as miserable as me. It was enough to pique my interest. 

  
  


Claire seemed much safer than my earlier thoughts. Maybe it was just a last-ditch effort to get my mind off Mary, but... I wanted to go over there. Claire was nothing like Mary, which I figured could be a useful distraction. 

  
  
  


I grabbed the bottle from the counter in front of me, this time skipping the shot glass entirely, and took a long swig. I winced as it burned down my throat, coughing in an attempt to push the liquid down faster. Cliff eyed me carefully as I did this. He seemed to notice where my eyes had been.

  
  


"I'm gonna go talk to Claire," I said to Cliff as I placed what little remained of the whiskey back on the counter. He didn’t ask, but he didn’t have to. 

  
  


He was silent for a moment, taken back by the fact that I had actually said the words out loud. "The one you actively try and avoid, right?" he questioned disapprovingly. “That Claire?” I could feel his eyes on me, but I didn’t want to look. I knew he would try to talk me out of whatever I was planning on doing, and I didn’t want to hear it.

  
  


"Think we're talkin' 'bout the same person," I retorted, swinging my legs over the countertop. My vision was growing increasingly hazy, but I ignored the sensation as much as I could. I hopped over the counter and stuck the landing, barely. 

  
  


"Okay, you're drunk. Let's go home," Cliff protested once again. “Or at least, let’s drink some water?”

  
  


"No, Cliff, don't be a buzzkill,” I said over my shoulder. “I'm fine." I wasn’t fine, but I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of knowing that. I turned away from Cliff and stumbled over to the blonde farmer, using the furniture in my path as support. 

  
  


When I reached Claire’s table, she didn’t even notice me. She was seemingly wrapped in thought, staring off in Ann’s direction, who was now making a bee-line for Cliff.

  
  


"Hey," I said as I found myself seated on the table beside her. 

  
  


Claire snapped back into reality, her eyes widening when she realized it was me. She froze for a few seconds, rapidly blinking at me like I would disappear. 

"Hi, Gray," she said slowly. "Do you need something?" Her dark blue eyes investigated me as if she would find an answer to her question on my person. 

  
  


"Just wanted to talk to you," I said, fiddling with the brim of my cap. Any inhibition I’d felt earlier was gone, and I could feel myself giving in to the sensation. "Somethin' wrong with that?" 

  
  


As she paused to think about her response, I couldn’t help but notice that this was the first time I had stopped to look at Claire this closely. Usually, she made me so upset that I avoided looking at her altogether. But now that I was drunk, and that feeling had subsided, my eyes were lingering longer than they had been allowed previously. 

  
  


Claire looked different than she had earlier; she wasn’t covered head to toe in dirt, her hair had actually been brushed, and she wasn’t sporting her signature baggy overalls. She wore a simple black t-shirt underneath an unzipped teal hoodie, paired with a pair of jean shorts that looked like they had been crudely cut from pants. It was simple but still seemed so different from the Claire that I ran into that morning. I wasn’t sure if this was a new Claire or just a Claire that I had been too stubborn to notice before. 

  
  


"I mean… nothing’s wrong with it, I guess. I’m just a little surprised since you don’t talk to me, like ever," Claire said accusingly, breaking my train of thought. She maintained eye contact with me, and I willingly let her eyes hold me captive. “I was pretty sure that you hated me.” 

  
  


"What? Yeah, right," I scoffed as if I were offended, conveniently forgetting my feelings from the past season or so. " _We_ just never talk.” I paused and looked away from the farmer, speaking a little more quietly this time, “You clearly hate _me_. Runnin' off before I could even apologize earlier."

  
  


"I don't hate you, Gray," she said with a laugh, catching me off-guard. I turned my gaze back to Claire. "I just don’t know you. I haven't really gotten the opportunity to." Claire paused to think, pressing her lips together. She rubbed them back and forth until her mouth curved into a sad smile. “It’s… hard, being new in town, y'know? Especially when all of you have known each other for so long, I feel like I’m at a disadvantage.”

She must have been drunk, too, because she just kept talking without my prompt, looking into the sea of people in the shack. “I like it here, but... I don’t wanna force myself into anyone’s life. I want people to want to be my friend, and I want the people in town to _want_ me around.” 

  
  


It was quiet between the two of us for a moment. Although vague, I related to Claire’s words in some sense. I knew the feeling all too well, wanting to be wanted. At the same time, I started to feel somewhat guilty for the way I had been treating her since she came to town. I couldn’t even remember a good reason for not liking her… 

  
  


"We can be friends," I suggested without thinking. I didn’t know if I would have said these words sober, let alone to Claire, but it was too late now.

  
  


She seemed surprised, but all I could focus on were those ultramarine eyes as they grew in response to my offer. I couldn’t believe I had never noticed how pretty Claire was before. She didn't at all seem like the gruff farm girl she made herself out to be. It felt like there was a lot about the girl that was a mystery to me. The fact that I knew nothing about her… it just made me all the more curious. 

  
  


"Really?” Claire asked, flashing me a toothy grin that usually would have annoyed me. I was surprised when it seemed to have the opposite effect. “I'd love that!" She crossed one leg over the other and turned her torso towards me, still beaming over our moment. 

  
  


The way she smiled at me… it made me feel strangely good. I could have sworn I was smiling too. In fairness, it was probably just the whiskey, but I wanted to bask in the feeling as long as I could. I had no clue what this would mean when I was sober, but I felt too high to care. 

  
  


“So what should we do as our first act of friendship?” 

  
  


I was caught off guard by her question, unsure if she just wasn’t making sense because I was sloshed or she was. “Huh?” 

  
  


“This is a big deal!” Claire laughed, “I didn’t think we’d ever become friends. It’s only fair that we celebrate our new friendship, right?”

Is that what friends did? I couldn’t remember the last time I had commemorated any of my friendships. 

“Uh, yeah, I guess,” I supplied with a chuckle, still not really following. Claire seemed closer than she had been, though… was that real or just in my head? 

  
  


“Got any ideas?” Claire asked before finishing off the last of her drink and raising the red cup in the air. “Something fun!” 

  
  


I wasn’t sure if she wanted to know what my honest idea of fun would be at that moment, so I shrugged. “Not a whole lot of fun to be had out here in the boonies, but I guess that’s good for some people.” 

  
  


“Well, what about you?” she asked without missing a beat. 

  
  


“What about me?” 

  
  


“Do you not like to have fun?” Claire giggled, tilting her head to the side. “Or are you just too busy being angry all the time?” Usually, talk of my temper was enough to rile me up, but all I could think about was how close her face was to mine. She was definitely closer than she had been. How had I not noticed? Did she move closer to me, or had I moved closer to her? 

  
  


“That’s not what I meant,” I defended, now feeling self-conscious about my ability to have a good time. “I have fun.” 

  
  


I could have sworn that the smile she was sporting curled into a slight smirk. “Well then, surely we can come up with _something_ if we put our heads together,” she suggested, a surprising coyness to her voice. Was she flirting with me, or was that just in my head too? 

  
  


Claire looked at my hands and then seemed to investigate the area around me. “Where’s your drink?” 

  
  


I didn’t really want to admit that I had smashed almost an entire fifth of whiskey to myself, so I offered another shrug and a half-lie. “Finished it.” 

  
  


Before I knew it, Claire was off the table and standing in front of me. She held her palm out as if she wanted me to take it. “Well, come on!” she encouraged, eagerly shaking her hand at me. “I need to get a new one too. We’ll refresh our beverages, and then we can think while we drink!” 

  
  


I couldn’t help it, I had to laugh. Another drink was the last thing I needed; the whiskey had more than caught up with me at that point. But at the same time... Claire seemed so convincing… so I took her hand and followed her off the table. I wasn’t sure where we were headed, but again, I didn’t care. The way she talked about having fun made it sound so enticing… how could I have said no to that? 

  
  
The rest of the night felt surreal to me, just a blurry, dizzy dream. All I _could_ remember involved Claire’s presence, but eventually, my mind went black. The only thing I did know was that I would have one killer hangover the next morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing drunk characters in 1st person is a struggle, to be honest. It was a struggle trying to balance depicting an intoxicated experience while also giving enough detail for the story to make sense. I tried my best, but I am eager to improve as we progress in the story. I hope my depiction seemed at least somewhat realistic! 
> 
> I spent way too much time stewing over this chapter, I'm just so ready to share it and have somebody else read it haha. Always eager for feedback!
> 
> Edit: Going back to add chapter names lol. Names are inspired by songs that I listened to while writing. Whiskey Glasses by Morgan Wallen was a big one. And while there's a lot of lyrics that don't necessarily relate, the overall vibe of the song is what I'm going for. Plus, our lil Gray here definitely had some on in this chapter.


	5. The Good Times Are Killing Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very hungover Gray tries to take accountability for his drunken mistakes. The keyword here: "tries"

The warmth surrounding my body abruptly disappeared. Not a minute later, the door slammed shut. I groggily lifted my head and looked around the empty room. Then I glanced down to my fallen comforter. I placed the blame on too much tossing and turning and pulled it back onto the bed. My head was throbbing, I had no clue where my clothes were, and I would probably be late for work. Only one question was on my mind, and it probably wasn't going to get answered anytime soon.

  
  


"The fuck happened last night…?" I whispered to myself as I dramatically dragged my aching body out of bed and into a cold shower.

  
  


I tried playing back all that I could recall from last night. There was my argument with Mary before the party, which was almost a little too vivid. Other faint memories came to mind, like Kai and his posse, drinking with Cliff, and… Claire? I had to splash cold water on my face again. Had I really hung out with Claire last night? That didn't make sense; we barely even talked, let alone spent time at parties together. But at the same time, hazy glimpses of her flashed in my mind like a dream. Instead of the usual frustration that would arise when I thought about Claire, confusion and a killer headache took its place. Trying to make sense of my night only made my head pulse even worse. 

  
  


I finally stepped out of the cold water and dried off. After dressing for work, I went back into the bedroom to grab my hat. It wasn’t on my bedside where it usually lived, so I got to rummaging the pile of blankets and clothes that surrounded my bed. I wasn’t sure why some of the materials felt so damp, but I was too occupied searching through the heaps of fabric to care. When I finally located the cap under a discarded black t-shirt, I snatched it off the floor and made my way downstairs for breakfast and, hopefully, answers. 

  
  


The dining room was quiet, and dimly lit that morning. I scanned the empty space searching for anyone that might have any recollection of last night. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Cliff sitting across the room. Ann was standing beside the table, swooning over Cliff as usual. I hated to interrupt the love-fest, but it had to be done. I trudged over to the pair and ended up catching the end of their conversation. 

  
  
  


"Y-yeah, I mean, we could hang out tomorrow night. If you can get off, of course,” Cliff rambled on to Ann as I sat down. “J-just do what you can. It’s okay if you can't, Ann, really." He noticed my presence and turned his head to greet me, "Morning, Gray. How do you feel?"

  
  


"Feels like I broke a couple of cinder blocks with my head, but other than that, just dandy," I said sarcastically. "What time is it?"

  
  


"It's a little past six-thirty. Don't worry; you’ve got time to eat,” Cliff reassured me. I let out a sigh of relief. “You should probably drink some coffee too…" 

  
  


I nodded, thankful that I would make it to work on time. My head was pounding, my muscles felt stiff, and I wasn’t even sure that I could keep down breakfast, but hey, at least Gramps couldn’t get on me about being late. 

  
  


"Yeesh, you look rough," Ann stated, eyeing me up and down. She and Cliff quickly traded amused grins and then turned back to me with a chuckle.

"Just drank a little too much at Kai's," I said defensively. Ann broke out into a full belly-laugh, and I raised an eyebrow in response. "What?"

  
  


"Do you not know how to handle your booze?" Ann asked jokingly. Cliff and I exchanged puzzled looks. The question sounded eerily like something Karen would say. 

  
  


"Oh, and you do?" I questioned the redhead, "I never even see you drink."

  
  


"You act like Dad doesn’t own the bar that you and everybody else in town get drunk at every night," Ann said, sticking out her tongue. “How else do you think I manage to serve you, Karen, and Duke every night without losing my mind?” 

  
  


“Guess I don’t blame you,” I replied with a sigh. I wasn’t sure if she was joking about drinking on the job, but I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I had thought about doing the same thing to deal with Gramps. 

  
  


“Plus!” Ann continued, much to my displeasure, “I was at Kai’s too, and I’m not nearly as hungover as you are!” She had conveniently left out the part where she arrived at least a few hours and a bottle of whiskey after me, but I didn’t have it in me to remind her. I didn’t even want to think about the amount of liquor I’d consumed.

  
  


"Mmhmm, okay, well, now that that's sorted out: breakfast," I said flatly. It was too early to get in an argument with Ann. Her brain was clearly functioning better than mine that morning. 

  
  


"Gee, Gray. You sure know how to sweet-talk a girl," Ann huffed, blowing wisps of red hair from her forehead. She dramatically placed her hand on her hip and rolled her eyes, "The usual?"

  
  


"Yeah, and coffee, please," I replied as I rubbed my temples. “Black.” The pain in my head hadn’t subsided, and while I probably just needed water, caffeine sounded much more appealing.

  
  


Ann nodded and hurried back to the kitchen, her long braid thrashing behind. She stopped just short of the kitchen door. "Oh, and Cliff," Ann said sweetly as she spun around, "I'll see what I can do about tomorrow." They both smiled as she disappeared through the swinging doors. 

  
  


I turned to my awestruck roommate, his blushing face still fixated in the direction of the kitchen door. "So, I take it that things are better?" I asked.

  
  


He slowly turned back to me and relaxed in his seat. "I think so. We, uh, hung out at Kai’s last night and talked. Turns out she, um, wasn’t avoiding me or anything… it was just a big misunderstanding," Cliff said with a nervous laugh. He looked down at his hands as they anxiously traced the wood grains on the table. "I… think I’m going to ask her to the Fireworks Festival, so I can’t mess it up."

  
  


"Why? You gonna make her your _girlfriend_?" I teased Cliff. 

  
  


He just looked down and silently sipped his water, but his lack of response said enough to me. 

  
  


"Oh, shit…are you actually?" I asked in a low voice, reaching for my hat. 

  
  


"Well… maybe," Cliff said softly. "Do you think it's… stupid?"

  
  


"O-oh, no. Of course not, sounds…cool." Cliff didn't seem too reassured by my answer but nodded anyway. 

  
  


"So, um, do you remember much of last night?" Cliff changed the subject after shifting nervously in his seat for a few moments. 

  
  


"I remember the beginnin'…" I started. My head pounded as I thought back to the blurry memories I _did_ have. "Did I really drink that much?"

  
  


"You and that whiskey were going at it," Cliff answered, tapping his fingers along his glass of water. He paused for a second, then spoke again. "So, you _really_ don't remember last night?"

  
  


"Last thing I remember clearly was talking to Kai and those girls," I said as I closed my eyes, trying to conjure up any coherent memories. "Did I dream talkin' to Claire last night, or did that happen in real life?" 

  
  


Cliff's expression changed when I mentioned the blonde's name. His eyes widened, and his mouth tightened into a straight line, but I couldn’t decipher what the look meant. 

  
  


"Yeah… you did," Cliff said. His voice sounded uneasy, as if he were nervous about what would come next. His increasingly fidgety behavior didn’t help his case either. 

  
  


"What's with you, man?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at Cliff. “Why are you being so weird?”

  
  


"You honestly don't remember what happened last night?" Cliff asked for what felt like the billionth time. "You don’t even remember talking to Claire?"

  
  


"Barely!” I exclaimed in frustration, throwing my head in my hands. After a deep breath, I spoke again, “Pretty sure I blacked out around then. That's why I'm waitin' for _you_ to tell _me_. I made it home, so nothin' too bad could have happened.” I looked up from my hands to meet Cliff’s watchful gaze, “Right?”

  
  


"Well…" The brunette man in front of me began shakily, "First, you went off and sat with Claire for some strange reason because I could have sworn you hated her—"

  
  


"I don't _hate_ her," I interrupted. 

  
  


Cliff raised an eyebrow at me. "Um, alright. So you went and hung out with her,” he started again, “which seemed weird, 'cause I thought you _disliked_ her.” He shot me a look and continued, “You were both… uh, pretty drunk. So Ann and I stuck around to keep an eye on you two." 

  
  


Cliff paused and looked at me, and I signaled for him to continue with a nod. "An hour or two later, you came up to me with Claire and told me you were going to walk her home. You gave me a speech about how you were ‘such a good guy’ and everything."

  
  


"So, that's it?" I asked, relieved. All I had done was walk Claire home? That was just a drunk good deed; Cliff had given me the impression something catastrophic had happened. 

  
  


Cliff shook his head slowly, his mouth pressed into a tight line. His hesitancy was starting to piss me off. Why was he so insistent on beating around the bush? 

  
  


"Then what else happened? Get after it, then," I growled in response. 

  
  


He took a deep breath and looked straight at me. "I… uh, don't think Claire made it home last night…" Cliff said carefully, not taking his eyes off mine. 

  
  


"Wait. What?" I asked as a rush of guilt flooded my chest. "Seriously? Shit. Is she okay?" 

  
  


Why did drunk me, no, absolutely shitfaced me, think it was a good idea to make me responsible for someone else? I put my palm up to my face. _So much for a drunk good deed._

  
  


"You would know better than I would," Cliff said quietly, interrupting my pity party.

  
  


"Huh?" I mouthed, sitting up straight in my chair. "What do you mean?"

  
  


"She was with you," Cliff asserted, putting more emphasis on the word ‘you.’ 

  
  


"I get that, but what happened if she didn't make it home?" I asked since Cliff wasn't making any fucking sense.

  
  


Cliff exhaled loudly and closed his eyes as if to stop them from rolling into the back of his head. "You are so dense sometimes…"

  
  


"Alright, I know I fucked up, but I'm just askin' a question!" I all but yelled, feeling the anger flare up in my chest. 

  
  


"You really don’t get it, do you?" Cliff grumbled as he shook his head.

  
  


"I don’t. So fuckin' tell me, Cliff," I commanded, gripping the edge of the table in frustration. 

  
  


Cliff wrung his hands under the table, thinking about his response. He finally looked up at me with the world’s most indecipherable expression. "Claire didn't make it home last night because she was with you,” he said, pausing for emphasis, “ _here_." He grabbed his water and took a very long sip, his eyes locked on me the entire time. 

  
  


I processed my roommate's words. "Wait…" I began as it all started to come together. That's when it hit me. "Did we…?" 

I didn't even need to ask the question. Based on Cliff's expression, I already knew the answer. The guilt I felt was replaced with another feeling, one I couldn’t fully understand. 

  
  


"Yeah…" my roommate responded slowly. He continued to vigilantly watch my facial expressions as I tried to make sense of this new information. 

  
  


"We…" I couldn't even bring myself to say it. 

  
  


Cliff opened his mouth to speak, but before he could get the words out, Ann had set down our breakfast in front of us.

  
  


"You two enjoy your food, okay?" Ann chirped. 

  
  


We thanked the waitress and quickly dug into our meals. She smiled, utterly oblivious to what she had walked into, and made her way back to the kitchen. Cliff and I ate our breakfasts in silence for a good five minutes until I decided to speak up again.

  
  


"Cliff, did I _really…_?"

  
  


"I don't know what else you want me to tell you," Cliff stated. His voice got quieter, "You slept with Claire last night." I knew it by now, but I didn’t know if I was ready to hear it out loud. I shook my head at his words as they replayed in my mind.

  
  


_"You slept with Claire last night."_

  
  


I barely knew the girl. Hell, I didn’t even know if I _liked_ the girl. The only time we seemed to get along so far was when we were drunk. That didn’t seem to matter though, I still had sex with her anyway. I thought I’d left the meaningless drunken hookups behind me in the city, but here I was, doing the same reckless shit. Maybe Kai was right about me, that I was just as bad as him, sleeping around with anyone that would take me. It just made me feel gross. 

  
  


All I could do was shake my head at myself. How could I not remember something like that? And how did I manage to accomplish that while blacked out? 

  
  


My half-finished meal sat in front of me as I poked it with my fork. I wasn’t very hungry anymore, and I wasn’t sure if it was the hangover or the disgust in myself. 

  
  


“Wait… how do you know?” I finally questioned Cliff. “Did you... see anything?” He immediately looked down at his shoes and swallowed hard. 

  
  


_Shit_. Cliff didn’t even have to say anything at this point; his behavior said it all.

  
  
  


“Well…” he whispered, “when I came home from Kai’s, I kind of uh… walked in on you two.” A deep pink blush developed on Cliff’s face as he held his hands up defensively. “But I promise I didn’t see anything!” 

  
  
  


I threw my head in my hands to hide my matching flush. “Ugh. Fuck. I’m so sorry,” I groaned into my hands. “I’m such a shitty roommate.” 

  
  


Cliff shook his head, a small smile on his face. At that moment, I felt lucky to have him as my roommate. I shuddered at the thought of Kai, or literally anyone else, walking in on me. But especially Kai. 

  
  


“It's okay, Gray. Everyone makes mistakes,” Cliff assured me. “It's important that you take accountability for those mistakes, though.” All the time he spent at the church was clearly paying off. I sighed at the implications of Cliff’s words. 

  
  


"I should go talk to her," I decided out loud. Cliff nodded, finishing the last bits of his omelet rice before pushing the plate forward. 

  
  


“That might be a good idea," Cliff replied as if he hadn’t indirectly suggested it. 

  
  


"Smart-ass," I joked, pushing myself up from the table. Cliff simply smirked in reply and followed suit. After a quick goodbye, we went our separate ways.

  
  


.

  
  


Despite a strange start to the day, work proceeded as usual. I tried to stay focused on finishing the ax in front of me, though the throbbing in my head hadn’t stopped. Even still, I managed to find myself distracted by the events of the last twenty-four hours. My eyes kept glancing over to the small ticking clock overhead. Time was moving excruciatingly slow, but at the same time, I feared what would happen when the time _did_ pass. 

  
  


I knew I had to talk to Claire when I got off but had no clue what I would say. I regretted making such a dumb fucking mistake. The last thing I wanted was for her to get the wrong idea about me or what happened between us. It meant nothing, and I had to ensure she knew that. I also knew we needed to be on the same page if we were going to keep this under wraps. Hot gossip traveled fast in a small town, and I didn’t want to risk spreading rumors that would affect either of us. I wasn’t sure how to articulate all that out loud to her, though. Even if I wasn’t sure how I felt about Claire, I knew talking to her about our incident was ultimately the right thing.

  
  


"What's got you all time conscious, boy?" My grandfather spoke up from his desk after watching me check the clock religiously. 

  
  


I didn't even look up from my work to reply, "Nothin'."

  
  


"Do you have a date?" he asked, now amused. I scoffed at his ridiculous question.

  
  


"That's the last thing on my to-do list," I replied, pulling the ax off of the grinder. 

  
  


"Is it Mary?" he teased. 

  
  


“No.” I looked into the dull face of the blade and tightened my grip on the wooden handle. Slowly rotating the ax in my hands, I spoke softer this time around, "We're... not seein' each other anymore.” 

  
  


Gramps seemed especially interested as he swiveled his chair towards me. "Hmm, is that so?" he mused. "Who's got you distracted then? Is it that nice farmer girl?"

  
  


"No!" I snapped, dropping the ax on the counter. That's the last thing I wanted to hear, but he _was_ half right.

  
  


"That's a damn shame. Seems like a sweet girl, hardworking, too," my grandpa responded with a sigh. "You know, Gray. Maybe if you found a _real_ girlfriend, you'd stop being such a grump and get some _real_ work done." 

  
  


I simply grunted in response. _Takes a grump to fucking know one._ I didn’t care if he thought I was disrespectful; I had no intention of discussing my love life with my grandfather.

  
  


After several more tedious hours silently sweating, the clock finally reached 1:30 PM. The part of the day that I had been dreading the most was upon me: it was time to talk to Claire. I said my goodbye to Gramps and exited the shop. 

  
  


Once outside in the hot summer sun, I stopped and leaned against the white picket fence along the path. I hadn’t thought about what I would say to Claire and knew that I needed some sort of plan. I couldn’t waltz onto her farm like, “ _Hey, so we hooked up last night! Let’s talk about that!”_ The very idea of it made me cringe. But then again, the entire situation was uncomfortable as fuck. I needed to accept that it would be impossible _not_ to make this awkward, ultimately figuring that I'd just show up and wing it. It was better than nothing.

  
  


I made the short walk south to Claire's farm in almost record time, but my steps became slower as I arrived at the entrance. I inspected the grounds in search of the blonde farmer, but she was nowhere to be found. Her flourishing crops looked like they had been watered, and her foal was prancing around in the field, so I figured she had to be inside if she was on the property. I shuffled over to the small farmhouse and knocked on its door. 

  
  


No response. 

  
  


I waited it out a few more minutes, still no response. It was mid-day anyway; I guessed it was no surprise that Claire wasn’t home on a warm summer day. I felt slightly relieved. Maybe I wasn’t going to have to talk to her after all.

  
  


"Gray…?" A feminine voice called from behind. 

  
  


I spun around to see Claire standing directly behind me. _Nevermind_. 

In one hand, she held a fishing rod; the other had a seemingly full pail of fish. She looked a little more like the Claire I was used to this time. Her typical flannel was replaced with a grungy t-shirt tucked into a pair of overalls that had been roughly cut into shorts. Claire’s damp golden hair was messily thrown in a ponytail on the top of her head, and mud spotted her like a cow. 

Admittedly, she was a bit of a mess, but it was her eyes that caught my attention. Her irises seemed to gleam like polished sapphires in the direct sunlight; they were so bright and full of energy. As captivating as those doe-eyes were, something about them seemed so... familiar. I couldn’t look away from her at that moment; my brain was racing to try and make sense of the faint, fleeting memories I had of that face. 

When Claire set down the bucket and brought her hand up to shield her eyes from the sun, I realized that I was spending a little too long staring and immediately looked down at my shoes. _Shit_. _I haven’t even said anything yet, and I’m already embarrassing myself._

  
  


I cleared my throat at glanced back at the farmer. "Claire," I greeted her, pulling down my cap, "fancy seein' you here." I wanted to kick myself for how lame I must have sounded. 

  
  


"Well, this _is_ my farm, y'know," she replied with a slight chuckle. There was a brief silence where she continued to stare at me, seemingly waiting for me to say something. When I didn’t, she picked up the pail and quickly spoke again with a sheepish grin, "Where are my manners? Come in. I just have to put these in the fridge." 

  
  


I nodded and stepped to the side. Claire pushed open her door, and I followed close behind. 

  
  


It was a simple farmhouse but seemed almost a little too big for just one person, especially considering the room that Kai, Cliff, and I shared. The main room contained a small green couch, an analog TV, a coffee table, and a bare bookshelf. Past the living area was a simple dining room set and fireplace, leading into a small kitchen. Farther down the hall, there were two doors, which I assumed were her bedroom and a bathroom. Given that the house had been abandoned for some time before Claire’s arrival, it seemed in decent shape. 

  
  


I took a seat on the sofa in the middle of the living room as Claire excused herself to the kitchen. As I waited for Claire to finish up, I took a closer look around. Besides a few blankets draped over the sides of the couch, there was little decoration in the home and a lot of dust; it barely looked like anybody lived there. 

  
  


“Can I get you something to drink?” I heard Claire call from the kitchen. 

  
  


“I’m good, thanks,” I answered, knowing that I wanted to make this interaction as brief as possible. Beverages only complicated my ability to leave on my own terms. 

  
  


The rummaging in the kitchen stopped, and a few moments later, Claire was walking back towards the living room. 

  
  


"Soooo…" Claire started as she passed the dining room table. She sat down on the opposite side of the couch a few feet away from me, positioning herself on the edge of the seat so that she was facing me. “What brings you here today?” 

  
  


When her curious eyes met mine, I felt my face heat up and anxiously tugged at the brim of my hat. I still had no idea what I would say, and I was seriously considering if it was too late to turn back. 

  
  


A few moments of silence passed as I questioned why the hell I would willingly put myself in such an uncomfortable situation. Taking accountability for my actions fucking sucked, and I was starting to regret letting Cliff talk me into it. I just needed to get this over with as soon as possible. 

  
  


"We should talk," I finally spoke up, moving my gaze down to my hands. "About last night…" Claire took a slow breath and ran her hand through her ponytail. My pulse steadily increased as I waited for her response.

  
  


"Yeah… I actually—" 

  
  
  


"Wait, just... let me say somethin' first," I interrupted Claire, looking directly into her eyes. She bit her lip and nodded. My heartbeat was echoing in my ears. "I, uh, want to apologize. I was way too drunk last night. That's not who I am…" I took a deep breath and gripped the material above my knees, "I don't want you to get the wrong impression from me… or what happened." 

  
  


"What do you mean?" Claire asked innocently, tilting her head. I directed my attention back to my hands. She wasn’t going to make this easy for me, was she?

  
  


"I don’t want you to think that I was just tryin' to take advantage of you or anythin' like that. And…” I trailed off, still avoiding Claire’s attempt at eye contact, fists full of fabric, “I was uh, worried that maybe—”

  
  


“I’m on the pill if that’s what you’re worried about,” she interjected nonchalantly. I was unaware that the phrase could be spoken so casually, but my heart skipped a beat nonetheless. 

  
  


“Ah, no. I mean, that’s good, just... not that.” The thought hadn’t even crossed my mind until Claire mentioned it. I didn’t even think to check if any condoms were missing from my bedside earlier, but I guess I didn’t need to. At least one of us had thought that far ahead. Stupid didn’t even begin to describe how I was feeling. 

Claire crossed one leg over the other and propped an elbow on her knee. “Oh?” she asked slowly, leaning her head against her hand. “Alrighty. Then what?”

I took a deep breath to try and refocus myself. _How do you tell somebody nicely that you regret everything? That you don’t want anything to do with them?_ “I just, I don't want you to think that… well…" my voice faltered as I searched for the words to use. 

"Well, what?" Claire prodded with a slight frown. There was an edge to her voice, clearly unsatisfied with how little I was giving her to go off of. Her brows were furrowed as she scanned me for answers. 

  
  


After a few seconds of silence, I turned back to meet her gaze, "It’s nothin', just…” I lifted a hand to squeeze the back of my neck, trying to think of how to phrase my concerns. “I don't want you thinkin' we're… _together_ because of what happened.” Claire didn’t immediately respond, so I nervously continued the thought, “I’m just not lookin' for a relationship right now, so if we could just forget this ever happened...” 

  
  


Claire reached across the couch and placed her hand on mine, giving it a small squeeze. I instinctually released the fabric I had been gripping in surprise. Her hand was cold and rough with callouses, but her grip was light and friendly. 

  
  


"Gray, really," Claire said with a smile, catching me off guard with a chuckle, “it was a drunken hook-up, don’t worry about it. You don’t need to explain yourself to me. I get it.” She removed her hand and pushed some damp bangs from her face. "It _was_ a little careless, but nobody’s perfect, y’know?" 

  
  


Just like the first time I met Claire, I found myself taken back by what had come out of her mouth. Was Claire implying it was all _my_ fault? Was she joking with me? I couldn’t tell.

  
  


"Whoa, back up there,” I said defensively, holding up both hands in front of me. “It was equally as much your fault as it was mine. I wasn't the only one who was drinkin'." 

  
  


Claire narrowed her eyes at me, but a sly grin grew simultaneously. "That’s… not what I meant. But if you want to blame it on the alcohol, I didn't even drink _half_ as much as you did!” she accused with a hint of sass. “And _you_ were the one pushing it. I was just drunk enough to fall for it." The urge to argue with her was real, but I also found myself smiling.

  
  


"Yeah, right, from what I remember, you were _all_ over me the entire night," I countered back. It was a lie; I still had no recollection of what had actually happened. But Claire didn’t know that. 

  
  


Claire rolled her eyes in response, but I could still see a hint of a smile in the corners of her lips. "As if,” she scoffed, “if I had been sober, it would have been a different story." 

  
  


_Ouch, low blow_. For some reason, that jab stung. I was done with the playful banter; I knew I needed to leave before saying something I would regret. Ready to be finished with the conversation, I lifted myself off the couch and stood over the blonde.

  
  


"Let's just remember whose bed you woke up in this mornin'," I said without thinking, maintaining my smirk. Was it the best thing to say? No. Was I going to take it back? Also no. 

  
  


Claire shot up, her hands tightening into fists as they hung by her side. She pouted and let out a defeated sigh. "You're... kind of a dick, y'know?" I heard Claire call to me as I walked towards the front door. Maybe she was right. But I had said what needed to be said and could finally get the hell out of there.

  
  


"Good talk," I replied, ignoring her remark. “I'll see ya around, Claire.” Just as I grabbed the doorknob to leave, Claire pulled me back by my sleeve. I instinctively looked over my shoulder at the blonde, surprised to see her right behind me. 

  
  


"Wait…" she said softly. I looked down at the girl, puzzled by her action. The expression on Claire’s face had changed entirely. Instead of the smug smile she had been sporting earlier, a pair of aquamarine puppy-dog eyes stared up at me, pleading. Any ounce of confidence she had been putting forth was gone. "Please, can we just keep this between us? I don't want people knowing I slept with you… it’s just, I’m new, and I know it will be hard—" 

  
  


“I get it,” I interrupted, not wanting to hear her talk about it anymore. 

  
  


I wasn’t sure if she didn’t want people in town knowing she had slept with someone so quickly or didn’t want people to know it was _me_. I thought I shared that sentiment, but something about her words hurt my ego. Sticking around to bask in that feeling was the last thing I wanted to do.

  
  


I yanked my arm away from Claire’s grip and pushed open the door, “You don’t need to worry about me.” I let the door slam behind me and left the property without looking back. 

  
  


_So much for a drunk good deed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe. So it starts. I've been waiting for this one!!!!
> 
> I was listening to The Good Times Are Killing Me by Modest Mouse a lot when I was planning/writing this chapter, cause I just feel like it fits so well. I don't usually listen to music with words when I write (I get distracted oops), but that one was definitely on repeat. EDIT: The chapter is named after this song as well :-) 
> 
> There were a lot of BIG interactions happening in this chap, so I hope I conveyed them well enough. I just... love writing Claire. She's been kind of an enigma the last couple of chapters and I'm just excited to be incorporating her more. Like writing her just makes me laugh. I promise, a lot of her strange behavior is going to be explained here quite soon, but tbh ya'll just gotta be in the dark like poor young Gray for a little bit longer. One of the joys of a first person narrator ;) 
> 
> Anyway, let me know what feedback you have for me! I'm always eager to improve :-)


	6. Fever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gray avoids dealing with his problems by spending some time with his good pal Kai at the beach. Unfortunately, his problems seem to have a way of finding him anyway.

  
  
  


“So you’re _really_ going to withhold such important information from me?” Kai wined from behind the blackboard sign sitting in front of his shop. He stood up, dropped the world’s smallest sliver of chalk into a plastic container full of other tiny, colorfully broken pieces, and kicked it towards my seat on the edge of the patio.

  
  


I sent my feet further into the warm sand below me. “It’s not like anything’s changed since you asked me yesterday,” I groaned, turning my attention away from Kai and towards the empty beach. “Like I said, I don’t remember any of it.”

  
  


The sun was shining in the sky, clouds nowhere to be seen. Summer was nearing its end, but the heat didn’t feel like it was going anywhere. The air was still thick and sticky, especially so close to the beach. Crystal blue waves crashed in the background as a gentle sea breeze flowed from the shore. It was ungodly hot, and the way that the water was glimmering in the sun made me wish I was wearing literally anything other than my work clothes.

  
  


I sighed and checked my watch for the millionth time that day. If it were a few weeks ago, I would still be at the library. I shook the thought from my brain; Mary was the last thing I needed to be thinking about. It’d been over two weeks since we broke up, and I had managed to keep my distance, despite how painfully small the town was. Avoiding her made it easier to manage the pain, but it ended up leaving me with a lot of free time on my hands. 

  
  


“Here’s the thing,” Kai started, pulling me out of my own head, “you keep saying that, but I don’t know if I believe you.” A hint of a smirk grew on his mouth. “If you were _so_ drunk that you don’t remember such a,” he paused as if trying to find the right words, “ _significant event_ , how’d you manage to... perform?”

  
  


I reached a hand up to fiddle with my cap as I replied, “Been wondering the same damn thing. If Cliff wouldn’t have told me that he actually walked in on it happenin', I’m not sure I would have believed him.” As the words came out, I realized that I’d possibly said too much. The look of amusement on Kai’s face only confirmed this.

  
  


“No, he didn’t,” Kai insisted with a wide grin before breaking out into a hearty guffaw. He placed his hand on the top of the sign to brace himself as he gripped his side in laughter. 

  
  


After he calmed down, Kai wiped a tear from his eye. “That’s amazing, really. Wow. I’m so glad you told me that.” He dusted off the excess chalk from his hands on his pants and brought a finger up to his chin in a mock-thoughtful manner, “Hmm. I guess I know who to go to for the info I want, though...”

  
  


“No!” I shouted without thinking, almost snapping my neck to turn back to Kai. When he cocked an entertained eyebrow at me in response, I quickly spoke again, “It's just, Cliff was really embarrassed when he told me, and I feel bad about it. I don’t know if he wants me broadcastin' that, especially to you.” 

  
  


The conversation I had with Claire two weeks prior came to mind too. She probably didn’t want me broadcasting that to anybody either, and if anything, I’d agreed that I wouldn’t. Cliff and Kai technically had found out on their own, so I wasn’t _entirely_ at fault there. I planned on keeping my promise to the farmer, just as I expected her to do the same for me. However, I knew that keeping our secret wasn’t entirely up to the two of us. I trusted my roommates, but I wasn’t sure that they were the only other people that knew anything about that night. 

  
  


The idea of this getting back to Mary fucking terrified me. I already felt awful about how I left things and didn’t want to hurt her even more than I already had. There was already a surplus of guilt and heartache lingering in my chest; I wasn’t really up for feeling anything else. The only reassurance I had was that I hadn’t been stopped by any members of the Gossip Squad to make a statement. 

  
  


“It’s not like I’m going to tell him you told me, calm down,” Kai replied with his signature, care-free smile, interrupting my worries from replaying in my head. 

  
  


I narrowed my eyes at Kai. “How else would you know if I didn’t tell you? Dumbass.” I was surprised when his toothy grin remained plastered on his face, unaffected by my jab. 

  
  


“I’ll get it out of him the same way I got you: a careful observation and strategic questioning,” Kai said, as a matter of fact, crossing his arms over his chest. 

  
  


It was the truth, unfortunately. Kai had seen Claire sneaking back to her farm the next morning when _he_ was sneaking out of Popuri’s window. Go figure. That observation, coupled with seeing Claire and me leave his party together the night before, gave him more than enough ammo to get the information he wanted. 

  
  


Kai was usually pretty harmless, but his persistence was unmatched when he set his mind to something. I was sure that I hadn’t been his only victim and knew I wouldn’t be the last. The gossiping moms of Mineral Town worked hard. But Kai? He worked even harder.

  
  


“Can we just stop talkin' about it?” I asked, pulling down my hat. “I told Claire I wouldn’t tell anybody, and I’m not really keepin' up my end of the deal too well right now.”

  
  


“How cute,” Kai teased with a laugh. “Come on. You worry too much, dude!” 

  
  


I didn’t respond, but it didn’t seem like Kai was looking for one anyway. He grabbed a new, somehow even smaller, piece of chalk from the plastic bucket and walked to the blank side of the sign. 

  
  


Kai didn’t look up from his writing as he started again, “So on the topic of Cliff, how are you liking him so far?” 

  
  


I shrugged. “He’s cool. No complaints. A little shy, but he’s a good guy.”

  
  
  


“Yeah,” Kai agreed with a subtle head-nod, “he can be a little boring sometimes… but I think that he balances us out.” The chalk clacked loudly on the board as Kai continued writing. “I’ll be honest, I want to see what the guy’s like when he completely lets loose. I’ve never seen him drink more than like... a beer.” 

  
  


Kai had a point. And I had to admit, I was pretty curious too. Cliff rarely drank, and when he did, it was minimal. While I respected his self-control, I couldn’t help but wonder why he was like that in the first place. 

  
  


“Yeah,” I offered, not really sure how to respond. I knew I had my own reasoning for drinking the way I did; I’m sure he had his own for drinking the way he did. 

  
  


When he finished his work on the sign, Kai stood up and tossed the sliver of chalk in the container. He took a few steps over towards my seat and turned back to admire his work. After inspecting the chalk-covered blackboard for a minute or so, he looked over his shoulder at me, “How does it look?” 

  
  


“Fine.” 

  
  


“Bro. You didn’t even look,” Kai responded, giving my right arm a soft kick. 

  
  


I looked over at the sign, scanned the crudely written specials, and then shifted back to the beach. “Like I said, it's fine. It does the job.” 

  
  


“Just fine?” Kai asked with a hint of sadness in his voice. I couldn’t tell if it was feigned or not, though. 

  
  


“Yeah. You should’ve had Popuri do it,” I returned with a chuckle, giving the sign a final once-over. “You’re just lucky you're a damn good cook.” 

  
  


For a few moments, the only sounds that filled the air between us was that of thrashing waves and screeching cicadas. Kai turned around to stand over me, an unusually thoughtful expression on his face.

  
  


“So, is that why you’ve been spending so much time here lately?” Kai asked after a few moments. His posture was uncharacteristically stiff as he stuffed his hands in the pockets of his linen pants. 

  
  
  


I didn’t immediately respond. _What do you say to that?_ I’d figured that it didn’t even need to be said out loud. The fact that I was at the beach every day for over a week straight instead of the library spoke louder than words ever could. 

  
  


“Don’t get me wrong,” Kai continued after clearing his throat, “I love that you're spending so much more time here, and especially spending money, but… it kinda feels like you’re just here to avoid dealing with your problems.” He paused and looked back out at the beach with a forced laugh. “I mean, no judgment, I’m doing the same thing here, but…” he trailed off. 

  
  


I fought back the overwhelming urge to roll my eyes into the back of my skull and took a deep breath. “I thought it was obvious enough that we didn’t need to talk about it,” I muttered, looking down at my lap. My hands had unconsciously gripped the fabric above my knees, so I released and stretched out my fingers. 

  
  


“Alright, fair enough,” Kai said with a typical, lighthearted laugh. “But if you _want_ to talk about it, I’m all ears.” 

  
  


“I won’t.” I looked over my shoulder at Kai and offered a weak shrug, “But thanks.” 

  
  


It was still too fresh to talk about, and even then, talking about Mary somehow seemed worse than thinking about her. Even though I’d convinced myself I didn’t want to be with Mary anymore, part of me missed her and the good times we’d shared. I missed the company, the connection, and feeling like I had somewhere that I belonged. Now it just felt like I was wandering aimlessly, spending copious amounts of time dwelling on the past. I just didn’t understand why everybody in my life was so keen on exclusively bringing up topics that I had no interest in talking about. 

  
  


“Well, I’m not just going to let you sit here and brood in front of my shop,” Kai joked. “It’s bad for business.” 

  
  


“You’re not even open right now,” I said after a glance at my watch. 

  
  


“Wanna swim?” Kai suggested, completely ignoring my comment. “We can have a rematch of our race last year. Who knows, some friendly competition might lift your spirits.” 

  
  


“Do I look like I’m dressed to swim?” I scoffed. “Plus, no. You’re a fuckin' fish, dude its not even a competition.”

  
  


Kai sighed. “Ugh, you're so lame sometimes.” I pretended not to hear him and began relacing up my work boots. 

  
  


Out of nowhere, Kai snapped his fingers with excitement. He pointed a finger-gun towards me and spoke with enthusiasm, “Listen, I think I know something that might cheer you up. I’ve got something new I want you to try. You mind putting those city tastebuds to work for me?” 

  
  


I let out an amused chuckle and pushed up from my seat, “I don’t mind.” After a few steps, I was standing beside Kai. “They might be a little rusty, though.”

  
  


It had been years since I had tasted anything from home, let alone visited, but Kai’s food was a close comparison, at least in memory. 

  
  


“I’m sure they’re just fine!” He gave me an enthusiastic pat on the back and ushered me towards the door of The Snack Shack. 

  
  


It wasn’t long before the entire shack was filled with the aroma of barbeque and, of course, pineapple. Kai didn’t tell me what he was making. He just commanded me to take a seat at the counter and wait. He swiftly got to work on the grill, and I got to enjoy a prolonged silence in the air conditioning. 

  
  


In an attempt to distract me from my own thoughts, I intently watched as Kai tended to the meat and pineapples on his grill. I had always been amazed at the speed Kai possessed when he cooked, despite how laid-back he was otherwise. His back was to me, but I could hear the sizzling as Kai delicately flipped each piece of food. Soon enough, my stomach was growling at the thought of eating whatever it was he was preparing. 

  
  


After what felt like an eternity but was probably only twenty minutes, Kai pulled the food off the grill and placed it on a dish to his right. He turned back to me with a satisfied smile, patting the sweat that had built up on his brow with a handkerchief. I noticed that he’d unzipped his sleeveless hoodie too, and for a split second, I finally understood how he was able to pull so many girls so easily. The ability to cook delicious food probably helped too.

  
  


“We gotta let it rest for a sec, but I’m excited for you to try this, bro,” Kai said, looking proudly over the plated food. 

  
  


I was too. On the plate sat a few sauced cuts of chicken and pineapple with textbook char marks. 

  
  


Kai noticed how intently I was watching the food and let out a chuckle. “It’s my take on a Hawaiian barbecue chicken. I have so much extra pineapple this year. I’m just trying to find a good way to make sure I use up all my stock before the end of the season. I had to improvise a little on the sauce… so you’ll have to let me know what you think.” 

  
  


I nodded and watched as Kai began expertly slicing the meat. He scooped up a large helping of chicken and neatly arranged it on a new plate with a couple of slices of pineapple and a scoop of rice. It was almost laughable how much better his presentation was on a dish than on a blackboard. After giving the plate of food one last look-over, he set it on the countertop and pushed it my way. His brown eyes intently watched me as he waited for me to take my first bite. 

  
  


It was a bit nerve-wracking having somebody observe me while I ate, but as the food’s aroma got closer, the feeling quickly waned. I reached for my fork and promptly dug into the meal, savoring the first sweet and savory bite. When I noticed Kai’s eyes still on me, I gave him a quick thumbs-up, slightly embarrassed by how much I enjoyed the flavors. The food around town was great, but it had been too long since I’d tasted something new, and it was showing. 

  
  


“Pretty good, huh?” Kai asked with a laugh, knowing the speed at which I was inhaling the food said more than enough. 

  
  
  


I nodded with my mouth full and hastily swallowed. “Really good. You should put this on the menu.” 

  
  


“It was written on the specials list,” Kai pouted as he motioned towards the door where the world’s most illegible chalk sign sat outside. 

  
  


“Yeah, I couldn’t read that shit,” I said before stuffing my mouth with another bite.

  
  


Kai let out a sigh and stared out the front window thoughtfully. “Maybe I _should_ have Popuri rewrite it for me,” he wondered out loud. His eyes seemed to catch something outside as he let out a barely audible, “Oh shit.”

  
  


“What?” I tried to get out through a mouthful of food. As I went to look over my shoulder, Kai caught my attention by slapping one hand down on the counter. 

  
  


“It's just, I... have a beer that will pair really well with this dish, I just remembered!” Kai said abruptly before crouching down to the mini-fridge. He placed the decorated green can in front of me with excitement. “Jalapeño IPA!” 

  
  


“Jalapeño?” I asked, wondering why that would ever be anyone's first choice in beer, let alone why they would buy it in the first place. I couldn’t imagine how that flavor could ever compliment pineapple and barbeque, but knowing Kai, I wasn’t necessarily surprised by the suggestion. He always brought back the weirdest shit in the summer. Over half of it was actually good, the rest… not so much. 

  
  


I looked back at the can and remembered that the best kind of beer was a free one, the next best being a cold one. This happened to be both, so I shrugged and opened the can, “What time is it?”

  
  


My question seemed to bring Kai out of whatever he had been so fixated on outside. He looked back at me and shrugged, “Almost four? I don’t know. You have a watch, don’t you? It’s five o’clock somewhere, man. Just try it.” 

  
  


Not wanting to be rude, I took a bite and sipped the beverage. It was an interesting combination. There was a strong floral taste of jalapeño, but the spicy edge was balanced with the pineapple’s sweetness and the tanginess of the sauce. While the pairing seemed so incredibly random, it worked. It perfectly represented Kai, almost to the point of making me chuckle to myself. 

After finishing the meal, I pushed my plate towards Kai and sat back in my seat. “That was amazing, honestly. How much do I owe you?” 

  
  


“Nothing,” he said, turning his attention back to me. A playful grin grew on his face. “Just consider us squared away on our bet.”

  
  


I wiped my mouth and took another sip of the beer. “What bet?” 

  
  


“Oh, you know,” Kai said with a playful wink. “Our bet? Remember? When we made a bet to see who could sleep—”

  
  


“I never made that bet with you,” I interrupted, glaring up at him. 

  
  


“I _definitely_ remember making that bet with you,” Kai lied. He obviously had forgotten that I’d helped get his drunk ass to bed that night. There was no way he could have remembered me agreeing to that bet, even if I had accepted in the first place. 

  
  


“You made that bet with yourself when you were piss-drunk,” I said through gritted teeth. “I had nothin' to do with that shit, not that you’d remember or anythin'.”

  
  


“Well, but you won the bet. So the least I could do is hold up my end of the bargain,” Kai said in mock exasperation. “The least _you_ can do is just accept the free food and my envy.” 

  
  


Envying something I felt so guilty about didn’t really sit right with me, but I held my tongue. I knew better than to bite the hand that had just fed me. While the thought of accepting food in return for winning a bet that I wanted no part in was irritating, I didn’t hate the idea of a free meal, a delicious one at that. 

  
  


I sighed and propped my elbow on the bartop. “Fine.” 

  
  


Kai grinned triumphantly and cleared my plate. When he returned, he leaned his body against the counter, his eyes flicking towards the front of the shop before returning to me. “So what are the chances of a second round, maybe one you can live to tell?”

  
  


I was caught off guard by my roommate’s random yet direct inquiry, but then remembered who I was talking to. I shook my head a how stupid of a question it was. “It was a one-time thing. We don’t really talk, and I’d prefer to keep it that way.”

  
  


“You two seemed fine at the inn the other night,” Kai ventured, his eyes quickly glancing over my shoulder. 

  
  


“It’s not like we were hangin' out or anythin', Karen just invited her there, and we both happened to be in the same area,” I said, my voice coming out unintentionally defensive. “She’s... fine, we just don’t have any reason to talk to each other.” 

  
  


Truthfully it had been a little weird seeing Claire around. On the one hand, you could cut the tension between us with a knife. It was even worse when we were unintentionally left alone, as brief as those moments were. I think we were both so worried about not slipping our secret that we just didn’t say anything to each other at all. I’m not sure if anybody else noticed this dynamic, but I felt it enough for us all. 

  
  


On the other hand, Claire and I could somewhat peacefully coexist while we were with our friends in public. We did a pretty good job of acting as if we had never shared a bed a few weeks prior, and that was a relief to me. However, I wasn’t going to further complicate the situation by making a habit of seeing her like that, as Kai seemed to suggest. 

  
  


“Interesting,” Kai chuckled, his eyes unmoving from the front of the shop as he spoke. “This should be entertaining then.” 

  
  


“Huh?” I tilted my head at Kai and spun around to finally see what had been garnering so much of his attention. Before I could get the rest of the words out of my mouth, I caught a glimpse of the sight Kai had been so fixed on. 

  
  


Outside of the shop, two girls stood in the sand around an outstretched umbrella. I immediately recognized Ann, who was wrapped in a colorful beach towel facing the window. The woman standing in front of her was easy to identify just by the heap of golden hair hanging down her back. I couldn’t make out anything Ann was saying to Claire from that far away, but they seemed to be laughing, talking animatedly about something. Ann shimmied a pair of overalls up over her navy one-piece just as Claire bent over to dry her hair in a towel. And then I saw the red bikini. It finally made sense why Kai had spent so much time glancing out the window.

  
  


Watching Claire felt kind of wrong, but I couldn’t bring myself to look away. I wasn’t sure why I was so interested. It was just a swimsuit, just a... really flattering swimsuit. It was a far cry from her usual work clothes, so maybe that’s why I was so curious. I’d never really noticed how strong Claire was before, though I figured that running a farm by yourself would be a pretty good way to build some muscle. Evidently, that was true.

“Don’t look too hard. You might hurt yourself,” Kai laughed from my side, instantly tearing my attention away from the blonde. My face felt hot as I realized how intensely I’d been eyeing Claire, and then the shame settled in. She was just trying to enjoy a day at the beach, and there I was, acting like a fucking creep. 

  
  


I was silent for a moment. Knowing I’d been caught checking out Claire was embarrassing, but getting caught by Kai was even worse. “I-I was just seein' who was out there,” I defended myself, gripping the brim of my hat. 

  
  


“I _know_ you weren’t looking at your cousin like that,” Kai jested as he tilted his head, an amused smile on his smug face. I hated when he was right. 

  
  


“You were watchin' them for like twenty minutes straight,” I accused him, eager to shift the blame from me.

  
  


Kai leaned on the counter behind him and then looked back outside. “Yeah, but at least I don’t deny it like you.” He paused for a few moments and then made his way behind the register, out of my line of sight. “What’s wrong with enjoying a nice view? One of the many perks of beachfront property.” 

  
  


I didn’t respond to Kai, though part of me couldn’t help but wonder if enjoying the view was _really_ all that bad.

  
  


I cautiously lifted my head back towards the window. At that point, both Claire and Ann were clothed and seemed to be packing up their area. I sighed and swiveled back around in the stool, somehow feeling even more ashamed and confused by my actions. The green can on the counter caught my eye, and I took the opportunity to finish the rest of the beer in one chug. 

  
  


“Bracing yourself?” Kai asked as he tended to the area where he’d been prepping food.

  
  


“For what?” I muttered, rubbing my temples. What could I possibly have to brace for next? 

  
  


He looked up from his cleaning and nodded towards the front of the store with a mischievous grin, “They’re coming this way. Didn’t you see?” 

  
  


I glanced over my shoulder, and sure enough, Ann and Claire were no longer outside in front of the window. Before I could even pray that Kai was lying, a familiar chime rang from the front of the shack, sending every ounce of oxygen rushing from my lungs. 

  
  
Almost instantly, I snapped my head around and anxiously tugged down my hat. My stomach sank as I thought about all the awful possibilities that awaited me. I had come here to hide from my problems, and now one of them was standing directly ten feet behind me. _Just my fucking luck_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe, yes, the heat isn't going anywhere anytime soon ;-)
> 
> All I have to say is lol. I struggled with this chapter for a lot of reasons, one of them being that the next chapter was ALSO supposed to be included in this one... but it got a little long. Oops. The original like 2010 chapter was absolute shite, so I kind of had to rewrite it to do some important stage-setting/relationship development. Originally it was just like 3K words of Gray complaining about shit. (I mean... that's basically this entire fic but...) I also had a bit of a personal struggle as somebody that identifies as a female, writing as a male, who is checking out a female. Like I know how I check out girls... but I don't know if that's different or not?? Gray def was being a little creepy but I didn't want to just have a paragraph of him objectifying the shit out of her. Idk. Maybe I'm looking too much into it??? 
> 
> As always, feedback is greatly appreciated. I'm just out here tryna push myself and get better :-)
> 
> EDIT: Chapter name has been added. I listened to Fever by The Black Keys a lot during this bad boy, so yeah. I feel like it encapsulates a lot of the tension I was trying to create haha.


	7. Dark Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gray suffers through a painful and confusing encounter with Claire, only to be bombarded with much worse afterward. Buckle up folks this one's packed with fun~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Tuesday, here's an update. I apologize for the length of this bad boy, but tbh there's a lot of action that I just couldn't cut. Oops. Plus, Manna's in this one, sooo... I'll blame her lol. Enjoy :-)

“Well, if it isn’t my favorite customer!” Kai welcomed the two girls, raising his hands with enthusiasm. “And my favorite farmer!” 

  
  


Ann and Claire greeted Kai in a messy unison as the door slammed behind them. Their footsteps grew louder as they approached from behind, but I couldn’t turn around. I still felt embarrassed by the way I had been leering at Claire earlier, and it didn’t help that I could feel my heartbeat pounding in my head. 

  
  


All I could think about was trying to find a way out of The Snack Shack as soon as possible. Unfortunately, I knew Kai wasn’t going to make it easy for me, and I had a hunch that Claire and Ann wouldn’t either. 

“We were just coming in to see if you were open,” Ann started as she got closer to the counter, “but it seems like you already have a customer.” When she reached my side, I felt a gentle push on my arm in acknowledgment. 

  
  


The familiar red braid appeared in my peripheral, so I turned my head. “Yo,” I said with a half-hearted nod. Ann returned my greeting with a smile as she stood in front of the register. 

  
  


When my eyes met with the blonde on the other side of her, my face tightened. Claire wore a grey t-shirt, but I could clearly see her swimsuit’s bold red through the lightweight fabric. It was like a reminder of what a piece of shit I was.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Claire,” I managed, not waiting for a response before turning back to Kai. 

  
  


“Well, actually, I’m not open yet,” Kai explained as he leaned against the counter towards Ann. He motioned towards my seat, “Gray here was just helping me taste-test a new dish.”

  
  


“What the heck, Kai?” Ann pouted, crossing her arms over her chest. “I can’t believe you’d ask Gray and not me! I thought _I_ was your best customer.” 

  
  


Kai let out a nervous laugh and rubbed the back of his neck, “Aw, come on, Ann, you know you are!” He glanced over to the clock and then back at Ann and Claire with a smile. “You know what, let me make it up to you. I’ll open the shack early, just for you two!”

  
  


“Really?” Ann grinned, her posture relaxing. “You’re the best, Kai!” She turned to Claire, and the two girls exchanged glances briefly before returning to Kai. 

  
  


“Anything for my best customer,” Kai answered with a playful wink. “So what brings you two in today? It’s rare that I get you here so close to dinner, Ann.” 

  
  


“I’m treating Ann for her birthday!” I heard Claire’s voice announce. She threw her free arm around Ann’s shoulder. “We spent the afternoon together exploring and swimming, and then she wanted to come eat here.” 

  
  


“Thought your birthday was yesterday,” I blurted without thinking. 

  
  


Before Ann could open her mouth to answer, Claire spoke again. “Yes, but I couldn’t get off yesterday,” she said through gritted teeth. I could tell she was trying to sound cheerful. Still, there was a clear edge to her voice that I’d recognized from previous interactions. “So we’re celebrating today.” 

  
  


“And, I mean, I’m always game to celebrate my birthday on multiple days!” Ann added with a giggle. “Especially if it involves food!”

  
  


“Damn, Ann,” Kai said as he leaned his elbows onto the counter, “how’d you get that hard-ass Doug to give you two days off in a row?” 

  
  


“Well, he didn’t exactly give me the day off today,” Ann said slowly, running her hand along the length of her braid. “I have to be back for the dinner shift to relieve Cliff.” 

  
  


“Cliff?” Kai and I both questioned in unison. Had we heard her correctly? 

  
  


Ann nervously laughed and looked down to the floor. “Aha, yeah. Can you believe that Claire convinced Dad to let Cliff cover for me this morning?” She wrung her hands in front of her chest and rocked on her feet. “And can you believe that Cliff actually went along with it?” 

  
  


“I can!” Claire sang, grabbing Ann’s hand and squeezing. “When I told Cliff it was to help you, he instantly agreed! He just wanted you to be able to relax and have fun.”

  
  


“Nice work, Claire!” Kai added with a thumbs up. “And atta boy, Cliff!” 

  
  


Ann was visibly flustered at Claire’s light teasing, showcasing a certain rosiness in her cheeks that she reserved for only Cliff. “W-well,” Ann stammered out, putting a hand on Claire’s shoulder, “can you believe Claire’s never eaten here before?” 

  
  


“What?” Kai gasped, the hurt in his voice evident. “The season’s almost over too! What the heck, Claire, how is that even possible?” 

  
  


A series of unintelligible sounds escaped Claire’s lips before finally getting out a coherent sentence. “I, uh, I’m sorry, it’s not like it was on purpose or anything!” she said, scratching at the collar of her t-shirt. “Ann always talks so highly of your cooking, and I’ve been meaning to come! I just... always lose track of time, and by the time I realize it, you’re closed.” 

  
  


“Too busy working to enjoy some delicious food on the beach?” Kai sighed, shaking his head. “You know what they say, all work and no play—”

“I know, I know,” Claire interrupted him, her hand continuing to fidget with the fabric of her shirt. “But I’m here now! What can I say? It’s been a busy summer.” 

  
  


Kai smirked, his eyes quickly darting to mine before returning to Claire. “So I’ve heard.” 

  
  


I felt my jaw clench at Kai’s blatant lack of boundaries and glared in his direction. He avoided my eye contact and focused his attention on the two girls like I wasn’t even there. 

  
  


“Well yeah,” Claire said, as a matter of fact, unfazed by Kai. “Where do you think all your pineapples came from this year?” 

  
  


Kai’s face lit up. “No way!” he said with excitement. “That was you? I was wondering why my stock was so cheap this year.” 

  
  


Claire seemed to match his energy, gripping the counter and nodding her head emphatically. 

  
  


“Good shit, Claire,” Kai praised the blonde. “Really great product this year. They’re delicious, honestly. You should be proud!”

  
  


“Really?” Claire beamed, clapping her hands in front of her chest. “You think so?” 

  
  


“I know so! Pineapples are my favorite,” he replied with a wide grin. “I wouldn’t lie about that. I’ll be sure to whip you up something tasty to show you how much I appreciate it!”

  
  


Claire placed a hand on Ann’s back, “Thanks, but we’re just going to get whatever the birthday girl wants today!” 

  
  


I snorted. Clearly, Claire had no idea what she was getting herself into with an offer like that. “What, so one of everythin'?” I asked sarcastically, looking over at the two girls. 

  
  


The farmer narrowed her eyes at me and opened her mouth to speak, only to be eclipsed by Ann’s excited voice, “That actually sounds perfect!” She turned to Claire, the energy still evident in her tone, “And then that way, you can try all the things on Kai’s menu to make up for lost time!” 

  
  


Claire looked away from me and back at her friend, all remnants of anger in her face melting away. “That’s an amazing idea!” she responded warmly, as if she hadn’t been giving me a dirty look ten seconds prior. 

  
  


What was her deal? And since when were she and Ann so close? 

  
  


“Alright,” Kai chuckled, readjusting his purple bandana, “one of everything? See, _this_ is why you’re my favorite, Ann.” He grabbed his white apron from where it had been draped over the register and began to tie it around his waist. I noticed he had _conveniently_ left his hoodie unzipped from earlier. “You know what, I’ll throw in my newest special, too. It’s even got the seal of approval from Gray here.” He nodded his head towards me as he spoke, eliciting a few laughs from the girls. 

  
  


“Wow, it must be _really_ good if even he likes it,” Claire said with a smirk, giving me the side-eye.

  
  


I glared at the blonde, but she wasn’t looking in my direction anymore. “The fuck is that supposed to—” 

  
  


“I know, right?” Kai spoke over me as if I hadn’t said anything at all. “He’s actually got surprisingly good taste.” His eyes met mine with a grin before looking back at Claire. “I’ve always had Gray try my food since I first opened up. He’s brutally honest, plus he’s one of the only people in town that grew up with food from the city, so I value his opinion.” 

  
  


As the girls listened intently to Kai’s reminiscing, he headed towards the back of the kitchen to wash his hands. After a few moments of scrubbing, Kai looked back at the pair over his shoulder. 

  
  


“Huh, actually, now that I think about it, you’re from the city too, aren’t you, Claire?” Kai pondered out loud. I was sure he already knew the answer to his question, so I didn’t understand why he felt the need to bring it up. 

  
  


“Yep,” Claire responded, an uncharacteristically short response for her. When I glanced towards the blonde, her mouth seemed tight, but the emotion on her face was unreadable. I wasn’t sure if Kai noticed this or not. 

  
  


Kai gave his hands a final rinse and dried them off before turning back around to Claire. “Well, city girl, I’ll be interested in your opinion then too,” he said smoothly, winking in the direction of the blonde. 

  
  


I was used to Kai shamelessly flirting with everyone around me, but for some reason watching him openly flirt with Claire made me feel...uncomfortable. That feeling just confused me even more; I needed to find a way out, and quickly. 

  
  


Claire let out an amused snort and shook her head. “Alrighty.” She turned to meet my gaze, a strangely familiar coy smile creeping on her lips. “I’ll be sure to be brutal,” she added before looking back to Kai. 

  
  


I was surprised when I felt my heartbeat pick up. Was this Claire’s attempt at flirting with me? She was glaring at me one moment, smiling at me the next; what was the endgame? Her behavior was so confusing yet so intriguing at the same time. Part of me wanted to figure out why she was acting the way she did… 

  
  


“So, how much do I owe you?” I heard Claire ask as she approached the register. 

  
  


I looked away from the scene and reached for my hat with both hands. Claire and Kai went back and forth while I tried to plot a way to escape. Once Kai got cooking, I was sure I could make my exit. He didn’t need me around while he worked. If anything, I was a distraction. I’d just have to wait for the perfect opportunity to take my leave without drawing too much attention to myself. 

  
  


When I noticed the two girls were pulling out chairs at one of the nearby tables, I stood up from my stool. Kai had his back to me, seemingly rummaging for something in the refrigerator. My moment had finally come. Just as I was about to turn and walk away, something Kai yelled across the shack caught my attention. 

  
  


“Just hang out, and I’ll have Gray drop off your food for you!” 

  
  


I snapped back to the cook, who met my glare with a shrug. “Seriously?” I growled in a low tone. “The fuck, man? I was just about to leave.” 

  
  


Kai didn’t look up from the burner he had just ignited, “You have somewhere you need to be?” 

  
  


“No, but I—” 

  
  


“Perfect, then you can help me run food,” Kai said with a smile, suggesting that I didn’t really have a choice anyway. He grabbed a saucepan from the shelves above his stove, placing it on the glowing burner before looking over his shoulder at me. “Come on, I fed you. It’s the least you can do for me.” 

  
  


I sighed and sat back down on the stool. “You said that the least I could do was accept that food as payment for your stupid fuckin' bet.” 

  
  


“You said that _you_ didn’t make that bet with me,” Kai quipped without looking back. He threw a series of sauces into the pan and gave it a shake before moving over to another station. “I mean, we can discuss the terms of the bet again,” he added in a louder voice, causing the two girls to quickly glance over. 

  
  


“Shut up, idiot,” I hissed, leaning my chest over the counter. “I’ll help you, just... stop talkin' about that shit.” 

  
  


“Deal!” Kai chimed as he turned around to face me. He had two colorfully decorated snow cones in each hand, again surprising me with the speed he worked at. “Here, first orders up, sweetheart,” he joked before thrusting the two paper cones into each of my hands. “Hurry up, or else they’ll melt!”

  
  


Reluctantly, I snatched the snowcones and dragged my feet to the table where Claire and Ann sat talking. They were so loud and long-winded it just hurt my head. The two of them seemed to exist on a social frequency that I was simply incapable of. 

  
  


As I reached their table, I didn’t even bother to wait for a lull in their conversation. “Here,” I commanded, shoving a cone in either of the girls’ faces. 

The two stopped and traded amused glances before relieving me of the cones, and I eagerly took the opportunity to leave the area. I could hear a few stifled giggles from the two as I headed towards the counter but ignored them; I just wanted to get it over with. 

  
  


The pattern carried on for almost an hour, me waiting for Kai to produce a dish, awkwardly delivering it to Claire and Ann, and then returning to the counter to wait for the next one. Somehow, each interaction I had with the pair seemed to be more uncomfortable than the last. 

  
  


While I tried my best to tune out either of the girls, I wasn’t a stranger to the way that their conversations seemed to die down as I got closer. And I definitely wasn’t blind to the way Claire had been watching me, smiling at me as I delivered food, looking over her shoulder to sneak glances in my direction as they waited for the next dish. Maybe she was just as excited about the food as Ann was, but it was enough to linger in my thoughts.

  
  


Eventually, I returned to Kai, and he had nothing left to give me. I sighed in relief, knowing that I could finally leave my own personal hell. 

  
  


Kai tore the apron off his body and threw it back on the register as he rounded the counter. He stopped in front of my seat to give me a quick thanks and a pat on the back before dragging an extra chair to Ann and Claire’s table. 

  
  


“So, ladies,” I heard Kai say as the chair’s legs scraped behind him, “how was everything?”

  
  


It seemed like the perfect chance for me to make my exit. I pushed out of the stool once again and bee-lined to the door. 

As I turned to say goodbye to Kai, I noticed that he had pulled up the chair next to Claire, almost to the point of touching legs. I tried to make out what the two were saying, but Kai’s voice was annoyingly low as he spoke. Something was said about the standards of the food, and I brushed it off. I wasn’t sure why I was even interested in eavesdropping on them in the first place, but Kai was clearly too occupied to care that I was leaving. 

  
  


“Gray!” I heard Ann call as I reached for the door. It always had to be something. She shot out of her seat and stood by the table as she waited for my response. When I looked over my shoulder and gave her a nod, she continued, “Are you headed home right now?”

  
  


“Yeah, why?” I asked, trying to hide the annoyance in my voice. All I wanted was to leave. Why was everybody in this fucking shack so hell-bent on stopping me? 

  
  


Ann ran over to the middle of her seated friends and gave them a quick hug before hightailing it towards me. She noticed the confused expression on my face and motioned towards the door, “I have to get back to work, so I thought we could walk together.” 

  
  


I opened the door for Ann, who called one final goodbye to Claire and Kai. The two looked over their shoulders to give us both a wave and then returned to their conversation. I didn’t really care what they were talking about, but based on the way Kai was grinning as Claire twirled her hair and laughed… I had my guesses. My main concern, though, was why leaving Claire here with Kai made me so nervous. 

  
  


I realized Ann was outside on the patio, waiting for me, and quickly tore my eyes away from the scene. Feeling even more ashamed than I had earlier, I picked up my pace and followed Ann off the beach. 

  
  


As the two of us reached Rose Square, I gazed back up at the sky, which had adopted an evening shade of cerulean. I was relieved to finally be out of that uncomfortable situation. But even still, the range of emotions that I’d experienced at the beach left me feeling so fucking confused. 

  
  


“Hey,” Ann began, breaking my train of thought, “so… you’re a guy.” 

  
  


“Thanks for finally noticin',” I deadpanned as we walked up the concrete stairs from the beach.

  
  


She huffed and continued climbing the steps behind me. “I just thought… I mean, can I ask you something? Like as a guy?” 

  
  


I stepped into the cobblestone square and looked over my shoulder at the redhead, “Sure? Don’t know if that’s ever stopped you before.” 

  
  


Ann was silent as she caught up with me, matching my steps as we walked through the square. “I was just wondering, like, as a guy…” she trailed off before unexpectedly hitting my arm. 

“Ow! What the fuck was that for?” I growled, scowling down at Ann. Her eyes were wide, and her face unexpectedly rigid, only puzzling me further.

  
  


“Don’t look,” Ann whispered as we walked towards the northern exit to Rose Square, “but Gossip Squad, two o’clock.” 

  
  


Sure enough, as I raised my head, I noticed the group of middle-aged women sitting on a bench in the northeast corner of the square. I could tell by how Manna glanced at me and then excitedly turned back to Anna and Sasha that they had been talking about me. _Fuck._

  
  


Terrified of what might happen next, I pulled my hat over my face and picked up the pace. I had done so well avoiding the instigators of gossip; I didn’t want to slip up now.

  
  


“Stupid!” Ann hissed, trying her best to keep up with my strides. “I told you not to look, now look what you did!” 

  
  


"Oh, Gray!" I heard Manna call. I tried my best to avoid reacting to my name and failed miserably. 

  
  


I turned my head and gave a polite wave before looking back down at Ann, who just shook her head in disapproval. 

  
  


"Please do come over for just a second, if you don't mind," I heard Manna call again. I tried to remain collected on the outside, but inside, I was losing my shit. Manna would only talk to me when she wanted information, so what did she know?

  
  


I stopped and let out a sigh. Ann looked back at me with a sympathetic smile and shrugged. “Sorry, I gotta get back to work. You’re on your own with this one.” She gave a friendly wave in the direction of the women before skipping towards the inn. 

  
  


I’d never been so envious of somebody on their way to work. 

  
  


As I stood in the square by myself, I contemplated my next move. I thought about running, but not going over there was even more suspicious. Gramps would also probably rip me a new one if he heard I was disrespecting elders in town. So despite the nagging in my head telling me otherwise, I swallowed my pride and trudged over to the giddy group of women. 

  
  


Manna hopped off the bench and took a few steps forward to meet me in the square. I was thankful for the extra space between Anna and me, but even still, I was way too close for comfort. 

  
  


"Yeah?" I asked flatly, avoiding eye contact with the group. I had a feeling this wasn't going to be a _fun_ conversation.

  
  


"How are you today?" Manna smiled as if this were an everyday conversation between the two of us. She didn’t wait for my response before continuing, "I assume you’re off work by now, yeah? It’s been _such_ a beautiful day today… it’d be such a shame to let a day like this go to waste, don't you agree? Especially since the cold weather is on its way…" 

  
  


"I'm fine," I replied curtly, tugging at my hat. "I'm kind of in a hurry… so is there somethin' you need?"

  
  


"Oh yes, yes, how could I forget," Manna said as she waved her hands about. "I just wanted to ask you something... which I hope isn't too forward. I know we don't get to chat that often, but I thought I might as well ask you. But—" 

  
  


"Well, get after it then," I interrupted her ramblings. I took a deep breath in anticipation of Manna’s question, hoping that she wouldn’t mention Claire’s name.

  
  


"Of course, how silly of me," Manna laughed, smoothing out the skirt of her dress. "So, I was just wondering, is it true what I hear about you and Mary? You two aren’t seeing each other anymore?” 

  
  


A wave of relief rushed over me as I heard Mary’s name and not the farmer’s. The comfort disappeared just as quickly as it had arrived once I remembered that I was still captive in conversation with Manna, and by extension, Anna. 

  
  


“It's just what I heard around town,” Manna continued, tucking a short piece of black hair behind her ear. “And you know you can never trust what you hear around these parts… that kind of gossip just travels like wildfire. I just figured I'd ask ‘cause, I mean, usually you'd be leaving the library this time of day, and you're clearly not…" 

  
  


I huffed in response to her monologue. I was relieved that the blonde wasn’t the topic of conversation, yet still annoyed that I had to talk about my relationship with Mary.... in front of Mary’s mom and all her friends.

  
  


"Guess we're not anymore," I answered softly, pulling my cap lower. It hurt a little to say out loud, more than I thought it would. 

  
  


This feeling must have been apparent in my face because Manna’s tone changed to an apologetic one. "Oh, I'm so sorry, Gray. I didn't know it was such a difficult subject for you. I feel horrible now.” Something told me she didn’t _actually_ feel that bad for asking me, but I held my tongue. “If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me." 

  
  


In my head, I mocked the idea of Manna being the one I would seek out for a heart-to-heart. Outwardly, I just nodded politely and turned to walk away.

  
  


The ladies’ chatting picked up as I followed the path north to the inn. I knew Manna just wanted to ask me about Mary because Anna wanted the intel. Anna was in the dining room during our fight, so I knew she wasn’t completely oblivious to the situation. But knowing Mary, she wouldn't divulge any of the details to her mother. Anna would have to take matters into her own hands if she wanted more information, as she often did. It wasn't my problem anymore, though, and I couldn’t care less who knew.

  
  


When I finally reached the inn’s safety, I searched through the few scattered regulars in the dining room. I noticed Ann cleaning behind the bar, so I headed over to rip her a new one for abandoning me. After a few moments, she finally registered me standing there.

  
  


"Well, look who it is!" Ann chirped as she flipped her long red braid over her shoulder. "How was your chit-chat with the gals?"

  
  


I rolled my eyes and took a seat at the bar in front of her. "First of all, fuck you for leavin' me.” 

  
  


Ann laughed, putting her free hand on her hip and waving a wet dishrag in her hand, “Like I said, I had to get to work.”

  
  


“Yeah,” I snorted, “and you sure do look busy. How about gettin' me an ale for makin' me deal with that shit?” 

  
  


Ann didn’t respond but dropped the rag on the counter and waltzed to the tap. She filled up a glass and silently set it in front of me before resuming her task.

I enjoyed the few minutes of silence while I sipped my well-deserved beer, then remembered Ann’s question before the whole ordeal had taken place. 

  
  


I set the glass down and looked back at the waitress. “You had a question for me? As a guy?” 

  
  


Ann stopped mid wipe and looked up at me, a light blush crawling up her face. “O-oh!” she stuttered. “Yeah, hah, I almost forgot about that.” 

  
  


“Well?” 

  
  


“I… uh was just wondering, like, as a guy, do you… talk about girls?” Ann asked slowly as she nervously played with the wet rag in front of her. “Like, with other guys?” 

  
  


I wasn’t quite sure what Ann was getting at, but I figured it had to be Cliff-related just by how she fumbled over her thoughts. 

  
  


I shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. Probably not to the extent that you girls do, but… sometimes.” I took another sip of my beer. “Why, what do you wanna know?” 

  
  


Her eyes widened at my question. The blush that had appeared earlier now dominated her entire face. “Has um…” she gave a quick scan around the bar and then leaned closer to me, her voice almost at a whisper. “Has Cliff said anything to you about the Fireworks Festival? Like… if he’s going to ask anybody?” 

  
  


I was at a standstill. I felt a sense of loyalty towards Ann, but I wasn’t sure if telling her that Cliff wanted to ask her would breach his trust or help their situation. 

  
  


“He may have said somethin'…” I said with a smirk, entertained by how worked up Ann was getting. I couldn’t help but laugh at the redhead’s behavior. “Why? You waitin’ on him to ask you?” 

  
  


"I mean…I hope," Ann mumbled, wringing the rag nervously between her hands.

  
  


"He seriously hasn't said anythin' to you about it?" I inquired between sips of beer, raising my eyebrows.

  
  


"No, nothing! He's just… _so_ shy around me sometimes!" she groaned, throwing her hands dramatically in the air. The rag slapped on the bartop as it dropped from her hand. "Ugh, listen to what happened earlier.”

  
  


I nodded, knowing she was planning on telling me whether I wanted to hear or not. 

  
  


“When I got back, I was trying to find Cliff so that I could thank him,” Ann started with a purpose. She placed her hand on the counter and looked directly at me, “and he’d made me dinner for my birthday, Gray. He _made_ me dinner. I didn’t even know that he cooked!”

  
  


“How the hell were you still hungry enough to eat dinner?” 

  
  


Ann rolled her eyes and let out a huff as she leaned herself against the bar. “Anyway, I hugged him and was trying to tell him how much I appreciated him, because like, that’s so sweet! But then he got all quiet and literally ran out of the kitchen. He ran!” 

  
  


“Hah, I think you just surprised him,” I replied with a chuckle. “That’s all.” 

  
  


“Gray, I _really_ like him." Ann let out a deep sigh and threw her face in her hands. “And when _he’s_ all shy like that, it just makes me even more nervous!” 

  
  


I stared at the exasperated waitress for a few moments, thinking of how I could help the poor girl. It was apparent that she and Cliff felt the same way about each other, and they just needed a push. 

  
  


"You should just ask him," I suggested casually. 

  
  


Ann looked from her hands and cocked an eyebrow at me. "What?" she asked incredulously. "I don’t know if it works like that.” Her voice stopped for a moment, then continued softly, “Plus, he'd think I’m weird, wouldn't he?"

  
  


"Nah, I'd think it’d be cool if a girl asked me," I replied honestly. After pining over Mary one-sidedly for so long, the idea of a woman pursuing me for a change seemed refreshing. “Think about it. You have time.” 

"Hmmm, I see," Ann mused, thoughtfully bringing her index finger to her lip. “Well, thanks for the advice, I guess.” 

  
  


I nodded, looking around the dining room for any of our friends. 

  
  


Ann noticed me do this. "So now that you and Mary are done, have you thought much about which lucky lady _you_ wanna take to the festival?" she asked nonchalantly, picking up the rag. 

  
  


"Ha, if I even go," I scoffed, taking the last sip of my drink. While I loved watching the show each year, surrounding myself with couples and potentially seeing Mary didn’t sound too appealing. 

  
  


"Gray!" Ann yelled, whipping me on the arm with the rag. I instinctually covered where she’d lashed me. "You can't just… not go. It definitely doesn’t work like that." 

  
  


"Uh, yeah, it _does_ work like that,” I said with a little more force. “I just stay at home and get drunk instead of goin'." 

  
  


Ann rolled her eyes. "I’m definitely not letting you do that. You have to go… you can hang out with Cliff and me!" This seemed to ignite an idea in her because her face lit up. “Actually, that’s perfect. If you come with, it’ll be a lot less pressure for both of us!” 

  
  


"As much as I'd love to be your third wheel," I said sarcastically, “it's gonna be a no from me.” 

  
  


Ann put her hands on her hips and shot me an icy glare. "Then stop being so difficult and bring someone!" she retorted. “Even if it’s just one of our friends. A friendly double date, no pressure!”

  
  


"Like who? Karen's going with Rick, Popuri won’t go with anybody _but_ Kai, you're asking Cliff,” I argued back. “There’s nobody else.”

  
  


"Take Claire," she said simply, wasting no time with her reply. 

  
  


"No. Hard pass."

  
  


"Why not?" she whined. "You two seem to get along well enough. Plus, she’s cute, funny...” Ann looked to see if I had non-verbally agreed with anything she said. When I remained stoic, she sighed again. “You should just bring her. It's her first Fireworks Festival. Be a good friend!"

  
  


I felt my lips tighten as I tried to think of the best response. Ann had always been a good friend to me since I moved in years ago. Admittedly, she was partially obligated to since we were family, but I knew that wasn’t always enough for some people. I appreciated how she had looked out for me and helped ease my transition to town. However, during my occupancy at the inn, Ann had also learned how to push the fuck out of my buttons, and she seemed to enjoy doing it. 

  
  


"We barely know each other," I said in protest, giving my best attempt to seem unbothered by the suggestion. I had promised Claire I wouldn’t tell anyone about our hook up and I didn’t want to slip up any more than I had already. “We only see each other because you and Karen always invite her to shit.” 

  
  


Ann smirked as she resumed wiping down the bartop. "That's not what I hear," she teased in a sing-song voice. 

  
  


My heart dropped. I felt my eye twitch as my body tensed up. "W-what?" I uttered in complete shock. _She knows?_

  
  


"I’m not an idiot," Ann said mischievously. “Cliff and I watched you two leave Kai’s together that night.” She looked back at the bar and laughed to herself. “Plus, I saw the way you two were eyeing each other earlier, don’t even try and deny it!”

  
  


I brought my hand to my temples and rubbed small circles. "Don't you dare tell anybody."

  
  


"I won't, I won't," she assured me, waving her hands. “I’m Claire’s friend too, remember? I wouldn't want to do anything to make her look bad, especially if she's new here." 

  
  


_She's been here a whole season and a half,_ I wanted to say so badly, but I held it in.

  
  


“Wait…” I said, finally processing the rest of Ann’s statement. “What do you mean, ‘make her look bad’? What does that have to do with makin' her look ba—”

  
  


“So, that’s a yes?” Ann interjected, completely ignoring my question. She was putting away glassware in the barback cabinet as she looked over her shoulder at me. 

  
  


I swallowed the growing frustration in my chest. "I _said_ that I don't even know if I'm goin'," I replied coldly. " _You_ can invite Claire along with you guys, and if I show up, I show up.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “But let’s get it straight; I’m _not_ askin' her, and it’s _not_ a date." 

  
  


Ann huffed, and if she had been facing me, I’m sure it would have been paired with an eye roll. "You're so difficult!" she called over her shoulder. "This is your chance at Claire before any other guys swoop her up, but nooo."

  
  


"Everyone here is basically taken," I grumbled. "Who else could come _'swoop her up'_?"

  
  


Ann turned around with a few clean wine glasses laced between her fingers, an entertained look on her face. "Are you jealous?” she asked, noticing the blush settling on my cheeks as she spoke. "I mean, she’s inevitably gonna get attention from guys in the neighboring towns too… I mean, Forget-Me-Not Valley is just on the other side of Mother’s Hill, walking distance, really. I wonder how long it will take—"

  
  


"I'm not jealous, just curious!" I defended, almost a little too loudly. I wasn’t sure where the anger was coming from, but it sure as hell wasn’t jealousy. 

  
  


"Okay, well, I'll see you at the festival then," Ann smiled as she arranged the wine glasses in the cabinet behind her. 

  
  


“Ann, stop, it’s not like that—"

  
  


"Ann!" Doug called from behind the register. He cocked his head to signal Ann to the dining room. 

  
  


Ann nodded and rounded the bar so that she was standing next to my seat. She flashed me an impish grin, playfully pushing down the bill of my cap. "It’ll be fun, I promise," she said as she sauntered off. 

  
  


I fixed my hat and rolled my eyes, hoping they were still attached to my head at this point. 

Ann seemed to have something up her sleeve, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know what it was. Either way, I had a lot to figure out before next week. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe sorry to anybody that thought you were going to see Mary in this chap. I promise, she's coming!! And there will be drama. Oh yes, there will in fact be drama. I'm over here just trying to contain myself for the next chapter because oof. 
> 
> Anyway. Just wanted to say thank you to those of you reading! I appreciate the comments and kudos more than ya'll know. It's super cool to feel validated for creating something that I literally do for my own entertainment, so thanks :-)
> 
> Edit: Added chapter names for all of the previous chapters plus this one. Chapter names are based on/named after the songs that they were inspired by while I was writing/planning. This chapter was heavily influenced by the beautiful sounds of Steve Lacy in the song Dark Red.


	8. The Less I Know The Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gray stresses over all the things that could go wrong at the Fireworks Festival. Turns out, it's much worse than he'd ever imagined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Tuesday. Here's an update!! And ooof. That's all I'll say lol. Hope you enjoy :-)

"Gray! What the hell are you doing?” 

  
  


My head snapped up at the gruff voice reverberating around me. I turned around to my grandpa standing a couple of yards behind me, a dim-lit oil lamp in hand. 

  
  


"I don’t pay you to stand around!” he continued to yell across the mine, waiting impatiently in front of a flight of dusty stairs. “Let’s get a move on, boy!" 

  
  


_You barely pay me as it is_. 

  
  


I wanted to quip back but held my tongue. We’d been mining since around five that morning, and I was too tired to get into it with the old man again. 

  
  


My grandpa always took advantage of festivals to get more work done. Usually, the entire town would shut down for celebrations, which meant we were free to spend all day mining. That particular morning, Gramps had insisted on getting as far as we could in the mine to stock up on high-quality ores before summer's end. 

  
  


According to my grandfather, fall and winter were always our busiest seasons. But to be real, I couldn't tell the difference. Gramps was always on my ass, no matter what season it was.

  
  


When my grandpa gave me a thumbs-up in the direction of the stairs back to the surface, I let out a silent sigh of relief. I lifted my rucksack, heavy with the day’s spoils, and used my entire body to throw it over my shoulder. The force of the materials landing on my back almost knocked the wind out of me, but I managed to hide that from Gramps and followed him up the stairs. 

  
  


After what felt like forever, we finally made it to the top floor of the mine. When I marched up the final steps, I was met by the blinding light of the outside world. Sunshine radiated inside and illuminated the mine’s floor, making the entrance look like the gate to some great beyond. The view was my favorite sight after a long morning deep in the mines. 

  
  


I dragged my heavy legs out of the mine and into the mid-summer air. My skin warmed to the touch of the full sun, and the smell of earthy, humid air filled my nostrils. Usually, I resented those qualities about summer. But after hours deep in a dark, stuffy mine, it felt like paradise. I took another deep inhalation, savoring the sweet taste of _real_ air. 

  
  


I trailed after my grandfather as he hiked down the overgrown path past Goddess Spring, catching up to him outside Gotz’s cabin. We followed the shaded path up past the poultry farm and silently greeted Rick, who was out furiously tending to his chickens as we passed by. 

  
  


I silently rejoiced as we arrived outside the shop, knowing I could finally rid myself of the heavy-ass bag I’d been lugging around. With absolutely no sense of urgency, Gramps leisurely reached for his keys and began to unlock the old brick building. He pushed open the heavy chestnut door with his shoulder and walked inside the shop to hold it open for me. 

  
  


“Alright, where do you want this shit?” I asked as I struggled through the doorway. 

  
  


He raised an eyebrow. "You can set those down over there, boy," my grandpa instructed, pointing to a spot by the shelves behind his desk. Without wasting a single second, I did as he asked.

  
  


I threw the bag on the ground and exhaled loudly. “What now?” I inquired over my shoulder. 

  
  


“You in a hurry or something today?” I heard my grandpa call from behind me.

  
  


“No,” I scoffed, “just ready to be done dealin' with these damn rocks.”

  
  


"Big plans later?" Gramps asked again, completely ignoring my previous statement. 

  
  


"Not really,” I said quietly, not looking up from my bag as I spoke. 

  
  


“Watching the fireworks tonight?” he pressed once more. The sound of his footsteps from behind got louder, but I didn’t want to turn around. 

  
  


I sighed and offered a half-hearted shrug in defeat. “Not sure yet.” 

  
  


"Are you taking a date?" he asked as he leaned against his desk. I wasn’t sure what his deal was today or why he was so bent on playing 21 Questions, but he was starting to get on my nerves. 

  
  


"No… I _just_ said I don't even know if I'm goin',” I groaned, finally turning around to my grandfather with a glare. “Why would I take a date?" 

  
  


"You should take that nice farmer girl," he said bluntly, walking next to me to inspect today’s haul. "I see how she looks at you when she comes by the shop. You might actually have a chance at _that_ one." I didn't know what that was supposed to mean, but I just rolled my eyes.

  
  


"Never said I wanted a chance.”

  
  


He huffed at my comment, his eyes moving from the bag to me. "Gray…” he trailed off, shaking his head as if he were loading up to scold me. 

  
  


“What?” I growled. “What’d I do now?” 

  
  


“Nothing.” He sighed, his posture uncharacteristically deflating in response. I could tell that this lecture would be different solely based on the hint of sadness in his voice. “It’s just.... you're getting older, and I think…" he started as he looked back to the ores, "it’s about time you started thinking about settling down." 

  
  


I couldn’t believe what had come out of his mouth. "W-what?" I stammered, taking a step back. Why was _that_ the topic of discussion today? 

  
  


"Gray, you're in your mid-twenties,” my grandpa started in his familiar accusing tone. “You’ll be 24 next year, and you’re still... fucking around like a damn kid. You need to grow the hell up—that’s the whole reason I agreed to take you in.” My grandfather crossed his arms over his chest. “When I was your age, I was married with kids, running the smithy by myself. Not sure why it's taking you so damn long to figure your shit out.” 

  
  


He stopped and took a breath, reading my horrified facial expression before continuing. “I'm not saying you need to settle down tomorrow, in the next couple of weeks, or even this year. I'm just saying… it’s time to get your act together. There won’t be too many single girls your age around for much longer." There was a long pause as we both maintained eye contact. "And it’s not like I’m getting any younger either," he added with a weak shrug. 

  
  


I wanted to explode but knew that would likely do more harm than good. It frustrated me that my grandpa was pushing me so hard to _‘settle down.’_ Whatever the fuck that meant. It finally felt like I was figuring my life out; why would I want to ruin that? 

  
  


"I get what you're sayin'…" I said through gritted teeth, trying to force a respectful tone. "But I’m not tryin' to get involved with another girl right now." 

  
  


"I realize that," my grandpa replied. "But I can’t help thinking that the _right_ girl might help you get serious about—”

  
  


"Just fuckin' drop it, okay?" I barked back, trying to stop the conversation before I got too irritated. My grandfather nodded understandingly and turned around to his desk.

  
  


I needed to distract myself from all the damn family talk. Knowing that all the ores would need to be organized into storage, I grabbed the stool from my workstation and dragged it in front of the black leather case we used to store unfinished stones. I started to unhook the metal latch when my grandpa stopped me. 

  
  


"Gray," he commanded from behind. 

  
  


"What?" 

  
  


"You're done for the day," he said flatly. "Leave."

  
  


"Huh?" I questioned as I looked over my shoulder at the old man. 

  
  


"It's a holiday,” he started, motioning towards the door with his left hand. “I’ve worked you hard enough today." I was confused; neither of his current arguments had stopped him from keeping me to work before. 

  
  


"Gramps,” I protested, finally shifting on the stool to face him. “It's fine. I can stay…"

  
  


He furrowed his brow at me, “And make careless mistakes due to fatigue? Mistakes _I’m_ going to have to correct? No. You’re done. Leave.”

  
  


I sighed. He was old as hell but sure as stubborn as ever. “Listen, Gramps, I don’t wanna leave all this for you to do.”

  
  


"I'm not staying to work!" he said with a hearty laugh as he walked to the front of the shop. “I’m planning to enjoy the festival like everybody else, as should you. You’ll pick this back up tomorrow morning.”

  
  


"Oh, ha, I see," I said with a smirk. "Then I guess I'll get outta your hair.” I reattached the clasp on the leather case and stood up from my seat. 

  
  


"I’ll see you later, son," my grandpa said as he held the door open for me once more. "You can always join _me_ on the beach if you want. I’ll have you know, Kassey and Patrick really talked up this year’s show." 

  
  


“Thanks,” I said with a laugh, heading towards the door. “I’m not sure what I’m doin' yet, but I’ll probably see you there.” 

  
  


He nodded in response and waved as I left the shop. I turned right on the cobblestone path and headed north towards the inn.

  
  


It was barely three in the afternoon; I still had time to blow before the fireworks. It would hopefully be enough time to figure out what the hell I was going to do tonight. Everyone in my life was so convinced I should go to the festival, so I wondered why _I_ was so unsure. 

  
  


Hanging out with Claire in such an intimate setting _did_ make me nervous. It wasn’t like I had to worry about slipping our secret to Ann or Cliff; they apparently knew more about it than I did. At this point, it was almost painfully obvious that I was attracted to Claire, but otherwise, I still wasn’t sure how I felt about her. Aside from a few decent interactions, most of our encounters had been weird or confusing at best. 

  
  


I had to admit that I was pretty curious about Claire, though. She _was_ unlike anyone I’d ever met. After seeing her at the beach, I found myself trying to make sense of all the things she’d done or said that day. It felt like the more I saw her, the less I knew about her. I just wanted to understand why she behaved the way she did, and spending more time together seemed like a sure-fire way to find out. 

  
  


Even still, I felt hesitant about going tonight. 

  
  


I think one part of me was scared that Claire anticipated something more out of the night. Wanting to get to know somebody was different than trying to live up to their expectations, and I didn’t really need that pressure. The other piece of me was afraid that it would be a disaster, and the two of us would be stuck in an awkward silence watching Cliff and Ann enjoy their date. The uncertainty of both situations didn’t sit right with me. 

  
  


I had to remind myself it wasn't a date. _Ann_ was the one inviting Claire, not me. It would just be four people hanging out, enjoying the beautiful fireworks display. A fun night free of expectations and awkwardness... or so I hoped. 

  
  


On the other hand, I was terrified of seeing Mary there. I had gone out of my way to avoid her the past few weeks and didn’t want that effort going to waste. It would be near impossible to avoid thinking about her while I was there anyway; a reminder sitting yards away from me would only make it worse. 

  
  


I was starting to consider that going wasn't such a great idea after all.

  
  


When I finally pushed open the doors to Doug’s Inn, I quickly surveyed the dining room. The wooden tables and chairs were bare, the bar stools along the back empty as well. Ann, the only inhabitant, was scrubbing a table near the register. 

  
  


Ann met my gaze, and she frantically waved me over. I strolled past the various clusters of tables and chairs until I reached the one where she was stationed. She dunked the white rag in the red bucket beside her feet and slopped it back onto the table, continuing her work. I gripped the back of the chair in front of me, waiting for Ann to reveal why she beckoned me. 

  
  


"Take a shower," Ann commanded without looking up.

  
  


"I was already plannin' on it," I huffed, pulling down my hat. Ann picked up the cloth she had been using to wipe down the table and began dabbing spots on my cheeks against my will.

  
  


"Your face is a mess!" she exclaimed as I tried to swat her hand away. "Plus, you stink!” Ann took a step back and stuck up her nose. “You've been mining, haven't you?"

  
  


"Well… yeah," I said, crossing my arms over my chest. "It's part of my job." She raised an eyebrow at me. "I already said I’d shower, so stop lookin' at me like that!"

  
  


"Good!" Ann replied with a laugh. She threw the rag back in the sudsy water and hauled the bucket over to the next table. "So that means you’re coming tonight, right?" 

  
  


I spun around to face the new table Ann was cleaning. It _was_ a valid question. Despite all the time I spent up in my head debating whether or not to go, I hadn’t made a choice yet. Now that I was on the spot with Ann, I would have to decide and stick with it. 

  
  


"Uh, yeah,” I mumbled, scratching the back of my head. “Guess so." 

  
  


Ann spun around, her face lighting up like I had brought her apple pie. "Awesome! I was hoping you’d say that,” she said, clasping her hands together. “‘Cause Claire is coming too, that way neither of you will be the third wheel. It'll be like a double date." Ann gave me her best attempt at a wink before resuming her work on the table in front of us. 

  
  


All the air left my body as I searched for a response. "It's not a date," I muttered, pulling at the brim of my hat to hide my embarrassment. “We went over this.”

  
  


"Do you like her?" she asked, not bothering to look up from her work. 

  
  


"Well…” I started, looking off in the direction of the door in search of an answer, “I don't know her very well, but I guess—" 

  
  


_"I don’t know her very well_ ," Ann interrupted, repeating my words mockingly. “Yeah. Sure, you don’t.” I rolled my eyes, but she was still too busy cleaning to notice. Her comment didn’t deserve a response anyway. “Okay, well, if you don’t know her, do you think she’s cute?”

  
  


"Uh…” I hesitated, grabbing onto the chair beside me. I thought about the times I had caught myself checking out the blonde farmer, and my face suddenly felt hot underneath my hat. “I guess. She’s alright—"

  
  


"Are you two going to be hanging out together?" Ann interjected once again. She was starting to drive me nuts. 

  
  


"Yeah, I guess that’s what’s happenin'—"

  
  


"Then it's a date. I said so!" Ann concluded, finally spinning around to look me in the eyes. There was a sense of purpose in her voice. "Anyways, Cliff said he wouldn’t be back for a few more hours, so you two just meet Claire and me there, okay?"

  
  


"Fine,” I replied with a heavy sigh. I was starting to regret agreeing to Ann’s demands.

  
  


"Go make yourself look presentable," Ann said as she nodded her head in the direction of the stairs. She picked up her bucket once more and started walking towards the kitchen. "You smell like rotten dirt." With that, she disappeared in between the kitchen doors. I figured that was my cue and headed up to my room.

  
  


As I entered the flat, I got a glimpse of myself in the mirror by the door. Ann was right; I was an absolute mess. I threw my hat on the bed, noticing how greasy and caked my hair was. Grabbing the towel off my dresser, I made my way to the shared bathroom for a much-needed shower. 

  
  


After I felt sufficiently clean and refreshed from the warmth of the water, I rinsed myself clean and turned off the faucet. I grabbed my towel off the rack next to me and dried off in the tub before securing it around my waist. When I pushed open the bathroom door, I was surprised to see Cliff combing out his shoulder-length hair in the mirror above his dresser. 

  
  


“You’re back earlier than I thought,” I said, walking out of the bathroom towards my bed. 

  
  


“Yeah, Carter insisted I come home and, uh… prepare myself,” he said, turning to face me. Cliff usually had his hair tied back, so it was strange seeing it draped over his shoulders. "So... you're coming after all?" 

  
  


"Uh, yeah, I guess so," I replied. To my surprise, a pair of burgundy pants and a navy button-up had been set out on my bed. I turned to my roommate and motioned towards the clothes. "Did you do this… ?" 

  
  


Cliff shook his head and shrugged. He finished combing out his hair and retrieved a few articles from the bottom drawer of his dresser. With his clothes and a towel in hand, he headed for the bathroom. A few moments after the door shut behind him, I heard the water kick on. 

  
  


I shook the excess moisture from my hair and looked back at the neatly arranged garments on my bed. It had to be Ann. I laughed at the thought of her rifling through my drawers to pick out my outfit like I was a kid. 

After dressing in Ann’s outfit choice, I went to the mirror to investigate. She had a pretty good sense of style; I didn't look too bad, just different. As I rolled up the shirt sleeves, I couldn’t help but feel like something was missing. 

  
  


I looked around the room in search of my hat. It wasn’t on my bed where I had left it. Had Ann gotten rid of it? The thought of me going anywhere without it made my stomach drop. 

  
  


Out of the corner of my eye, I finally noticed the hat hanging up on my headboard. I placed it on my damp hair and looked back into the mirror, letting out a sigh of relief. It was as ready as I was going to get. I plopped down on my bed, waiting for my roommate to finish up. 

  
  


A while later, Cliff emerged from the bathroom, already dressed. He sported a tan short sleeve tunic with intricate white and blue embroidered patterns along the sleeves and neckline. Cliff must have noticed my interest in his new outfit because he immediately looked to the floor. 

  
  


“I like your new get-up,” I said with a laugh. “That’s all,” 

  
  


“Thanks,” he said softly. “Most people in my hometown would wear something like this for summer festivals.”

  
  


“Looks a lot more comfortable than that vest,” I added with a smirk. 

  
  


Cliff laughed and returned his attention to the mirror. He nervously pulled at the tunic as he watched his reflection. We remained in silence for a few minutes until Cliff spoke up again. 

  
  


“Gray…” he started hesitantly, his gaze fixed on his hands. “Thanks. For coming with Ann and me… I appreciate you being there.” 

  
  


“Don’t give me so much credit. You’d be fine without me,” I said with a smirk. “But thanks. And you’re welcome.” Cliff finally looked up and me with a smile. I had always thought he was a little strange, but I was glad we were becoming friends. 

  
  


“It's about five,” Cliff said, turning away from the mirror. “Are you ready?" 

  
  


I looked down at my bare feet. “I don’t know,” I replied slowly. Now that going to the festival was real, I found the feelings from earlier returning to my chest. 

  
  


“It looks like you’re just missing shoes—”

  
  


“No,” I said with emphasis. “I don’t know if _I’m_ ready to go.” As I waited for Cliff to respond, I searched for the words to describe how I had been feeling all day. 

  
  


“What do you mean?” Cliff asked, tilting his head. “You’re not having second thoughts because I said something nice to you, are you?”

  
  


“No, stupid, not that,” I assured him. I looked to Cliff and then back at my hands. “It's... hard to explain. I don’t mind the idea of going with everyone, but I’m just worried that Claire has some sort of... expectations. I don’t want to let her or Ann down.” Cliff nodded understandingly as I nervously cracked my knuckles.

  
  


“Gray... you shouldn’t burden yourself like that,” Cliff said thoughtfully. “It’s a festival, you should enjoy it.” His time with Carter was evidently paying off. 

  
  


“What about Mary?” I asked, meeting Cliff’s earnest gaze. 

  
  


“What about her?” he replied, narrowing his eyes. “I thought we were talking about Claire?” 

  
  


“I don’t wanna see Mary there either,” I admitted, not divulging into the details of why for his sake. 

  
  


Cliff let out a weak sigh.“I mean, I can’t imagine she’d bother you if you’re with someone else. Mary won’t know that you’re there as friends,” he replied logically.

  
  


“I hate that you’re right.” I huffed and looked back down at my feet. "I think Ann already left to go get Claire. We should probably leave soon if we’re gonna meet them there." 

  
  


Cliff seemed satisfied with my response. He swiftly gathered the russet locks off his shoulders and secured the bunch in an elastic at the back of his head. I pushed up from my spot on the bed and slipped on the pair of black sandals tucked underneath. 

  
  


“After you,” Cliff said as he motioned towards the door. 

  
  


He followed me down the stairs and through the lonely inn. Outside, the sun was beginning to set over Mother’s Hill. We walked side by side in a comfortable silence through Rose Square and towards the beach, the salty ocean breeze greeting us as we arrived. 

  
  


From the entrance of the beach, I quickly scanned the area. Colorful blankets littered the sand as various groups of townspeople eagerly mingled and got food before the show. It was a bustling scene, but it appeared as if most of the town was present. 

I spotted my grandpa sitting off to the side while he chatted with Duke and Mayor Thomas, Jeff awkwardly sitting alone a few feet away. Manna talked up a storm to Lillia and Sasha as they congregated outside the Snack Shack, Trent and Popuri not too far behind. Ellie was seated close by, watching as May and Stu stormed through the crowd, snowcones in hand. A rush of relief came over me when I didn’t see Mary or her family amongst the masses. 

  
  


On the far south side of the beach, I spotted Ann seated on a blue patterned blanket. Her red hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and long bangs framed her face, making it one of the few times I had actually seen Ann with any of her hair down. She hugged her knees to her chest as she looked out over the horizon, her yellow tunic gently flapping in the breeze. 

  
  


To my surprise, Claire was nowhere to be seen. I exchanged confused glances with Cliff and hesitantly walked through the sand to Ann’s spot. 

  
  


“You look nice,” I jokingly greeted Ann.

  
  


Ann looked up at me with indignation in her eyes, and almost as quickly, looked away and crossed her arms. Her change in demeanor from earlier caught me off guard. What was her deal? 

I looked over at Cliff, who showcased a just as perplexed expression. He slowly sat down next to Ann, who barely acknowledged his existence. I stood over the couple, trying to analyze the look on Ann’s face. 

  
  


"Where's Claire?" I asked the redhead, hoping she’d start explaining her unusual behavior. She scoffed at my question. 

  
  


"If you want to know so badly, why don’t you go ask her yourself?" she snapped. Ann continued to avoid my eyes, keeping hers locked on the darkening horizon. 

  
  


"What do you mean?" I questioned her again, looking around as if Claire was going to appear out of nowhere. "You said that you and Claire were gonna meet us here…"

  
  


"Ugh. You're so dense it's unbelievable," Ann spat, shaking her head. “How you managed to get this far is beyond me.” 

  
  


"What the hell are you talkin' about?" I yelled back, feeling my fists tighten. “Why are you being like this?” Whatever I had done to warrant her behavior, it was a fucking mystery to me. 

  
  


Crashing waves were the only sound between us for a moment until Ann shot up from her seat and stomped towards me. 

  
  


"I can’t believe you!" Ann exploded, matching my energy. 

  
  


“Believe _what_? I have no idea what the fuck you’re even talkin' about!”

  
  


Luckily for us, most of the other beach-goers were sitting on the north end, leaving them out of earshot of our screaming match. The only couple in the vicinity was Karen and Rick, who were intently enjoying the show. 

  
  


Ann scowled up at me and took a step back. She let out a heavy exhale and spoke again in a lower yet commanding tone, “If you honestly don't know, you need to go talk to _her_ , not me.”

  
  


"Talk to who?" I asked, looking around. My head felt like it was spinning, trying to keep up with Ann.

  
  


"Claire!" She yelled again, the exasperation clear in her voice. "Are you stupid or what?" 

  
  


I felt the urge to snap back at Ann but caught myself. I took a deep breath, trying to clear out the built-up tension so I could think straight. "I…" I started before forcing my tone to soften, "I just don't get why you’re so upset at me right now." 

  
  


Ann didn't speak a word; the intensity in her eyes said it all. She clearly wasn’t going to give me any more information about Claire’s whereabouts or why it was such a touchy subject. I looked over to Cliff, who was still sitting on the ground with his hands in his lap. He bit his lip as if trying to hold something back. 

  
  


“Good talk,” I mumbled, my face tightening in frustration. “Guess I'll see you guys later then."

  
  


Without another word spoken, I turned on my feet and headed towards the exit of the beach. Behind me, I could hear Ann groaning to Cliff about how she had worked up an appetite and needed to go to Kai’s again. I hoped I would be back from Claire’s in time to hit Kai’s shack, too, because I needed a fucking drink. 

  
  


As I reached the stairs to Rose Square, I scanned across the dimming beach one last time. I think part of me hoped I would spot the blonde farmer, and this all would just be some sort of sick practical joke, but it wasn’t. It _was_ still light enough for me to spot a certain librarian, though, instantly making me wish I had never even looked at all. 

  
  


Mary’s eyes met mine before they could make it back to the exit. She was sitting on a plaid blanket with her parents by the dock, running a hand along the length of her raven braid. When she realized it was me, she seemed to perk up, amber eyes almost begging that I come over. And part of me wanted to… 

  
  


I stopped for a split second and thought about what I should do. The adrenaline from the fight was still coursing through my veins, and I couldn’t concentrate enough to come up with a plan. 

  
  


And then I saw her get up. 

  
  


As she hesitantly pushed through the sand, I was paralyzed. Within a minute, she was standing on the step below me, staring up at me with the saddest eyes I’d ever seen. 

  
  


“Gray?” Her voice was faint and hesitant as if she was worried that I was just an illusion. 

  
  


_Fuck_. My mouth was dry, my heartbeat was echoing throughout my entire body, and I couldn’t come up with anything to say. 

  
  


Mary frowned and took a breath. “You’ve been avoiding me, haven’t you?” She said it like a question, but the melancholy in her voice indicated she knew the answer. 

  
  


“I’m sorry.” 

  
  


“Why?” she asked, her voice breathless as if she could start crying at any moment. “ _Why_ have you been avoiding me?” 

  
  


“I… I told you we shouldn’t see each other anymore. It’s… it was just… easier that way.” 

  
  


She paused, her face tightening. “I still don’t understand why you said that.” 

  
  


I was silent. I didn’t really have a good explanation to offer Mary; I just… did. 

“Don’t you think that’s something we should have talked about in private?” She took a step toward me, and I could clearly see the tears welling up in the corners of her eyes. “Gray… you completely blindsided me with virtually no explanation…I thought I meant more to you than that.” 

  
  


I took a step forward. “No, Mare, you do. I… I just, you’re right... I’m sorry.” 

  
  


“I miss you,” she said softly, looking up at me. 

  
  


Half of me wanted to say it back. The other half wanted to violently shake the other part of me out of the spell I was falling under, to remind me why I’d tried to end it with Mary in the first place. I wasn’t sure if it was the anger, but I was starting to have trouble remembering the reasons...

  
  


“I think the fireworks are going to start soon. Do you want to watch them together?” 

  
  


I was at a loss for words. In all my years of pining after Mary, she’d never asked me to a festival; it’d always been me. Something about it seemed so right, but the nagging voice in my head said otherwise. I’d wanted to hear _any_ indication that Mary wanted me for so long, but something about this request seemed desperate and forced. Why did it take rejection from me to finally trigger her to ask something like that? 

All I did know was that Ann would kick my ass if she saw I was still on the beach, and I didn’t want to risk getting into it with her again, especially in front of Mary. 

  
  


“I… I have something I need to go do,” I managed to force out. “For Ann.” 

  
  


“Oh.” 

  
  


“But, uh… I can try to come by soon so we can talk.” I wasn’t sure what I would even say, but at least I’d bought myself some more time. 

  
  


This seemed to elevate her mood, though only slightly. A sad smile grew on her lips, “Okay... I’ll be looking forward to it.” 

  
  


After a deep breath, I tore away from Mary’s gaze and continued up the stairs.

  
  


As I made my way towards Claire’s farm, I finally had a second to process my most confusing beach visit yet. What had I done that could have possibly stopped Claire from coming and made Ann, who was completely fine earlier, snap at me like that? I hadn’t even seen Claire around much recently, so the fact that I had supposedly done something to her only worried me more.

  
  


By the time I reached Claire’s farm, it was dark outside. The glow from the farmhouse windows provided the only light on the property. After hesitating at the front door for longer than I’d care to admit, I forced myself to knock.

  
  


No response, just like last time. But the lights were on, and she wasn’t at the beach, so she had to be home.

  
  


I gave the door another knock. "Claire?" I called. "You in there?" 

  
  


No reply. So I knocked again.

  
  


"Claire?" I repeated a little louder. 

  
  


Again, no reply. I was confused but growing nervous as the minutes passed with no answer. 

  
  


Ann had sent me to Claire’s house, assuming that she would be home, so where the hell was she? I didn’t really want to miss the fireworks tonight, but if I wanted to return to the beach, I had to make sure that Claire was okay, alive at the very least. Then, I’d apologize for whatever dumb shit I did, and we could all move on. It wasn’t a perfect plan, but it was the best I could do. 

  
  


My hand reached for the doorknob before I even had time to think about what I was doing. To my surprise, the door was unlocked, so I instinctively pushed it open and peered in. The lights were on, and the TV was on, so she had to be in there somewhere. I stood in the doorway and scanned the room for the blonde, but the place was completely empty. 

  
  


A few moments later, I heard a muffled whine. The sound came from the couch, yet from the door, I couldn’t find the source. My heart fluttered in my chest. _What in the world am I getting myself into now?_

  
  


"Claire?" I called again, trying to hide the uncertainty in my voice. A large mass of blankets popped up from the couch, almost scaring me half to death. 

  
  


"W-who's there?" A hoarse, trembling voice asked. I ran around to the front of the couch to find the source of the sound. The sight was shocking, to say the least.

  
  


Cocooned in a mass of blankets was Claire. She was uncontrollably sniffing and trying to wipe away tears from her waterline. Her eyes were swollen and bloodshot as wet streams stained her flushed cheeks. Chunks of blonde hair were knotted in an unruly mess around her head while other pieces were crusted to the sides of her face. Even the blanket she had wrapped herself in was visibly damp. It looked like she had been crying for hours… 

  
  


_Fuck_.

  
  


"Oh! Gray," Claire said between hitched breaths, combing all her hair back from her face. Her voice sounded fake and forced. She loosened her grip on the blanket as she sat up straight, causing a few loose covers to collect on the ground in front of her. "I wasn't expecting you! Or anyone, really. I'm sorry everything is such a mess…" 

  
  


I looked around, knowing that she wasn’t talking about the state of her living room. 

  
  


"Yeah, Ann sent me…” I started, my concern rising as I spent more time investigating the disheveled blonde. I took a step closer towards the couch, against my better judgment. “Uh… are you okay?"

  
  


"Oh, hah, me?” she said between sniffles. “I'm fine, really.” She was clearly not fine, despite the fake smile she was putting on. “Here, uh, sit down. I'll make you some tea." 

  
  


Claire attempted to spring up out of her seat, but her foot was trapped in the vortex of blankets she had created on the ground. 

  
  


Just as she slid forward, I caught her forearms to stop her fall. As I held Claire’s wrists against my chest, I looked down at her, half-expecting a response. Instead, she just hung her head below her hands.

  
  


"Stop, you're obviously not okay,” I insisted, growing frustrated with her dismissive behavior. “Just tell me what’s goin' on." 

  
  


As the words left my mouth, I saw Claire’s lips twitch. She leaned her head into my chest and took a few shuddering gasps before the sobbing resumed. 

  
  


I wanted to help, but I had no clue how to handle somebody so distraught, let alone somebody I barely knew. In an attempt to be comforting, I released Claire’s arms and placed my hands on her shoulders. Based on how aggressively she was weeping into my chest, my attempt wasn’t all that successful. 

  
  


"I-I can't do it," she said between cries, aimlessly grabbing onto my shirt where I had previously held her wrists. 

  
  


My heart throbbed as she grazed my chest, and I prayed she couldn’t hear how fast it was beating. I quickly looked away to re-focus on the issue at hand. 

  
  


"Do what?" I asked, trying to be as sympathetic as possible without understanding what the hell was going on. 

  
  


I looked down at the farmer, but she kept her face pressed into me. The spot on my shirt where Claire’s head rested only grew damper by the minute. She sniffed hard, trying to stop herself from crying long enough to get out the words. 

  
  


"I'm so… so stupid. So fucking stupid," Claire stuttered through sobs, “I'm so… s-sorry to drag you into this.” 

  
  


"It's fine, it’s gonna be okay," I tried to reassure her, still unsure how I fit into whatever it was she was so upset about. “I just need you to tell me what happened.” 

  
  


Everything Claire said was more confusing than the last, and it felt like nothing I said helped console her. Why was she apologizing to _me_? Ann had made it seem like _I_ had done something to her _,_ yet Claire acted as if it were the other way around. 

  
  


Claire took a deep breath as she stepped back and looked at me. She pressed her quivering lips together, evidently thinking carefully about her next words. As I waited for her to speak, the first _BANG_ of fireworks being shot off echoed in the distance. 

"G-Gray…" she managed to force out, releasing her grip on my shirt, "p-please don't hate me." 

  
  


My heart dropped. Why was everyone speaking in riddles today?

  
  


"What do you mean?" I asked nervously. An eruption of fireworks reverberated in the background outside as I anxiously waited for Claire’s response. 

  
  


She closed her eyes for a moment, a single tear trailing down her cheek before she wiped it away. After swallowing the lump in her throat, she looked back up at me with glossy eyes and spoke the four most terrifying words in existence.

  
  


"I think I'm pregnant."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AH. I WAS SO NERVOUS TO POST THIS. There was SO much that happened in this chapter but I really wanted it to feel like one of those chaotic days where it just feels like everything is happening to you (or Gray in this case). So I hope it didn't feel like I was cramming too much in for you all. Personally, I was just eager for the opportunity to include some references to the SOS remakes of each character. I like to imagine that the characters I write are kind of a conglomerate of the SOS and HM versions of the characters.  
> Anyway, as always I'm eager for any feedback or notes on how to improve! I'm really looking forward to writing what's to come (me every chapter lol), so I hope you are too!
> 
> On the bright side: I'm done with school until the second week of January, so I'm excited to have some time to indulge myself in writing. Holiday's can be kind of hard for me when it comes to drinking, so having time to write makes me feel much better. I'm not going to make any promises about uploading more than one chapter next week, but who knows, I might surprise myself lol. 
> 
> I hope all of you have a refreshing break of some sort, or at least have some time to do what you enjoy! If any of you are in the northern hemisphere, I also hope that you get a chance to check out the Jupiter/Saturn conjunction visible in the night sky. Its a really cool astronomical phenomenon that hasn't been seen in ~800 years, so I highly recommend if you're able to :-) Okay, I'm done nerding out. Have a great day :-)
> 
> ps: Title name is based on The Less I Know The Better by Tame Impala. Totally a self-indulgent listen, and it's mainly the title I vibe with, but especially the "I was doing fine without you, till I saw your face," ooof definitely felt that in this chapter.


	9. Fade Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gray tries to deal with the aftermath of Claire's confession.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. Starting this chap off with a potential trigger warning (TW!). This chapter mentions miscarriages and at one point alludes to an abortion, though it's not mentioned explicitly.

I was swallowed in white. 

  
  


White walls, white floor, white curtains, everything was white. The only splash of color in the clinic had to be my grandfather and me, who sat in the white waiting room chairs. It felt like I didn’t belong there. As if any moment I would wake up and this would all just be a nightmare. 

  
  


But I wasn’t waking up. I was spiraling, each moment sinking further into my own head. The monotonous ticking of a clock on the wall was the only thing keeping me remotely present at that moment. All I could think about was how the fuck I had managed to get myself here. 

  
  


Consumed with fear after receiving the news from Claire, I broke down. Against all better judgment, I confided in my grandpa at work in the morning. I contemplated keeping it to myself for a while—just until I could come up with the perfect way to tell him. But It was hard to hide anything from my grandfather; there wasn't anything I could have told him besides the truth. After leaving Claire’s, I felt so lost that I didn’t care how my grandpa would react anymore; I just needed guidance. 

  
  


It did come at a cost, though. 

"When I said you should think about starting a family, I didn't mean the next day," my grandpa whispered to me, breaking me out of my stupor. He continued, his voice resembling a hiss as he leaned towards me in his chair. "This is extremely irresponsible, even for you, Gray. I'm beyond disappointed." 

  
  


I looked over to him but said nothing. Ever since Claire told me the truth, I hadn’t been able to say much anyway.

  
  


_"I think I'm pregnant."_

  
  


How are you supposed to react when someone tells you that out of the blue, let alone someone closer to an acquaintance than a friend? 

  
  


Apparently, _“Are you sure it’s mine?”_ hadn’t been the correct answer. That had only made the crying worse. 

  
  


I had no idea what I was going to do; I didn't even know for a fact that she was pregnant. She could have messed up somewhere along the way. I had no idea how that shit worked. Claire had been in hysterics and didn’t spend much time elaborating on the topic, but I was too dumbfounded to ask anyway. 

  
  


I hadn’t spoken much to Claire since last night, other than her weak request for me to accompany her to the clinic earlier in the afternoon. I had no idea what her intentions were or what she expected of us. 

  
  


If she were, in fact, pregnant and intended to keep it, I would be stuck with her for at least the next eighteen years… and we'd have a whole-ass-child. An entire human. Together. I would be a father. It was surreal. 

  
  


My thoughts began to drift to memories of my own estranged parents. As the initial confusion and panic subsided, numbness and resentment took their place. 

  
  


"Gray," I looked up from my thoughts to see the tall, raven-haired doctor, Trent, standing before me, "I'd like you to come back with me. I want to talk to you two together." 

  
  


I silently nodded and followed him behind the white curtains.

  
  


Sitting on the only examination table in the room was Claire. Her appearance hadn’t improved much since last night, the only difference being that today she wore overalls instead of a heap of blankets. 

  
  


Being utterly blindsided by all this was hard on both of us. Still, I imagined that the emotional toll on Claire had to be unbearable. Her face remained blank and motionless as we entered the room. She was fidgeting with the thin layer of paper underneath her, eyes unmoving from her hands. 

  
  


I plopped down into one of the chairs along the wall and waited anxiously for the doctor’s next words. 

  
  


"So," Trent started as he diligently examined his clipboard, "good news, Claire. It seems you aren’t very far along, but your hCG levels are well above the threshold to be considered pregnant." 

  
  


Claire and I both knew as well as the other that this wasn't exactly _good_ news. She didn’t look away from her busy hands or even react to the words; it seemed like she wasn’t even listening to Trent. 

  
  


"Thank you, Doctor," Claire said softly, her usual energy missing from her voice. 

  
  


Trent seemed too occupied with reading Claire’s chart to notice her demeanor. "Now, since it’s still quite early, there’s a possibility that this hormone spike could be the result of a chemical pregnancy." 

  
  


“A chemical pregnancy?” I asked hesitantly. 

  
  


The doctor looked over his shoulder to me, “Yes. It’s quite common, actually. The egg is fertilized but doesn’t properly implant within the uterine lining. This causes the hormone response to mirror that of a successful pregnancy initially, though, it results in an early miscarriage.” 

  
  


I nodded my head, only somewhat understanding the doctor’s words. It sounded like there was a chance that Claire wasn’t actually pregnant, and while I wanted to be excited, rejoicing in something like that felt wrong. Really fucking wrong. 

  
  


“Your hCG levels are high enough that I’m not too concerned,” Trent continued, turning back to Claire. “Although I think it would be a good idea to have you return for another round of bloodwork in a few days so we can monitor your hormones for any sudden drops.” The doctor looked back down to his clipboard, seemingly thinking hard about whatever information was on the page. “Even if your hCG levels continue to increase, we won’t be able to say for certain or determine a due date until we can get you in for an ultrasound in a week or two. But by then, we should be able to detect a gestational sac if one is present. ” 

  
  


"Ah…okay," Claire started, finally looking up at me before quickly returning to her hands. 

  
  


Trent paused to assess the situation. He examined Claire, then looked back to study my face. His mouth tightened into a straight line as he looked back at Claire with a stiffened posture.

  
  


"I apologize for my haste,” Trent said gently, finally picking up on the tension in the room. “Claire, I never inquired how you would like to proceed. As your physician, it's not my job to sway your decision. Even if we determine that you’re clinically pregnant, it is still very early; you’ll have options.” 

  
  


Claire’s wide blue eyes looked over to me, meeting my questioning gaze. The room remained silent as we maintained eye contact. She took a deep breath before leaning her head back and looking up at the ceiling in thought.

I just wished that I knew what she was thinking.

  
  


“You don’t have to decide today,” the doctor started again, giving what I assumed was his best attempt at a comforting tone. “We can discuss your options at the next appointment when we have a better idea of your situation.” 

  
  


Claire looked back down to her hands, still actively fiddling with the now crumpled paper underneath her. “Okay. Thank you, Doctor,” she said again, somehow more robotic than the last time. 

  
  


"So then, should I expect to see you both at the next appointment?" The doctor’s dark eyes drifted over to meet mine. He made it sound like the question was for Claire, but I knew he’d directed it at me. “It would be beneficial if the two of you were on the same page moving forward.”

  
  


"Yeah, whatever,” I replied without thinking, feeling a little embarrassed with how quickly it left my mouth. As I spoke again, I pulled down the bill of my hat. “I guess so.”

  
  


"Great," Trent said before he took his eyes off me. "Well, you two, we appreciate you coming in.” He directed his attention back to Claire, “You can schedule with Ellie as you check-out. Her knowledge well surpasses mine in this particular field, so she should be able to make suggestions or answer any other questions you may have." 

  
  


Claire nodded and hopped off the table. She walked past me without as much as a glance and headed towards the exit. I pushed up out of my seat, but before I could follow her, the doctor grabbed my arm. His firm grip caught me off guard. 

  
  


"Gray, I'd like to have a word with you,” he said when Claire was out of earshot, “in private." We waited for Claire to disappear behind the curtain, and he released his hand. 

  
  


"Well… get after it then," I huffed, rubbing the bill of my cap. 

  
  


The look on Trent’s face was completely different than it had been when Claire was in the room. His thick brows were furrowed, and his polite smile had disappeared.

  
  


"I hope you're planning to take responsibility for your actions," he said sternly, not wasting a single second getting to the point. His cloudy eyes seemed to pierce right through mine. 

  
  


_What the hell was that supposed to mean?_

  
  


"No shit," I snapped back, growing frustrated at the insinuation riddled within his statement. "Why the hell do you think I came here with her, Trent? Of course, I’m going to take responsibility for the kid if she decides to keep it. I’m not a fucking deadbeat." 

  
  


He raised an eyebrow at me."And what about Claire?" Trent asked, his eyes unmoving from their lock on mine.

  
  


"What about her?” I retorted. “She's a big girl.” It wasn’t conventional, but we both knew that Claire and I didn’t have to be together to have a kid. I was growing annoyed by the doctor’s prying questions. 

  
  


“It’s my job to ensure all my patients are taken care of,” he said, trying to maintain a professional tone. “Regardless of what Claire decides to do, you need to be there for her. This is serious, Gray, it’s the right thing to do.”

  
  


I rolled my eyes and turned my head away from the doctor with a huff. “Do you think I’m stupid? I _know_ this is serious. I don’t need a lecture from you too.” 

  
  


Trent opened his mouth to speak but then stopped himself before crossing his arms over his clipboard. “Right. I think we’re done here.” 

  
  


I mustered up the most polite nod I could manage in response and watched as Trent headed out of the exam room. 

  
  


"I look forward to seeing you at the next appointment," he added, stopping in the middle of the doorway. The white curtain draped over one half of his body as he spoke, "You're free to go." 

  
  


The tall figure disappeared behind the curtain, and I huffed a sigh of relief. 

  
  


I had never particularly cared for Trent. We didn’t talk much, but he was never very friendly towards me anyway. The only other time we’d interacted that long was when he treated my broken knuckle in the Spring after I’d punched my wall. Trent knew nothing about the situation yet spent the entire time reprimanding me for my recklessness anyway. Today’s conversation didn’t help his case at all. 

  
  


I eagerly pushed my way out of the examination room and was silently greeted by my grandfather. 

  
  


We waited for Claire to finish her conversation with Ellie, who seemed to be writing a list for the farmer. The two went back and forth about Ellie’s recommendations, and I turned away from the nurse. I really didn’t want to look Ellie in the eye. Looking at her only made me think of Mary, and I hadn’t even begun to unpack the potential effects on _that_ situation. 

  
  


If Claire really was pregnant, what the fuck would I tell Mary? I’d told her we would talk soon, but I couldn’t imagine how she would react if my pending fatherhood was the subject of discussion. And could I even trust Ellie to keep this from one of her closest friends until then? I had no idea. 

  
  


Part of me selfishly hoped that this all was a fluke, as wrong as it felt. It would be so much easier that way…

  
  


I felt my grandpa’s hand on my shoulder, bringing me back to my senses, and I followed him and Claire out of the clinic. As we were hit with the scalding summer heat outside, Claire turned to my grandfather and me.

  
  


"So… if you two are free today, would you like to come over for tea?” Claire asked, looking back and forth between Gramps and me. She appeared to have a newfound confidence in her voice. “I finally feel like I’m processing all this, and I was hoping we could talk some things out.” 

  
  


I glanced over to my grandpa, but he didn't even look my way before replying. "Yes, dear, that would be a wonderful idea," he said politely, before adding more force behind his voice. "Right, son?" 

  
  


I took a deep breath and nodded as I pulled down the brim of my hat. I didn’t have a say in the matter anyway, so I wasn’t sure why he was even asking me. At this point, it just felt like I was watching my own life play out before my eyes. 

  
  


We followed Claire on the short walk to her farm in complete silence. Only the sounds of boots on the cobblestone steps hung in the air around us. I was thankful to my body for going into autopilot as my mind explored the intricacies of arguably, one of my most fucked situations yet. 

  
  


_If Claire was pregnant and decided to keep the kid, what would we tell people? When would we tell people? What would we do once the kid was born?_ My head throbbed, overloaded with questions that had no clear answer. 

  
  


I was snapped out of my trance when I lightly bumped into my grandpa, who was standing at the entrance of Claire's farm. He had his hands on his hips as he scanned the property. 

  
  


It had been a while since I had seen Claire’s farm in broad daylight. The sun was beginning its descent from its highest point in the sky, illuminating vast rows of tomatoes, corn, and pineapples that appeared days away from ripening. Further out past the crops, I spied a copper-colored foal prancing around a small flock of chickens foraging in their enclosure.

  
  


At first, I was impressed by everything the farmer had managed to accomplish since taking over the land, but then I was reminded of our situation. Handling a large harvest in a week or so wouldn’t be an issue for Claire now, but if she was pregnant, what would she do next season? Sometimes I would go days without seeing Claire around town. I didn’t think much of it previously, but I realized that most of that time was probably spent running her farm. 

  
  


_What is her plan?_

  
  


Grandpa and I followed Claire into the quaint farmhouse, kicking off our shoes by the front door. Claire motioned for us to take a seat in the dining room as she hurried off to the kitchen. I looked around the main room as I made my way to the table. She had cleaned up after I left last night; all the blankets she had mummified herself with had been neatly folded up and set on the arm of her sofa. 

  
  


I grabbed a seat at the table facing the kitchen and watched Claire hastily rummage through her fridge. As my grandfather took a seat next to me, he realized the farmer was occupied and used it as another opportunity to ridicule me.

  
  


"Well, are you glad you took my advice after all? Unlike you, _she_ actually has manners," he said with a small smirk and a chuckle, obviously pleased with himself. “If anything, you should be thanking me—”

  
  


"Shut up." I looked up to make sure Claire wasn’t listening, but she had her back to us as she reached into a cupboard. "This isn’t a fuckin' joke, Gramps. I brought you with me because I trust you, _not_ because I wanted your shit."

  
  


"Then you shouldn't have been so careless as to get this nice girl pregnant," he snapped, his voice now at a low but forceful whisper as Claire approached from the kitchen. 

  
  


I chose to stay silent, knowing there wasn't anything I could really say without starting a scene in Claire's dining room. The tension between my grandpa and I was broken when Claire arrived at the table with three glasses and a pitcher filled with a golden liquid. She distributed the glasses around the table and turned to fill my grandpa’s cup first.

  
  


“It’s barley tea,” Claire spoke up randomly with a small smile as she finished pouring the tea in the first glass. “It’s my first time making it on my own, but... I don’t think I can drink it anymore, so I hope you two can enjoy it.”

  
  


"It’s refreshing in this heat,” Gramps said after a sip and satisfied sigh. “Thank you for having us over, Claire." He smiled as he watched Claire fill my glass and then placed the pitcher in the middle of the table.

  
  


"Oh, it's my pleasure!” she replied sweetly, walking back to the kitchen with her empty glass in hand. “I haven’t had many people over since moving here, so it's nice to have company.” 

  
  


Moments later, Claire returned with water in her glass and sat in the seat directly across from me. 

  
  


"Well, we _both_ appreciate your hospitality," my grandpa added, quickly shooting me a look from the side. 

  
  


I rolled my eyes at his comment and hesitantly looked across the table at Claire. 

Intense sapphire eyes stared back, scanning me underneath a pair of furrowed brows. Claire rested her thumb on her lips and leaned her head into her hand, continuing to observe me. I couldn’t tell if she was mad at me, checking me out, or some combination of the two. Either way, I wasn’t sure how to respond, so I just took a drink instead. 

  
  


The only sounds in the dining room were the small sips and clinks of glasses as they were nervously placed back on the wooden table. It appeared as if nobody knew where to go from here. 

  
  


Gramps raised his arms above his head and stretched them out as a distraction while he kicked my foot and nodded in Claire’s direction. Admittedly, I was also growing annoyed at the awkward silence, so begrudgingly, I followed his command and cut to the chase. 

  
  


"So… you wanted to talk?" I asked carefully, bringing my eyes to Claire's. 

  
  


My words seemed to catch her by surprise. Claire quickly shook her head and repeatedly blinked before looking back at the two of us with a sheepish grin. A light pink flush tinted her cheeks, and for a split second, I realized that I had never seen Claire blush before, as minuscule as it may have been.

  
  


"Oh! Aha, sorry about that,” she said with a nervous laugh, gripping the collar of her shirt. “Yeah, I guess that _is_ why you're here." 

  
  


I nodded with a forced smile for my grandpa’s sake as I waited for Claire to continue. 

  
  


“Well?” I prodded, trying to hide my impatience. My grandfather shot me a disapproving look, but I pretended not to notice. 

  
  


Claire traced her thumb across the fabric of her shirt and took a deep breath before looking up at me. “I just want you to know…” she started, her voice gaining volume as she spoke, “if I _am_ pregnant, I’m planning on keeping it.” 

  
  


All the air in my lungs instantly left. I’d made my own assumptions about what Claire would do, but hearing it out loud was enough to leave my heartbeat anxiously echoing throughout my entire body. What was I supposed to say to that? 

  
  


"And… I just need to know, honestly, before we move forward,” Claire continued, her tone direct and confident as she spoke this time. “Are you going to be involved or not? You need to decide now, and it's either yes or no. I don’t really want to stay here and raise a child by myself." 

  
  


I sat up in my seat, my body tensing at her question. Had I done something to make her think that I would leave her on her own? 

  
  


"Why would you even ask that?" I demanded, my eyes narrowing in frustration. 

  
  


Claire’s expression didn’t change; her eyes remained focused on me, lips pressed tightly together. "Well, what’s it going to be?" she replied forcefully. 

  
  


My eyes instinctively rolled as she dismissed my question. She was the second person today to question my character, and it left me wondering how people in town saw me. Was there something about me that radiated good-for-nothing energy? 

  
  


"Of course I am!” I yelled across the table, trying to hide the hurt in my voice. “The fuck, Claire? What kind of person do you take me for?" 

  
  


I expected her to react negatively to the edge in my reply, but she remained unfazed. Her serious expression faded into a sad smile as she looked down at the glass of water in front of her.

  
  


"I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you,” Claire replied calmly, tracing one of her hands around the side of her neck. She let out a humorless chuckle before finishing her thought, “I just had to ask because, honestly, I _don't_ know what kind of person you are." 

  
  


"So you two barely know each other, and you're planning to raise a child together?" Gramps interrupted. I had almost forgotten that he was sitting next to me. 

  
  


"Butt out, Gramps," I snapped. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to bring him along after all. 

  
  


“In my day, this was almost completely unheard of!” My grandfather bellowed, all but slamming his half-empty glass on the table. 

  
  


_Here we go again…_

  
  


I took a sip of my tea as he continued his speech. “In a town like this, if news gets around about you two, it undoubtedly will cause an uproar.” A heavy sigh escaped his lips as Gramps shook his head. “When I was your age, if a situation like yours’ arose, the two’d get married to prevent all that. I reckon that’s what you two 'oughta do." 

  
  


The liquid I had attempted to swallow sprayed out of my mouth as I reacted to my grandfather's words. "Wh-what?" I forced out between breaths. 

  
  


Claire’s wide eyes indicated she was just as shocked as I was, but my grandpa stayed perfectly content with his words. He crossed his arms as his eyes darted between Claire and me. 

  
  


"You heard what I said," he stated as a matter of fact before downing the rest of his drink. “Gray, it’s the same thing I told your parents when—”

  
  


“And look how well that worked out for them,” I spat. 

  
  


My comment seemed to catch him off-guard. He cleared his throat before turning to speak to me in a lower tone, “That was different, and you know that.” 

  
  


He could make all the excuses he wanted; I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. 

  
  


I placed my elbows on the table in front of me and rested my head in my hands, using my thumbs to press into my temples. _What am I getting myself into?_ Before I could think of an appropriate reply to my grandfather’s insanity, Claire spoke up. 

  
  


"Ah, Saibara, sir, with all due respect,” Claire started uneasily, “I... _We_ appreciate your help, but... we still don’t know if I am for sure. So I think it’s a little early to be discussing _that_ , y’know?” She gazed over at me, tilting her head.

  
  


It appeared as if she was concerned, but I didn't know how to respond. Part of me was just impressed that she managed to deal with my grandfather’s bullshit so well. The other half of me was still perplexed, and honestly, infuriated with the woman sitting in front of me. 

  
  


"We'll save this discussion for later then," my grandfather spouted, noting the silent exchange between Claire and me. "Take some time to consider it, though. If you two could understand the outrage there would be if everyone found out that two kids were having a child together out of wedlock, you'd side with me." 

  
  


His closing statement left a lasting impression. Everyone in town seemed reasonably easy-going at the surface level, but I knew from being around Mary and her family that situations like ours would be subjected to intense scrutiny and gossip. 

  
  


Claire would be in an incredibly challenging position having to bear the physical changes that would accompany our predicament, on top of the challenges of being new in town. I sympathized with her, and I didn’t want people to treat either of us differently because of one drunken mistake. But marriage to a girl I barely knew? _Fuck. That. Shit_.

  
  


"Will do. Thank you, Saibara," Claire said as nicely as she could force out, a fake smile plastered across her face. “We both appreciate your insight.” 

  
  


Being a professional at appeasing my grandfather by now, I could tell that Claire was just trying to make a good impression, despite her true feelings towards his suggestion. Claire’s tight grip around her glass was enough of a hint for me, though. I had to hand it to her. Claire was smarter than I thought: she knew that kissing my grandpa’s ass was the best way to gain his support, and she was actually pretty good at it. 

  
  


"Well, anyway, Claire, you have my thanks for welcoming us into your home tonight," Gramps said as he slowly pushed up from his chair. "If you will excuse me, I'll be at the inn for supper." 

  
  


I started to get up too, growing annoyed and ready to get drunk, but then he spoke again. "Gray, you 'oughta stay here."

  
  


"Huh?" I asked, slouching back into my chair. 

  
  


"You heard me, boy," he scolded, his tone reminiscent of his lectures earlier in the day. "Take this opportunity to get to know the girl since, from what I've seen today, you two barely know a damn thing 'bout the other!” His hand casually motioned towards Claire. “And I'm sure Claire wouldn't mind the company." 

  
  


We both looked over to the blonde, who was obviously not paying attention to the conversation. She sat contently in her chair, sipping her water and kicking her legs. A few seconds later, her head finally snapped up and the words registered in her head.

  
  


"O-oh!" Claire stammered, frantically setting her glass down. "Yes, of course, Gray. You're welcome to stay if you'd like." Her lips curved into a polite smile as that rare pink tint returned to her face. 

  
  


For a brief moment, I considered how cute she looked with color in her cheeks, but snapped myself back to reality. It didn't matter how cute she was. I didn’t want to be left alone with Claire making awkward idle chit-chat. I didn’t want to be alone with her at all. 

  
  


"Perfect,” Gramps said with a satisfied smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow, son." He silently hobbled to the main room and slipped the geta back on his feet before disappearing behind Claire’s front door. 

  
  


As the door slammed behind him, I turned around to Claire, who had been watching my grandpa exit as intently as I had been. I had to tear myself away from the blonde. Looking at her just made me furious, and I didn’t have my grandpa’s presence to help suppress those feelings anymore. 

  
  


I looked down at my glass of tea, wishing that the golden liquid inside was a much stronger variety of barley beverage. Needless to say, I wasn’t exactly _thrilled_ to be left alone with Claire again. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof. I will be honest that these two chapters (this one and the next) were kind of hard for me to write. Some of it is based off my personal experience, which ya know can be helpful in some ways, not so much in others. Idk if that made sense. 
> 
> I'm posting this chap and the next one together, just because 1. It's new years and I'm feeling fun, 2. the two chapters happen on the same day, and honestly, I would have preferred for them to stay together... but the next one is long. You'll see what I mean. A lot be happening ya'll, 3. I felt bad leaving off on a cliffhanger last week, and 4. I feel like the next chapter answers questions that this chapter may ignite? I don't know. 
> 
> EDIT: I'm a FOOL and forgot to add the music that inspired me. Both this chapter and the next are based off of Radiohead songs. 
> 
> Okay, I'm done. Let me know what feedback you may have for me! I'm always eager to improve :-)


	10. I Might Be Wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gray gets to talking (and yelling) about the dirty details of his and Claire's situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi another potential Trigger Warning (TW!). A miscarriage is discussed in conversation later on in the chapter.  
> It's a long one (sorry), literally the longest thing I've written but oh well? There's A LOT going on. And even still I had to leave so much out lol. Anyway. Hope you enjoy :-)

After my grandpa deserted me at Claire’s house, all the feelings I’d been holding in the past two days started to hit me all at once. As I looked at Claire across the dining room table, all I wanted to do was blame her. _She_ was the reason all this had happened. She’d told me not to worry, yet here I was, beyond the point of worry. I was losing my fucking shit. 

Confusion, anger, fear, and everything in between, rushed to my head, and before I knew it, I was breaking our prolonged silence. 

  
  


“What the hell, Claire?” I started, feeling the frustration build in my chest. “How did this even happen? You told me—”

  
  


“I know what I told you,” Claire interrupted me, a clear edge in her voice. She inhaled slowly and looked back at me, softening her tone, “And I’m sorry... I really am. It’s not like I planned for this to happen. I was just... caught up in the moment...I don’t know. It’d worked before, so I thought it would be fine this time too…” 

  
  


I couldn’t believe what was coming out of her mouth. “So what, unprotected sex is just the norm for you or something?” I scoffed. “And you got mad at _me_ for asking if it was mine? Are you fucking serious?”

  
  


“That’s not what I meant!” Claire snapped, slamming her hand on the table. “You’re the only person I’ve had sex with since I’ve been here!” Our glares met, and I could tell that her clenched jaw was fighting the urge to say something else. 

She closed her eyes, took a series of deep breaths, and retracted her hand before relaxing her shoulders. Though her posture had softened, the look she shot me was stern. “I know that I could have done a better job at remembering the pill every day, and I shouldn’t have lied and pretended like everything was fine. But it’s not like you made an effort to use any protection either. I don’t know why you’re trying to put this all on me.” 

  
  


I sat back in my seat. Claire did have a point, even if I hated to admit it. I had no idea what I’d done in the situation, yet here I was reprimanding her. Yeah, she’d fucked up, but apparently, so had I. If anything, we were both at fault.

“I didn’t?” 

  
  


She narrowed her eyes. “You’re asking _me_? You were there, don’t you remember?”

  
  


My heart was racing in my chest. Would it be better to admit that I didn’t remember anything or to continue playing along as if I did? 

  
  


“I… I don’t, actually.” 

  
  


“Like… you don’t remember thinking about protection, or...?” 

  
  


I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I don’t really remember any of it, to be honest.” 

  
  


“Oh… ” Claire’s voice faltered. “So... you don’t remember hooking up?” 

  
  


“Uh, no… not really.” 

  
  


“What about before that? Do you remember jumping off the dock?” 

  
  


“We jumped off the dock?” I asked incredulously, narrowing my eyes in confusion. “No, I don’t even remember leaving Kai’s that night.” 

  
  


Claire took a few moments to process. She sat back in her chair, her posture slowly deflating. It seemed like Claire was upset that I didn’t have any memories of that night, and I was starting to regret telling her the truth. 

  
  


“I see,” she said quietly, her fingers tapping the sides of her glass. “But… I guess that does make a lot of sense, y’know, that you don’t remember.”

  
  


I wasn’t sure what to say to that. Claire seemed to accept the truth, but I couldn’t help noticing the sadness in her voice. The two of us seemed to be on entirely different pages in this whole situation. Scratch that; we weren’t even reading the same damn book. How the hell were we supposed to raise a child together? 

  
  


I paused for a second and looked down at my drink. Before I could even think of the words, they left my mouth, “Do you _really_ think we can do this?” 

  
  


“I... like to think so,” Claire replied slowly, fidgeting with her shirt’s collar. “Why, are you having second thoughts?”

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I’m just… definitely not ready to be a parent.” 

  
  


“I’m not either, but... I don’t think anyone ever really is. And I mean, there’s a chance that it won’t happen,” she offered thoughtfully, placing her head in her hand. “Kids weren’t even on my radar… if it wasn’t for this, I don’t think I would have slowed down enough to even _think_ about having one for at least like another ten years.”

  
  


“Yeah. Same.” 

  
  


“Well, it’s not too late to decide you want out,” Claire said harshly as her hands moved back to the table, forming tight fists. I was surprised how suddenly her mood had shifted again. “I get if you were just putting up a front for your grandpa. But… If I’m pregnant, I’m doing this. With or without you. I have to prove that I can.” I wasn’t sure what she meant by that, but she spoke it so confidently. 

I wanted so badly to take the out, just to be done with this nightmare. 

  
  


If only it were that simple. 

  
  


How could I ever move on with my life knowing that I’d left somebody without a father? I’d sworn to be nothing like my own dad. Leaving Claire to raise our kid on her own would just put me in the same boat as him, and I couldn’t live with that. 

  
  


“You really think I can do that?” I retorted. “Just leave you by yourself to raise our kid on your own? Are you fucking serious, Claire?” 

  
  


Claire paused for a few seconds before she let out a heavy sigh and apologetically looked across the table at me. “I’m sorry that I keep saying the wrong thing. I don’t mean to be rude… I’m just still… freaking out a little bit, y’know? It’s been a lot the past two days.” 

  
  


I let out a deep exhale. Claire definitely got that one right. 

  
  


“No, you’re fine,” I reluctantly replied as my shoulders slouched. “I guess I’m sorry too. It's… you’re right, it's a lot. I think I’m still processing it all.” It felt good to say out loud to somebody other than my grandpa. 

  
  


“Yeah, me too,” Claire admitted. She looked at my glass and picked up the pitcher again, offering me more of the tea. I nodded, and she filled my cup. “I know Saibara means well, but he didn’t really help either.” 

  
  


I unintentionally let out a laugh at how true her statement was, garnering a small smile from Claire in response. 

  
  


“That’s for sure,” I agreed, fiddling with the brim of my cap. “He was spouting a lot of nonsense today, but there was _some_ truth to what he was saying, even if I didn’t like hearing it.” 

  
  


“What, you think we should get married?” Claire asked in disbelief, a small smirk forming on her lips. I felt the skin on my neck and face grow hot at her response.

  
  


“Ah, Fuck. No, absolutely not,” I protested, putting my hands in front of my face to dismiss her comment. “That’s not what I meant at _all_.” She stifled a giggle, and I shot her a solemn look. “I meant the rest of the town. Them finding out.” 

  
  


The expression on Claire’s face faded to match my own. “Oh… yeah, you’re right about that,” she responded, thoughtfully tracing her fingers along her chin. “I mean… we can always revisit the marriage piece, but we should probably figure out the whole... y'know, telling people part.” 

  
  


I let out a snort and rolled my eyes. “We’ll revisit ‘revisiting the whole marriage piece,’” I quipped before taking a sip of my tea. “But when it comes to telling people... we should, uh, probably wait as long as we can.” Claire still had water in her mouth when I spoke, but she nodded enthusiastically in response before swallowing. 

  
  


It felt like I was talking to a completely different person than the polite, scared, people-pleaser who was in the room with my grandfather and me beforehand. And she definitely wasn’t the silent, emotionless girl that had been sitting in the clinic exam room earlier that day. She seemed considerably more relaxed and natural than she had been previously, despite her fleeting moments of rage. It felt like the latter of the three Claire’s was the real one, but part of me wanted to find out for myself. 

  
  


“Absolutely. I don’t think we should say anything to anyone else until we know for sure,” Claire agreed. “We know Trent and Ellie won’t say anything because of the law, and I don’t think we have to worry about your grandpa either.” As she took another sip of her water, her eyes widened in realization as she swallowed. “Oh, shit, wait.” 

  
  


“What?”

  
  


“I forgot that I told Ann too,” Claire confessed, looking past me towards the couch I had found her buried on the night before. “I was having a little bit of a…uh, mental breakdown when she came to get me for the festival. I wasn’t thinking clearly and told her everything.” 

  
  


I nodded, finally understanding Ann’s attitude the day before. “I knew that much,” I said, leaning back in my chair. “She ripped me a new one when Cliff and I met up with her at the beach. She wouldn’t tell me what was going on, so she sent me here.” 

  
  


The smile returned to Claire's lips once again, probably envisioning Ann’s performance that night. If I hadn’t been the one getting reamed, I would have enjoyed the sight as well. 

  
  


“She’s a good friend,” Claire said with a laugh, “I don’t think we have to worry about her telling anyone.” 

  
  


I nodded my head in agreement; I knew Ann was one of the more trustworthy of our friends. How she managed to keep so many secrets while chatting up the entire town every day was beyond me, but she had earned my trust over the years. 

  
  


“Cliff was with me that night too,” I said, remembering the scene as Cliff sat and watched Ann and I face off in a screaming match. “She probably told him what was up after I stormed off the beach.” She seemed to ponder this idea for a few moments before responding. I didn’t want to admit it to Claire, but if Ann didn’t tell Cliff, I definitely would.

  
  


“I think we can trust Cliff,” Claire said confidently. A small feeling of relief rushed over me. “I would consider him a friend. You and Ann seem to trust him a lot, so I will too.” She stared thoughtfully at the liquid in her cup. “But, I think that’s it for now, though. We’ll reevaluate as things... develop, y'know?” 

  
  


I nodded in approval. The weight of one of my worries had finally been lifted, for now. Once we knew if Claire was actually pregnant or not, we’d have to figure out what we’d even tell people. There were so many layers to this situation; just thinking about it only made my head throb. 

  
  


“Sounds good to me,” I said, rolling my stiff neck from side to side. Claire watched me with curious eyes.

  
  


“Want to move to the couch?” she asked sweetly. “We’ve been sitting here for a while. I’m kinda getting uncomfortable too.” 

  
  


Before I could respond, Claire had already pushed up from her seat and was walking to the other side of the table with water in hand. 

  
  


“Yeah. Fine,” I said as I sat up from the chair and grabbed my drink. It wasn’t really like I had a choice otherwise. 

  
  


After a deep breath, I spun on my feet and slowly walked to the living room area. It wasn’t much of a scenery change, but I was thankful for a more comfortable seat. By the time I had reached the green couch, Claire was already seated on the far side. She patted the spot next to her as I placed my drink on the coffee table. 

  
  


“I promise that I won’t cry this time,” she joked, noting my hesitancy. 

  
  


I let out a small huff and reluctantly plopped down next to her. The couch wasn’t huge, but I managed to get settled without getting too close. 

  
  


Being in such close quarters with Claire made me a little uncomfortable, but her relaxed, confident demeanor was beginning to ease the feeling. She talked to me as if I was somebody she had known for years, despite our minuscule, and admittedly, unfavorable interactions beforehand. Previously I had never paid much attention to what she said or how she carried herself, but as she sat in front of me beaming with energy, it was all I could think about. 

  
  


Claire brought me to my senses, the couch moving as she repositioned herself, seemingly waiting for me to speak. 

  
  


"Alright,” I said, lazily stretching my arms over my head. “Now that we got all that taken care of, I need to learn some shit about you so Gramps gets off my back.” I reached for my glass and took a quick sip of the drink before looking back at Claire. “So, uh… what should I know about you?" 

  
  


"Ah, well, that’s a loaded question," she replied with a genuine laugh. “Maybe you could be a little bit more specific.” 

  
  


I half smiled at her sarcastic response. “Fine. What brings you to the boonies, then?” I asked. “Everyone here’s got a story.” 

  
  


“Now that’s an interesting one,” Claire mused, leaning her head on the back of the couch. “A complicated one too. But I’ll try and give you the skinny version.” 

  
  


I wanted to laugh at her vocabulary choice, but I found myself too interested in how she would respond. 

  
  


“It was honestly an impulse decision to come here,” Claire started thoughtfully, “to change up my entire life and take a chance on a dream. I was in a pretty bad place, but when I saw the ad in the paper, I knew.” 

  
  


“What do you mean?” I knew there had to be more to this story solely based on her words. “What were you doing before you were here?” 

  
  


The joy on Claire’s face faded as she processed my question. She looked back at her drink before speaking. 

  
  


“I... was at school in the city,” she answered hesitantly, looking up at my expression periodically as she spoke. “It wasn’t my choice… I just did it to make my mom happy, but… it was exhausting living a life that wasn’t mine.” 

  
  


I sat back and thought about Claire’s words. I couldn’t help but empathize with her desire to change her life, despite her parents. 

  
  


“So that still doesn’t answer my question,” I said, stretching my neck. “If you have a degree, what are you doing here runnin’ a farm? You’d probably make a hell of a lot more money doing something else in the city.” This comment didn’t seem to improve Claire’s mood at all.

  
  


“Well,” she started with a fake laugh, “I... didn’t graduate. I would have started my senior year this year.” 

  
  


Claire noticed my confused expression and continued without needing my prompt this time, “I wanted to prove to my mom that I was smart enough to do it, but… ” She moved her gaze towards the window before she finished the thought. “But I hated it. I hated school, hated what I was studying, hated failing; I just felt trapped. After struggling and compromising myself over a degree that I didn’t even want, I decided it was time to consciously put myself in an environment that wasn’t actively working against me—that’s why I’m here.” 

  
  


My heart ached as she spoke the last sentence. I knew the feeling she was describing all too well. Her eyes stayed glued to the window, and I regretted bringing up the topic. It seemed fresh, and I didn’t want to risk making her cry again. 

  
  


“Uh… hey,” I started softly, leaning my head down. “Sorry for bringing it up.” My hand instinctively tugged down the brim of my hat. “I know the feeling, though.” 

  
  


“Oh! I’m fine,” Claire said enthusiastically, snapping her attention back at me. “It’s all worked out so far! I’m much happier here.” An assured grin grew on her face as she smacked a balled-up fist into her open palm. “I just need to keep working hard and prove to my mom that this was worth it!” 

  
  


While I was confused by Claire’s sudden change in mood, I couldn’t help but admire her spirit despite the challenges she had faced. 

  
  


“But wait, you said you know the feeling though, is that why you’re here too?” Claire added after a few moments of silence. 

  
  


“Well, kinda.” I wished that I hadn’t even brought it up. “Not quite. It's a little more complicated than that.” 

  
  


Claire let out a laugh despite my serious tone. “Well, _everyone_ has a story, as you would say,” she teased, pushing me to continue. “I told you mine. It’s only fair to tell me yours.” I noticed that familiar coy smile appear on her face as she winked in my direction. 

  
  


_Is she flirting with me right now?_ That was a curveball. I shook the notion from my head and attempted to gather my thoughts. 

  
  


“Well… growing up, I wasn’t a very good kid,” I started, avoiding Claire’s intent gaze. “I didn’t just fail classes, though; I was usually in trouble for... much worse.” I paused and thought about whether I should embellish on that but eventually decided against it. “It's a miracle I even graduated high school.” I heard Claire exhale out of her nose in response and looked over to her. 

  
  


“Boy, do I know that feeling,” she said with a small chuckle. “So is that why you decided to move here? A fresh start?” 

  
  
  


“Moved here is the nice way of putting it,” I admitted, instinctively reaching for the bill of my hat. “Sent here would be a better way to describe it. I didn’t have much say.” 

  
  


"Sent here?" she asked, leaning closer. 

  
  


I felt my pulse rapidly increase as I realized how deeply Claire was interested in the topic. Rarely did I talk to anyone about my parents or the factors that led me to Mineral Town. There wasn’t much of a need when I first came to town; unfortunately, my reputation had preceded me. I was just relieved that Claire heard it from me rather than someone else, though. 

  
  


"Ah, yeah… by my mom a few years back," I said as I crossed my arms in front of my chest. “She tried her best to help me find some direction in my life, but I still managed to find a way to fuck that all up too. Badly.” I wasn’t really up for unloading all that today, so I left it at that. 

  
  


I looked over to Claire, who was eagerly listening and nodding her head for me to continue. “My mom was just… at her limit with me. So she shipped me off to Gramps, hoping he could whip me into shape or whatever.” 

  
  


It was a lot more complicated than that, but I didn’t have it in me to elaborate on those memories. I had tried so hard to repress those feelings over the years, and it was just easier for me not to go into detail. 

  
  


"Oh," she said, her eyes glued to mine. "So if it were up to you, you wouldn't be here?"

  
  


"No, probably not," I admitted. "But like you said, it’s worked out so far. My life was fucking chaos before I moved here. Who knows where I would have ended up otherwise." I looked over to my dwindling refreshment as I stretched out my legs. _Jail, maybe?_

  
  


"Well, now that you’re here, do you like what you do? Y’know, being a blacksmith, blacksmithing, or however you would say it," Claire asked without missing a beat. 

  
  


I had to think about that for a second or two. "Umm… I’m only an apprentice, but yeah, I guess," I said with a deep breath. “I’ve always enjoyed working with my hands, but sometimes I don’t know if I enjoy being a blacksmith _here_.”

  
  


"Why would you do something that you don't enjoy?"

  
  


"I didn't say that I didn't enjoy it."

  
  


"Well… you kinda did," Claire bantered with a smirk.

  
  


"Just... shut up and let me explain myself, okay?" I snapped back. 

  
  


She nodded in response, unfazed by the irritated tone in my voice. 

  
  


"I like what I do. What I don’t enjoy is my grandpa’s unrealistic fucking expectations. He makes working with him unbearable sometimes." That was putting it nicely, considering we fought on a near-daily basis. 

  
  


“I think that he’s just pushing you because he knows that you’re capable of great things!” Claire said as she raised a clenched fist. 

  
  


I let out a sarcastic laugh at her enthusiasm. "Yeah, maybe that's it,” I said, not very convinced of the idea. “I just wish he wasn’t such an asshole about it sometimes.”

  
  


“That must run in the family, huh?” Claire laughed. When she noticed me glaring at her, she clicked her tongue and tilted her head. “What? It’s funny because it’s true.” 

  
  


I rolled my eyes. If only Claire knew how true her joke was. “You’d be an asshole too if you had to spend all day with that fucker.”

  
  


"Saibara?" she asked, shifting in her seat. "But he seems so nice!"

  
  


" _To you_ ," I scoffed, leaning back into the couch. “You don't even know the half of it.”

  
  


"Well, I think one day you'll be a great blacksmith just like him," Claire said optimistically, meeting my gaze with bright eyes. "It may not be for awhile… but I know you can do it!"

  
  


"Uh… thanks, I think?" I responded, feeling my face grow warmer. "You... sure know how to give a compliment." 

  
  


Claire laughed as she repositioned herself, criss-cross on the couch, fully facing me. "Thanks. I try," she said sarcastically, flipping a chunk of golden hair over her shoulder playfully. 

  
  


"Enough about me,” I said as I tugged at my hat, eager for the spotlight to move away from me. “What about you? Do you enjoy farming?" 

  
  


She placed a finger to her lips in thought. My eyes followed, lingering on the outline of her lips longer than I cared to admit.

  
  


"Definitely!" Claire eagerly replied as she pressed her palms together and leaned the side of her face against them. "I was nervous at the beginning of spring, but reaping the _literal_ fruits of my labor has been one of the most satisfying experiences yet. It feels amazing to finally have something to show for my hard work! I mean, y'know, you saw all those crops out there. It can be tough sometimes, but it’s an engaging challenge!" 

An embarrassed smile grew on her face as she finished the thought, “Ah, uh, sorry, I’m definitely rambling, but I’m just excited to finally be doing something with my life that doesn’t make me feel like my strengths are a weakness.” 

  
  


I was curious about what Claire was referring to in her last sentence, but I let it be. If anything, Claire had shown me that she would let me know if she was ready to talk about something. 

  
  


As I looked up, I realized that Claire was staring at me once again, probably expecting a reply. She was sitting on the edge of her seat, seemingly waiting for me to say something so that she could talk again. It reminded me of an excited little kid. 

  
  


"That's cool," was all I could think to respond. My brain evidently was occupied with something else. “I-I mean just that you found something that does that for you.”

  
  


“I have a long way to go to reach my goal, but I know I can do it!” I could almost feel the warmth from the fire in her eyes as she spoke. “I know that if both of us keep working hard, we’ll get where we want to be!” 

  
  


Claire’s excitement as she spoke was contagious. I wasn’t sure why she was so fired up, but I couldn’t help admiring her drive. The corners of my lips unconsciously curled up as I entertained the thought of running the smithy one day. That day was impossibly far, and a lot of hard work away, but Claire’s determination made it feel like anything was possible. 

  
  


I was finally starting to understand why my friends enjoyed spending so much time with her…

  
  


“It's just like you said when we first met,” I recalled, a smile still intact. Claire had also accused me of having anger issues that day, but I chose to focus on the more encouraging words she’d spoken. 

  
  


She nodded and clasped her hands together in front of her chest. “Exactly!” Claire was grinning ear to ear, somehow doubling her enthusiasm. 

  
  


I had to hold back a laugh at how ridiculous she looked gushing about work, of all things. 

  
  


“We’re in a pretty shitty situation now, but I know we’ll be okay because I could tell you had that drive too from the first day I met you!” She gave me a playful smile before jokingly finishing the thought, “It’s a little misdirected sometimes, but it’s there!” 

  
  


I felt a warm glow rise over my cheeks at the attention. Gramps was stingy with compliments, and nobody else ever really praised me, so it was nice to hear for a change. 

  
  


That warm feeling disappeared almost as quickly as it had arrived once I thought about how poorly I’d treated Claire since she’d moved to town. I hadn’t been much nicer to her earlier today either. It felt like I didn’t deserve her kindness. 

  
  


I took a deep breath and glanced over to Claire. “Hey, listen, I’m really sorry about before.” 

  
  


“What do you mean? Like earlier today? You’re fine—” 

  
  


“No, well that too. But I mean before we, uh, hooked up,” I said hesitantly, squeezing the back of my neck. “When we first met, and after that. I… I really am sorry. I was just so frustrated at the time, and I took it out on you.” 

  
  


“Gray, really, it's okay,” Claire assured me, her voice surprisingly comforting. She looked away to the wall, her voice softening as she continued, “Sometimes... I have trouble managing my emotions, too, especially when I’m frustrated. I get it. That’s why I said what I said when we first met.”

  
  


At least she was aware of her own behavior. That’s more than I could say about myself. 

  
  


“Oh. Uh, thanks…” I started, shocking myself with how open I felt while sober. “I appreciate that. I’m not too good with new people, but… I think I’m starting to feel comfortable around you.” 

Claire’s eyes slightly widened as she registered the words. A wide, toothy grin appeared on her face as her free hand reached for the collar of her shirt. “Me too. Like, I mean I’m not always the best with new people either and, um, I feel comfortable around you too.” She paused and squeezed the fabric in her hands, her eyes avoiding mine. “I... think it’s important that we can communicate honestly with each other moving forward, y’know?”

  
  


“Oh. Yeah, I guess that’s a good poin—” 

  
  


“Oh, shit,” Claire cut me off, abruptly standing up from her spot on the couch. Her eyes were glued to the small clock above her tv. “Is it actually that late?” 

  
  


I looked over to the clock, noticing that it was almost 8 pm. Had I been at Claire’s for nearly... four hours? After my grandpa left, it almost felt like time stood still while Claire and I talked. I had to hand it to her; she was pretty captivating after all. Still a little annoying but ultimately entertaining enough to put up with.

  
  


“I’m so sorry Gray, I don’t mean to kick you out or anything,” Claire continued, scratching the sides of her neck as she stood beside the couch, “but I have a lot I have to do tomorrow, and I still need to get some things done tonight.” 

  
  


I pondered what in the world a farmer would need to be doing at 8 pm on a Friday but figured it was none of my business. 

  
  


“No, you’re right,” I grumbled as I pushed up from my sunken spot on the couch. I felt like I should be relieved that I could finally return home, but for some reason, I didn’t. “I should head out anyway. Thanks for having me.” 

  
  


Claire waited for me to walk to the other side of the couch and then escorted me along the short walk to her front door. 

  
  


“Thanks for staying,” Claire said as we arrived at her front door, “I.... actually really enjoyed talking to you. We should do it again sometime.” 

  
  


She looked up at me with those big, ultramarine eyes once again. If there was one thing Claire knew, it was eye contact. I swallowed the growing lump in my throat.

  
  


“Uh, yeah,” I replied as my hand reached for the doorknob. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt.” 

  
  


I didn’t want to admit it, but spending time alone with Claire wasn’t as awful as I initially thought it would be. I wasn’t sure how to verbalize this to Claire without seeming rude, so I just opted to get the hell out of there before things got weird. 

  
  


“Oh! Wait!” I heard Claire call from behind. 

  
  


I looked over my shoulder and gave her a nod. 

  
  


“The second.” 

  
  


“What are you going on about?” I asked, cocking my head around to see if her face would give me any indication. 

  
  


“Of next season,” Claire continued, still not making much sense. “That’s when the next appointment is.”

  
  


“Oh. Right.” Truthfully, I had momentarily forgotten about the whole situation. So _that_ was the fateful day. 

  
  


Claire shifted the weight between her feet. “So… I’ll see ya there?” 

  
  


“Uh, yeah. Definitely,” I said, pushing open the door. “And, um, I’ll see you around.”

  
  


Claire followed me, waving and calling goodbye from the doorway as I left the property. 

  
  


I waited until I was almost to the smithy to stop and let out a deep breath. The day’s events had been confusing as fuck, to say the least, and I was left with a loss of words to describe the emotional rollercoaster I’d experienced. There was the dread of having a kid of my own, the fear of people in town finding out my secret, the annoyance caused by my grandfather, and now the uncertainty of my feelings towards Claire. It felt like I should hate her. And I wanted to hate her… but I didn’t. 

  
  


If anything, there was a need for a drink, possibly many, to work through this. 

  
  


I made my way to the inn, ready to finally have some time to debrief. Since the Fireworks Festival last night, I hadn’t had the chance to sit down and talk to anyone, let alone have a drink, and I was ready to relish in it. 

  
  


The room was relatively empty as the dinner rush had ended a while ago, but a few regulars remained. I caught sight of Ann dropping off drinks at Duke and Basil’s table, the pair continuing their intense conversation as she did so. 

  
  


Our eyes locked from across the room, and I tried to assess Ann’s mood. She seemed significantly more relaxed than she was yesterday, so I was feeling optimistic. Ann cocked her head towards the bar and then made her way behind it. I walked through the dining room to meet her there, taking the first seat at the end. She had her back to me, filling a glass at the tap behind her. Without a word, she set the glass on the bar and slid it towards me. 

  
  


“What’s this?” I asked, taking a sip of the amber liquid. It was _so_ much better than tea.

  
  


“An apology,” Ann said with a half-smile. “I know it wasn’t my business, but I couldn’t help getting so worked up over it. Gray, I’m sorry—”

  
  


“The beer is good enough for me,” I interrupted after a second swig. “You don’t need to keep talking. I get it. We’re good.” Ann watched me with careful eyes as I pounded the rest of the beverage and then set it back on the counter. “I mean, we’re good as long as you keep ‘em coming.” She rolled her eyes and snatched the glass to refill. 

  
  


“It feels like I haven’t seen you in forever. You haven’t left without breakfast in a really long time,” Ann said as she set the full glass back in front of me. It had only been a day, but I didn’t remind her of this. It felt longer than that to me too. “Are things… okay?” 

  
  


I looked around the room, taking inventory as to who all was there. Basil and Duke were the closest residents to us, but they were out of earshot. The two appeared to be in a heated debate, but I couldn’t make out any of the words. It was safe to talk. 

  
  


“They’re as okay as they can be, I guess,” I replied, taking a long sip of my drink. “I think it's too early to tell, though.” 

  
  


Ann’s eyes did a similar scan, accounting for any potential eavesdroppers. She placed her forearms on the bar and leaned closer to me. 

  
  


“So did you two, like, figure out what you’re going to do?” she asked, her voice closer to a whisper now. 

  
  


I gave her a shrug as I set down my drink. 

  
  


Ann didn’t seem pleased by my response. “What does this”—she shrugged her shoulder mockingly—“mean?” I fought back the urge to roll my eyes at the redhead. 

  
  


“I don’t know what you want from me,” I said, fiddling with the brim of my hat. “We don’t know if Claire’s pregnant for sure, but if she is, sh- I mean, we’re keeping it, if that’s what you’re asking.” 

  
  


Ann blinked a few times as if processing the information. I could tell by her wide eyes that she wanted to make a scene but knew she couldn’t. I was thankful for that. 

  
  


“So wait, when I came over before the festival, Claire told me she was pregnant and was losing her mind,” Ann recounted, looking up as if to watch the memory in her mind. “Now you’re telling me she might not be? I’m confused.” 

  
  


I sighed. “Me too.” 

  
  


Ann wasn’t thrilled with my response. “Okay?” The sass was clear in her voice. “What did the doctor say?” 

  
  


“It didn’t make a whole lotta sense,” I began, trying to remember how Trent had explained it. “Something about a chemical pregnancy? All her tests came back positive, I guess, but apparently, it’s too early to know if it… stuck or not.” I paused, thinking about what else the doctor had said. “There’s still a chance that she might, uh… miscarry.” 

  
  


“Oh.” Ann inhaled deeply, thinking carefully about how to respond. “I see. Okay, well, when will you know for sure?” 

  
  


“We’re going back at the beginning of fall.” I took another drink. “I guess we should be able to see something by then.” 

  
  


Ann was silent for a moment until she let out a long sigh. “How the heck did this even happen, Gray?” She pushed up from the bar top and looked me in the eyes. “You’re telling me that in a room with three guys, one of them being Kai, you couldn’t manage to scrounge up _one_ condom?”

  
  


I rolled my eyes. “I have them, we just… I don’t know, forgot to use them?” I said half-defensively. “She’s _your_ friend. Didn’t she tell you any of this?”

  
  


“I mean, she told me you two hooked up after it happened, but she conveniently left out the part where you didn’t use protection.” 

  
  


“Yeah, well, clearly we didn’t.” Ann raised her eyebrow in disapproval, so I continued. “What? We were both fucked up. It’s not like the plan was to just go at it raw—”

  
  


“EW! Gray!” Ann brought her hand up to her mouth as she gagged. “DON’T say that! Please. I’m not Kai.” 

  
  


I laughed. “Sorry. Wrong crowd.” 

  
  


Ann shook her head, dismissing the tangent. “Okay, so you two did it without protection, and then what? You just let it be and hoped for the best?” 

  
  


“No stupid, Claire told me she was on birth control… so honestly, I kind of forgot about it. She told me not to worry.” 

  
  


Ann scoffed. “And you trusted Claire to do that? Mr. ‘I-don’t-know-her-that-well.’ Do you even know how birth control works?” 

  
  


“Honestly… not really.” 

  
  


“Clearly,” Ann quipped, rolling her eyes. “You have to take it every day, at the same time each day. And don’t get me wrong, I love Claire, but honestly, she’s a bit of a space cadet sometimes.” 

  
  


“What do you mean?” 

  
  


“I _mean_ that if you took the time to get to know the girls you were sleeping with, you’d know that Claire can be forgetful sometimes. She remembers things, just forgets to do them, and then tries to overcompensate for forgetting.” 

  
  


I scoffed and looked back at my drink. “Yeah, that would have been nice to know like three weeks ago, so thanks.” 

  
  


“It’s not my fault that you’re so stubborn,” Ann said with a shrug. “You play stupid games, you win stupid prizes.”

  
  


“Well, fuck, _sorry_ I couldn’t follow your perfect little protocol, Ann,” I chided with an eye roll. “It’s been a while, so excuse me if I’m a little out of practice with all that shit.” I didn’t want to think about just how long it had been since I’d had sex before Claire, so I pushed it to the back of my mind. Frustration took its place in my head. “If it were up to me, I’d go back to Kai’s that night and tell myself to get the fuck out of there. I wish it would have never even happened.”

  
  


Ann reached into her back pocket and threw a damp rag at me. I watched it hit my arm and then flop onto the bar top. 

  
  


“What was that for? I thought you weren’t mad anymore?”

  
  


“I’m not,” she said, placing her hands on her hips. 

  
  


_Here we go again_. 

  
  


“You just need to stop being such an... ass. It’s not going to make the situation any better. You made the decision, and now you need to stick to it.” 

  
  


“ _I_ didn’t make the choice,” I said, finally giving in to the urge to roll my eyes. “Claire did.” 

  
  


“You didn’t, like, talk about it at all?” Ann asked quietly, leaning herself against the bar. 

  
  


“ _Like_ , no,” I said sarcastically. “I couldn’t talk to her last night because she was hysterical, and we didn’t have a chance to talk before she dragged me to the clinic today.” Ann nodded understandingly as I spoke, “She kinda just… decided. I couldn’t do anything about it. I guess it wasn’t really my choice to make.” 

  
  


“How noble of you,” Ann mocked. 

  
  


I narrowed my eyes at her, chugging the rest of my drink in response. Ann raised her eyebrows at me as I set the glass down on the table and pushed it towards her, hinting that I was ready for a refill. 

  
  


“The first two were on me. This one’s going on your tab.” 

  
  


“Whatever.” I looked back at the empty glass. “Whiskey on the rocks then.” Ann looked at me for a second, shook her head, then disappeared to the other end of the bar. 

  
  


“So, does this mean you and Claire aren’t on the best of terms right now?” Ann asked as she returned with a new glass and set it in front of me. “I know you didn’t particularly care for her to begin with, so I can’t imagine what it's like now.” 

  
  


I awkwardly chuckled at the irony of the situation now. “Well, uh, no, actually,” I admitted, scratching the back of my neck, “it’s kind of the opposite... I think. We were at her house talking most of the evening.” 

  
  


Ann’s brows furrowed as her eyes narrowed on me. One hand rested on her hip while the other gripped the bar between us. “Wait. What?” 

  
  


“Yeah, I mean, I’m just as surprised as you are,” I said, casually sipping the whiskey. “She’s not _that_ bad. I’m still a little annoyed with her, but I guess it really was both of our faults the whole thing happened.” 

  
  


The waitress took a step back. “Are you… owning up to your mistakes?” Confusion painted her face. “Plus, willingly hanging out with Claire? Who are you, and what have you done with Gray?” 

  
  


“Whatever,” I groaned. “Don’t look too much into it. I’m just trying to survive this shit in one piece.” 

  
  


Ann seemed to ponder something for a few moments. The light on her face slowly faded and was replaced with what seemed like concern. She placed both her hands down on the bartop and looked directly into my eyes. “Gray, you know I love you, but honestly… I’m worried. Just, _please_ don’t mess this up.” 

  
  


I broke away from her intense stare to drink. It sounded like Ann was trying to be sincere, but all I could think about was how much she sounded like my mom.

  
  


“No shit,” I said softly, looking down into the glass below me. 

  
  


Ann looked at the drunken pair of men waving her over and then back at me. She rounded the bar and then stopped next to my seat. 

  
  


“Everything will be fine,” Ann attempted to reassure me, though I wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince herself or me. “I’m rooting for you two; you know that, right?” She gave my arm a quick squeeze before sauntering off to Basil and Duke’s table. 

  
  


I sighed and looked back at my drink, finally feeling the warm after-effect I had longed for earlier. 

  
  


_Me too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this didn’t feel too cramped or forced? I imagine that there’s still a lot of residual tension and anger on both sides for Gray and Claire. But at the same time, when you’re going through something that absolutely sucks, there’s just something about having somebody that you can talk openly about it with that can 1. Make you feel slightly better and valid, and 2. Make you feel closer to the person you’re sharing the experience with. I hope that I was able to convey that. 
> 
> I was excited to share more about Claire. As frustrating as she is, I’m also excited to share more about her in the future that will hopefully make her behavior make more sense. 
> 
> If you’re mad because your like…slow burn?? Why are they getting along?? Don’t worry. I wouldn’t get too comfortable with them being on good terms lol. Posting this chapter really just lit the fire under my ass to get working on the fun to come hehe. 
> 
> Anyway! Happy to say goodbye to 2020. This was a shitty year, but I started going to therapy again, stopped drinking, and started indulging in hobbies that make me happy, so I’m eager for what may come next! I hope you all have a great one! I appreciate ya reading, especially if you got this far lol :)


	11. Where Is My Mind?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As things settle, Gray struggles with the thought of being an actual dad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thursday! An update! I hope you all enjoy getting juuuuuust a lil more background on our Gray here. 
> 
> !Potential Trigger Warning (TW!) there is mention of domestic abuse and child abuse at the beginning of this chapter. It's not described in any detail, but I would rather be safe than sorry!

I didn’t sleep at all that night. After attempting to drink away my problems alone at the bar, I spent the rest of the evening tossing and turning, thinking about them anyway. 

  
  


As my potential parenthood started to set in, I began to understand just how woefully unprepared I was to actually become somebody’s father. The thought fucking terrified me. I had no idea what a good dad even looked like. 

  
  


Besides Gramps, my dad’s dad, and Doug, my dad’s cousin, I never had much of a positive male influence growing up. And on top of that, neither Gramps nor Doug were around much when I was younger, the time in your life when that shit matters. 

  
  


Instead, I was left with the pathetic excuse of a man that had contributed sperm to my conception: _Jet_. Calling him my dad never really seemed right, considering he never actually did anything to warrant that title. It's hard to be a good father when your entire existence is spent shitfaced and angry at the world, and the man that claimed to be my father was the prime example of that. 

  
  


When I tried to recall any positive experiences I had with my dad for any sliver of inspiration, nothing came to mind. Instead, feelings of anxiety and resentment flooded my brain. The only memories I could conjure up of Jet included screaming matches, complete verbal degradation, and physical altercations. If I wasn’t on the receiving end, it was my mom, and I wasn’t sure which was worse to endure. 

  
  


He was an aggressive, unpredictable drunk, and growing up with him was like living in a war-zone. That type of environment isn’t particularly conducive to producing healthy, well-rounded children, so it was no surprise when I started acting up in response. As a kid, I wanted so desperately to be seen and validated that I didn’t care how I went about getting attention. This only caused more fighting with Jet, as he blamed _my_ behavior for being the reason he drank, as ironic as it seemed. 

  
  


We would continue to fight, each time worse than the last, only fueling the vicious cycle. It wasn’t until I was thirteen that Jet got physical with me instead of my mom, which—for some strange fucking reason—ended up being the final straw for her. When my mom finally kicked him out and got him arrested, she was left to deal with the mess he had created: _me_. 

  
  


Needless to say, I didn’t have any “good father” experiences to guide me in my current predicament. If anything, Jet had given me instructions on what _not_ to do. His lack of parenting seemed to be one of the only things motivating me. I wanted to be nothing like him because I didn’t want any kid of mine to have to grow up as I did. 

  
  


I turned over on my back and stared up at the ceiling of the dark room. My body felt heavy, stiff, and in desperate need of rest that my brain was withholding. I wondered how long I had been here uncomfortably shifting in bed, dwelling on my fears. 

  
  


As the shadows on the ceiling changed, I sat up and looked out the window on the far side of the room. While the light wasn’t shining brightly through the window just yet, it was clear from the growing soft glow that the sun was rising. It seemed grayer than usual outside, though I wasn’t sure if it was due to rain in the forecast or if it was just a reflection of how I was feeling. 

  
  


I audibly groaned. It wasn’t worth it to lay back down for an hour or two of sleep I knew wouldn’t come, so I figured I’d try to do something productive with my time and brain. Strange enough, work seemed like the only useful thing I could do lately. 

  
  


The hardwood floor creaked underneath my feet as I threw myself out of bed. I looked over to Cliff, sleeping soundly in his bed across the room, unbothered by the sound. Kai’s bed between us was empty, though I had a pretty good idea where he was sleeping. _Lucky bastards_. 

  
  


No longer concerned with my noise level, I snatched a set of coveralls from underneath my bed and trudged to the bathroom, all but slamming the door behind me. 

  
  


I snaked my arm around the shower curtain and cranked the knob before turning back to the mirror above the sink. I braced my hands on the countertop and leaned towards my reflection. The light in the bathroom was dim, but I could tell that I looked like shit. Bright red veins wove through the whites of my eyes, and a set of sunken dark circles were carved underneath them. I ran my hand along my jaw, noticing the rough patches that had accumulated over the past few days. Looking back at me in the mirror was the perfect representation of how I felt inside: fucking exhausted. 

  
  


So much had happened over the past few weeks, especially the past few days, that it felt like my mind couldn’t catch a break. My appearance was clearly paying the price. 

  
  


I released my grip from the bathroom counter and turned back to the shower. Satisfied with the growing cloud of steam above, I pulled back the curtain and stepped into the basin. Immediately, the hot water rained over me, and my muscles relaxed. I put my head under the rushing water and closed my eyes, intent on basking in the warmth as much as I could. 

  
  


My thoughts began to wander again, this time to Mary. With everything going on, I had almost completely forgotten about running into her on the beach. I’d promised to go talk to her, but what would I even say? I had no intention of trying to rekindle whatever the fuck we’d been doing, especially now, but I did still care about her. I didn’t want to do anything to hurt her or make her hate me, but it sure felt like I was going down that track. 

  
  


I opened my eyes as I felt my stomach drop in response to a thought I had yet to entertain: Did Mary already know about Claire and me? There was no possible way. How would she? Claire and I had already established who knew and how trustworthy each person was, but I couldn’t shake off the nagging feeling that Mary _somehow_ was aware of what was happening between us. She and Ellie had been friends since they were children, and Claire insisted that Ellie was bound by law to keep our secret, but that didn’t ease my worries at all. 

  
  


Maybe our secret was safe for now, but what about when Claire started to show? Would we tell people then? And what would we tell them? I’m not sure who “them” entailed, but eventually, the news would get back to Mary in a small town like this. I thought about how she and her parents would react and how other elders in the village, who already thought so little of me, would respond. I hated thinking about it, but I couldn’t stop bringing it up. It was too early to go down this rabbit hole again. 

  
  


I carried on with my shower, hoping to refocus myself on the things I could control today. I’d have extra time at the forge this morning to work on personal projects, something that had been extremely effective at distracting myself thus far.

  
  


My thoughts were interrupted when I felt my stomach turn in hunger. I rinsed out the last remaining suds from my hair and turned off the shower. The bathroom’s air was still warm and humid, making the thought of falling asleep all the more appealing. It was too late for that, though. 

  
  


I reached for the towel hanging next to the shower and dried myself off. After a quick shave and a fresh set of work clothes, I looked somewhat more presentable than I had earlier. It wasn’t much of an improvement, but it would do for today. 

  
  


I groggily made my way downstairs to the dining room and was surprised when the entire place was empty. It had been a while since I had woken up before 6, but it seemed exceptionally quiet this morning. After a few moments of standing awkwardly by the stairs, I heard some rustling and clanging from behind the kitchen doors.

  
  


A few moments later, Doug emerged from the kitchen doors with a few crates in hand. He set the stack down on the end of the bar and then separated the tower across the bar top. As he sat the last crate down, he noticed my presence. 

  
  


“Well, good morning, Gray!” Doug greeted me with a friendly smile. He motioned for me to grab a seat before speaking again, “I’m happy to see you up and about so early this morning.” My usual bar spot was occupied by crates, so I took a seat a few stools over.

  
  


“Morning,” I replied, stretching my neck back and forth, “And thanks.” As I sat down, Doug seemed to investigate me further. His cheery smile relaxed into a straight line as he tilted his head towards me. 

  
  


“Everything alright, son?” Doug asked. “You look like—”

  
  


“Shit,” I interrupted, “I know. I didn’t sleep much last night, that’s all.” Doug carefully eyed me again, unsure if he was convinced by my answer. 

  
  


“You know,” Doug said, his ice-blue eyes now piercing straight into mine, similarly to how Ann’s did from time to time, “You can talk to me anytime you need somebody to listen.” He turned back to the various crates and removed the wooden lids. 

  
  


“Thanks,” I mumbled, looking down and tugging on my hat. “But I just need sleep. That’s all.” 

  
  


Doug watched me as he tucked the wooden lids underneath his arms. The smile returned to his face as he replied, “And probably some food, too!” He headed towards the kitchen and looked back at me from over his shoulder. “You want your usual? I can get it cookin’ right now.” 

  
  


“Yeah, thanks, that’d be great,” I said as I looked up at the inn’s owner. He seemed satisfied with the answer and pushed through the kitchen’s swinging doors. 

  
  


A few seconds later, I heard Doug yell for Ann from the kitchen, followed by an unintelligible exchange between the two of them. Minutes passed before Ann burst through the kitchen doors. She immediately looked me up and down before frowning in disgust. 

  
  


“Yikes,” Ann said with a small chuckle. She walked past my spot at the bar and turned to the coffee maker sitting on the bar-back. When I didn’t respond, she turned over her shoulder and continued, “I didn’t expect to see you down here so early the way you were drinking last night.” 

  
  


I scoffed, “Neither did I.” I took off my hat and set it on the seat next to me, then lightly shook out a chunk of damp hair with my hand. “I didn’t sleep, so—” 

  
  


“I could tell,” Ann joked without turning around. She finished adding grounds to the machine and then turned to face me. She noticed the scowl on my face and threw her hands up in exasperation, “What? I’m making _your_ coffee! Chill out. I’m just kidding with you, jeez.” 

  
  


“Thanks,” I said sarcastically. My attention shifted to the glass coffee pot behind Ann as the brown liquid steadily dripped to the bottom. 

  
  


Ann watched me for a few seconds and then left through the kitchen doors. She returned less than a minute later with a stack of plastic containers, a cutting board, and a knife in tow. Without a word, Ann set the supplies down at the bar top between me and the crates. I watched her curiously as she arranged all the items with a purpose. 

  
  


She grabbed a lime from the crate and placed it on the cutting board before looking back up at me, “Dad’s worried about you.” 

  
  


I didn’t respond immediately, so she grabbed the knife on the bar and returned her attention to the task. 

  
  


She began slicing the lime carefully as she spoke again, “He sent me out here to try and figure out what’s up with you.” I perked up at the last sentence, now worried about what Doug knew. 

  
  


“You didn’t tell him, did you?” I asked so quietly that it sounded more like a whisper. 

  
  


Ann stopped her hand mid-cut to look me in the eyes. “Of course not!” she exclaimed before turning back to the lime in front of her. “Come on, Gray, have a little more faith in me.”

  
  


“I-I appreciate you keeping it to yourself,” I muttered, leaning forward on the bar. 

  
  


A shrill beeping rang from the coffee maker behind Ann until she sauntered over and pressed a lit red button. She reached into the cupboard below the machine and pulled out a white mug. After filling the cup with the piping hot coffee, she set it down in front of me. 

  
  


“I’m mainly doing it for Claire,” Ann said with an awfully attempted wink. I wasn’t sure why she insisted on doing that when it was so painful to watch. “Kidding! You know I have your back. Dad can just be a little nosy sometimes. He just cares about you a lot. You’re like the son he always wanted.” 

  
  


I grabbed the mug in front of me and blew some heat away from the surface instead of responding. Clearly, I wasn’t in the mood to talk about father-son dynamics. 

  
  


Ann noticed my behavior and changed the subject, “So, you never asked about how my date with Cliff went.” 

  
  


“You two went on a date?” I asked as I lifted the beverage up to take a sip. 

  
  


“The Fireworks Festival?” Ann reminded me as she narrowed her eyes and tilted her head. “Remember?” 

  
  


“Ugh, that feels like years ago,” I grumbled as I set down my cup and rubbed my temples with both hands. 

  
  


“It was two days ago, Gray,” Ann said with a clearly annoyed tone. “Anyway, even though you almost ruined it, it went well, thanks for asking.” 

  
  


She headed back to the cutting board and pulled out a few more limes before returning to her prep work. “We… uh, may have held hands,” Ann added quietly. Her eyes remained glued on the citrus in front of her as a warm glow spread to her cheeks. “And… he might have kissed me... on the cheek! But still...”

I looked up from my hands with wide eyes, “No way. Cliff?” Ann quickly looked up from her work to nod excitedly at me. “Guess he’s finally coming out of his shell, good for him.” 

  
  


Ann put her free hand on her hip, the other still holding the knife. Her brows were furrowed in annoyance as her eyes locked on mine. 

  
  


I caught on to her and spoke again, “Ah, ha, I mean, it’s good for you too, of course. Good for both of you.” My eyes darted between her and the knife she was holding. Ann noticed my eyes and set the knife down on the cutting board with a smile. I let out a sigh of relief. 

  
  


“Yeah,” Ann said dreamily, looking past me and towards the front door. “I guess it is. We’ll see where it goes from here.” 

  
  


I paused for a second, thinking back to that night. “Does Cliff… uh, know?” 

  
  


Ann shot me a look, seemingly upset for questioning her reliability a second time. “Of course, he doesn’t. I just told him that it was between you and Claire, and it wasn’t my place to tell him what was going on. He dropped it pretty quickly after you left.” 

  
  


I was wondering why she’d seemed to think that it was her place to chew my ass out in front of Cliff in the first place, but I didn’t have it in me that morning to say anything. 

  
  


“Right. Well, I’m sure Doug is loving the idea of one of his tenants dating his daughter,” I said jokingly. Ann snapped her attention to me and frowned. 

  
  


“You joke about that, but he actually is,” Ann said with a groan. “I keep telling him he needs to work on boundaries but—”

  
  


“Breakfast is ready!” Doug sang as he busted through the kitchen doors with a plate in hand. 

  
  


How was everyone in this family so cheery at the ass crack of dawn? 

  
  


Ann and I snapped our attention to Doug, who was now slipping behind her to set the plate in front of me, “Bacon, eggs, and toast. Just how ya like it.” Doug had been serving me this breakfast for years now, yet his energy was like it was the very first time. 

  
  


I couldn’t help but smile back at the man in front of me, “Thanks, Doug. Appreciate it.” 

  
  


“Anytime,” Doug replied as he slid a roll of silverware towards me. “You have a good day now, okay?” he added as he made his way towards the kitchen. He stopped right before the door and turned his attention to Ann, “When you’re done with those, there’s still more prep in the kitchen. Don’t get too distracted out here, hon.” 

  
  


With that, he pushed open the doors and disappeared. Ann let out a heavy sigh and rolled her eyes before starting up her work again. Not wanting to be a distraction, I took advantage of the silence and dug into my meal.

  
  
  


Within minutes, I washed down the last bits of my breakfast with the remainder of my coffee. I looked up to Ann, who was giving me a look of disapproval. 

  
  


“Did you even taste the food?” Ann asked with a laugh as she slid slices of lime into one of the plastic containers. 

  
  


“You’re one to talk,” I countered, placing the soiled fork on the plate and pushing it forward. “Plus, I eat this shit almost every day. I already know what it tastes like.” Ann huffed as she pulled the remaining limes from the crate. 

  
  


“You really are something else,” Ann replied after a few seconds of silence. 

  
  


“You’re welcome,” I deadpanned. “Well, anyway, you look like you have a lot going on right now,” I motioned towards the remaining two crates full of lemons and oranges, “I ‘oughta get to work too.” 

Ann watched me as I got up from my seat and pushed in the chair, then looked back down at her work before replying with a small smirk on her face, “Well, alrighty, see ya later then.” 

  
  


“See ya,” I said as I walked towards the exit of the inn.

  
  


I pushed through the massive front door and was greeted by a breeze of refreshingly cold air. It had been a while since I was up and about this early; I’d forgotten how mild the weather was before seven in the morning. The summer heat had been ruthless this year, and this bout of lower temperatures was making me ready for fall. 

  
  


After a short walk under the cloudy, pastel sky, I made it to the smithy. When I arrived at the front door, it was still locked, meaning Gramps still wasn’t back from his morning walk. I reached into my coverall pockets and fished out the ring of work keys, locating the right one with ease. After unlocking the door, I turned the knob and used the side of my body to force the door open. The room was cold and dark without the forge blazing. 

  
  


I flicked on the lights and headed to my work station in the back corner. Along the shelf above the desk was an unorganized row of previous projects, all showcasing various levels of success. A few simple rings and bracelets laid across the surface. 

  
  


Structurally, the pieces had turned out fine. It had taken a few attempts, but I had gotten down the basic shapes and techniques I needed to make simple jewelry. The issue was in the details. I had been too scared to use colorful, high-quality stones, so I ended up with a series of dull greys and whites. While they had served their purpose at the time, the pale quartzes didn’t do anything for me anymore. They had been useful then, but now I wanted to work with something more challenging, something brighter. 

  
  


I went to the black leather case where we stored unprocessed stones and searched for anything small enough for me to get away with using. A meager sapphire ore I had unexpectedly unearthed in the mines last winter came to mind. I had been so wrapped up with Mary then that I completely forgot about the gemstone. 

  
  


I trifled the various plastic drawers for about ten minutes until I finally fished out the parchment wrapped gem I had stashed. It was still rough and needed to be cut and polished, but as I held it up to the light, I couldn’t help but admire its luster between the dark, rocky deposits. 

  
  


For a split second, I wondered if it was okay for me to use something so beautiful and expensive in one of my own projects. Eventually, I decided that Gramps probably had no idea I’d even stashed the stone, so what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. If I was successful, I was sure he’d be impressed at my improvement. If it wasn’t, he wouldn’t have a fucking clue. 

I went to work on the ore, isolating the gem from the other rocky deposits attached to it with the slab saw. After roughly etching out an oval-like shape of the glistening blue stone, I brought it over to the fine trim saw and meticulously carved out the gemstone’s outline. 

  
  


The process took about an hour, as I was petrified of going too fast and messing up the shape I had worked so hard to create, something I had done previously. Satisfied with the contour of the sapphire, I ran my thumb along its edges, assessing what needed to be done next. 

  
  


When I turned back to begin the sanding process, I noticed my grandpa outside the shop, talking to Rick across the fence. Not wanting to get caught, I rushed to my station and rewrapped the stone before recklessly shoving it into the corner of the workbench drawer. 

  
  


As I watched Gramps approach the front door from the windows, I looked around for something to do to ease the suspicion. The stack of old newspapers adjacent to the forge caught my eye, and without a second thought, I had rushed over and was crumpling up the top pages. 

  
  


When my grandfather entered the shop, I was placing a flaming ball of old newspaper into the forge’s firepot. I didn’t look back over my shoulder when the door slammed behind him; I just continued to scoop coal over the burning paper, adjusting the air control lever to achieve the desired heat level. 

  
  


“You’re here early today,” Gramps said as he hung up his shawl by the front door. 

  
  


“Yep,” I replied, continuing to tend to the fire pit. “Just, uh, taking my training more seriously like you wanted me to.” 

  
  


“Glad to hear you’re taking more of my advice,” my grandpa responded, nearing me from behind. He walked to the other side of the forge and watched as I added fresh coal. “Speaking of, how did last night go?” 

  
  


I rolled my eyes. “Fine.” What a stupid fucking question that was. 

  
  


He didn’t seem satisfied with my answer, so he pushed further, “Did you two have time to discuss my suggestion?” 

  
  


“No. We didn’t,” I snapped back. “I was over there for maybe a few hours, and your specific instructions were to get to know her, not discuss… that. So we didn’t.” It was partially a lie, but I really didn’t want to talk about that. If anything, I came to work early to do literally anything else _but_ that. 

  
  


“Did _you_ think about it at all?” he pressed again, eyes darting between the forge and me. 

  
  


My grip on the metal stoking tool tightened as I tried to keep my composure. It was especially tricky while running on minimal sleep. 

  
  


“Nope,” I lied, still avoiding eye contact with my grandpa. I had spent just about the entire night thinking about my situation, but I didn’t particularly want Gramps to know that. 

  
  


My grandfather let out a long sigh as he watched me tend to the forge, “Son, I know that this is a lot to take in, but I encourage you to think long-term. It’s the right thing to—”

  
  


“Gramps, it’s not even seven in the morning,” I interrupted in a low tone. “I’m tired. Do we have to do this right now?” 

  
  


“You’re too young to be tired, boy,” he retorted back. 

  
  


“And you’re too old to not be dead, yet here we are.”

  
  


He took a deep breath, thankfully ignoring my comment. “I’d figure it out sooner rather than later,” my grandpa chided as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Like I said, if you could understand—”

  
  


“Stop,” I growled, trying to hold myself back from yelling in his face. The frustration in my chest was growing, and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could keep myself together. I watched the fire in front of me consume the fresh coal as I forcefully spoke again, “We’re not talking about this right now.”

  
  


He paused and looked up at me for a second before closing his eyes and releasing another deep exhale. “You need to decrease the airflow slightly,” Gramps said before turning and walking back to his desk. 

  
  


I silently did what he said, happy that he was dropping the topic for now. As I covered the burning pit with more fresh coal, I watched my grandpa go through the order log on his desk. With the forge ready to go, it was time to get to work. I stood by the smoldering pit and awaited my assignment for the day. 

  
  


Hours passed, and the two of us worked in a comfortable silence—much to my pleasure. Gramps had me cutting sheets of metal to be used on Barley’s upgraded milker. The poor old man needed the machine entirely reconfigured so that he could use it without bending over. I wasn’t sure how my grandfather had managed to design such a contraption, but he made it happen for the livestock farmer. 

  
  


The two had grown up in Mineral Town together, so it was no surprise that they continued to look after each other in their old age. I had to admit, while Gramps was a hard-ass, he did have a good heart. It was just _deep_ in there, though. 

  
  


Surprisingly, Grandpa had left me alone to work today. Usually, he was over my shoulder, micromanaging every step of the way, so it was a nice change of pace. Lack of sleep aside, I felt decent. It was nice to have my grandfather trust me enough to let me work by myself. I wasn’t sure what had brought on the change, whether it was my more recent dedication to the craft, my potential fatherhood, or just that time in my apprenticeship, but either way, I wasn’t complaining. Without my grandfather breathing down my neck, it felt like I was able to work more efficiently. 

I finished sawing off the last piece of the sheet metal and looked up to the clock in the back of the room. It was already a few minutes past two in the afternoon. 

  
  


As I looked out the window to my right, I noticed the sky had charcoaled, and a light rain was drizzling from dark, swollen clouds. I had been so wrapped up in my task that I wasn’t even aware of anything else, though it made sense why I wasn’t a hot, sweaty mess this time around. 

  
  


Satisfied with my stopping place, I neatly stacked the cuttings against my workstation and began removing my gloves and eyewear. 

  
  


The bell chimed as the door opened and then swung shut. I was still facing the back corner, putting away my protective equipment, so I didn’t get a good look at who it was. 

  
  


Either way, Gramps was the one that usually greeted all of our customers; I was more of a back-of-house kinda employee. If anything, my grandpa preferred if I _didn’t_ talk to the customers, and I was OK with that. 

  
  


Still facing away from the door, I grabbed the broom next to my station and began sweeping up the slivers of scrap metal. As I swept, I thought it was weird that my Grandpa hadn’t spoken up yet, either about my work today or to greet whoever had come to the shop. Curiosity got the best of me, and I quickly glanced over my shoulder. 

  
  


Lo and behold, the blonde farmer was standing at the front of the shop, a hammer in hand. I repeatedly blinked my tired eyes before taking a second look, hoping that I was experiencing some sort of sleep-deprived hallucination. No such luck. _Of course,_ Claire would be here; there was no escape from this fucking girl! 

  
  
As I looked back, her eyes met mine, and a small smile grew on her face. _Fuck_. There was no ignoring her now; she knew I had seen her. I turned my torso to see why she was just standing there awkwardly, un-greeted by my grandfather, and then realized he was nowhere to be seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First and foremost, just wanted to give a big thanks and shout out to the beta reader for this chapter, rageaphobia. You were a super big help!! I love collaboration and I never thought in my wildest dreams that anyone would want to work with me on one of my weird special interests lol so that just makes me the world's happiest camper. 
> 
> Tbh I felt kind of nervous sharing the backstory I've created for Gray within this story. There's obviously a lot more to it, but even then it's kinda nerve-wracking inserting your own ideas into the canon idk. If you're curious about Gray's dad's name, Jet, it's inspired by a few things. Jet is a fancy black type of lignite, basically a fossilized, decaying piece of wood that undergoes extreme pressure and heat--so I thought it fit. Also if you thought I wasn't going to give Gray's parents color AND rock/mineral inspired names... you were severely mistaken lmfao. I personally LOVE geology so I'm just happy for the opportunity use some of my random ass knowledge. 
> 
> Chapter title is inspired by Where Is My Mind by the Pixies. That song is such a shit show, I just feel like it represents how Gray is feeling, especially towards the beginning. Its my go-to "wtf is going on rn" song. Like the amount of time I spend listening to that song staring at the ceiling...
> 
> Anyway, sorry, done rambling haha. Let me know what feedback you may have for me.


	12. When I'm Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gray offers to help Claire, and things get hot in the smithy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, couldn't help myself with the summary lol. Anyway. Happy Thursday! Hope you enjoy some fluff COUGHwhileyoustillcanCOUGH hehe.

“Ah, shit.” I threw the broom and dustpan back against my workbench, and rushed towards the front of the shop, wiping my hands on my pants as I went. 

  
  


Claire initially cocked a curious eyebrow as I walked over before eventually pressing her lips together in an attempt to hold back a grin. 

  
  


I stopped a few feet in front of her, leaning against the side of my grandpa’s desk. “Uh, Sorry. Hope you weren’t waiting too long. Usually, Gramps is the one that does the whole... greeting thing.”

  
  


“It's fine!” Claire shook her head slightly, chunks of damp blonde hair scattering across her shoulders as she did. “I kind of figured that much.” The farmer snickered at her own (bad) joke, undoubtedly referring to the first time we had met at the shop. “I like your look today, by the way,” she added. 

  
  


I was confused by her last sentence, as I was wearing a pair of the same grungy coveralls I did every day, but I paid it no mind. 

  
  


“Right,” I muttered, instinctually reaching for my hat, only to realize that it wasn’t on my head. So _that_ was what she meant. I internally cursed myself for being so tired today, wondering where the fuck I could have left it. “Okay, so what do you need?” 

  
  


Claire’s interested eyes remained fixed on mine as she let out a small chuckle. “ _Yeah_ , your customer service skills are next level,” she quipped, unfazed by my eye roll in response. “Anyway,” her free hand pushed a clump of wet hair from her shoulder before holding up the hammer with her other, “I’m here to upgrade this.” 

  
  


My gaze moved to the silver hammer in her hand. Without thinking, I snatched the hammer from her and started inspecting the mallet. I didn’t want to admit it to Claire, but I was impressed that she was already upgrading the tool again. Even though I’d worked on the hammer with Grandpa at the end of spring, I had no idea it was hers at the time. I rarely saw her in the shop anymore, let alone in the mines or anywhere else she would be using a hammer like that. 

  
  


But the face of the hammer looked worn. She was definitely using it somewhere. 

  
  


“What do you use it for?” I asked before I could stop myself. As the sentence came out, I immediately regretted it, realizing how stupid and unnecessary the question probably sounded. 

  
  


Claire tilted her head with a small frown. “What do you mean? I use it in my field, in the mine, y’know... normal hammer activities?” she said with a hint of sarcasm. “What do you use _your_ hammer for?”

  
  


“Oh. Yeah, sorry.” I turned my attention back to the hammer in an attempt to hide my face, wishing that I hadn’t forgotten my hat. What had possessed me to say something like that in the first place? “That was a stupid question. I uh, I just meant that I never see you in the mine. Gramps and I are there a lot.”

  
  


Claire pressed her lips together, slowly rubbing them together as she seemed to prepare a response. The tight line she’d created with her mouth curled ever so slightly. “I know.” She seemed to notice my puzzled expression, so she continued, “I used to go a lot more in the spring before my crops took off, but I’d.... uh, usually go during the day, y’know, when you’re both here.” 

  
  


She idly rubbed her free hands together as she waited for a response. When I didn’t speak quickly enough, she added to her thought, “Don’t want too many chefs in the kitchen, y’know? Or I guess miners in the mine, but that doesn’t sound as good.” She placed a finger over her pursed lips in a mockingly-thoughtful manner. 

  
  


I exhaled through my nose, shaking my head and _almost_ laughing at Claire’s ridiculous reasoning. “Yeah. I know,” I replied as I looked down at the farmer. 

  
  


She was staring back up at me with big ultramarine eyes, running her hands through the hair at the crown of her head. I wasn’t sure if it was because she was shorter than me, but she had _perfected_ the puppy-dog-eye look. _Did she give everybody that same look?_

  
  


A soft smile returned to her lips, and I was surprised when I felt a nervous thump against my ribs. As the corners of her mouth turned up, I couldn’t help but trace the curve of her full bottom lip. I cursed myself for staring so much, but it was too much work to tear my weary eyes away. She was like a magnet, and I was just a pathetic fucking paperclip. 

  
  


“So... is that a yes on the upgrade?” Claire asked, breaking my concentration. “Or do I need to wait for Saibara?” 

  
  


Immediately I felt guilty for being so distracted by her appearance and wished my hat would materialize into my possession. 

  
  


“Oh, uh, yeah. Sorry,” I very obviously tripped over my words. After placing the silver hammer on my grandfather’s desk, I took a deep breath to regain my composure and turned back to the farmer. “Just put the ore here with the hammer, and I’ll tell Gramps what’s up when he’s back in.”

  
  


I grabbed the clipboard with the work log off the edge of his desk and leaned my weight against the corner of it as I penciled in Claire’s order. 

  
  


Claire nodded enthusiastically and swung the rucksack clad to her back around one shoulder so that it was resting on her chest. She leaned forward to reach her hand deep into the pack, and as she pulled her arm out, several other items crashed to the ground. A few various ores clattered as they hit the floor and rolled, but what caught my eye was the sickle lying on the floor between us. 

  
  


"Ugh, _shit_ ," Claire groaned as she slammed the gold on the desk next to her hammer and crouched down to recover the rest of the scattered ores.

  
  


I set the clipboard back down on the desk and took a step forward to pick up the sickle. A weird reflection of light off the side of the blade caught my attention as I lifted the tool. Completely ignoring Claire’s outstretched hand, I raised the sickle to the light, rotating the handle to find the spot I’d noticed earlier. 

  
  


“Thank you,” Claire insisted, reaching further for the sickle. 

  
  


I kept the blade in my hands and turned back to her, “You’ve got a pretty bad crack here in the blade, it’s almost unnoticeable to the untrained eye, but it’s there.” I pointed to the side of the sickle’s razor, where a faint silver line meandered from edge to edge. “You should consider fixing this instead. Not sure why you need a golden hammer when your sickle looks like this.”

Claire let out a humorless chuckle and took a step forward to snatch the blade from my hand. 

  
  


When I quickly raised it above my head and out of her reach, she crossed her arms and spoke again, “I… I see where you’re coming from, but I don’t use the sickle that much, honestly. The hammer is much more pressing.” She stopped to inhale, and her hand flew up to meet the collar of her flannel with a squeeze. “Plus, I’ve already planned it out; I only budgeted for the hammer, not the sickle and the hammer. So I… I appreciate you letting me know but… not today.” 

  
  


I raised an eyebrow at the blonde, “You should take care of all your tools, not just your favorites. A crack like that could be pretty dangerous down the road if it spreads.” When Claire took a second to respond, I lowered the tool and investigated the blemish once more. “It’s not like it needs to be upgraded or anything, just reshaped.” 

  
  


Almost in an instant, Claire’s energy completely deflated. She hung her head and spoke in a softer voice, “I know... you’re right.” After looking up at me and then back at the hammer on Gramps’s desk, she took a deep breath. “I just need the hammer now... the sickle can wait. I want to take advantage of mining with the lighter hammer while I still can, y’know? Then I can use that money from the mine to fix the sickle.” 

  
  


There was a hint of melancholy in Claire’s voice, but it also sounded like she had already thought it all through. She did have a point though, something about a very pregnant Claire swinging a heavy hammer around in the mines didn’t sit right with me. The thought of her wielding a faulty sickle didn’t particularly sit right with me either, though. 

I looked down at Claire and then back at the sickle. Trent’s less-than-gentle reminder to look out for Claire came to mind. I didn’t know a whole lot about farming, but I _could_ help her by ensuring that she wasn’t trying to work with shitty tools. 

  
  


The crack wasn’t that bad. It was a relatively easy fix; I could bust it out in less than an hour or so. I’d only reforged blades a handful of times under my grandpa’s supervision, but I felt certain in my ability to do it on my own now. I wasn’t sure if Gramps shared this same faith in me, but he wasn’t around to convince me otherwise. 

  
  


“Listen, Claire,” I started, catching the attention of the farmer. “I could do it for you right now if you want. Like I said, it just needs a patch. It’s a quick fix.”

  
  


“And like _I_ said, I appreciate your concern,” Claire started as she scratched at her neck, “but... I _really_ didn’t plan on paying to fix my sickle just yet, so I’m just—” 

  
  


“I didn’t say anything about you paying me,” I interrupted her. Her head snapped up, mouth ready to object, but I cut her off before she could. “I feel like it's the least I could do for you considering… everything.” As her eyebrows raised in response, I continued, “I’m still an apprentice, so it’s not like Gramps is fixing it or anything.” I paused and looked back at the sickle, my voice softer this time around, “Unless you want him to fix it, that’s cool too.” 

  
  


As I thought about my grandfather, the self-doubt returned. He’d been much more trusting of me lately, but I knew I’d be in for it if I fucked up a customer’s tool. It was enough to rethink my original offer to Claire. “Honestly, you might be better off waiting for him to come back. He’d probably do it for you for free too.”

  
  


“No, no, that would be amazing!” Claire exclaimed, clasping her hands together in front of her chest. Her previous light returned to her eyes as she took a step closer to me, “If you’re really feeling up to it, I’d love for you to do it!”

  
  


“O-oh,” I stuttered, feeling a singing heat creeping up my neck, “you want _me_ to fix it?” 

  
  


Claire looked up at me with an assured smile, “Of course I do! I mean, you seemed so sure about it. You knew exactly what was wrong and knew how to fix it. I trust you; you should do it!” 

  
  


I looked away from Claire and back at the sickle once more. The thought of my grandpa scolding me for fixing tools without permission had me second-guessing my decision to extend my service to her. 

  
  


But the way Claire spoke about me was making me feel like I could do it without waiting on my grandfather. The reassurance was a nice, unfamiliar feeling. 

  
  


“O-okay, cool.” I looked back down at the sickle in another poor attempt to hide my face and cleared my throat. “Well… uh, you can breathe easy; I promise I’ll fix it. I’m not about to fuck up one of your most important tools.” With the smallest sliver of courage, I looked back at Claire and motioned towards the sickle. “Blacksmith’s honor.” 

  
  


Claire’s face scrunched into a toothy grin as she let out a laugh, though it sounded more like a series of repeated hisses than anything else. “I didn’t know blacksmiths had an honor code. But thank you. I really appreciate it, Gray, more than you know.” 

  
  


I took a step back from the farmer and stopped before returning to my work station, “Um, it’s gonna take me like... thirty, maybe forty-five minutes or so to bust this shit out,” I said over my shoulder. “You can stay here, or you can come back in a little if you want.”

  
  


“I’ll stay!” Claire replied as if she’d known the question beforehand. “It’s pretty shitty out there anyway. And I’ve always been curious about how you guys make tools and stuff!” 

  
  


My heartbeat picked up as I realized I would have an audience now. “Well, I’m not giving you a tutorial or anything,” I mumbled as I turned and walked back to my station with the sickle in hand. “But you can watch.” 

  
  


After returning my protective equipment to my body, I turned back to Claire before getting started. “Just, uh, don’t get too close to the forge. If something happens to you, my ass is fucking grass.” 

  
  


Claire nodded eagerly and walked back towards my workbench. She grabbed the stool sitting in front of the desk and dragged it over so that she was sitting no more than ten feet away from my spot next to the firepit. 

  
  


The farmer settled in her seat, propping her elbows on her knees and resting her chin in her hands. Claire wasn’t seated directly in my view, but I could see in my peripheral that her gaze was locked onto me. 

  
  


I took another deep breath, attempting to shake off the nerves Claire was causing. It was too late to say anything now, but I was starting to regret letting her stay and watch. With shaky hands, I lifted the sickle and placed the face of the blade into the smoldering furnace. 

  
  


Claire let out a few soft “oohs” and “ahhs” as I heated and eventually pulled the glowing red blade out of the flame. She watched with wide, interested eyes as I went to work reshaping the metal to patch the crack, coaxing the gleaming blade to take shape. 

  
  


As I progressed, only clanking metal and the patter of work boots reestablishing their footing echoed through the shop. In retrospect, it was the longest Claire had been silent since I had met her, but I didn’t say anything at the time; I was too focused on not fucking up. Eventually, I settled into a good rhythm, focusing solely on the shape of the sickle in front of me. 

  
  


After dunking the tool in the quenching bucket to cool the metal and sanding out the blade, I stopped to check my work. Looking for the spot I had initially noticed, I carefully rotated the sickle in my hand. I’m not sure why I was surprised, but the flaw was gone entirely. I had known exactly what to do, but for some reason, I wasn’t expecting to be successful on my first try alone. 

  
  


“Wow!” Claire startled me out of my thoughts. I looked up. She had left her seat and was standing on the other side of the anvil where I was working. “I can’t believe you just erased that crack like it was nothing!” 

  
  


I felt a small smile tug at my lips as she praised me. “Well, thanks, but it _is_ my job.” After giving it one more scan and a test swing, I handed it over to Claire. “Uh, here. One sickle, good as new.” 

  
  


I watched her intently as her hands grazed my glove to take the tool. I’d felt a rush of confidence when working, but now that the sickle was in Claire’s possession, I was nervous about how she’d react. 

  
  


She examined the sickle before looking back up at me with wide eyes and a grin to match. “I’m still so impressed that you fixed it so quickly and effortlessly! You’re awesome. Seriously. Thank you so much!”

  
  


I hadn’t expected her to flatter me so much, and honestly, I wasn’t quite sure what to say back. Compliments were still foreign to me, and it seemed like Claire took any opportunity to express them. I instinctively reached up for my hat, remembering its absence, and ran a hand through my hair instead. 

  
  


“I’m glad you like it. I felt surprisingly confident in the heat of the moment,” I admitted without thinking, “and a while back, Gramps told me that if I feel like doing something, I should just go ahead and do it.” 

  
  


“It’s just like we were talking about last night!” Claire beamed, her eyes unwavering from mine. “Your grandpa knows that you’re capable of great things.” She thrust the sickle in my direction again, as if I’d forgotten what it looked like, her voice gaining momentum as she spoke, “And you very clearly demonstrated that today. You _should_ be confident; you made it look so easy!” 

  
  


If anyone knew confidence, it was Claire. Almost every time she spoke, it was with such certainty and zest. I couldn’t help but be envious of how self-assured she seemed.

  
  


There was no hiding it now; I was sure that at this point, my entire face just looked sunburnt. And it felt like it too. Seeing Claire so happy with my work made me feel good about myself, but the new sensation and attention also left me feeling... embarrassed? Self-conscious? I wasn’t sure what to call it, but I was definitely feeling something. 

  
  


_Why did I have to forget my hat today, of all days?_

  
  


“Don’t give me so much credit,” I said quietly, looking away from the blonde, “I was still pretty nervous repairing something that wasn’t mine by myself for the first time.” I removed my goggles and gloves and walked them back to my station. As I made my way back to the farmer, I dried my hands on the sides of my pants, “I mean, my hands are still sweating.” 

  
  


I didn’t want to admit it to Claire, but the fact that it was _her_ sickle was what gave me the drive to focus and fix it. It also contributed to my nerves about repairing the tool, but I didn’t share that with her either. 

  
  


“But you did it!” Claire reminded me, tightly gripping the handle of the sickle. “And it turned out great. Really, Gray, I can’t thank you enough!”

  
  


I’d never seen somebody so excited about a fucking patch job, but I guess there was a first for everything. 

  
  


I swallowed the lump in my throat as I looked back down at Claire. “I don’t know a whole lot about farming, so uh... can’t really help you there, but I _can_ repair and help you maintain your equipment. So if you ever need any work done on your tools, even if it’s as small as that crack, come see me.” 

  
  


Claire released one hand from the sickle and balled her first with gusto, “I will! I promise. I’ll bring every single problem to you so that you can continue to improve!” 

  
  


I couldn’t help but stifle a chuckle in response to Claire’s… encouragement? I wasn’t quite sure what to call it. She was a little lost, but she had the spirit. “I, uh, I mean Gramps can always help you too,” I nervously pointed out, “but thanks.” 

  
  


She nodded in response, her unnecessary enthusiasm still evident in the creases around her eyes. I half expected Claire to see her way out of the shop at this point, but instead, she remained in front of me, looking up at me with that fucking smile.

  
  


As I spent more time alone around Claire, I was starting to realize that this was something that she did. Sometimes she would just stare, and it just so happened that I was the focus this time around. I wasn’t too sure what it meant, though. 

  
  


I waited a minute, hoping that she would break the awkward silence that was forming between us, and then spoke again when she didn’t, “Uh, you all done with work for the day… or...?”

  
  


Claire lightly shook her head, seeming to snap out of whatever world she had been in, “Oh! Yeah, heh, sorry about that.” She looked out the window, then back up to me with a sheepish smile, a soft blush tinting her cheeks. “I….I should probably head out. But thank you again!” 

  
  


I nodded in response, and the farmer turned to leave. 

  
  


She took one step before stopping and turning on her heels, “Mmm... wait. One last thing.” It was always something with her. 

  
  


“What now?” 

  
  


She took a deep breath and met my gaze with a purpose. “What are you doing tonight?” 

  
  


_Hopefully sleeping._

  
  


“Uh, nothing,” I replied slowly. “Why?”

“You should get dinner with me,” Claire said without missing a beat. “I… I know we’ve seen a lot of each other lately, so I totally understand if you’re sick of me right now, but…” She pressed her lips together and shrugged. “I just thought I’d ask.” 

Her hands were clasped around the sickle as she looked up at me, batting a pair of thick eyelashes. I hated to admit it, but she was… so cute. I stared, partially in admiration, but mainly because I was taken aback by how forward Claire was. 

It didn’t seem like much of a question. Maybe a request? _‘You should’_ wasn’t usually how normal people started questions. It was a suggestion if anything. Either way, it had caught me off guard, and I was scrambling for an answer. 

_Do I want to hang out with her again? She’s not asking me on a date, is she? There’s no way it’s a date. She would have said it was … right?_

  
  


I wasn’t too sure how to answer. Claire did have a point; we’d seen each other a lot lately. And while I thought I’d dread having to see her again, that couldn’t have been further from the truth. 

  
  


Recently, but especially today, being around Claire made me feel less awful about myself—bordering on actually feeling good. I’d spent so much time dwelling over negative emotions that I wanted to chase the feeling, but at the same time, I didn’t want to seem too overeager. It was just dinner. She probably just wanted to discuss our situation more. 

  
  


“Well, dang, you really have to think that hard about it?” My head snapped up at the sound of Claire’s playful tone, and I noticed her studying my serious expression with curiosity. “I can see the smoke from here!” 

  
  


_Fuck_. I didn’t even realize how long I’d been considering Claire’s offer, but clearly, she’d noticed. My eyes dropped to my shoes in an attempt to hide my fully exposed face, though I was sure she could see the color rushing back to my cheeks.

  
  


“We don’t have to… y’know, if you don’t want to,” I heard Claire’s voice pipe up again, but I could tell it had lost a bit of its force. 

  
  


I wasn’t sure if it was the words or how they were said, but the statement left a sinking feeling in my gut. Why couldn’t I find the right fucking words? It felt like I was moving in slow motion, watching the scene as if it were being played twice as fast. 

  
  


Finally managing to get ahold of myself, I inhaled slowly through my nose and brought my eyes back up to meet Claire’s. “No, yeah, sorry. I’m just tired,” I answered, unintentionally giving my worst attempt at sounding casual. 

  
  


“No, yeah?” Claire repeated with a laugh, and I noticed an entertained smirk spreading underneath her knitted brows. “So which is it?” 

  
  


I held back a groan, though I wasn’t sure if I was more frustrated with my inability to communicate or Claire’s teasing. “Uh, yeah. Sure.” It wasn’t much of an improvement from my first try, so I nervously added to the thought, “I just, I mean... I’m down if you’re down.” 

  
  


“Of course!” Claire gripped the sickle to her chest with that signature wide grin, both rows of pearly teeth on full display. “I wouldn’t ask you if I wasn’t! How else could I thank you for all your hard work today?” 

  
  


As Claire stood talking to me a few feet away, I gave her a once-over. My eyes lingered longer than they probably should have on her hips before coming to rest on her lips. 

  
  


_I could think of a few other ways_. 

  
  


My exhausted mind wandered further than I’d allowed it in the past, and I wasn’t sure if I was too tired to stop it or just didn’t want to. Claire brought me out of my trance as she spoke again, making me feel ashamed of how far I’d let myself go down that rabbit hole. 

  
  


“So what time works for you?” Her silvery voice asked sweetly. “I have a few more things I need to get to get done today, and then I still need to clean up.” She motioned to her dirty overalls, but I hadn’t noticed their staining until then. “Like five-thirty, six o’clock?” 

  
  


“Oh, um, yeah,” I stammered, trying to refocus on the conversation and away from my lewd thoughts. “Five thirty's fine. I’m exhausted, so I’m not trying to stay up too late.” It was the truth: after a sleepless night, a full shift, and free after-hours labor, I was fucking spent. 

  
  


“Perfect! I’ll meet you there then.” Claire turned as if she were about to leave and then stopped on the balls of her feet. She looked over her shoulder with a playful smirk and spoke again with a familiar coyness to her voice, “Don’t worry, I won’t keep you up all night this time.” 

  
  


_What the actual fuck did she just say?_ I stopped dead in my tracks, repeatedly blinking to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. But there she was, still in the shop, walking towards the exit as if she hadn’t just spoken that sentence so casually. 

  
  


My heart hammered against my chest as I forced myself to swallow the desert that had formed in my mouth. _All night?_ She had to be joking, right? Regardless, the thought was enough to leave me tongue-tied. Out of all the drunken nights I’d had, why was _that_ the one I couldn’t remember? 

  
  


With my mouth agape in astonishment, all I could muster out was a shaky, “A-alright.”

  
  


The bells above the shop door chimed, and suddenly my grandfather was standing in front of Claire in the entryway. I wasn’t sure how the situation could get any worse, but that was a pretty good start.

  
  


Gramps seemed a little startled at first but then smiled politely when he registered that Claire was standing before him. 

  
  


“Good afternoon, Claire,” he said with a slight bow, “Welcome. It’s nice to see you again.” As my grandpa straightened his posture, his eyes locked on to the sickle in Claire’s hands. My heart dropped to my stomach in response. 

  
  


“Well, hi, good afternoon,” Claire greeted him, mirroring his actions. “I was actually just heading out, but it was good to see you too. I’ll stop by again sometime soon!” She attempted to scoot past him, but he stopped her with a gentle hand. 

  
  


“What’s that you have there?” My grandpa asked, only spiking my heart rate. If only Claire had left a minute earlier. 

  
  


Claire looked down at the tool in her arms, “Oh, this? Just my sickle, Gray actually just patched it up for me.” 

  
  


_Shit. Damn her loud-ass mouth_. Why couldn’t she have just stuck the sickle in her bag and left? I anxiously awaited my grandfather’s response. 

  
  


“Did he now?” My grandfather’s grey eyes flashed over to me as he spoke. The sound of my heartbeat echoed in my ears as he opened his palm towards Claire. “May I?” 

  
  


Without a word, Claire handed over the tool. My grandfather studied the blade, slowly rotating the handle in his hand. I couldn’t read a single emotion on his face, only furthering my anxiety about the situation. Finally, after what felt like hours, he handed the sickle back to Claire and politely nodded at her. 

  
  


“Thank you, Claire,” Gramps said to the farmer. “I won’t keep you any longer. Thanks for stopping by. We’ll see you soon.” I tried to pick up on any cues in my grandfather’s tone and facial expressions, but he remained as stoic as a statue.

  
  


Claire returned the polite nod. Her eyes darted back over towards me, and she gave me a quick smile and a wave before exiting the shop. I was barely paying attention, though; I was too busy worrying about what my grandpa would say about my patch job. It couldn’t have been too bad if he let her leave the shop with it, but that didn’t ease my worries too much. 

  
  


As the door slammed shut, my grandfather turned to look at me, his face still as stiff as ever. “You still have a lot to learn, Gray.” His voice was low, and instantly I could tell he wasn’t necessarily thrilled about the situation. 

  
  


I hung my head in response, awaiting the verbal barrage soon to follow. 

  
  


However, I was surprised when his tone had relaxed the second time around, “But, you’ve improved.” 

  
  


“Huh?” I said in disbelief. Was I hearing him correctly? 

  
  


“It seems as though you’re finally starting to understand what it is you’ve been lacking in the past,” Gramps said as he walked past me and towards his desk. “Continue to devote yourself to your training and remain diligent.” 

  
  


I wasn’t quite sure what he meant, but I was just happy to receive praise from my grandpa, no matter how small. “So you’re not mad?” I asked without thinking. 

  
  


My grandpa glared up at me from the papers on his desk, “Don’t push it. I asked you to watch the shop, and while you managed that, you still made a few sloppy mistakes on that blade. You’re going to have to account for those errors whenever she decides to upgrade that sickle.” 

  
  


I definitely didn’t remember him asking me to watch the shop, but I decided not to push my luck and settled for the initial appreciation he had given me. “So… am I good to go then?”

  
  


Gramps was checking out Claire’s hammer when he replied, “You got big plans tonight or somethin’?” 

  
  


“Dinner, that’s all,” I answered almost too quickly. When my grandfather’s mouth curved into a slight smirk, I felt my muscles tense in response. Something about the face he was making irritated the hell out of me. “You got something you wanna say, old man?”

  
  


He let out a short chuckle and rested the hammer against the wall next to his desk, “Nothing. I’ll see you tomorrow, son.” I eagerly took my cue to exit, but before I could get out the door, he called after me, “Have fun tonight!” 

  
  


I rolled my eyes and slammed the door behind me, suddenly eager for a walk home in the rain. The chilly drizzle was a refreshing change of pace from the usual summer heat, but as I dodged the growing puddles settling in the cracks of the cobblestone steps, the thought of my missing hat returned. It would have been especially useful right then, maybe even more so earlier in the day… 

  
  


_Shit. I need to find it if I’m gonna see Claire again today._

  
  


When I finally got back to the inn, I got to scouring the empty dining room. I could have sworn that I’d put it on before leaving my room for the day… but I also had been convinced that I was wearing it when I left for work, so admittedly my mind wasn’t the most reliable in its current state. 

Doug was little to no help, just offering a ‘no’ and a shrug when I asked if he’d seen it. Ann wasn’t around to bother, so I figured Doug had her busy doing something in the back. Either way, my hat didn’t seem to be in the dining room, so I headed up the stairs to check literally the only other place I’d been that morning.

  
  


“You forget something today?” 

  
  


I looked behind me, realizing Ann was standing at the bottom of the inn’s steps. In her hands, I noticed a familiar blue fabric, and relief washed over me. 

  
  


“Where was it?” I asked, watching as she skipped up the stairs to meet me. 

  
  


Ann twirled the hat between her hands, a playful smile across her lips. “You left it at the bar this morning.” A laugh escaped her as she held it towards me. 

  
  


I reached for my hat, and almost as quickly, Ann pulled it away and hid it behind her back. 

  
  


“Seriously?” I growled, meeting her whimsical look with a glare. “I’m not in the fucking mood today.” 

  
  


Ann rolled her eyes and plopped the hat on my damp hair in one swift motion. “Clearly. You never are.” 

  
  


I readjusted the awkwardly placed hat on my head and let out a huff. 

  
  


“So whatcha doin’?” Ann asked with prying eyes. She looked out the foggy window behind her and then back at me. “It’s weird seeing you here in the middle of the day... usually you’re out doing something with Kai after work.” 

  
  


I shrugged. It was too shitty outside to go to Kai’s, and it wasn’t like I was going to try and talk with Mary in my current state. “I’m spent. Probably just going to take a nap or something before tonight.” 

  
  


The redhead perked up at my last sentence. “Before tonight?” She tilted her head, taking a step closer. “What do you have goin’ on tonight?” 

  
  


“Wouldn’t you like to know?” I fought the urge to roll my eyes, wishing that I hadn’t even said anything. More time spent talking was just more sleep lost. 

  
  


“Uh, yeah,” Ann said as a matter of fact. “I would. You’re being... especially weird right now.” Her eyes narrowed, and she seemed to inspect me as if my behavior would give her any hints. Somehow, it did. “You have a date, don’t you?” 

  
  


I felt my mouth tighten. “It’s… not a date,” was the only phrase that I could conjure up. It was the truth, right? Claire hadn’t said anything about a date. If I’d remembered correctly, it was just dinner—probably just a business meeting of sorts. Or so I told myself. 

  
  


Ann paused, her curious expression fading into a smug grin. “You’re seeing Claire again, aren’t you?” 

  
  


Maybe the exhaustion was just catching up to me, but I was having a hard time coming up with a reply. Fuck, I was probably just annoyed with the insinuations Ann seemed to litter in her questions. 

  
  


I took a deep breath. “We’re just getting dinner. That’s it.”

  
  


Ann took an excited step back, her wide eyes giving me more than an indication of how she felt. “I can’t believe you asked her on a date, Gray!” She placed a free hand on her hip. “You continue to surprise me.” 

  
  


“First off, it’s not a date. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you this shit,” I groaned, looking to my bedroom door less than five feet away. “Second, I didn’t ask her. She asked me. And I assume it’s just to discuss our… situation.”

“Yeah,” Ann huffed with a furrowed brow, her tone unconvinced, “Claire asked you to dinner because she wants to talk about being pregnant. _That’s_ it.” She shook her head, letting out an exasperated sigh. “You are _so_ dense sometimes…do you even hear the words that come out of your mouth?” 

  
  


“Are we done?” I was about five seconds away from snapping on Ann, and I wasn’t sure if I had the mental energy to play her little game any longer. “I need to sleep, so if you could maybe finish up with the interrogation, that’d be cool.” 

  
  


Ann rolled her eyes, her expression almost matching my own displeased one. “Fine. I’m done.” She held up her hands in mock defeat. “Enjoy your precious beauty sleep. You’ll need quite a bit of it before your date tonight.” 

  
  


“Whatever,” I scoffed before turning towards my door, stopping before I could reach the knob. “Oh, wait, hey.” I looked over my shoulder at Ann, who was beginning to descend the stairs. “Can you wake me up at like 5? Or just make sure that I’m up around then?” 

  
  


“You’re actually so annoying,” Ann groaned before disappearing into the stairwell. 

  
  


I heard her steady rhythm of steps and called down the stairs after her, “Is that a yes?” 

  
  


“Fine!” I heard her aggravated voice yell from the bottom of the stairs. 

  
  


With that settled, I finally made my way into my room. I was thankful that Kai was working and Cliff was out… doing whatever it was that Cliff did all day because the room was quiet and serene. A hint of dull, gray light seemed to illuminate my bed, and suddenly, the weight of the entire day was resting on my eyelids. I approached the mattress, peeling out of my clothes, and flopping on the comforter like my life depended on it. 

  
  


Usually, I spent about thirty minutes at minimum, tossing and turning, trying to fall asleep. However, the minute my head hit the pillow, I closed my eyes and felt my brain surrender to the sweet rest I’d longed for all morning. Just peaceful, dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of fun writing this chapter honestly!!! It's fun writing a grumpier (also oblivious lol) character that gets easily flustered by a cute (and flirty) ball of energy hehe. And before anyone gets mad at me for using the yellow heart event this early/not going in order, LISTEN. These two humans don't necessarily do ANYTHING in order, as you may be able to tell. So, given the circumstances, I felt it was justified lol. 
> 
> Again, huge thanks to my beta-reader, rageaphobia. Seriously like your help is just *chef's kiss* idk what'd this chapter would have been without you lol. 
> 
> Hopefully I'll be getting out the long awaited next chapter next week because.... some shit is about to go down. I just started work again for the semester so I will admit, it may be a little late.... but I promise it'll be a thicc one packed with action lol. 
> 
> ANYWAY. I hope you all enjoy! As always I'm eager for whatever feedback you may have for me. I super appreciate any of you out there who've been reading, saucing me kudos, commenting, all the things. Like wow. It's so cool that there are people out there that like... want to read things I wrote??? Ya'll don't know how much I appreciate you <3
> 
> BTW the title of the chapter is inspired by When I'm Down by Oliver Tree & Whethan.


	13. Calling All Skeletons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gray and Claire get dinner. What's the worst that could happen?  
> Oof. A lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm here with an update! Not just any update... literally the longest update I probably will ever write lol. I struggled with this one only because SO MANY IMPORTANT THINGS happen in this chapter pretty consecutively, and I wanted to make sure I got it right. After battling with the potential of splitting this update into two chapters or cutting things out, eventually, I decided that a long update is better than no update at all lol. 
> 
> SO that being said, enjoy and.... I'm sorry in advance?

I felt a gentle push at my side. It was way too early for that shit; I had _just_ laid down. Without opening my eyes, I rolled away from the touch and curled farther into the blanket. 

  
  


A stronger push rocked my back, and I tried to repeat the motion, only to lose the support of the soft mattress below me. I was jolted awake as my shoulder slammed into the wood floor, my comforter not too far behind. 

  
  


I pushed the blanket off of my face and looked up, noticing Ann standing on the other side of my bed, biting back a laugh. 

  
  


“You up?” she grinned mischievously. “I have to get back to work, so…” 

  
  


“Yeah,” I forced out, sitting up straight on the ground to take in the world around me. It felt like I’d closed my eyes for two seconds, but the shadows in the room had shifted considerably. “What time is it?” 

  
  


“Like… 4:50, almost 5,” Ann said, moving her gaze from the windows. “You woke a lot easier than I thought you would, so congrats, you have five extra minutes.” She waltzed to the door, giving me one last smile over her shoulder. “I guess I’ll see ya in a little.” 

  
  


As the door shut behind her, I used the side of my bed to hoist myself up. While I didn’t feel as tired as I had earlier, my muscles ached. Part of me regretted making any plans. All I wanted to do was crawl back into bed and stay there for the foreseeable future. 

I went through the motions of getting ready, hoping I could trick myself into feeling mentally prepared too. It was no surprise when I didn’t. 

  
  


After settling on the first clean pair of jeans and t-shirt I could find, I stared at myself in the mirror. I wasn’t sure what I was hoping to figure out by looking at my reflection, but the only result was confusion. Nothing made sense anymore. 

  
  


I sighed and grabbed my hat off the floor, arranging the missing puzzle piece on my head. It made me feel just the slightest bit normal. When I noticed that about 20 minutes had passed since I’d gotten up, I headed downstairs to whatever fresh hell awaited me. 

  
  


At the bottom of the stairs, I did a scan of the dining room. Harris and the mayor were seated near the exit, and Doug was leaning against the bar as Duke talked animatedly about the bottle of wine between them. A few randoms, probably travelers or local fishermen, were being greeted by Ann at a table not too far away. I felt weird standing in the nearly empty room, so I headed outside to wait for Claire there. 

  
  


It was significantly cooler outside than it’d been all summer, but the air had warmed since that morning. The rain cleared, and a few light gray clouds hung in the sky, obscuring the sun as it descended towards Mother’s Hill. Leaves rustled as a soft breeze blew through the trees outside the inn, and I took another opportunity to browse the area. No sign of Claire, though. 

  
  


“Well, look at you, hot stuff!” 

  
  


I instantly knew that tenor before I turned towards the beach. “Yo.” I nodded my head at Kai as he approached my spot beside a potted plant. 

  
  


Kai inspected me as he got closer. “What’s all this?” He pointed up and down in my direction. “Were you just waiting for me to come home or what?” 

  
  


I rolled my eyes and looked down the path in the opposite direction. “How’d you know?” I supplied with little to no enthusiasm. I hadn’t talked to Kai much since the festival and didn’t want to give him the chance to press me further, so I thought of a way to distract him. “What are you doing home so early?” 

  
  


“Ah, shitty day,” Kai sighed, his face relaxing into a wry smile as he shoved his hands in his pockets. “I barely have anybody when it rains anyway. The morning was slow as hell, so I thought I’d give myself the rest of the day off.” 

“Must be nice.” Kai seemed to take the bait; I’d just have to keep him talking about himself. 

  
  


“Yeah, I guess.” He shrugged and looked around the empty street before settling back on me. “What about you? I haven’t seen you much lately.” 

  
  


_Shit._

  
  


The suspicion in Kai’s tone grew. “I didn’t see you on the beach for the fireworks, and you didn’t come around after work yesterday _or_ today… what’ve you been up to?” 

  
  


I had no clue what to tell him, but it sure as hell couldn’t be the truth. There was absolutely no way I could admit to Kai that Claire was pregnant… or that we thought Claire was pregnant. We didn’t even know for sure, so why would I go blabbering about it to Kai? He was arguably one of the most loudmouth people in the entire town. Kai was hard to lie to, but I had to give it my best shot. 

  
  


“I… uh, I don’t know, man,” I stammered, searching for any viable explanation for my, admittedly, strange behavior lately. “Gramps has been kicking up my training, so… I’ve been working more. That’s all.” It wasn’t a complete lie, just an omission of the truth. 

  
  


Kai pondered this for a second before appearing to accept my words. “Hmmm. Okay. Well, you’re home now, what are you doing? Wanna get fucked up?” 

  
  


That was an enticing offer, though my brain was preoccupied with finding a way to tell Kai that I would be hanging out with Claire without evoking too much commotion from him. 

  
  


“Uh, maybe later tonight.”

  
  


“Later tonight?” Kai laughed, punching my shoulder. “C’mon, Gray! There’s no time like the present. My treat. How’s that sound, sweetheart?” He shot me a flirtatious wink before taking an encouraging step towards the inn’s front door. 

  
  


I reached for my hat. “No, I just… I’m doing something. So maybe I can meet up with you after.” 

“You’re… doing something tonight?” Kai stopped dead in his tracks, turning around to raise an eyebrow. “Yeah, right. What would _you_ be doing?” 

  
  


My shoulders stiffened at his tone. “The fuck is that supposed to mean?” 

  
  


“Nothing!” Kai’s hands shot up defensively. “Just… you don’t really do a whole lot besides getting drunk, buddy, hate to break it to you.” It was a bold statement considering Kai was usually the one I got shitfaced with during the summers. “The only person more boring than you is Cliff, and even he’s out doing... something, I don’t know. Haven’t seen the dude much lately.” 

  
  


Kai was starting to piss me off, and I needed him gone anyway. I figured I’d just get to the fucking point. 

  
  


“I’m getting dinner,” I mumbled, avoiding eye contact. “With Claire.” 

  
  


Kai didn’t respond immediately. He blinked a few times, watching me as I searched for something in the darkening sky to distract myself from his reaction. 

  
  


“Ah. So the question should have been: _who_ are you doing tonight? Not, _what_ are you doing tonight.” 

  
  


I shook my head at his comment, partially making sure Claire or anyone else wasn’t around to hear it. “You’re fucking ridiculous. You know that?” 

  
  


“ _I’m_ ridiculous?” Kai took a step toward me, amusement plastered on his smug face. “You spent an entire week—no, probably even longer, telling me how bad you felt about fucking her, and now here you are, trying for a second round that _you_ swore you weren’t gonna pursue.” He shook his head, and I noticed the slightest eye roll. “And _I’m_ the ridiculous one.” 

  
  


“It’s not like that,” I looked into beady brown eyes. “I’m not pursuing shit. _She_ asked me to get dinner. We’re eating food. That’s it.” 

  
  


Kai scoffed, much to my surprise. “Yeah. Right. _‘Eating food,’_ is that what the kids are calling it now?” He wandered towards the door, looking back over his shoulder slyly. “I’ll believe that when I see it. Part of me feels like you’re just lying so you don’t have to hang with me.” 

  
  


I shook my head again, resisting the urge to huck my eyeballs into the back of my skull. “Don’t flatter yourself. I always tell you straight to your face when I don’t want to see you. Like right now.” I adjusted my cap and took a deep breath, trying to restabilize. 

  
  


“Yeah… well, you’re gonna miss me when I’m gone in like a week,” Kai muttered, just loud enough for me to ignore. “Buuut!” He spun around, standing directly between me and the inn’s front door. “I still don’t believe you’re hanging out with Claire.” 

  
  


“Okay?” I tore my eyes from the path by Aja Winery and turned back to Kai. “Not sure why you think I’d lie, but whatever.” 

  
  


“I guess I just didn’t expect her to ask _you_ out.” His expression shifted to mock exasperation. “She seems completely disinterested in me, so I’m not sure why she’d go for you of all people.” 

  
  


“Yeah,” I mindlessly offered, not particularly listening to Kai as I glanced towards the winery. “That’s Claire for you.” 

  
  


_Speaking of, where is this girl?_ I looked down at my watch; it was nearly 5:45. She’d first presented _“5:30-6”_ , and I slowly realized it looked more like the latter of the two times. 

  
  


Kai seemed peeved that I wasn’t giving into whatever game he was trying to play, so he tried again. “So what, you actually like her now or something?” 

  
  


It was a valid question. One that I wasn’t quite sure how to answer yet, so I gave Kai a shrug. “Yeah, I guess. We’re cool.” 

  
  


“If you’re not lying, I’m so interested to see how this is gonna play out.” He let out a noise that sounded like a mix of a laugh and a scoff, unfortunately returning to where I was standing. “Shit, maybe if we’re both lucky, I can pull a Cliff later tonight and see for myself.”

I shot Kai with a glare. “You’re so fucking annoying, man. Don’t you have anyone else you could terrorize?” 

  
  


“Yeah, but you’re my favorite,” Kai feigned flirtation, tapping his index finger on my chest. I snatched his hand and pushed him away, only eliciting amused cackling.

  
  


I pressed my thumbs into my temples, and an unfazed Kai retreated to my side, taking a seat on the edge of the planter beside me. I was thankful when his loud mouth managed to stay shut for longer than two seconds. It was just enough time to close my eyes and reflect on why I was even his friend in the first place... until he broke my train of thought. 

  
  


“Hmm. Wow. Guess you weren’t lying.” He nodded his head in the direction of the winery. “I owe you one.” 

  
  


Sure enough, at the end of the path, I saw the blonde farmer rounding the corner at record speed. She hastily slid to a stop beside the picket fences in front of the winery, bracing to catch her breath. The blonde looked down to dust off her jeans and then flipped her hair as she stood up, running a hand through her bangs as she inhaled. 

Claire’s eyes flashed up to mine, and she stopped like a deer in headlights. Her posture stiffened, and after a moment of blankly staring, Claire seemed to come to her senses and walk towards us. She placed her hands in her back pockets, eyes locking on mine as she got closer. 

  
  


“Nice,” I heard Kai whisper as his elbow met my rib. I’d almost forgotten he was there. “Somebody’s not wearing a bra.” 

  
  


I felt my jaw clench and turned to tell Kai to fuck off, only to realize that the farmer was now standing directly in front of us. Though, to be honest, she looked nothing like a farmer at that moment. I was used to seeing her in t-shirts, flannels, overalls, maybe the occasional pair of shorts, and that one time in a swimsuit… So it was weird seeing her in jeans and a tank top, as simple as it seemed. 

  
  


“Well, hi,” Claire greeted me with a small smile. Her face was slightly flushed, shoulders rising and falling as she tried to catch her breath. “I… I’m really sorry that I’m late! I kinda lost track of time.” 

  
  


I held back an unintentional laugh. “It’s fine. I figured.” 

  
  


Claire’s lips tightened, though it looked like she was trying to fight a smile. Her eyes met Kai’s and then narrowed. 

  
  


“Also...hi, Kai? Didn’t expect to see you here too.” And how I wished he would have gone inside. 

  
  


“Well, it wasn’t like I was gonna miss the opportunity to see _you two_ interact,” Kai admitted with a laugh. “That’s just free entertainment.” 

  
  


Claire looked down to her feet, and I couldn’t tell if the pink in her cheeks was residual from her impromptu run or… embarrassment? I was just glad that she wasn’t looking because my face felt warm too.

  
  


“And just look at you two,” Kai continued, to my extreme displeasure. He pointed towards Claire and then back at me. “You’re even matching!” 

I looked down at my outfit: jeans and a black t-shirt. Then I glanced at Claire, sporting a black tank top and jeans. _Fuck_. Eventually, Claire came to the same realization and met my gaze with a laugh. 

  
  


Before I could even think of something witty to say back, Claire turned to Kai with a confident smirk. “Great minds think alike.” 

  
  


I turned to Kai, trying to match Claire’s expression. “Yeah. Great minds.” I heard Claire let out a hiss of a laugh and held my ground. 

Kai rolled his eyes and gave the two of us another look. I wasn’t a stranger to the way he seemed to linger over Claire before he opened his mouth to speak again. “Yeah, I take it back. You’re not quite matching. Claire looks way hotter than you.” When I shot him a glare, all he did was shrug. “What? No offense.” 

  
  


“No offense doesn’t automatically excuse you from being an asshole,” I scoffed. 

“Yeah, you’re an asshole, _you_ would know,” Kai quipped back. It took everything in my power to not drop-kick him into a nearby bush. 

  
  


“Hmm…” I heard Claire’s voice pipe up. Kai and I both glanced down at the blonde as she held the thin strap of her shirt between her thumb and index finger. She looked back up at the two of us, her hand moving to the strip of lace along the neckline. “I think it’s just a cute top. I bet Gray would look hotter if he were the one wearing it too.” 

  
  


_...the fuck?_ I wasn’t sure if it was some sort of clever joke or an actual attempt at flirting with me, though her and Kai’s chorus of laughter didn’t help. 

  
  


“Shit. I would pay money to see that,” Kai said between snickers. 

  
  


Claire looked back at me as if imagining what such a dainty article of clothing would look like on me, and then back at Kai with a giggle. “Honestly, me too.” The thought made _me_ cringe. “I’d switch with him right now, but—” 

“Ooh, now _that_ I’d like to see,” Kai interrupted Claire, leaning his head down to raise his eyebrows at her. “Why don’t you two do that right now? I can supervise.” 

  
  


As it left his mouth, I couldn’t believe he’d said the words out loud, let alone to Claire. Hearing Kai made me want to suplex him into the cobblestones; I couldn’t imagine how she felt. 

  
  


“Don’t you have anywhere else you could fuck off to?” I turned to Kai, giving my best _“get-the-fuck-out-of-here”_ glare. “Literally anywhere else?” 

  
  


Kai let out a long, dramatic sigh. “Well, I told Popuri I was busy cuz I was gonna see if Claire here wanted to do something... but it looks like you two are too busy twinning.” There was an air of sarcasm in his voice, but it was subtle enough to leave me wondering if he was serious. He tilted his head back down at Claire. “I mean… unless you wanted to ditch this joker—”

  
  


“Ugh, I’m hungry; I haven’t eaten all day.” Claire turned to me, completely ignoring Kai. “Wanna go sit down?” Something about that action made the blood rush to my face. 

  
  


I reached up for my hat and was relieved when I was able to disappear under the bill. “Uh… yeah. Let’s do it.” 

  
  


Claire turned back to Kai with a fake smile and patted him on the arm. “Tell Popuri hi for me, will ya?” 

  
  


I went to shoot Kai a smug look but was surprised when I felt a cold hand wrap around the crook of my arm and tug me towards the front door. I didn’t get a chance to see the look on Kai’s face, so I threw him a discreet middle finger with my free hand. 

  
  


Before I even had a chance to think about where I’d been yanked, the two of us were inside the inn, and the door was slamming behind. I looked back, finally coming to the realization that she was the one that opened the door for us.

  
  


Wasn’t I supposed to be the one that did that? Even if it wasn’t a date, I remembered Mary liking it when I opened the door for her. 

  
  


_Wait. Why am I even comparing the two?_

  
  


Claire let out a sigh of relief as her hand dropped from my arm. It was such a simple touch, yet I found myself missing it when it was gone. I felt pathetic. It’d been way too long since another person had gotten close to me like that, and it was showing. 

  
  


“Sorry about that.” Claire looked up at me with a sheepish grin, her hand tracing the side of her neck. “I... I know you and Kai are good friends, and I like him and all, but... he can be a lot sometimes.” She looked down and let out a soft chuckle, “And that’s coming from me.” 

  
  


I shook my head as the air left my nose. “Don’t apologize. You did me a favor.” If I would have been the one to separate us from Kai, I’m not sure how well that would have played out. “Kai’s…. Kai. He means well, usually. He’s harmless, just sometimes he can be…” 

  
  


“Frustrating? Annoying? Inappropriate?” Claire offered with a laugh, bumping her shoulder against my arm. I wanted to laugh, too, because I probably would have used the same words to describe her over a season ago. “Okay, _kinda_ kidding, that felt mean. But yeah, you’re right.” 

I opened my mouth to agree, but Claire cut me off with a light hand on my tricep. 

  
  


_Is she always this touchy?_ I remembered seeing similar behavior with Ann a few weeks back, so maybe it was just how she was with her friends. 

  
  


Was that what we were? Friends?

  
  


“Do you mind if I pick where we sit?” 

  
  


“Huh?” 

  
  


Claire tilted her head with that doe-eyed look I hated to love. “Like to eat, silly. Unless you have a spot in mind that you like. You basically live here; you have to have a fave spot, right?” 

  
  


“...I don’t _basically_ live here. I _actually_ live here.” I looked around the various empty tables and shrugged. “And I usually just sit at the bar, so I don’t care.” 

  
  


“Perfect!” Her hand wrapped around my arm as she pointed to a table in the back corner by the stairs. I didn’t even have a chance to protest before she was dragging me across the floor, though it wasn’t like she had to pull very hard.

As we approached the table, Claire went on about noise-levels and getting distracted, which was ironic because I wasn’t paying attention in the slightest. All I could think about was how nice it was to have someone’s hand around my arm. 

  
  


I was brought back to reality when her hand left to pull out the chair facing away from the rest of the dining room. Not wanting to appear any more pitiful than I was feeling, I took the seat across from her. 

  
  


Claire beamed on the other side of the table, and I wondered why anyone would ever look so excited to see me or hang out with me. But maybe that’s just how Claire was with everybody. She seemed so universally liked by the entire town; it wouldn’t be surprising. 

  
  


“I think it’s interesting that you opted for the hat tonight.” Claire rested her elbow on the table and propped her head against her hand, eyes unwavering from mine. 

  
  


I didn’t think she would notice, let alone say something about it. “Oh? Uh, yeah. I mean, leaving it this morning was an accident.” 

  
  


“Hmm. I see.” She rested her index finger against pursed lips, and my eyes immediately followed. “If I’m being honest, I prefer you without it.” As the words left her mouth, Claire’s eyes widened as if she was surprised with what had come out. 

  
  


And honestly, I was too. Claire acted like daring comments like that weren’t the reason I needed it in the first place. 

  
  


“Sorry, I think that came out wrong…” Claire started again when I didn’t speak fast enough, as if I would have known what to say anyway. “You look good with it too! I’m just saying! I don’t know. I like being able to see your face.” 

  
  


“Oh?” There she went again, saying things I had no idea how to respond to. I wasn’t necessarily used to people saying that they _liked_ seeing my face. Usually, it was the opposite. 

  
  


“Yeah! You’re always hiding behind that thing. It’s nice to be able to read you.” Claire laughed, leaning forward in her chair. “Plus, I didn’t realize how easily you get flustered. It’s cute.” 

  
  


As if on cue, the stinging sensation that’d be crawling up my neck spread to my entire face. “No, I don’t,” was all I could manage. I wasn’t sure which accusation I was denying, but Claire didn’t seem too convinced. 

  
  


I’d never really thought about it before, but Claire was right. Hiding was just easier for me. It had always been that way.

  
  


And at that moment, I realized how hard it was to get a similar reaction out of Claire. So far, the only times she ever blushed or gave any indication of being embarrassed was when she was caught staring off into space. It was almost the complete opposite with Mary; she’d fluster if I breathed at her in the wrong way. 

  
  


_...Why do I keep comparing the two?_

Claire’s lips parted to speak, but in an instant, her entire face lit up when she noticed Ann approaching us. The blonde shot out of her seat and met Ann in front of the table, all but attacking her with a hug. 

  
  


So she _was_ just touchy with all her friends, it wasn’t like I was special. 

“Well, hiiiii!” Claire sang as she loosened her arms from Ann’s shoulders. “Oh my gosh, I haven’t seen you in _forever_!” 

  
  


“Hey, hi, wow, look at you!” Ann returned Claire’s energy, smiling as she released the blonde’s tight hug. “And I know, right? I have _so_ much to tell you.” 

  
  


It’s like I wasn’t even there. 

  
  


I couldn’t see Claire’s face, but I heard a definite shift in her tone after she nervously laughed and ran her hand along the side of her neck. “Me too.” 

  
  


Ann’s eyes flickered over to mine, finally acknowledging my existence, before returning to Claire. She put her free hand on her hip and raised her brow at the farmer. “Uh, _yeah_. That much is obvious.” 

  
  


Claire looked back at me awkwardly sitting at the table and quickly returned to her seat. “Come over tomorrow?” she asked in a way that didn’t actually sound like a question. She seemed to do that often. 

  
  


The waitress nodded with a smile before turning back to the table and setting down a pair of paper menus and two silverware rolls. “Welp, since I’m here, I might as well get some drinks going.” Which was perfect because I needed a fucking drink to settle my nerves. She turned to me with a nod. “What are we feeling tonight? Beer, whiskey?” 

  
  


“Beer’s fine. Just the usual.” We all knew where whiskey got me last time I was with Claire. 

  
  


Ann swiveled to the blonde. “And what about you? You know our wine selection is...” her voice faltered as she caught herself. “Crap. Sorry, Claire. Force of habit.” She shook her head and started again. “Uh, well, we also have a variety of fresh juices, we have root beer, milk, water…” 

  
  


Claire pressed her lips tightly together as Ann rattled off non-alcoholic beverages, and I couldn’t tell what emotion she was trying to hold back. The expression faded into a thin smile, though it seemed forced. “Water is fine.” 

With pink tinging her cheeks, Ann spun on her heels and rushed over to the bar. I did feel a little bad for her. There had been times over the past few days where I’d momentarily forgotten Claire was pregnant, or I guess, most likely pregnant, too. At least on my end, that was balanced with excruciating moments where it was all I could think about. 

  
  


I looked over to an uncharacteristically quiet Claire. She’d returned her head to her hand and was staring past me at the stairs, the slightest frown on her lips. It was strange to me how suddenly she could go from boundless energy to completely deflated. 

  
  


I just had to find something she liked talking about… that was usually a surefire way to get her going. 

“So, uh, you and Ann are pretty good friends.” 

  
  


No response. I waved my hand in Claire’s direction, and a few moments later, her eyes widened as she returned to this dimension. And there was that blush again, as faintly as it painted her cheeks. 

  
  


“ _Shit_ , I’m so sorry.” Claire shook her head with a sigh. “I didn’t even hear what you said.” 

  
  


“It’s fine.” However, part of me was worried that she didn’t hear me despite being less than four feet apart. “I was just saying that you and Ann seem close. Didn’t know you two were that good of friends.” 

  
  


Claire seemed to perk up at the question, and a wide grin spread across her face. “Did she say that?” 

  
  


“Well... no, I mean, not directly.” I looked over to Ann as she prepared drinks at the bar, noticing that the dinner rush had picked up. My gaze moved back to Claire, who had me locked in her sight. “But I can tell she cares about you a lot.” 

My comment seemed to shoot Claire through the roof. “It makes me so happy to hear you say that! I worry about being a good friend a lot…” She mimicked my behavior, looking off towards the bar and then back at me with a huff. “Honestly, I thought Ann was gonna be mad at me. I haven’t talked to her since the festival... but it seems like we’re okay.” 

  
  


I was surprised. Watching Claire and Ann gave me no indication that there was tension between the two, but what the fuck did I know? 

  
  


“Why would Ann be mad at you?” 

  
  


Claire rubbed her lips together as she struggled for an answer. “I… uh, haha, we may have exchanged some words that I regret now. We kinda got into it about what I should do and I… uh, freaked out on her, so.” Ann’s behavior from that night only made more sense. 

  
  


“I guess I could see how that could happen.” Even based on the range of emotions I’d seen Claire exhibit lately, I couldn’t imagine her being too awful, especially to Ann. Ann put up with my shit, though, so putting up with Claire was probably a cakewalk in comparison. “Ann’s understanding, though. She gets it.” 

  
  


“Yeah. I appreciate that about her a lot.” Claire was staring in Ann’s direction across the room, the strap of her shirt idly squeezed between her fingers. “Other than Rick, Ann was one of the first friends I made here, so she’s pretty important to me, y’know?” 

  
  


I thought it was a little weird that Rick was one of Claire’s first friends, but I guessed it made sense given their occupations and proximity to each other. I was more curious about her and Ann. “How’d you two even meet?” 

  
  


“Ah!” Claire sat up straight in her chair with that familiar toothy grin. “It was when I was wandering around my first week, I stopped by here, actually, and Ann and Doug treated me to a meal. It was so sweet of them! Like, I was just absolutely astounded by their kindness.” 

  
  


That sounded like Doug and Ann. Their hospitality was unmatched in the city, so it was no wonder Claire was so surprised. I remembered feeling the same way. I opened my mouth to respond, but Claire’s excited voice cut me off. 

  
  


“But Ann and I really became friends when I ran into her at the hot springs later that week. It was my first time seeing butterflies in town, so I was just… mesmerized! And Ann surprisingly knows a lot about them too!” If the joy in Claire’s voice wasn’t enough, the sparkle in her wide blue eyes said it all. “We kind of bonded over that, and now she stops by my place sometimes on her way back to work in the morning.” 

  
  


“Huh. That’s cool. I didn’t even really know we had butterflies here.” I also didn’t know anybody could be so pumped about bugs, of all things. “Never really noticed them before.” 

  
  


Claire seemed appalled that I’d said the words out loud. “Are you serious?” Her hands slapped down on the table. “Ugh, Gray, that should be a crime. I’m taking you to my favorite butterfly watching spots, _stat_!” 

  
  


Before I could even think of an appropriate reply to Claire’s enthusiasm, Ann reappeared back at the table with glasses in each hand. 

  
  


“So, did we have any thoughts about dinner?” Ann asked as she distributed our drinks. She looked down at the untouched menus in the middle of the table, sighed, and then back at me. “I take it you want literally the same thing you eat every day?” 

  
  


I sat back in my chair and crossed my arms. “I don’t eat the same thing every day.” 

  
  


Ann tilted her head down and looked me in the eyes. “Do you want the fried noodles or not?” When I reluctantly nodded, she turned to Claire with a fresh new smile. “What about you? Did you get a chance to look at the menu? It’s been a while since you’ve eaten here last.” 

  
  


Claire paused for a few moments and then shook her head. “I…I didn’t… but like, just order me something good? Please? I don’t really care.” I couldn’t imagine trusting somebody else to pick my food for me. 

  
  


“ _Something good_ ?” Ann repeated with a cocked eyebrow, taking a step back. “Um. Well… it’s _all_ good. Dad makes sure of that. But, uh...” She let out an exasperated sigh and turned to leave, “You’re just getting the daily special. It’s bamboo rice.” 

  
  


The blonde watched Ann saunter away and turned back to me with a shrug. “Anyway.” She took a sip of her water, and I did the same with my beer.

  
  


“So butterflies,” I started again, trying to fill the space between us before silence had a chance to creep in. “Is that what you were studying before you came here?” 

  
  


“Oh.” Claire’s smile vanished as her eyes seemed to grow twice in size. “No, actually. That’s just a personal interest. I mean, I took an entomology elective but otherwise, no.” When I tilted my head in confusion, she continued in a softer voice, “I might have stayed in school if that were the case... Well, probably not, but still.” 

  
  


I was even more lost than I had been initially. “Okay… what _were_ you studying then?” 

  
  


A humorless chuckle escaped her lips as they settled into a sad smile. “Economics.” It was like the word left a sour taste in her mouth. “The goal was for me to get into law school, I mean, not _my_ goal but… my mom’s a lawyer, so it was one of the… _conditions_ of her paying for my school.” 

  
  


Just as I thought Claire had finished the thought, she discreetly rolled her eyes as she mumbled under her breath, “As if I had a choice, but...” 

She didn’t seem too thrilled to continue talking about whatever past she’d left behind, and honestly, I knew the feeling. Despite my growing interest in what Claire was up to pre-Mineral Town, I searched for what seemed like a safer topic of conversation. 

  
  


I took a long sip of my beer and looked back at the farmer. “Your mom’s a lawyer? That must have been intense growing up.” 

  
  


“ _Yeah_.” Claire laughed, a sliver of light returning to her face. “You have no idea, but...I got pretty good at arguing that way.” 

  
  


“Mm. Yeah, I could tell.” When she opened her mouth to protest, I raised my brow. “Like you say: it’s funny cuz it’s true.” 

  
  


Claire continued to glare at me, but I could see the hints of a smile in the corners of her mouth. “Using my own words against me, so unfair.” 

  
  


“Don’t make it so easy then,” I said with a shrug and another drink. Selfishly, I wanted to know more about Claire and her family. The way she talked about them ignited my curiosity. “What about your dad? What’s he do?” 

  
  


“I mean, my stepdad is a lawyer too, which just added to the _fun_ of the household.” She shrugged with a casualty that didn’t match the statement that followed, “But I don’t know what my bio dad does. I’ve never met him.” 

  
  


I wasn’t sure what to say back. That last statement hit me like a sack of fucking bricks. Was that why she was so dismissive about me being involved? I was sure it’d be hard to understand why someone would want to stick around and be a parent when your own dad couldn’t do the same. 

  
  


Who was I kidding? I had the same train of thought more than once. 

  
  


“Oh,” was all my racing mind could think to offer. 

  
  


Luckily, Claire didn’t need much to go off of. “Yeah, honestly, it’s this whole stupid thing with him and my mom. Like, basically, my mom got pregnant with me super young, and, shocker, he wanted no part of it.” 

  
  


She paused and took a sip of her water, and while I’m sure she was waiting for me to say something, I was speechless. The parallels to our current situation were uncanny.

  
  


“I mean, they were like 16,17, and my mom was giving the guy an ultimatum,” Claire continued, every word she spoke just sucking me further into the story. “I don’t blame him or anything, y’know? Especially with _my_ mom—ugh, she’s insane—but... she just made it _my_ problem my whole life, so...” 

  
  


While I drank my beer, I couldn’t help but relate to whatever struggle Claire had with her mom. I was also surprised that somebody as vibrant and upbeat as her could have any issues with her family. She seemed pretty good at hiding it. 

  
  


I’d spent too much time up in my head again because I heard Claire grumble across the table, “ _Shit_. I’m sorry, you probably don’t want to sit here and listen to me complain about my mom.”

  
  


“Oh. No, you’re okay,” I reassured her, almost a little too quickly. “I get it.” 

  
  


“What about your parents, though?” Claire asked without missing a beat. “They used to live here, right?” 

  
  


I wasn’t too sure if I wanted to talk about my parents either. But at the same time, Claire had been so open with me about hers. I just felt like I should do the same… to an extent. Apparently, her past hadn’t been perfect either; she didn’t seem the type to judge me for mine. 

  
  


“Uh, yeah. They did.” I took a long drink, noting the few amber sips that remained. “My dad is Gramps’s son, so he was training under him like I am now. And my mom… she was a farmhand under Barley, used to jockey his horses in the races every year and shit too. But they both moved away when they were like 19 or somethin’, I dunno.”

  
  


Claire leaned forward on the table, and I found my eyes tracing the sharp curve from her shoulders to her collarbone. “Why’d they move? I can’t imagine wanting to leave this place.” 

  
  


“Uh… me,” I admitted, adjusting the bill of my cap. “But… I guess my dad always hated it here anyway. He and Gramps fought more than we do, if you can believe that. They, uh, ran away after they found out my mom was pregnant, got hitched, and that was the end of that.” 

  
  


“Did you ever visit here when you were young?” Her question seemed to roll off the tongue as if she’d been waiting for the opportunity to ask. 

  
  


“Yeah, once or twice. I only remember one time when I was maybe five or six, but uh… We didn’t come back after that.” It wasn’t a day I liked to remember, so I left it at that. 

  
  


Claire seemed to pick up on my tone and redirected her interest. “Oh, I see. Well, what do your parents do now? Do they like living in the city?” 

  
  


“Uh, don’t know for sure, but since I can remember, my mom’s been a drill and riding coach. She always seemed to like it enough, but… I could tell she missed being here from the way she used to talk about it.” 

  
  


“And your dad?” She wasn’t going to let this one go, was she? 

  
  


I tried to resist the involuntary tightening in my face when I thought about Jet. “Who the fuck knows. He held down a few different jobs growing up, but I couldn’t give two shits about what he’s up to now.” 

  
  


“Oh. Interesting. So you don’t really talk to your parents now?” I was shocked when the inflection of the question hinted towards genuine interest rather than judgment. She _was_ really fucking curious, though, damn. 

“No.” I searched for the best way to explain my relationship with my parents without painting myself to be a total piece of shit. “Even before my mom dumped me here, things were… pretty shaky between us. We got in this big fight a year or so ago, and… uh, haven’t talked since.” I eagerly finished the rest of my beer before pushing it to the side. “And my dad… I haven’t talked to him since high school, and I’d prefer to keep it that way.” 

  
  


“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I haven’t talked to my mom since I’ve been here, and I don’t really plan on it anytime soon.” It didn’t make me feel better, but maybe just a little less alone. “But, hey, I’m sorry for pressing so much; I can tell you don’t like talking about them.”

  
  


“You’re fine… just, yeah. Not my favorite thing.” 

  
  


“I feel that. Well, if you don’t ask me about my parents, I won’t ask you about yours. Deal?” I wanted to laugh at how stupid of an agreement it seemed. But as always, Claire was sitting there so excited about it. 

  
  


“Deal.” It was nice to feel understood. Claire had her own shit going on, too; I didn’t feel like I had to pretend to be someone else with her. 

  
  


“Hi! It’s me again!” I turned to Ann, who was leaning her forearms against the top of our table. “I’ll be honest that dad is a little swamped right now, but food should be ready soon! How are things otherwise?” 

  
  


“Hey, girly.” Claire flashed me a lippy smile before she leaned towards Ann. “Things are good. Maybe more water, please?” 

  
  


“Yeah, I’d have another drink.” I looked down at the empty glass, noting how easy it would be to pound at least five more. Maybe something stronger was better, something I couldn’t destroy. “I’ll switch to whiskey.” 

  
  


Ann shot me a glare. “Do you have please in your vocabulary or not? Is that too advanced for you?” 

  
  


“Whiskey. Rocks. _Please_.” 

  
  


“Ugh, you are insufferable sometimes.” Ann turned to Claire as she was about to leave and shook her head. “I don’t know why you purposely choose to hang out with this guy sometimes, Claire, honestly.” Before Claire could even respond, Ann was off in the direction of another table. 

  
  


“Alrighty, so whiskey?” Claire laughed, completely changing the subject. “That’s your favorite?” I wasn’t sure if she was asking or accusing me.

  
  


“Yeah, I mean the well whiskey here is a rye, but it gets the job done,” I answered with a shrug. “Honestly, I prefer bourbon, but there’s this scotch that Duke distills in old wine barrels, and the flavor is unlike anything I’ve ever tasted. That’s probably my favorite.” 

  
  


“Oh, dang,” her brows raised with a grin, “so you _really_ like whiskey.” 

  
  


I wasn’t sure what that look meant. “Does that bother you?” 

  
  


“No.” Claire sat back in her seat, running her hand through her hair. “Everyone’s got their vices. I know I have mine.” 

  
  


I was so curious what those vices were. 

  
  


“Yeah, I mean, there’s not a whole lot to do out here other than drink. Might as well find somethin’ you like.” Claire laughed harder than I imagined one would at my comment, so I shot her a look. “What?” 

  
  


“Nothing, it’s just…” she continued giggling, trying to stop herself enough to speak. “You just reminded me of something you said that night at Kai’s.” 

  
  


The thought of my forgotten drunken actions made my stomach flutter. “Which was…?” 

  
  


“You and I had been brainstorming trying to figure out something fun to do,” Claire looked towards the ceiling as if replaying the scene from memory, “and you said something along the lines of: _‘there’s not a whole lot else to do here other than drink and fuck_.” 

  
  


I opened my mouth, but no words came out. So I swallowed and tried again. “I… I said that? To you?” 

  
  


Claire nodded emphatically. “Yeah, it was actually hilarious, and,” she paused and met me with a coy smile, “partially true.” 

_What does she expect me to say back to that?_ My face was scorching, and I knew it wasn’t the product of one single beer. 

  
  


I was thankful when I heard the familiar clink of glass on the wooden table in front of me, and I anxiously seized the drink milliseconds after Ann set it down. She shot me a disapproving look as I brought the liquid to my lips before she could even fill Claire’s water. I thought I was in the clear until Ann turned back to both of us. 

  
  


“Well, I’m actually about to go get your food, so just hang tight!” Ann shifted her attention back at me, the annoyance returning to her face. “Don’t get too jacked up on your date before then.” 

  
  


“Mind your own fucking business, Ann.” It was harder to hide the frustration she was causing this time. “It’s not a date, and I’m not sure why you’re so bent about it.” 

  
  


Ann’s eyes darted between Claire and me before shrugging and marching towards the kitchen. 

  
  


The inn was lively with soft music and loud chattering, though neither of our voices contributed any sound. I was afraid that snapping on Ann freaked Claire out and was thinking of the best way to apologize when Claire broke the silence. 

  
  


“Okay, wait a minute.” Claire narrowed her eyes at me. “So... this isn’t a date?” 

  
  


That caught me off-guard; out of all the things I thought Claire would say, that wasn’t it. “I mean... no? I-I dunno. You said dinner. You didn’t say date.” 

  
  


“You’re joking, right? I… didn’t think I’d have to make it _that_ clear to you.” With every word, she seemed to lean closer. “Like, I definitely thought we were on the same page earlier.”

  
  


“Huh? What do you mean?” 

  
  


“Seriously?” Claire tilted her head with narrowed eyes. “The way you were flirting with me today, I could have sworn that you were going to ask _me_ on a date.” She pushed a chunk of hair from her shoulders as she clicked her tongue. “I just stepped up and asked because you chickened out.” 

  
  


No words came to mind. _That_ was a loaded statement. For starters, I definitely didn’t remember flirting with Claire. Yeah, I’d been checking her out, but it wasn’t like I’d acted on any of those feelings… or so I thought? I guess that was the problem. 

  
  


I was blessed with an extra minute to think about my response when Ann flew over and distributed our dishes across the table. Claire didn’t even react when the plate of steaming rice was set down in front of her; her intense gaze remained on me. As Ann hastily slid my plate before me, I glared up at her. 

  
  


“Thanks.” I all but hissed, not referring to the foodservice. 

  
  


Ann smiled facetiously, picking up on my tone. “You’re welcome! You two enjoy your meal, okay?” She quickly spun around, disappearing into what seemed like a sea of people in comparison to earlier. 

  
  


I looked back to Claire, who hadn’t moved a single inch. “Well?” There was that familiar edge in her voice. “Do you deny it?” 

  
  


_Fuck_. I needed to say something quickly. 

  
  


“O-oh, uh, okay. Hold on. Back up.” I closed my eyes, trying to craft a response worthy of such a remark. “What did I do that made you think I was flirting with you?” 

  
  


That was probably not it, though. I took a bite followed by a long sip of whiskey, hoping the after-effects could help me come up with _anything_ better to say. 

  
  


“Uh? What? Are you serious? Tell me you’re kidding right now. ” Claire laughed and shook her head. “Gray, you offered to fix my sickle _for free_ , asked if I wanted to watch you, which, like”—she leaned her head forward and lowered her eyebrows—“ _come on_.”

  
  


_Come on? Didn’t I give her the option to leave?_

  
  


When she was met with my blank stare, the exasperation in her voice doubled. “Plus, you let me leave without paying for the upgrade!”

  
  


_Fuck. I definitely don’t remember doing that. Gramps is gonna fucking kill me._

  
  


“And then, you asked if I still had work to do for the day! I… I genuinely thought you were going to ask me on a date. Like, am I wrong for thinking that?” 

  
  


I took another bite of noodles, taking advantage of the time to think about a response. There was that word again. So it _was_ a date. 

  
  


Which meant… Claire was pursuing me? Yeah, she was flirty, but I didn’t think it was that deep. I guess given our situation, it wasn’t all that surprising… but I still wasn’t sure how to feel. Knowing it was a date provided some sense of relief while simultaneously flooring my heart rate. 

  
  


“Listen…” I defensively reached up for my hat, “I didn’t just do it because I was trying to flirt with you… I just, uh... thought it was the right thing to do.” 

  
  


I didn’t necessarily want her thinking I was just doing it to get in her pants, but there was no denying that I’d done any of those things.

Claire’s jaw clenched, and her hands followed suit. She looked away from me with a huff. “ _Well_ , you didn’t have to agree to come if you didn’t want to go on a date with me.” Her voice was like a blade this time around. 

  
  


_Fuck. That was not the response I wanted. But… what response do I want? I don’t hate the fact that I’m here with her right now… so... might as well try?_

  
  


“No, uh, fuck.” My dry mouth was tripping over words again. Why did I seem to lose all ability to communicate when I was talking to Claire? I took a sip of whiskey to regain any sense of moisture in my mouth. “That’s not what I meant… I just… you, uh, you just surprised me. That’s all.” 

  
  


Claire's expression softened, so I continued damage control, “I… want to be here. It’s just, I’ve never had a girl ask me on a date before… so, uh, this is sorta new territory for me.” 

  
  


To my surprise, Claire laughed, and I felt my tensed shoulders relax. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to get so defensive. I’ve just never asked anyone on a date… let alone been on a real date, so, yeah, this is all new for me too.”

  
  


As I ate, I found it hard to believe that Claire had never been on a date before. I felt like that wasn’t something I should share, though. Before I could find something better to reply, she added to the thought. 

  
  


“I’m sorry if I seem forward, but...I don’t know… just after everything your grandpa said, I thought I would make an effort to try and date you.” She seemed to catch herself before I could even react, “Not the marriage part! I promise. I didn’t really take that all too seriously, but… I felt like there was some truth to the idea that we should get to know each other better…” 

  
  


“Yeah… I guess you’re right.” 

  
  


“And I don’t know… I kinda like you, Gray." She stopped for a second, softly biting her lip before breaking into a flirty smirk. "For a hothead, I think you’re pretty cool.” 

  
  


I wasn't sure which was more attractive, that fucking look or her confidence, but I felt hot enough to heat the entire dining room. Though I couldn't believe _she_ was actually interested in me, of all people. “You... you do?” 

  
  


“...Yeah? I thought it was pretty obvious by now.” She pushed the hair from her chest and rested her head in her hand. “Plus… I mean, it would be a lot easier to do all this if we were together, y’know?”

  
  


It did seem a lot easier to manage the situation together… though I wasn’t sure if that was true or if Claire was just that convincing. 

  
  


“Uh… well, I don’t disagree.” 

  
  


“I feel like… our relationship kind of determines how long we conceal the information and how we move forward, y’know?” Her eyes remained glued to mine, her food all but forgotten on the table in front of her. “Sooo… maybe we see how things work out between us and go from there?” 

  
  


She really was bold, but a piece of me appreciated the directness. It was nice not having to guess how somebody felt.

  
  


I finished my bite and nodded. “Yeah, I guess there’s not much else we can do.” I looked down at her food and then back at her. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but your food’s gonna get cold.” 

  
  


Realization seemed to settle in as Claire looked down at the plate in front of her. “Ugh. Thank you. Sorry. You can always tell me to shut up if I’m rambling like that.”

  
  


I shrugged and swallowed another bite. “I don’t mind listening… most of the time.” 

  
  


I wasn’t sure if she was trying to glare or smile at me, but the expression seemed a mix of the two. Without another word, she grabbed her fork and dug in. 

  
  


It was the longest Claire had been quiet all night, but it felt significantly more comfortable than our previous silence. Her behavior seemed to indicate that she could only focus on either eating or talking, and honestly, she’d been doing a lot of the latter. While I let the farmer catch up on her meal, I took the opportunity to survey the room. 

  
  


And oh, how I wish I didn’t. 

  
  


I wasn’t sure why I was surprised that Mary would be there, but locking with those big brown eyes was enough to make me choke. 

  
  


“Are you okay over there?” Claire asked from behind her hand. She swallowed and the concern on her face only deepened. “Do you need the Heimlich?” 

  
  


I rapidly shook my head and reached for the whiskey in front of me, effectively polishing the last third in one drink. I coughed to force it all down and shook my head in my worst attempt to seem casual. “I’m fine, just the wrong pipe.” 

  
  


Claire didn’t seem too convinced, but she returned to her food nonetheless. I wasn’t sure how I looked on her end, but I was losing my fucking shit. My heartbeat pulsed in my throat as I considered my new predicament. 

  
  


My stomach dropped when I thought about how Mary might perceive Claire and me eating together. We’d established it was a date… but selfishly, I didn’t want Mary to know that. I felt guilty that I hadn’t talked to her yet, but a lot had happened since that weak promise. I just didn’t understand why I cared so much and why her presence caused so much anxiety. 

  
  


I just needed to calm down. There was no way Mary would come near me if I were with another girl. She’d never even approached me at the bar with my friends; why would it be different? 

  
  


I glanced across the busy dining room to double-check my thought process, only to find that I was wrong. Very wrong. My eyes were bigger than my dinner plate when I saw Mary push up from her seat. 

  
  


Blood rushed to every inch of my body, and my heart pounded against my ribs. As the adrenaline flooded my brain, I didn’t even have time to think through my actions—I just needed to remove myself and fucking fast. 

  
  


I shot up from my chair, returning my attention to the blonde in front of me. “I, uh, I need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.” 

  
  


“Oh. Okay.” 

  
  


My feet hit the stairs before I could even hear what else Claire had to say. I wasn’t sure what my plan was, but at least separating myself from the two girls would buy me just a little bit more time to think about how the fuck I was going to manage this one. 

  
  


I rushed to grab the doorknob to my room when a soft, familiar voice called my name from behind. _Fuck_. 

  
  


With a sigh, I turned on my heels to stand over the librarian. “Hi, Mare.”

  
  


“Don’t.” She took a deep breath, and her mouth looked like it was battling with the words. “Don’t do that to me.”

  
  


When I was silent, she shook her head. “Gray… what are you doing?”

  
  


“Uh, bathroom?” was all that came to mind. 

  
  


I could tell she wanted to roll her eyes. “That’s not what I meant, and you know that. I mean tonight. Down there. What is going on between you two?”

  
  


“Nothing! Just dinner.” 

  
  


“ _Please,_ just stop lying to me. I wasn’t born yesterday, so stop treating me like I was.” 

  
  


I narrowed my eyes at the librarian. “You know just as well as I do that two people hanging out doesn’t mean they’re together. You made damn sure of that.” 

  
  


Mary’s mouth opened before quickly squeezing into a straight line. “You...you two just look awful close for _‘just dinner.’_ You act like I don’t even know you, Gray.” 

  
  


There was a sharpness in her voice that I’d never heard from Mary before. Was she… jealous? A season ago, I would have killed for Mary to be jealous over me. It was just frustrating now. “What’s it to you anyway?” 

  
  


Her eyes widened as she took a step away as if not expecting me to argue back. Mary closed her eyes and took a deep breath before locking on to mine. “Gray, did you end things with me so that you could date Claire?” 

  
  


“Are you fucking serious, Mary?” I took a step closer. “Is that really why you think I did it?” 

  
  


“Can you blame me?” Her voice cracked, and despite her glare, I could see the beginnings of tears welling in the corners of her eyes. “You were never like this before _she_ moved here.”

  
  


Seeing Mary so upset was like a punch to the gut. That was what I’d been trying to avoid; hurting her. But it frustrated me that she blamed Claire for everything, completely dismissing all of our previous issues. 

  
  


“You and I had problems way before that. Stop pretending,” I tried to make my voice sound assertive without scaring the woman in front of me. “And stop trying to blame Claire. This isn’t about her.” 

“I... I just can’t help but notice the timing of everything.” She quickly lifted her glasses to wipe the corner of her eye. “You never come by to talk, and then I see you here with her? Do you see how I could think that it would be about her? Do you understand what it looks like to everyone down there?” 

  
  


I felt my jaw clench. It was always about appearances and perceptions with Mary. 

  
  


“Not sure why you’re so concerned with what I’m up to anyway,” I scoffed, reaching for my hat, “you sure as hell didn’t want to be with me.”

  
  


“Gray, that’s not true, and you know it.” Mary huffed and averted her eyes. “I... I couldn’t. You _know_ I couldn’t. My mom would kill me; you know how important this kind of stuff is to her. Dating publicly is a big statement.” 

  
  


“Damn Mary, would it kill you to defy your mom for once in your life?” I groaned as I rolled my eyes. “You act like walking up those stairs after me is some sorta life-shattering accomplishment. Anna’s a fucking bitch. Why do you let her control your life like that?” 

  
  


Mary closed her eyes and sighed. “I _hate_ when you talk like this. Don’t speak about my mother that way. I know she can be a bit overbearing, but she just wants what’s best for me.” She paused, her face softening as she took a step closer and took my hand in hers. “Gray, I know you could be that too one day, what’s best for me.”

  
  


I’d wanted to be so bad. But I knew I couldn’t be. And even if I could, how long would I have to wait around before I was deemed worthy of being with Mary? 

  
  


I snatched my hand away. “I’m never gonna be good enough for you or Anna, and I’m not trying to waste any more time trying to prove that I am.”

  
  


“You know that’s not true.” I wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince herself or me, but I sure as hell wasn’t. 

  
  


“If it’s not true, why didn’t you just defy your mom? Say fuck it and date me anyway? Cuz you’re scared of what people would think?”

  
  


Silence. Out of all the times I wanted Mary to respond, that was the one. But the fact that she couldn’t, that told me everything I needed to know. 

  
  


“This is what I’m talking about,” I started after a sigh. “This is why I said we shouldn’t see each other anymore. I care a lot about you, Mary, but we’re just not meant to be. At least right now.” There were multiple reasons why we couldn’t be together now, but I knew I couldn’t tell her the truth. At least not yet. 

  
  


Rhythmic creaking filled the space between us as somebody ascended the old staircase. “Oh hi, Cl—wait, what are you..?” I heard Cliff’s voice trail off in the stairwell before the steps picked back up.

  
  


_Fuck_. I had forgotten entirely about Claire downstairs.

  
  


Cliff appeared at the end of the hallway, his eyes wide when they met mine as if trying to send a warning. His attention darted between Mary and me as he assessed the situation. As the scene clicked, he gave an obligatory wave in our direction and bolted to our room. 

  
  


As I looked down at Mary, she tried to calm her hitching breaths. It pained me to see her like that, especially knowing I was the reason why. One part of me wanted to hold her close. But the other knew I had to let go and figure out what the hell I was going to tell Claire. 

  
  


“I’m sorry Mary, I just... I think it’s for the best.” I waited for her to say something… anything, but when she didn’t, I had to end it. “I’ll see you around.”

  
  


I booked it down the stairs before Mary could even respond. The past didn’t matter anymore; I knew I needed to focus on Claire moving forward. 

  
  


When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I was shocked to see our table completely empty and Claire nowhere in sight. I rushed to the table, as if it would give me any indication, and noted the gold on the table paying for the meal and tip in full. 

  
  


“You’re a special kind of idiot. You know that?” Ann surprised me from behind. 

  
  


I shot around, not wasting a single second. “Where is she?” 

  
  


The waitress rolled her eyes. “I doubt she wants to talk to you right now.” 

  
  


_“Where?”_

  
  


After a deep breath, Ann nodded her head towards the exit as she cleared the table. “You just missed her, but—” 

  
  


I didn’t wait for Ann to finish before I flew across the room and was out the door. 

  
  


It was darker than earlier, but there was a subtle golden glow hanging over the ridge of Mother’s Hill, just light enough for me to get a glimpse of blonde hair rounding the corner in front of the winery. With the fastest feet I could manage, I raced after her before I had a chance to think about it.

  
  


By the time I caught up with Claire, she had almost reached the smithy. 

  
  


“Claire…just... can you just… wait?” I called from behind. 

  
  


I thought she’d at least stop and turn around, but if anything, she picked up the pace. So I followed suit. 

  
  


“Seriously, Claire.” I pressed again when I reached her side. “Just stop.”

  
  


No response. Claire’s face remained forward and emotionless, but I could see the muscles in her jaw were tensed and quivering up close. Why was she so determined to ignore me? 

  
  


Feeling frustrated, I grabbed her wrist to stop her. I just wanted to get any kind of reaction out of her at that point. “Stop! Why are you—”

  
  


“DON’T TOUCH ME.” Claire jerked her hand back and took a step back from me, my feet unintentionally doing the same. “Don’t _ever_ touch me.” 

  
  


I thought I’d seen Claire mad in the past, but nothing compared to the scowl she gave me, the way her body seemed to shake as her hands tightened into fists. But even in the street lamps' dim light, I could see the tears threatening to break her waterline. 

  
  


“Please, Claire, just listen—” 

  
  


“Oh, you want me to listen now?” A bone-chilling laugh was forced out of her mouth, and instantly, I knew I was fucked. “Why? So you can make me feel even more stupid than I already do?”

  
  


“No, of course no—” 

  
  


“You made me feel like a fucking idiot, Gray!” As she got closer, I could see the tears streaming down her cheeks. She hastily wiped across her eyes with her arm and turned to walk away. “I… I can’t believe I actually thought this could work. I’m so fucking stupid.” 

  
  


“Stop, you’re not stupid. Please. I’m sorry—” 

  
  


“STOP IT!” Claire snapped around, somehow multiplying the rage in her voice. “I know you’re not sorry! If you were, you wouldn’t have gone up there with her in the first place!” 

  
  


I swallowed the lump in my throat, thinking about hearing Cliff in the stairwell. “Were you listening?”

_“That’s_ what you’re worried about?” Claire closed her eyes as she shook her head, a heavy exhale escaping her lips. “Of course I was! You were _so_ sketchy anyway, and then she followed you up there! How could I not?” 

  
  


She had a point. I wanted to be mad at her for eavesdropping, but if it were the other way around, I probably would have done the same thing. 

  
  


“Claire…” I tried softening my tone as I took a hesitant step toward her. “I’m sorry that I lied to you about what I was doing… I… I just freaked out.” 

  
  


“That’s not what I want you to apologize for.” Before I could even ask what, she spoke again like a razor. “Did you cheat on Mary with me?” 

  
  


“The fuck? No! I ended things before you and I hooked up.” 

  
  


_“When?”_

  
  


I stopped to think, realizing how badly it would look if Claire knew it was the same day we’d had sex. 

  
  


“WHEN, GRAY?” She was relentless. 

  
  


“Why does it matter when?” I felt the tension building in my own chest. “It was before you and I got together, so why does it matter?” 

  
  


Claire paused for the first time since she had started yelling at me and hung her head. “It matters because I trusted you, and you can’t just be fucking honest with me. Like… with everything going on, that’s the _one_ thing I ask,” her voice shook, fighting the urge to start sobbing, “and you can’t even do that.” 

  
  


She was the second person I’d made cry today. I just wanted it all to be done. “I wasn’t trying to, just… I’m sorry for making you cry.”

  
  


Her head snapped up, and despite the rivers flowing down her cheeks, there was a fire in her eyes. “I’m not crying because I’m sad! I’m just, you make me so— _UGH_.” 

  
  


Claire’s eyes squeezed shut as she tilted her head towards the night sky. “Forget it. Fuck you, Gray. Forget everything I said earlier.” While she wasn’t yelling anymore, I knew from her dismissive tone that I was in trouble. “I’m not doing this love-triangle bullshit. I hope you and your girlfriend are happy together.” She turned again and then actually started walking. 

  
  


I followed after her, not wanting to leave on that. There had to be something I could say to fix everything. 

  
  


“Claire, please. Mary and I are done. You’re the—” 

  
  


The blonde let out an exasperated groan as she spun around. “Do you not get it? I knew you were dense, but I didn’t think you were _this_ dumb. I don’t want to be anywhere near you! Looking at you just makes me… _UGH_. Just… leave me the fuck alone!” 

  
  


I opened my mouth as I tried to close the distance between us, but her angry voice cut me off as her hands flew up to stop me from getting any closer. 

“This isn’t a fucking joke, Gray! LEAVE ME ALONE!” She took a deep breath, and it looked like she was struggling to remain still. “I… I just need time to think. Away from you.” For the final time, she headed down the path to her farm without a second glance. 

  
  


As she disappeared into the distance, so did any glimmer of hope that our situation might actually work out. 

  
  


I was paralyzed and amazed. My body was numb, and I couldn’t move a muscle even if I wanted to follow Claire. Which I did, but I knew I couldn’t. I was just in awe of how quickly I’d managed to ruin everything with two of the only people I cared about. 

  
  


But that was what I did, right? Fuck everything up? If the day’s events and the rest of my sad fucking life had been any indication, I was a pro. At that point, it felt like the only thing I knew how to do right anymore. 

  
  


Well, there _was_ one other thing. 

  
  


I turned on my heels and headed east down the path towards the smithy with a purpose. With the shop behind me, I stopped in front of the poultry farm, searching for Popuri’s window on the second level of the farmhouse. I wasn’t sure if my memory served me right, but at that point, I didn’t fucking care anymore. After grabbing a handful of rocks from the dirt path leading to the coops, I hucked one at the glass pane. 

  
  


_Tink._

  
  


The stone fell back to the ground, and I was about to chuck another when I noticed familiar pink curls between the curtains. Popuri disappeared almost as quickly, and a few moments later, the person I was really looking for pushed open the window and peered out. 

  
  


“Well, look who came crawling back!” Kai called down to me. 

  
  


“You said you owe me one, right?”

  
  


“I take it your date went well.” I never wanted to hear that fucking word again. 

  
  


“I know you have booze in the shack; we’re getting fucked up.”

  
  


“Now you’re speaking my language,” I heard Kai laugh from the window. He turned his head away for a few moments, then returned with a smirk. “I’ll be right down.” 

  
  


At least there were some things I could do right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops. I'm sorry? I don't even really know what to say other than things Gray says and does DOESN'T reflect my actual beliefs rn lol please know that even though the word I is littered throughout this fic. Sometimes it pains me to write a character as oblivious/clueless as Gray because (like Claire would say) COME ON dude. I feel so bad for Mary because even though she isn't perfect, she doesn't deserve Gray being so damn inconsiderate. Don't worry, Mary will get hers I promise :) But if you really thought I was going to give you Graire that easily.... hehe. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed getting to know a lil more about Claire and Gray, but especially Claire hehe. She's.... a talker if you haven't noticed lol. She also showed a little more of her true colors today... so it'll be interesting to show how things shake out. 
> 
> BIG OL thanks to my fantastic beta reader, rageaphobia. Like without you idk if this chapter would have happened this soon haha. Also big thanks to SundaeContender for letting me bounce ideas off of ya and encouraging me to just write what I want to write. I hope I did it justice lol. 
> 
> The chapter title is inspired by Alkaline Trio's Calling All Skeletons, especially for the last part of the chapter. I was also listening to Something About That Woman by Lakeside, especially towards the start of the chapter, but honestly, the song is just a funky bop lol. 
> 
> Well, tune in next time to see how this shit storm settles lol. Any feedback is super greatly appreciated as always! And if you made it this far, wow. Thank you <3


	14. Sweet Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of his date with Claire affects Gray in ways he didn't imagine were possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helllllooooo. Its meeee. Hello, happy Tuesday!! Here is an update :-) 
> 
> !!!TRIGGER WARNING!!! for this chapter: There is a depiction of drowning in this chapter. It is only described in the first paragraph though is mentioned a few times at the beginning of the chapter.

Everything was dark. Above, the only light was veiled by the ocean’s rippling surface, taunting me, begging me to the top. No matter how hard I kicked, I was pulled deeper into the abyss. My lungs scorched as seawater drove out the last breaths of air. I was trapped, hopelessly thrashing until a warmth grabbed hold of my arm. 

  
  


Gasping for air, I shot out of my bed. My stomach dropped when I opened my eyes to see a dimly lit Cliff hovering by my side and not the bottom of the ocean. 

  
  


“Gray!” I felt his hand squeeze at my shoulder. “Hey, are you okay?” 

  
  


I desperately needed air before I could even think of words. The rest of my body felt like a rock in comparison to my heaving chest. With blurry eyes, I searched for any proof that I wasn’t dreaming. 

  
  


After a series of shallow breaths, I finally managed to turn to Cliff, “Is this real?” Before he could even respond, I winced as a sharp pang shot behind my eyes. That familiar feeling was enough proof for me. 

  
  


“Is this— _What_? Yes?” Cliff stood up from his perch by my bed, and the creases around his brows only deepened. I couldn’t tell if he was worried or upset with me, but I didn’t have it in me to figure it out. “Are… are you okay? It sounded like you were dying.”

  
  


It felt like I was dying too. And honestly, that sounded more enticing than getting out of bed that morning. I brought my hand to my temples, trying to apply pressure against the piercing ache spreading to the rest of my face. “I’m fine,” I lied. 

  
  


How was I supposed to answer that question? One minute I was drowning, the next, I was waking up in my bed desperate for oxygen and any other chemical that would ease my throbbing head. 

  
  


That wasn’t even including the day prior. I couldn’t even bring myself to think about yesterday; it was way too early for that shit. 

  
  


“Okay…you just...” Cliff narrowed his eyes at me before trailing off. He eventually closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Nevermind. Forget it.” He turned away and marched to his bed, rummaging around on the far side of it. 

  
  


“Sorry if I woke you up, I... I don’t know, guess I was dreaming.” 

  
  


Cliff returned with his rucksack on his back and stood at the foot of my bed. “You didn’t wake me up with all that, but…” his voice faltered before returning with an edge. “You and Kai _did_ wake me up when you two stumbled in wasted at 2 in the morning, though.” 

  
  


“Oh. Shit. Sorry.” I looked over to Kai, snoring into his pillow. “Almost forgot about that.” 

  
  


“Yeah,” he muttered before storming to the door. “It’s fine. I’ll see you later.” 

  
  


The door slammed behind him before I could even think of something to say, let alone get the words out of my mouth. 

What was his fucking deal? Cliff hadn’t been so short with me since we met last winter. There was no way he’d get curt with me over something as stupid as getting woken up. I wasn’t going to remind the guy, but it wasn’t like he had a whole lot going on. 

  
  


Or at least, so I thought. I had barely seen Cliff since the festival, and when I did, it was only briefly in the mornings or the evening. Admittedly, my behavior had been out of the ordinary too. Still, it wasn’t like him to abruptly disappear that early in the morning.

  
  


Muted grays and browns washed over the room, and a pale light peeked through the window; it couldn’t have been earlier than six. That only meant I’d have the _pleasure_ of running on four hours of sleep and a wicked hangover. It was more rest than the night prior, but at the cost of one of the most vivid nightmares I’d had in years? I didn’t know which was worse. 

  
  


Going back to sleep that late was a dangerous game, so I dragged myself out of bed and into a shower. The potential of returning to the horror that my drunk mind had cooked up last night didn’t sound too appealing either. 

  
  


Waves of sharp pain in the front of my skull eventually became a welcome distraction. The discomfort was a foothold preventing me from falling back into the void of thinking about last night. 

  
  


After forcing myself to get ready for work, I headed downstairs. The dining room was a stark comparison to the bustle it’d been the night before, and I was thankful for that. I wasn’t sure how I would manage the usual noise at work later in my state, but I was hopeful that food and caffeine could help me get there. 

  
  


The room was empty, but I could see the lights on behind the kitchen doors. Before I could even think to peer through them, Ann came bursting out. She locked eyes with me, stopped, groaned, and then turned on her heels to disappear between the swinging doors. 

  
  


_Fuck. Is everyone mad at me today?_

  
  


A quick, unintelligible exchange between Doug and Ann echoed on the other side of the wall, and minutes later, Ann was flying back into the dining room. With a black thermos in hand and a scowl on her face, Ann approached my spot next to the bar and shoved the container in my hands. 

  
  


“Uh, thanks? What i—” 

  
  


“Coffee. I knew you were gonna need it, but….” she shook her head and sidestepped me on her way to the front door. “I can’t with you right now. Dad knows you’re out here, though, so he should have food for you in a little.” 

  
  


“Where are you going?” I had my ideas, but for some reason, I felt the need to torture myself. 

  
  


She opened the door and called over her shoulder, “I’m going to the spring to talk to Mom, and then… _hopefully_ , to see if Claire will talk to me.” 

  
  


The door closed, and just like that, one of my footholds threatened to give way. I needed to focus on anything else… the ringing in my ears, the stiffness in my shoulders, the tension in my jaw, anything other than her. 

  
  


I slumped into the first seat at the bar and eagerly made a dent in the coffee. Satisfying bitterness provided another diversion and, eventually, a slight relief to my head. 

  
  


A while later, Doug came by to drop off food without much more than a greeting. He seemed to pick up on my mood and let me eat in peace, which I appreciated. I wanted to be left alone, but part of me knew that would only make it harder to distract myself. 

  
  


I was tired. So fucking tired. I just needed to get through the day. Just to survive until I had enough in me to figure out what I was going to do next. Enduring work was the only way I could return to the comfort of a drink and my bed. 

  
  


Work had always been a valuable distraction… But now? I could already imagine the hellfire Gramps was going to unleash on me. The thought was enough to slow my steps to the shop, though it wasn’t like I was capable of moving very fast that morning anyway. 

  
  


It started the minute I walked into the smithy. As the bell rang above the door, I was met with a glare under a pair of thick furrowed eyebrows. 

  
  


_Here we fucking go…_

  
  


“I’m glad to see your head’s on correctly,” Gramps began as the door shut behind me. “But that still doesn’t explain why you refuse to use it.” 

  
  


I didn’t have anything to say to that. Truthfully, I’d fucked up so much lately that I wasn’t even sure which thing he was scolding me for anymore. 

  
  


My grandpa sighed. “Gray, were you thinking at all?” 

“Thought I came here to work, not talk,” I grumbled, hesitantly approaching his desk. 

  
  


I knew I couldn’t get into it with him without risking a fall back down into the rabbit hole. Claire was the last thing I wanted to talk about, but somehow I knew she was at the forefront of my grandpa’s mind.

  
  


“You want to talk work?” His chair screeched as he pushed up from his seat. “I thought this was a given, but apparently, I have to remind you that we’re running a business here. You have to collect payment in exchange for services.”

  
  


I focused on the sensation of air moving in and out of my body, ignoring every other impulse to fucking lose it. “I didn’t mean to—” 

  
  


“You need to start thinking with your brain, rather than whatever else you’ve been using lately,” Gramps chided as his footsteps reached my spot next to his desk. “You’re just lucky that Claire came back to pay after you left yesterday.” He quickly shook his head, “At least one of you thinks.” 

  
  


I could feel myself start to slip. _He doesn’t even know her. The same girl who couldn’t even take one fucking pill at the same time every day? That’s a girl who thinks?_

  
  


My hand tugged at the bill of my hat. “Whatever. Won’t happen again, so no reason to keep talkin’ about it.” I looked down at my grandpa. “So what am I working on?” 

  
  


A sigh more comparable to a hiss escaped his mouth. “I guess that’s a more productive use of _both_ of our time.” I rolled my eyes as he turned back to the shelves by his desk, recovering a familiar hunk of stone. “Speaking of the upgrade, you’ll need to extract the gold so that I can get it started later today.” 

  
  


_Great. Tedious, mindless, grunt work._ The least he could do was let me finish the upgrade myself if I was going through all that trouble. 

  
  


I looked down at the ore in his hands and then back at him. “What, you don’t trust me to do it myself? What happened to the _‘stay diligent with my training’_ bullshit?” 

  
  


“Never did I indicate that this was up for discussion.” He thrust the slab of rock into my chest, and I caught it before it could fall. “This has nothing to do with your skill or training. It’s simply a conflict of interest for you to do the upgrade.”

  
  


“A conflict of interest?” I let out an unintentional scoff. “You gotta be kidding me; it’s a fucking hammer. You didn’t say shit about that yesterday when I fixed her sickle.”

  
  


“That was before you went ahead and decided to make a scene last night.” 

  
  


I wasn’t sure why I was surprised that he would know what happened between Claire and me, but his remark caught me off-guard. “Wha-what are you talking about—” 

  
  


“GRAY!” His voice bellowed throughout the shop and my aching head. “I was going to hold my tongue, but you’re not going to disrespect me by lying to my face. I was at Doug’s last night, and even if I wasn’t, people in this town talk.” He turned back to his desk, collecting and organizing the papers lying across it. His volume had decreased, but the tone was still stern, “I’m not sure what your plan is for this one, but as it stands, you’re not working on her tools.”

I sighed and took a few steps towards my workbench. “Whatever… it’s not like any of that matters anymore anyway.” 

  
  


“Do you hear how foolish you sound?” I could hear the anger returning to his voice. “Of course, it still matters. As long as she’s pregnant, it matters. I’m tired of idly standing by while you continue to act so recklessly without a second thought. You need to reconcile with her if you two have any hope—”

  
  


“Oh, because it’s all my fault?” I couldn’t help but turn around. “Stop acting like Claire’s all perfect and innocent. You don’t know a fucking thing about her.” I’d tried to keep my mouth shut, but something about his rambling was enough to make me lose the stability I’d been clinging to. “If you wanna reconcile with her so bad, why don’t you do it yourself?” 

  
  


“You’re not the victim here, Gray, so stop acting like you are,” Gramps snapped. He slapped the stack of papers down on his desk and met my scowl with his own. “You messed up, again, and now it’s time to take accountability for your mistakes. _AGAIN_.” 

  
  


My grip tightened on the ore, and before I could clench my jaw to hold back, the anger came out as words. “Fuck you, old man, this is why I don’t tell you shit! You’re always in my business, just like you were in my dad’s. No wonder he’s so fucked up.” When I became painfully aware of the tightness in my chest and face, I took a deep breath in an attempt to release the tension. “Can I just... _exist_ without having to answer to you for one fucking second?” 

  
  


Gramps paused for a moment before his hard grey eyes met mine. “For somebody so determined to be nothing like his father, you sure do sound a lot like him.” The rock’s weight seemed to double in my hands, and without another word, my grandpa returned to his desk. 

  
  


I wanted to explode. 

  
  


Those words cut deeper than any blade could. I despised being compared to the one person I swore I’d be nothing alike, and he knew that.

  
  


But losing my shit would only make me more like Jet. As excruciating as it was to choke those feelings down, keeping it together was the only way to prove that I wasn’t him.

So with heavy feet, I retreated to my station and reluctantly set up the extraction that would likely take me the whole fucking day to complete. 

  
  


Thankfully, Gramps kept his mouth shut while I worked. I’d never been so relieved to exclusively hear rock crumbling against metal, even with a pounding headache. My hammer eventually found a good rhythm, though I periodically found myself occupied by the stone’s origin. 

  
  


As I chiseled away at the rocky deposits shrouding the rich slivers of gold locked inside, I couldn’t help but think about the girl who’d dropped off the ore. It felt ironic. There I was, chipping away all the barriers from the gold when in reality, I was doing the opposite with Claire.

  
  


Frustration. That was the only feeling I could distinguish amongst the millions that seemed to swirl my brain. I was frustrated with Claire. Everyone seemed frustrated at me. Hell, I was frustrated with myself too. It felt like I couldn’t do anything right other than swing a fucking hammer and drink myself into oblivion. 

  
  


The latter seemed like the only real way to get her off my mind, so it wasn’t like I was going to have much trouble figuring out how to spend the rest of my day. Until then, I continued to take out those emotions on the dwindling fragments of ore.

  
  


I wiped the sweat from my brow with a gloved hand and removed my eyewear to get a better look at the bucket of crushed mineral before me. Glimmers of newly exposed gold shone even brighter than before. 

  
  


Part of me was genuinely surprised that Claire had managed to uncover an ore so rich with gold. I’d been shocked to find just how prevalent high-grade ores were in the mines when I’d first moved to town, but the sheer amount of precious metal in the container below made me stop and think. 

  
  


How far down in the mines was she going? Gramps and I were only ever able to find ores of that quality below the tenth floor, at the least. So unless she was getting lucky, Claire was also heading to that depth, if not farther. 

  
  


I hated the idea of her being that deep in the mine. At least when I was there, I had the experience, proper equipment, and company. Who knew what Claire was heading into the mine with. Delusional optimism and blind confidence? 

  
  


It didn’t fucking matter, though. I could worry about Claire all I wanted; it wasn’t like that would change anything. I returned the goggles to my eyes and pushed the thoughts down, intent on using the anger to pulverize the chunks of rock into a fucking pulp. 

  
  


I wasn’t sure how long I’d been crushing rocks into a powder, but eventually, I felt a poke on the back of my shoulder. After dumping the most recent particles into their new container, I looked over my shoulder to see my grandpa holding his hammer by the mallet. 

  
  


“Leave.” He returned the tool to his side, using the long handle like a cane. 

  
  


I pushed up my goggles to meet his stare. “I’m not done.” 

  
  


“Are you deaf now too? I said leave.” The look in his eyes matched the sharpness in his tone. “I don’t care that you’re not done. It’s well past 3, and I’m not going to pay you to keep working, nor am I going to enable you to hide here.” 

  
  


“You said you wanted the gold extracted today. I haven’t even separated it from—” 

  
  


“Then you should have gotten the work done in the time I gave you.” I could tell by his rigid posture that there was no way he was going to budge. “I can easily finish the rest. Unlike you, I work with haste.” 

  
  


“Whatever.” I rotated away from him as I returned all my protective equipment. 

  
  


“Might I recommend taking advantage of your proximity to Claire’s farm while you’re over here?” It was less of a recommendation, more of a command. A command I wasn’t going to listen to. 

  
  


I didn’t have anything to say to that. At least, not anything that wouldn’t get me a hammer to the face. The door slamming behind me was the only response he was getting. 

  
  


Outside the shop, I felt lost. The sun was beating overhead, a few heavy white clouds hung nearby, a typical sweltering summer day. It felt like I should be doing something outside, though I knew there was only one thing I wanted to do: get fucked up enough to not feel anything for the rest of the day. 

  
  


On my way to the inn, my feet unconsciously stopped in the same place I’d gotten into it with Claire the night before. I looked down the path to her farm and selfishly wondered what she was doing. 

  
  


What would she do if I showed up on her property? It would probably only make matters worse; that’s all I seemed capable of doing lately. Plus, it wasn’t like I knew anything else to say aside from what I’d said last night, and that had gone over _so_ well.

  
  


She said she needed time… but exactly how much time was that? Not being able to talk to the one person who understood everything going on was lonely, and truthfully, only made me more anxious about our situation. 

  
  


It was almost funny. If Claire had asked me to leave her alone in the spring, I would have happily obliged. It was the last thing I wanted to do now, but clearly, the previous few days had shown me that I couldn’t trust my intuition. 

  
  


My mind raced, thinking about what the fuck we were going to do moving forward. I wasn’t sure if I was mad at Claire or missed her, but it just felt like some convoluted concoction of the two. 

  
  


All I did know was that loitering on the path of her farm, basking in those feelings, was the last place I wanted to be. So I turned on my heels and headed to the inn with a purpose. 

  
  


As I pushed open the doors to Doug’s, I hoped that Ann had figured out if she could stomach me long enough to get some booze in my system. Either that or I would have to talk to Doug… or even worse, buy a bottle from Manna next door. And fuck, I _really_ didn’t want to chat with Manna again after last night.

  
  


Two loud, familiar voices went back and forth by the cash register in the corner of the room. Ann organized menus while Karen leaned over the bar towards her, but the minute the door shut behind me, the two snapped their heads back, and their mouths clamped shut. 

  
  


I’d come to learn what it looked like when people had been talking about you, and that scene was as clear as day. Karen seemed more thrilled to see me than Ann was, her eyes almost tripling in size. 

  
  


“Gray! Get over here!” Karen called, pushing off the bar to wave her arms. 

  
  


_Fuck. Maybe I’m far enough away that I can pretend I don’t hear her?_

  
  


I ducked my head and took a few steps towards the stairs. Suddenly I was determined to take a nap or do literally any other activity that didn’t take place in the dining room. 

  
  


“I know you can hear me, Gray! Get your ass over here!” When I didn’t stop walking, I heard Karen let out a groan, “I’ll buy you a drink, just… _get_!” 

  
  


A heavy sigh left my lungs before I trudged over to the pair. Up close, I noticed how different Ann and Karen’s expressions were: Karen appeared entertained by my presence, and Ann seemed annoyed. I was relieved that she had eased up enough to be around me, though. 

  
  


I leaned on the bar next to Karen. “What?” 

  
  


“Whoa!” Karen threw her hands up. “Don’t get too excited to see me.” She rolled her eyes before locking them back onto mine and pointing at the seat beside her. “You should probably sit. I have _a lot_ of questions for you.” 

  
  


_Great._ I remained standing as Karen pulled out a stool for herself. “You said something about a drink?” 

  
  


Karen plopped in her seat and waved her hand in Ann’s direction, “Yeah, Ann, get the man whatever silly little drink he needs at 4 pm on a Sunday.” 

  
  


“ _You_ were the one that offered to buy me a drink?” I obviously would have been drinking anyway, but she didn’t need to know that. 

  
  


“And I’ll get a glass of cab, please,” Karen sang across the bar to Ann, ignoring my comment. She turned to me and narrowed her eyebrows. “You’re so fuckin’ awkward sometimes. Are you gonna sit down or what?” 

  
  


I opened my mouth to speak, but when I couldn’t think of anything to say back, I took a seat. My gaze moved to Ann, who seemed to be waiting for me to say something. “Hey.” 

  
  


“Hi. What am I getting you?” 

  
  


“Whiskey. But if Karen’s buying, top-shelf.” 

  
  


Ann didn’t say anything. She just swiveled on her heels and headed towards the shelves of liquor on the other end of the bar. 

  
  


I heard a sigh from beside me. “Jeeze, you’re really making me pay for this, huh?” 

  
  


“Just takin' advantage of the situation,” I answered with a shrug. “What're you doin' here anyway? Don’t you have anything better to do than bother me?” 

Karen responded with a hearty laugh. “That’s funny. _I’m_ the one asking the questions here.” She pushed a thick chunk of hair off her shoulders and looked around the empty dining room. “But if you _must_ know, I’m here on business. So if you happen to see Duke later, lemme know.” 

  
  


“Okay…” The supermarket wasn’t a place I frequented, so I had no idea what kind of business they would have with Duke, let alone why they would send Karen to deal with it. It wasn’t even worth thinking about. 

  
  


Ann returned before us, setting down our glasses with a blank face. “Enjoy.” 

  
  


Karen didn’t acknowledge Ann’s snappy tone as she grabbed her drink and turned back to me. “Goddess, I have so many questions... I don’t even know where to start.” 

  
  


She took a sip of her drink, and I gladly did the same. I needed it if I was going to talk about last night, and I was damn sure that’s where the conversation was headed. 

  
  


When I didn’t say anything in response, Karen started again. “I heard what happened and all, but I’m bummed I showed up after the whole spectacle took place.” 

  
  


I had to take another drink after that. “And what did you hear?” 

  
  


“Well, word on the street is you got caught up trying to juggle two girls.” It sounded fucking terrible when she put it like that. “But Ann gave me the play-by-play. You and Claire were on a date, you left said date to fight with Mary, your date stormed out… any of this sound familiar?” 

  
  


_Almost too familiar._ “That’s not exactly what happened, but yeah.” 

  
  


“Well, see, that’s why you’re here,” Karen stated as a matter of fact. “Ann’s limited by what she saw, and Claire apparently won’t even talk about it, right Ann?” 

  
  


She turned to the redhead leaning herself on the bar, who just nodded in response. I wasn’t sure if Ann’s attitude was directed at me or her visit to Claire’s house, but fuck, I was so curious. 

  
  


Karen turned back to me. “So now we have to resort to you to figure out what actually happened.” She took a sip from her glass. _“Unfortunately.”_

  
  


“Why do you even care so much?” The sentence came out harsher than I’d intended it, so I washed it down with whiskey. 

  
  


“You’re funny, Gray. I know you don’t mean to be, but you are,” Karen said with another drink. “As if the drama you’ve been stirrin’ up isn’t the most exciting shit to happen here since Rick and Kai almost threw down last summer. Who would have thought that you were this interesting?” 

  
  


“Alright.” 

  
  


“And, like, Claire’s my friend and stuff too.” 

  
  


“Okay? Well, get after it then.” I swirled the ice in my glass. “I’m almost done with my drink.” 

  
  


Karen let out another groan. “Ugh. Fine. I’ll keep ‘em coming if you keep talking.” 

  
  


Getting interrogated by Karen wasn’t exactly how I’d planned to spend my evening, but I couldn’t turn down free liquor. “Deal.”

  
  


“‘Kay,” Karen looked back at Ann, “where do I even start?” She didn’t even wait for Ann to reply before picking up again. “Let’s talk Mary. I saw her and her parents leaving on my way in last night… and _oof_. What’d you even say to her?” 

  
  


That sentence tugged at my heart. I still remembered the way Mary looked at me that night; it was the saddest I’d ever seen her. Knowing that I’d made her feel that way… I hated myself for it.

  
  


“Oooh, that bad?” Karen pressed, breaking me out of my stupor. 

  
  


“I mean… wasn’t great.” I took a sip in anticipation of the feelings I was trying to numb. “Mary got mad I was out with Claire, and… she started blamin' Claire for things that weren’t her fault, and, uh, I got frustrated with her.” 

  
  


Karen eagerly nodded as she sipped her wine, encouraging me to continue. 

  
  


“And Mary hinted at… not wanting things between us to end, but… uh, I told her that I didn’t want to do that with her anymore.” 

  
  


“Okay, okay—wow, this is great.” Karen leaned forward, and I found myself unintentionally leaning back. “But here’s my question: you ended it with Mary like... weeks ago, why would she be so concerned about you seeing somebody else?” 

  
  


“I thought the same thing at first…” I reached up for my hat as I thought about when she’d surprised me on the beach. “But, uh, I ran into her at the festival and told her that I would come by so we could talk.”

  
  


I was surprised to hear Ann’s voice pipe up, “Uh. Okay, wait, what did you just say?” She placed her hand on the bar as she brought her head closer. “You did _not_ tell me that.”

  
  


“Well… I didn’t think it was that big a deal. And I was kinda… _busy_ between then and last night.” I wasn’t sure what Karen knew, so I attempted to discreetly shoot Ann a look. 

  
  


When Karen threw her head back to polish off her wine, Ann took the opportunity to subtly shake her head at me. 

  
  


_So Karen doesn’t know about the pregnancy_. Part of me was relieved but also confused about how they’d managed to hide that from her. 

  
  


“Oooh, yikes,” Karen grimaced as she set her wine glass down. “So Mary _definitely_ thought you two were gonna make-up... and then saw you out with another girl. That’s rough.” She looked over to Ann and snapped twice in the direction of our drinks, “World’s cutest bartender, I think we need refills over here, by the way... Please?”

  
  


Ann rolled her eyes and snatched the glasses with a huff. 

  
  


My eyes followed as she angrily prepared drinks before I returned to Karen. “Uh… I don’t know why Mary would think that... but I guess I could see how it looks like that.”

  
  


“Well, if you two were done, what was there to talk about, hm?” Karen tilted her head down at me, and I couldn’t ignore the air of accusation in her tone. 

  
  


That was a good fucking question. “I… I don’t know, _she_ approached me. She was sad… and I felt guilty for how I tried to end things.” 

  
  


“Yeesh, yeah, I forgot about that one. You sure like to deal with all your shit in public, huh?” Karen chuckled, unfazed by my eye roll in response. “Well, I get why she followed you upstairs then, but I’ll admit, didn’t think she had it in her.” 

  
  


“Yeah, me neither.” I rested my elbows on the bar and held my head by the temples. “It was like I snapped back to reality when I saw her last night and just… I freaked out and ran.” _Like a fucking coward._

  
  


“I just can’t believe you didn’t say anything about Mary to Claire,” Ann chimed in, dropping fresh drinks in front of us. “Like nothing. Not even a heads up. Especially if you two were going on a date, in public, where Mary or _literally_ anyone else could see you.” I could tell she wanted to say more but was limited by who was in our company. 

  
  


“Well, she didn’t ask!” I shot up from my hands, surprising myself with how defensive I sounded. “And I didn’t know it was a date until all of a sudden it was a fucking date.” 

  
  


Karen turned to Ann. “This guy’s about as dense as the rocks he digs up, huh?” 

  
  


“Ugh, you have no idea.” Ann leaned her elbows on the bar, her voice lower as if the two were carrying out a personal conversation. “Like, sometimes the things he does and says, I’m just like, _why_? I don’t know what Claire _or_ Mary even see in him.” 

  
  


“Uh, the fuck? I’m right here.” 

  
  


The two simultaneously snapped their heads in my direction, eyes zoning in on me. Instantly, my ears were stinging. 

  
  


“Probably the jawline... or the eyes,” Karen replied before looking back at Ann with a shrug. “He’s not awful to look at, but—” 

  
  


“Are you two just gonna sit there and talk shit like I’m not here, or?” 

  
  


“Oh, yeah, of course. Forgot I was paying for your time for a second there.” Karen swiveled in her seat. “So okay, let’s get back to what you said. You didn’t know it was a date until you were on said date… uh…’kay. Not sure how you managed that one with somebody like Claire, but if anyone’s gonna be _that_ oblivious, I guess it would be you.” 

  
  


“The fuck is that supposed to mean?” 

  
  


“‘Kay, well, if you haven’t learned by now… subtly isn’t necessarily one of Claire’s strong suits.” Karen laughed to herself before taking a sip of wine. She had a point there. 

  
  


“Yeah, well, picking up on social cues isn’t necessarily one of _Gray’s_ strong suits,” Ann added with a scoff, eliciting a snort from Karen and glare from me. 

  
  


I wasn’t sure if the free liquor was worth being roasted by those two. 

  
  


“Okay, first of all, fuck both of you,” I said before a hefty swig. “Also, I knew she was flirting with me. I’m not an idiot. I just didn’t think she actually liked me.” 

  
  


The two girls looked at each other like I’d spoken an entirely different language. 

  
  


“Uh….Gray… Goddess Almighty, I can’t _believe_ that this even needs to be said,” Karen started, the exasperation evident in her voice. “People flirt when they like somebody. Especially when it’s somebody they’ve already had sex with.” 

  
  


I finally realized how stupid my original statement sounded out loud. “I… fuck, okay, I fucked up. Looking back, I shoulda known, and I definitely shoulda said something, but..” I tried to search for the right words to describe the feeling. “I don’t know… I just… I was caught up in the moment. I wasn’t really thinking.” As the words left my mouth, I remembered Claire saying the same exact phrase to me days prior. 

  
  


_“Yeah_ , that much is obvious,” Ann said as she crossed her arms. "Sometimes I don't know if you ever think."

  
  


“Shit, well, telling me how stupid I am isn’t going to fucking help.” I eagerly took another long sip and all but slammed the glass back down. “I _know_ I was fucking stupid, I _know_ I shoulda said something, I _know_ I shouldn’t have ditched Claire, but I just… I panicked.” My eyes traced the ripples in the drink below me. “If I could take it back, I would, but I can’t, and I don’t know what the fuck to do now.” 

  
  


I wasn’t sure if it was the liquor catching up to me or if I just needed to get them out, but the words seemed to just fall out of my mouth. 

  
  


“Oh?” I heard Karen’s voice rise an entire octave. “I’m sorry… are you asking us for advice?” She turned back to Ann. “Who woulda thought?” 

  
  


“Well, Goddess knows he needs it,” Ann chirped back. 

  
  


For what seemed like the millionth time that day, I was at a loss for words. I’d just been trying to get the feelings off my chest and out of my mind… but fuck, maybe I did need advice. My own judgment hadn’t been the most reliable lately; their guidance couldn’t be any worse. 

  
  


“I... guess I am.” The phrase felt heavy leaving my lips; pushing it out seemed to take all of my power. 

  
  


The girls shifted their attention back to each other. They seemed to have some lively conversation entirely made up of raising eyebrows and tilting heads. Before I could interrupt them again, Karen broke the silence. 

  
  


“Okay, so let’s get this straight: that means you _like_ Claire?” It was less of a question, more of an accusation. “You have our pity, but if you want our help, you’re gonna have to admit it.”

  
  


Hearing it out loud made my heart race, a sensation I’d almost forgotten about. I _really_ didn’t want to admit it out loud… but I was desperate for direction. 

  
  


“Yeah… I do,” I mumbled before washing the words down with whiskey. 

  
  


“You do… what?” Karen took a swig of her wine and held the glass towards me. “C’mon Gray, I know you’re capable of putting together complete sentences.” 

  
  


“ _Fuck_. I like her, okay?” It came out more like a groan than anything else. “Why are you making this so difficult? Just tell me what to do!” 

  
  


“Yeesh, that’s all you had to say,” Karen looked back at Ann with a smirk, who mirrored a forced version of the expression. “Well, I guess let’s start with what happened between you two after your little _lover’s quarrel_ with Mary. It must have been bad if she won’t even talk about it with Ann… you know how she loves to talk.” 

  
  


I had to roll my eyes at Karen; she was as annoying as Kai. “Yeah, well, Claire was in the stairwell when Mary and I were going back and forth.” 

  
  


“Stop it.” Karen’s jaw dropped. “No, she wasn’t. Goddess, that’s juicy.”

  
  


“Karen…” Ann scolded. “What we talk about here stays here, _remember_?” 

  
  


“Yeah, yeah,” Karen absently shook her hand in Ann’s direction, but her gaze was fixed on me. “Okay, _totally_ understand why Claire stormed out then.” She sloshed her wine at me after a long sip. “Very bold of you to follow her, but I’m _so_ glad you did.” I wasn’t sure if I was. “‘Kay, then what?” 

  
  


I took a deep breath. “I caught up with her, and at first, she wouldn’t even look at me.” 

  
  


My eyes moved to the dwindling bitter relief in the glass below. Thinking about the things Claire had said to me wasn’t exactly how I wanted to spend my night, but I felt like I had to if I was going to figure out what the hell to do. 

  
  


“She… uh, said I made her feel stupid and accused me of cheating on Mary with her.” I shook my head at myself, just thinking about it. “And… uh, _fuck_ , when I couldn’t admit that I’d ended it with Mary the same night we hooked up, she said she couldn’t trust me, and I needed to, and quote, _‘leave her the fuck alone.’_ ”

  
  


I looked up to Ann and Karen exchanging wide-eyed stares and somehow wasn’t comforted. “You two are her friends, didn’t she ever ask you if I was seeing anybody? I mean, it wasn’t like Mary and I were a fucking secret, we… we were just..” 

  
  


“Confusing as fuck,” Karen finished the thought. “And _‘seeing each other'_ is a generous way of putting it, I’d call it _‘following her around like a lost puppy.’_ ” 

  
  


Before I could even tell Karen to fuck off, Ann patted her hand on the bartop to get my attention. 

  
  


“Claire only asked if you were seeing anyone after you two hooked up.” She leaned forward on her hand, “And like, at that point, technically, you weren’t. I wasn’t gonna be the one to tell her that it happened that same day.”

  
  


“And c’mon,” Karen joined in, “you know Claire, all wrapped up in her own little world. She’s not much of the gossip. I don’t think she really knew anything was going on between you and Mary before your little... _incident_.” She polished off her wine before turning back to Ann, “They’re both kinda oblivious in their own way, huh? It’s like they’re perfect for each other.”

  
  


I couldn’t tell if that was sarcasm or not. 

  
  


Ann started to laugh until Karen shook the wine glass at her, “Also.” Before she could reply, Karen looked over to my nearly empty glass, “Gray too.” 

  
  


I downed the diluted whiskey at the bottom of my glass and pushed it forward just in time for Ann to snatch it away. Warmth had finally replaced the pain in my head, and I was eager to sustain the feeling. 

  
  


“So?” I turned back to Karen. 

  
  


“So what?” 

  
  


“What do you mean _‘so what?’_ I told you everything, aren’t you supposed to tell me how to fix it now?” 

  
  


“Oh, fuck, I don’t know, bud, this is a sticky one,” Karen answered with a shrug. “I was honestly gonna let Ann handle that part; I’m just here for the drama.” 

  
  


As if on cue, Ann returned with my drink and a half-empty wine bottle in hand. She turned to Karen and set the bottle on the bar with a loud _clink_.

  
  


“Next time, just order the whole frickin bottle… making me run back and forth.” Ann shook her head, eyes eventually settling on me. “And _you_ ,” she continued as my drink was slid in front of me. “Maybe we switch to beer, or we eat some food or something? 

  
  


“Yeah, sure, whatever,” I replied before bringing the drink to my lips. 

  
  


“Gray wants to know our advice to get Claire back,” Karen announced as the wine bottle guzzled behind her. It wasn’t exactly how I’d phrase it, but she wasn’t wrong. She picked up her heavy pour and raised it towards Ann, “So, what’s our advice?” 

  
  


Ann put her hand on her hip, “Uh, to listen to what Claire said? I didn’t think it would be that hard to figure out, but I guess I should remember who I’m talking to here.” She tilted her head down and held my gaze before breaking it with a sigh. “Claire can be a little… reactive sometimes. Give her a few days. She’ll eventually calm down enough for you to apologize… but, until then, you need to _show_ her she can trust you.” 

  
  


“Okay… and how do I do that?” It’s not like my parents had modeled a healthy, trusting relationship in any capacity. I had trouble convincing myself to trust others sometimes; how was I supposed to convince someone else to trust me? 

  
  


Ann rubbed her eyes before sliding her hands down the side of her face. “Goddess, you might actually be a lost cause… But, for whatever reason, Claire seemed to really like you, so I’m doing it for her.” I wasn’t sure if she was telling herself or me. “First off, respect her boundaries. If she said to leave her alone, leave her alone.”

  
  


“Okay…” I was glad I had ignored that stupid impulse to wander on to her farm earlier. 

  
  


“And!” Karen leaned forward on the bar, “If you’re for sure done with Mary like you say you are, act like it! No more entertaining her because you _feel bad_ about breaking it off. Leading her on like that just makes it worse for both of you.”

  
  


“Actually… yeah, that too,” Ann said slowly as if she was surprised by Karen’s advice. She looked back at me. “And no more moping around. Nobody wants to be around somebody who’s sad all the time.” 

  
  


My mouth went wide before the words could come. “I… I do _not_ mope around.”

  
  


“Well, in case you’ve forgotten," Ann started with a fake laugh, “I also do, in fact, live here. And I hate to inform you that you almost exclusively mope around. That’s your default.” 

  
  


“Can confirm that I’ve spotted him moping around at Kai’s too,” Karen agreed before I could deny it. 

“So it’s settled, no more moping!” Ann said with feigned enthusiasm. Her eyes flashed down to my drink and then back at me. “And maybe we cool it on the drinking a little too. I’m sure that didn’t help your decision making last night.” 

  
  


It may not have helped me make decisions in the moment, but the liquor sure did help me cope with the aftermath. I could agree to try to mope less, whatever the fuck that meant. But not drinking? I wasn’t too sure about that. 

  
  


“I’m not really sure how I’m supposed to _‘mope less,’_ but shit, guess I’ll try.” I had to hold back the urge to roll my eyes as I spoke.

  
  


“Maybe try being nice for a change?” Ann suggested rather harshly. “You could practice on me.” 

  
  


“Thanks for the suggestion,” I grumbled, realizing there was a bit of truth behind it. 

  
  


“That’s better.” She turned to Karen and mumbled the beginnings of a backhanded compliment when the front doors slammed shut. 

  
  


Karen immediately ripped her attention from us and locked her sights on Duke as he and Basil headed towards their usual table. She finished off the rest of her wine in one chug and hopped off her seat. “Hey, Duke!” 

  
  


The instant Duke’s eyes met Karen’s, he turned on his heels and high-tailed it to the door. 

  
  


“Dammit, we got a runner,” Karen cursed to herself. “I promise I just wanna talk!” she called as she ran after Duke, only stopping by the gaping door to turn to Ann, “I’ll be back to finish that bottle and pay my tab.” She took off in the direction of the winery, “Unlike _somebody_!” Yelling lingered outside until the closing door cut it off. 

  
  


I could only look back at Ann with a furrowed brow. 

  
  


“Don’t ask,” she sighed before pushing off the bar and sauntering over to Duke’s forgotten companion. “Evenin’ Basil, sorry about all that. How ya doin’ tonight?” 

  
  


The two exchanged pleasantries, and I tuned them out so I could return to my favorite distraction. Just as I picked up my glass, I felt a hand squeeze the back of my neck. I reflexively flinched away from the touch and looked over my shoulder. 

  
  


“Getting started without me? Kinda rude,” Kai teased as he took the seat on the other side of me. 

  
  


“Yep.” I took the sip he’d initially interrupted. “Karen and Ann were grilling me the same way you did last night… Except their questions are a lot harder…” 

  
  


“Speaking of, what’s going on with Karen and Duke?” Kai nodded in the direction of the door. “She was out there in front of the winery like some sort of mob boss, yelling about paying his debts and shit. Know what that’s all about?” 

  
  


I shrugged. “Unless Karen’s actually gonna whack the guy, I don’t care.” 

  
  


“Now _that_ would be quality entertainment,” Kai admitted with a laugh. He grabbed my drink from in front of me and took a sip before wincing. “Ugh, yuck. Too bad Karen’s one of Duke’s best customers; there’s no way she’d actually do it.” 

  
  


“Hands off,” I yanked it back from him and scooted my seat away from his. “You’re so fucking annoying, dude.” 

  
  


“Speaking of quality entertainment,” Kai continued without acknowledging my comment. He reached across me to grab Karen’s almost empty wine bottle and settled in his seat. “What do you say to another night of fun?” 

  
  


He took a swig while he waited for me to say something. When I didn’t immediately respond, he put the bottle down and placed his hands on my shoulders. “C’mon Gray, we have a matter of _days_ left before you’re all by your lonesome again. The least you could do is get fucked up with your good buddy Kai.” 

  
  


Truthfully, I was already halfway there. Continuing along that path didn’t seem like too bad of a decision. I already felt worlds better than I had in the morning. 

  
  


Plus, Kai did have a point; in less than a week, he’d be gone. As frustrating as he was, it felt like I might as well enjoy the company while I could. 

  
  


I finished the last of my drink and turned to Kai with a sigh. “Fine.” 

  
  


“I love how easy you are sometimes.” I felt a light elbow in my rib as Kai winked in my direction. “When Ann gets back, we’ll get some shots going, whatcha think? Tequila, for old times sake?” 

  
  


I didn’t care, but I nodded my head anyway. My mind was occupied with the prospect of getting so fucked up that I could finally enjoy a night of dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gray: I need advice  
> Ann: You should stop drinking so much  
> Gray: No, not that advice 
> 
> Lmfao that's literally what it feels like writing them sometimes. There was definitely some heavy shit going on in this chapter, but I was excited to finally stir Karen back into the mix. TBH I felt kinda bad that most of Karen's appearances so far were her wasted.... she deserves better than that (but again... her and Gray really only hang out when they're getting fugged up sooo). I'm sure a lot of us can relate to Karen in this one though like she really do be asking the hard-hitting questions and saying what's really on all our minds lol. Also... I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself with Duke and Karen. Like, Jeff is SUCH a pushover and in my head, I just imagine him (but really Sasha) sending Karen to collect the supermarket's debts around town. I also love the idea of Duke being terrified of Karen... idk what it is. I can imagine that if a 20 something-year-old gal could crush you, a winery owner, in a drinking contest, that she would seem pretty dang intimidating lol. 
> 
> Anyway. Sorry no Claire in this one. Maybe Claire in the next? ;) We shall see. 
> 
> Its that time in the Author's Notes where I give my ~shoutouts~ hehe. A big thanks to rageaphobia, my super special awesome beta-reader. Like on today's episode of What in the World Would I Do Without You: You are a superstar and I appreciate you more than you know hehe.  
> Also BIG OL THANKS to all of you that like... read this fic??? Sometimes I'm in disbelief that there are other people out there who are following along, reading the silly little things I write lol. I appreciate ya'll more than you know srsly <3
> 
> Song that inspired the title is Sweet Dreams by Borns hehe I love the ironic use of songs and the melancholy in this one just hits a little different.


	15. Dramamine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gray's poor decision-making skills catch up to him at work and Kai prepares to leave for the season.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hello I'm so excited to be updating! Tbh I've been so spread thin at work I can't believe I'm not fkin butter, but I finally found the time to get this bad boy rollin~ 
> 
> A couple of !!Trigger Warnings!!: another reference to drowning at the beginning of this chapter, as well as some drug use. 
> 
> I may add those as tags to the story moving forward, in case my warnings spoil things.

Darker and deeper. The dimming light above seemed farther away; my motions slowed and only met with more resistance. Flames filled my chest as the last glimmer at the surface was replaced with darkness. 

  
  


When I woke up in a breathless cold sweat, I was alone in the middle of the night. After anxiously tossing and turning in the dark for what felt like hours, I finally drifted off.

  
  


I was grateful for what seemed like a few hours of dreamless sleep until burning eyelids pulled me out. When I finally opened my eyes to the bright light, I shot out of bed with the stark realization that I’d overslept.

Gramps wasn’t going to be ecstatic to see me after yesterday anyway. But being late on top of all that? The thought alone sent me flying to the shop without much else other than the clothes on my back. There was no easing into that particular morning; I had to hit the ground running, literally. 

  
  


I’d made it to work with minutes to spare, but I was too dazed to get into it with my grandpa. When Gramps didn’t say much more than the plan for the day, it was a relief. Any mention of Claire or our previous conversation would just send us spiraling back into a fight. 

  
  


After everything that’d been said between us the day before, I think we were both eager to do what our family did best: brush the problem under the rug. 

  
  


Our only topic of conversation was horseshoes. Barley needed a few new sets, and I was to spend the rest of the day preparing them. Usually, I would have complained about acting as the rancher’s makeshift farrier, but I didn’t have it in me. I was relieved to be going back to basics; my brain was preoccupied with anything but work. 

  
  


At first, my main focus was my new recurring nightmare. There was no rationalizing it. I knew how to swim, and I’d never drowned before. If anything, I was a decent swimmer, so I was at a loss trying to pinpoint a source. It wasn’t the first time I’d experienced stress-induced night terrors, but it had been years. Those dreams made sense in the past—this most recent one, on the other hand, not at all. 

  
  


I wasn’t sure why I thought getting absolutely wrecked was the solution to my sleeping problem either, but I was wrong. Dead wrong. While the visions were less vivid this time around, the chilling sensations I felt only amplified. Tonight the goal was to attempt staying sober, or at least, not get fucking obliterated, in hopes that it would solve the problem. 

  
  


My body was on autopilot, going through familiar motions. I heated the steel, shaped it around the anvil, and returned it to the forge to repeat the same steps. Over and over. It wasn’t the most engaging work, but I’d done it so many times I didn’t have to think much about it. All the other bullshit going on in my life had the center stage in my mind. 

  
  


I grabbed the half curved piece of metal in front of me and returned it to the forge with a pair of tongs. Glowing red coals settled around the steel as flames spread across its surface. My eyes were locked, waiting for the dark metal to match the gleam of the embers below it. 

  
  


Waiting. That seemed to be all I did sometimes. It felt like I was always waiting to figure my shit out. As if time would be the fucking solution. 

  
  


I was waiting on Claire, and before that, I’d been waiting on Mary. And on top of it all, I was waiting to see if I was going to be a dad. It felt like I should be a pro by now, but that didn’t make it any easier. Not in the slightest. 

  
  


It was agonizing that somebody I’d just gotten to know was affecting me so severely. Especially somebody I’d convinced myself I wanted nothing to do with only weeks prior. 

  
  


I couldn’t put my finger on when that change had happened. One minute, I was trying to ignore any proof of Claire’s existence... the next, I was longing for even a glimpse of the same smile I’d claimed to hate. It was so pathetic…

  
  


Suddenly, a push knocked me off balance, and the tongs ripped from my hand. Gramps was in front of me, pulling the incandescent half-horseshoe out of the forge and tossing it into the quenching bucket in one fluid motion. 

  
  


It took me a second to register what had happened, but when I heard the metal hissing as it cooled in the bucket below, I braced for impact.

  
  


“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Gramps demanded as he snapped around, hurling the tongs on the anvil.

  
  


I wasn’t sure what kind of answer he wanted, or if he even wanted one at all. “Working?” I tried. 

  
  


He closed his eyes and slowly inhaled. “If that were the case, I wouldn’t have had to intervene like that.” He looked down at the fizzling horseshoe and then back at me with a sigh. “Are you trying to burn the place down?” 

  
  


“No…” I rested a hand on the brim of my hat. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to.” 

  
  


He paused as if surprised I wasn’t putting up more of a fight. “Did you not hear me calling your name? Trying to get your attention? Is your head on straight today?”

  
  


“I didn’t…” My gaze moved to the sunken horseshoe at the bottom of the bucket. “Guess I was a little distracted.” That was an understatement. 

  
  


Gramps stopped to inspect me as if that would give him the answer to whatever question he seemed to be considering. He cleared his throat before starting again, “Did you stop by Claire’s yesterday?” 

  
  


“No,” I groaned, fighting the urge to roll my eyes too. “Wouldn’t expect you to understand, but she doesn’t wanna talk to me.”

  
  


“And you’ve tried?” I didn’t understand how that old man was so damn persistent. 

  
  


I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath. “No, but just…” Rehashing my last conversation with Claire was a dangerous game, so I tried to summarize without much thought. “She wanted to be left alone. So until she _lets_ me talk to her, you won’t be gettin’ that reconciliation you want so damn bad.” 

  
  


Gramps let out a groan as his hands moved to his temples. I wasn’t too sure which emotion would come next, but I wasn’t exactly thrilled to continue the current conversation. 

  
  


“So… can I get back to work?” I said after a year of silence. “Or you got any other hard-hittin' questions?”

  
  


I expected Gramps to scold me for my remark, but instead, he just shook his head. “I can’t have you working distractedly, Gray. It’s a liability.” His voice was eerily calm. 

  
  


“I’m not—“ 

  
  


“We can’t afford any more damage to the forge, boy, you know that,” Gramps bellowed over me before I could even finish the thought. _There_ was the tone I was so familiar with. “If I wouldn’t have pulled you out of that little daydream of yours, who knows how long you would’ve been standing there.” 

  
  


I couldn’t think of anything to say back to that, at least not before he started walking away. 

  
  


My grandpa marched to his desk, snatching a painfully familiar golden hammer from its storage. “Here’s what you're going to do.” He thrust the tool into my chest, almost knocking the air out of me. “You’re to deliver this hammer to Claire—“

  
  


“Gramps, she won’t—“

  
  


“I _wasn’t_ finished,” he commanded, eyes unwavering from mine. “You’re to deliver the hammer to Claire, and then take the rest of the day to do whatever the hell you need to do to come back with focus and a new attitude tomorrow.”

  
  


I gave into the clenching of my jaw, holding back any remnants of a comeback to my grandfather’s lapse in sanity. 

  
  


“Fine,” was all I could utter before storming out of the shop. 

  
  


My grandpa’s latest attempt at interfering with my relationships was driving me up the fucking wall. It’s like the man hadn’t learned his lesson. But at the same time, I couldn’t ignore the butterflies and twisting trepidation that seemed to coexist in my stomach when I thought about seeing Claire. 

  
  


With the hammer wrapped in my clammy hand, I took the short walk to Freedom fucking Fields. For some reason, that name seemed to irritate me even more than usual. 

  
  


I tried to remember the advice Ann had given me the day before. But truthfully, I was already going against one of the most essential instructions, not showing up on her property unexpectedly. Still, I was just doing as I was told. 

  
  


The best course of action was just to deliver the hammer and then go on my way. I felt like it was the best compromise; I could get Gramps off my back and hopefully show Claire that I was capable of giving her space… even if I didn’t want to. 

  
  


I stood hesitantly at the entrance to Claire’s farm, scanning the dense plots of green and contrasting sections of old, wilting vines for any sign of the farmer. 

  
  


It wasn’t hard to notice the blonde ponytail bobbing between green stalks at the end of the field. Convincing myself to approach her was the hard part. Seeing Claire, even from that far away, sent all the air rushing from my lungs. 

  
  


I knew it was too late to turn back, though I was seriously debating the possibility. But as long as I had the hammer in my possession, I knew I couldn’t. Gramps would have my ass on a platter if I still had it when I showed up at work.

  
  


My feet took slow, deliberate steps in Claire’s direction. I tried to predict how she would react to my presence or what she would say, but I was at a loss. I never knew what she was going to do, but my inability to say the right thing probably didn’t help. 

  
  


By the time I reached Claire, she had her back to me, crouched in front of a plot of corn. The steady snapping of husks off the stalk hinted that she was oblivious to my presence, and honestly, I wasn’t all that surprised. Karen was right; Claire did seem to live in her own world sometimes. 

  
  


I swallowed the lump in my throat and took a careful step onto the field. 

  
  


“Claire?” I hated the way her name sounded coming out of my mouth... like I was a scared little kid again.

  
  


No response. Claire didn’t react or stop harvesting. There were no obvious signs that she was ignoring me, but I didn’t know what else to do. 

  
  


When I called her name again more assuredly with no reaction, I looked down to the hammer in my hand. Without another thought, I shifted my grip to palm the golden mallet and lightly poked her shoulder with the end of the handle. 

  
  


Claire absentmindedly turned to swat at her shoulder. After noticing the wooden handle, her eyes traveled up its length to meet mine, and she froze. My body unconsciously did the same as I waited for any ounce of a response from her. 

  
  


After what felt like hours of staring into wide eyes, Claire’s mouth fell open, searching for sounds that never came. Instead, she quickly turned back to the husk of corn in her other hand and tore it off the stalk. As Claire stood up and turned around, the innocent corn was hucked into the basket by her feet. 

  
  


“What’re you doing here?” she demanded, dusting off the legs of her overalls before glaring up at me. Claire’s eyes were narrowed and sharp to match her tone, but her mouth seemed to wrestle between a thin line and a frown. 

  
  


“I know you said you wanted me to leave you—” 

  
  


“Then _why_ are you here?” Based on the tightness that spread from her shoulders to her fists, I knew I needed to get to the point before I made matters worse. 

  
  


I held up the hammer. “Just came to drop this off, Gramps’s orders.” She didn’t immediately respond like I thought she would, so my voice nervously filled the space between us. “Can’t go back to the smithy with it, so just take it, and I’ll leave.” 

  
  


After staring at the tool for a brief moment, she took a step forward and grabbed the handle. My hand lingered on the mallet a second longer than it probably should have. I couldn’t help basking in the fleeting eye contact she allowed me before I released my fingers one by one. 

  
  


I forced myself to turn around before I could make any more of a fool of myself. As much as I selfishly wanted to find a way to stay, I knew I needed to leave.

  
  


“Guess I’ll see ya.” My feet seemed to have a mind of their own as they headed for the south exit of her farm. 

  
  


It was no surprise when I didn’t get any sort of response in parting. I focused on the sound of the grass crunching under me instead. 

  
  


“Um… wait.” 

  
  


Those two words, as softly as they were spoken, were enough to send my heart into a fucking frenzy. 

  
  


I slowly turned around, noticing Claire had taken a few steps after me. “Yeah?” 

  
  


She caught me off guard by taking another step closer, her face relaxing slightly. “I... went back to the clinic yesterday,” Claire said quietly, her eyes only briefly leaving their fixation on her hammer to meet mine. “Y’know, for more blood work.” 

  
  


“Everything okay?” I cursed myself internally for speaking without thinking, but relief rushed over me when it didn’t seem to upset her. 

  
  


“I…uh, I guess it depends on your definition of okay,” she paused and pressed her lips together, moving her gaze to the mangled grass below her busy foot. “But... my hormones or whatever have more than doubled since last time...” It’s like her eyes were intent on avoiding mine as she twirled the hammer in her hands. “So…we still won’t know for sure until the appointment, but Ellie said that’s usually a pretty clear sign...” 

  
  


It wasn’t the first time I’d been confused by Claire’s behavior, but I was shocked she was talking to me at all… let alone as calmly as she was. 

  
  


Why would she break down and tell me about a trip to the doctor? If she wanted to tell me shit about the pregnancy, that meant that I had a chance… right? There’s no way she’d confide that to somebody she wasn’t going to let be involved, or so I told myself. 

  
  


I just wanted to know where her head was at.

  
  


“And you’re still… uh...” I couldn’t think of how to phrase it. Asking: _‘You still wanna do this shit with me?’_ wasn’t exactly the nicest way of putting it. “You still… uh, stickin' to that… original plan?”

  
  


I wasn’t sure if that was the worst possible thing I could have said, but it sure as hell wasn’t the right thing to say. The way her face slowly cringed was enough of a clue for me. 

  
  


“You should go.” The words seemed to barely make it out of her clenched jaw. The anguish on her face was the last thing I saw before she turned away. 

  
  


“Wait, _fuck_.” I squeezed my temples, realizing how she took my question. “Claire, that’s not what I meant.” 

  
  


“Then what _did_ you mean?” Claire shouted back as she snapped around, her voice verging on a shriek. I couldn’t help but notice the white knuckles wrapped around the hammer’s handle. 

  
  


“I just wanna know what you’re thinking!” I didn’t even recognize I’d taken a step forward until I’d gotten the words off my chest. When I brought my gaze to hers, I was only met with daggers. “Being in the dark like this… it’s drivin’ me fuckin’ crazy.” 

  
  


“ _I_ drive _you_ crazy?” Something between a scoff and a laugh escaped her lips. “You have no idea.” She rolled her eyes to the side before threatening to turn around. “You’ve made it perfectly clear you’d be better off without me, so why don’t you just—“

  
  


“That’s fuckin’ bullshit.” I didn’t mean to cut her off, but the way she lied like that made my skin crawl. 

  
  


Silence. I didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing. But… she hadn’t turned around and seemed to be waiting for me to say something, giving me the smallest glimmer of hope. 

  
  


“That’s just… that’s not true.” My stupid mouth was letting the words fall out before I even had a chance to think. “I miss bein' around you. I feel like… you bring out the best in me.” 

  
  


It was the truth, as stupid as it felt to hear myself say. In the short time that I’d spent getting to know Claire, the impact she had on me was tenfold. I’d rarely felt as confident or understood as I had been around her, and I didn’t want to lose the hope of feeling that way again. 

  
  


Claire approached my spot, in the most surprising turn of events, coming closer than I’d anticipated. Much closer. 

  
  


“Oh yeah?” Claire held the hammer behind her back as she looked up at me with an unexpected coyness in her voice, “Is that how you really feel?” 

  
  


Finding something to say was the last thing on my mind, so I swallowed and forced a nod. The distance between us was almost non-existent. All I could think about was the fact that Claire was one small step away from pressing herself against me. 

  
  


Then I heard that bitter laugh, and I knew it was about to come tumbling down.

  
  


“It’s just… that’s funny.” Claire took a step back, and her fake smile faded into a scowl. “That’s not what your girlfriend seemed to think.” 

  
  


_Fuck_. I should have known it wouldn’t be that easy. 

  
  


“She’s not my girlfriend... she’s never _been_ my girlfriend,” I groaned, struggling to press down the same anger I felt that night. “And I don’t give a fuck what she thinks! I care what you think.” 

  
  
  


Claire spun around before I could see how she’d reacted. “I… I just wish I could believe you.” She stomped towards her farmhouse, not stopping to call over her shoulder with a shaky voice, “When I come back out, I want you gone.” 

  
  


Watching her walk away was torture, and I couldn’t do it anymore. My boots were moving in the opposite direction before I even knew where I was headed. I wasn’t sure if I’d made the situation any better or only worse; I just needed to be anywhere but there. 

  
  


It was too early to convince anyone to sell me alcohol, but I knew I needed something to distract myself from how pitiful I felt. So I kept walking.

  
  


By the time my feet finally stopped, I was standing at the end of Gotz’s property. I didn’t have the slightest idea as to what I was going to do, but as my eyes followed the path up to the base of Mother’s Hill, soon my steps did the same. 

  
  


I figured it would be the best place to go. It used to be my one place I could think in peace, but I didn’t want to think about anything anymore: I just wanted to get away.

  
  


As I made it past the clearing by the lake, thickets of trees and shrubs seemed to be the only inhabitants other than songbirds chirping in the background. The scene felt so calm and serene. It was almost the exact opposite of how I was feeling. 

  
  


When I approached the hill’s trailhead, I noticed a familiar brown ponytail tucked between a couple of trees beside the lake. I almost didn’t see him until he repositioned his seat, rustling the branches of a nearby bush. 

  
  


I wasn’t sure where I’d expected to see Cliff, but the base of Mother’s Hill was not it. While part of me ached to be left alone, I couldn’t help my curiosity. Cliff had been especially distant lately, but I wasn’t sure if it was the result of me being a shitty roommate or something else. It was a good enough distraction for me. 

  
  


After making my way through the tall wild grasses, I ended up behind my roommate’s perch by the lakeshore. He was hunched over what appeared to be a fishing rod, zoned into the line wrapped between his fingers.

  
  


“Yo.” 

  
  


Cliff jumped as his head shot back, his free hand flying to his chest. He took a deep breath before finally meeting my gaze, “Phew. Just you.” His hand moved back to the fishing line. “You about scared me half to death.”

  
  


“Shit. Sorry.” I took a seat next to Cliff, my eyes drawn to the knots that busied his hands. “What’re you doin’ out here anyway?” 

  
  


He didn’t look away from his hands to answer, “I could ask you the same thing.” 

  
  


“Fair,” I sighed. I didn’t have it in me to lie; there was nothing left to lose telling Cliff the truth. “Gramps sent me to deliver some tools and then told me to take the rest of the day off.”

  
  


“Oh?” Cliff offered as he rummaged through the box on the other side of him. “That’s… good?” 

  
  


“No. Not good,” I shook my head at myself, eventually letting out a heavy exhale. “Says I’m distracted and need to fix my attitude before I come back tomorrow.” 

  
  


“I see.” His attention was still on the fishing line in his hands, now adorned with a baited hook and weights. 

  
  


“So what’re _you_ doin’ out here?” I asked again after a few moments of silence, eager to move the spotlight away from me. 

  
  


Cliff didn’t seem as keen. He cast his line and then glanced between me and the floating bobber. “Um. Do you really have to ask?” 

  
  


“Guess not,” I replied with a huff. 

  
  


I had no idea Cliff was much of a fisherman. He’d never mentioned it before, but when I thought about it, Cliff never really said anything about what he did or his life pre-Mineral Town. 

  
  


Cliff was silent, so I let it be for a minute. I couldn’t help my curiosity, though. It seemed like the only safe thought I’d had that morning. 

  
  


“So you gonna tell me why you’ve been actin’ so weird lately?” 

  
  


“Weird?” Cliff shot me the side-eye. “I don’t know what’s weird about trying to make sure I have a means for living…” He shook his head and looked forward. “You’re the one that’s been weird.”

  
  


I wasn’t sure what to say. Weird didn’t even begin to describe how I’d been feeling lately. 

  
  


This must have been apparent in my face because Cliff’s worried eyes met mine for the first time in our conversation. “Gray… is everything okay?” 

  
  


“I don’t know,” the words barely audible as they left my mouth. I despised how that question seemed to push up all the feelings I was trying to suppress. 

  
  


“You… don’t know?” His shoulders turned towards me as he rested the rod between his legs. “What… what’s going on?” 

  
  


I took another deep breath in an attempt to calm my racing heart. “Swear you won’t say shit to anybody.”

  
  


Cliff narrowed his eyes at me. “Okay…?”

  
  


“Swear.”

  
  


“I... swear? But… um, I don’t know who you think I would tell…”

  
  


There was no turning back; I had to get it off my chest. “It’s… uh, it’s Claire,” I said slowly, my face unconsciously wincing. “She might be pregnant.” 

  
  


“She…” I’d never seen Cliff’s eyes so large. “And it’s…?” 

  
  


He didn’t even have to finish the question. “Yeah.”

  
  


He took a few minutes to process, and I understood the feeling. Even saying it out loud was enough to return the gnawing dread to my chest. 

  
  


“Might be?” I heard Cliff’s confused voice ask. 

  
  


“Yeah, guess we’ll find out at the end of this week.” That sentence made the situation frighteningly real. It also made me realize that there was a chance I wasn’t even welcome at said appointment. 

  
  


Cliff was quiet for a second, his gaze fixed on the lake. “Who else knows?” 

  
  


“Besides you, me, and Claire? Uh…” I tried to recall everyone Claire and I had gone over. “Gramps, Trent and Ellie… oh, and Ann.” 

  
  


Cliff blinked a few times as if working through a particular thought. “The night of the fireworks,” was all he said. 

  
  


“Yeah…” I didn’t even want to think about how Ann had looked at me on the beach… or how I’d found Claire that night. “Claire found out before Ann came to get her.” 

  
  


He nodded as I talked, putting the pieces together in his head. “And… you two are…?”

  
  


“We… uh, talked about doing the shit together…” I rested my hands on the top of my hat. “But I kinda fucked things up with her, so… currently, not talkin'.”

  
  


Cliff stared but didn’t say anything, so I anxiously replaced the silence. “That night you walked upstairs… I was on a date with Claire and… left her for Mary.” 

  
  


“I see.” He turned his attention back to the water. “Guess both of your behavior makes sense now.” 

  
  


I felt my brows furrow. “The fuck’s that supposed to mean?”

  
  


“Well, um, I’m borrowing this from Claire,” Cliff started, motioning toward the fishing rod. “I came by to ask if she had any work, but... when she didn’t, she offered me the rod to use.” I wasn’t sure where the story was going until he added to the thought. “But, um… she just seemed… unusually down.”

  
  


That didn’t make me feel any better. “Didn’t realize you two were so close.”

  
  


“I… um, wouldn’t say we’re close…” Cliff trailed off, avoiding my gaze. “I only see her when she comes by the church or when she hangs out with Ann… but she’s always kind to me.”

  
  


“Makes sense.” Something about that caused my stomach to knot. 

  
  


“But um, she was asking about you.”

  
  


That statement pulled me out of my own jealous thoughts. “Well?”

  
  


“She asked if I knew what happened, and when I didn’t, she asked how you were doing.”

  
  


“When was this?”

  
  


“Um… yesterday? Early afternoon?” Cliff stopped to investigate me before turning back to the water. He seemed to pick up on what I was thinking before I even asked it. “I said you seemed okay… but I guess I should’ve factored in the whole drinking yourself senseless part.” 

  
  


I was caught off guard by the end of his statement—I couldn’t believe Cliff was still upset about that. "Already said I was sorry for wakin' you up,” I snapped. “Kai’s gone in a few days, so it’s not like I’m gonna be up all night anymore. Won’t happen again.” 

  
  


“Gray… it’s not…” Cliff shook his head, eyes still avoiding mine. “I don’t care that you woke me up. That’s not what I’m talking about.” 

  
  


“Then what _are_ you talking about?” 

  
  


He paused for a moment, his mouth periodically opening and closing as if trying to settle on the right words. “It… It’s not fun,” he finally choked out, “it’s not fun for the people that care about you, watching you do that to yourself.” 

  
  


“Do what to myself? Getting fucked up?” I couldn’t help but scoff. “Other than wakin' you up that _one_ time, I don’t see how my drinkin' affects you or anyone else.” 

  
  


“That’s… that’s the problem,” Cliff sighed. His voice lowered as he continued, “Just… forget I even said anything.”

  
  


“Fine by me.” I stood up from my spot. “I’ll leave you to it then.” 

  
  


Cliff didn’t say anything as I walked away, but I didn’t want to hear it even if he did. 

  
  


I was fucking done. The sun wasn’t even to its highest point in the sky, and I’d gone through enough shit to feel confident enough to call it a day. Suddenly, my bed sounded much more appealing than the great outdoors. Seclusion, silence, but most importantly, nobody fucking nagging me were the only things I wanted. 

  
  


With the sole goal of disappearing in mind, I headed for the inn. While everybody was out and about during the day, it seemed like the perfect place to hide. I kept my head down as I walked the dirt path and eventually the cobblestone steps home.

I’d never been so relieved to see the inn’s dining room empty. I didn’t wait to see if Doug or Ann were around; my feet were heading up the stairs, intent on making it to my bed as soon as possible. 

  
  


As I walked down the hallway, all the emotions from the day seemed to hit me at once. The escape of my bed only sounded more appealing. I was almost home free when I heard my name called from behind. 

  
  


Of course, because why would it have ever been that easy for me? 

  
  


I saw Ann standing in the doorway of a vacant room from over my shoulder, curiosity painting her face. When I turned to continue to my room, I heard hurried footsteps after me. My hand got to the doorknob before she caught up with me, but it was surprisingly locked. 

  
  


With a sigh, I spun on my heels to face Ann. “Yeah?” 

  
  


“Did you forget your key or something?” she asked, looking between me and the door. 

  
  


I rolled my eyes. “No. I have it… just… I think Kai’s in there.” 

  
  


“Oh?” Ann tilted her head in confusion until I lowered my gaze to shoot her a look. “OH. Ew.” 

  
  


“Yeah.” 

  
  


She paused for a moment as she rocked on her toes. “So, not tryin' to be rude or anything, but what are you doin' back here so early?” 

  
  


“Gramps sent me home.” I didn’t really want to open that can of worms again. 

  
  


“Huh? That’s weird.” Her brows furrowed with a frown. As somebody that knew Gramps pretty well, Ann must have been confused by his actions too. “Why would he do that?” 

  
  


“‘Cuz apparently, I can’t do my fuckin’ job,” I retorted, louder than I’d anticipated. Saying the words just loosened my hold on the anger I’d been struggling to contain. “Got any other fuckin’ questions? I’ve been lectured more times than I can count today, so if that’s what you’re lookin’ to do, just get it over with, shit.” 

  
  


Ann took a step back, looking back at me with a glare. “Goddess, what’s up with _you_? All I did was ask a question.” 

  
  


I hung my head in response. Ann was one of the few who’d stuck with me through all my bullshit, and I was taking my frustrations out on her again. I just felt guilty. 

  
  


“Gray?” Her voice softened, and the rest of her face followed suit. “Are you okay?” 

  
  


“I’m sorry,” was all I could force out. 

  
  


“Ooooh, yikes,” Ann grimaced. “So that’s a _no_.” She looked towards my door and then back at me with a sigh. “Claire?” 

  
  


“I…” I looked back at her after a deep breath. “Ann, I fucked up.” 

  
  


“What’s new?” she replied, shaking her head. “What’d you do this time?” 

  
  


“I went over there earlier.” 

  
  


“What? _Why_?” Ann exclaimed, throwing up her hands. “That was the first thing I told you not to do!” 

  
  


“Couldn’t help it… Gramps made me deliver her hammer.” I shoved my hands in my pockets. “He’s been trying to get me over there to apologize since yesterday.”

  
  


_“Great,"_ she groaned. “I can’t believe Saibara's interfering like that.” 

  
  


“I can,” I muttered with an eye roll. “Doesn’t make it any less fucked, though.”

  
  


“Well, okay, you showed up at Claire’s...” Ann seemed to brace herself before asking, “What happened? Did you apologize?”

  
  


_Fuck_. I hadn’t even thought of apologizing. “Uh. No.” 

  
  


Ann inhaled sharply, her eyes fluttering closed. “What am I gonna do with you…” 

  
  


“It was fine at first!” I defended myself. “Wasn’t like she was happy to see me or anything, but when I was about to leave, she started tellin' me about pregnancy shit.” 

  
  


She froze. “Oh? But? There has to be a ‘but.’” 

  
  


“The ‘but’ is that I’m a piece of shit that can never say the right thing.” 

  
  


“Gray…” Ann started, on the verge of a scold, “what did you say?” 

  
  


“I... fuck.” I didn’t even want to repeat it. How did I ever think that it would be an appropriate way to phrase my concerns? “I… I asked her if she was still stickin' to her original plan.” 

  
  


Ann’s mouth fell open, eyes blinking in disbelief. “No, you didn’t.” 

  
  


“I didn’t mean it like that! I just… I wanted to know if she still wanted to do the shit with _me_ … not if she still wanted to keep it or anything.” 

  
  


“Then _why_ didn’t you just say that?” Ann questioned, the exasperation clear in her voice. 

  
  


“I don’t fuckin' know! Being around her sometimes… I just say and do stupid shit.” I brought my hand to the bill of my cap and let out a defeated sigh. “Ann… I don’t know what to do anymore.”

  
  


Ann was silent for a few moments. I wasn’t sure if she would know what to do, but I was fucking desperate. 

  
  


“I don’t know how helpful this is,” Ann started carefully, “but… when I went over yesterday morning, she wouldn’t even talk about you.” 

  
  


“That’s not helpful at all.” 

  
  


“I wasn’t done, smart one,” Ann bantered back. “I just think… the fact that she’s even talking to you and even bringing up… the whole situation is a good sign.” 

  
  


“Yeah, maybe,” I replied, not very convinced. “But I already fucked it up.” Like always. 

  
  


“Well, that _is_ true. But, uh…” Ann faltered before looking away. 

  
  


“But what?” 

  
  


It took Ann a second to muster up the words. “Gray, I don’t think Claire is completely innocent in all this either.” She paused and met my curious gaze. “Don’t get me wrong, you’re still _very much_ at fault and need to apologize, but… she does too. And I think she just needs a little time to realize that.” 

  
  


I wasn’t sure what I’d expected Ann to say, but that was not it. “You think so?” 

  
  


“Yeah. I mean… what you did was messed up. And today definitely didn’t help. I want to be _very_ clear about all that.” Ann shot me a stern look before easing the expression with a sigh. “But I don’t understand what Claire expects from you now. Like, she rushed into this whole thing expecting it to be fine, and now she’s taking it out on you.” Ann moved her gaze to the window. “And honestly, me too. I had to convince Karen to check on her today because I just... couldn’t do the anger again. Now that I know all this happened today, I’m glad I did.” 

  
  


The fact that Ann was suffering because of my stupid mistakes made me feel even worse. “I… I’m sorry, Ann. You don’t deserve that… from Claire or me.” I looked down at my boots and reached for my hat. “You’re… always such a good friend, and all I do is make your life harder.” 

  
  


“Hey… don’t say that.” She took a step forward with a reassuring smile, placing a light hand on my arm. “You definitely don’t make my life any easier, but... I know you and Claire both need tough love." Her hand gave a gentle squeeze before returning to her side. "We’re family, Gray. We have to look out for each other.” 

  
  


It felt like I didn’t deserve Ann’s kindness. Having family that cared and wanted to help was scary; it only set me up to let them down. 

  
  


“You’re right,” I admitted with a heavy exhale. “Thanks.” 

  
  


“Just... be patient. I think that’s all you can do for now,” Ann offered with a weak shrug. “But don’t forget what I said! You need to apologize and tell her the truth.” She wagged her finger at me like I was a fucking kid. “Oh! And like I said before, tone it down on the drinking and focus on being nice!” 

  
  


“Fine.” I was so tired of listening to other people talk about my drinking habits. 

  
  


“Seriously, Gray!” She flicked the bill of my hat with a giggle. “You know what they say, kill ‘em with kindness!” Ann was the only person I knew that actually said that.

The door to my room creaked open, and instantly, Ann and I snapped our heads towards the sound. Kai shimmied out of the cracked doorway, his face lighting up when he saw me. At least somebody was excited to see me. 

  
  


“Well, look who it is!” he laughed, taking a step forward to slap me on the arm. He moved his gaze to Ann, giving her a subtle nod. “‘Sup Ann, looking great, as always.” 

  
  


Ann let out half a chuckle. “Hi Kai.” 

  
  


“Ugh, it doesn’t even sound like you’re going to miss me at all,” Kai groaned with feigned dramatics, placing his hands on Ann’s shoulders and gently shaking. 

  
  


Kai began his yearly speech about how sad everyone was going to be when he was gone, and I took the opportunity to attempt an escape to my bed. Before I could get my hand to the knob, Kai sprinted in front of me and pushed me away from the door. 

  
  


“Hey, hey, hey!” Kai said quickly, putting his hands on my chest as he settled between me and the door. “Let's give that another second there, partner.” He lowered his voice as he leaned in, “Pope’s still in there… and I think she needs a sec after—” 

  
  


“I’m outta here,” Ann scoffed before I could react with my own disgust. “You boys have fun.” 

  
  


Kai watched her disappear into the stairwell before promptly turning back to me. “Plus, honestly, we should probably let the room air out before you go back in there.” 

  
  


“Stop.” I almost gagged. “You’re fucking gross, dude.” I wasn’t even sure why Kai said half the shit he did.

  
  


“Since when are you the only one allowed to fuck in the room?” Kai sassed back, making me wish I wouldn’t have said anything at all. 

  
  


I couldn’t think of a good comeback. “Shouldn’t you be at work?” 

  
  


“Shouldn’t _you_?” 

  
  


“Surprise day off,” I lied. “Was gonna go take a nap, but… guess not anymore.” 

  
  


“Well, that’s perfect!” It was the opposite of perfect. “You can come help me and Popuri do inventory for Beach Day 2.” He shrugged nonchalantly. “The room should probably be aired out by the time we’re done.” 

  
  


I didn’t have it in me to fight with him about whatever shit he was blabbing about. It was just easier to give in. 

  
  


“Beach Day 2?” I asked, not particularly interested in the answer.

  
  


“Is that not a good name?” 

  
  


“The fuck are you goin’ on about?” 

  
  


“What are _you_ going on about?” Kai cocked an eyebrow at me, seemingly offended that I had no idea what he was talking about. “Last day of the season? The Snack Shack’s last call?” He stopped and placed a hand on my shoulder as he spoke with double the enthusiasm, “Oooh, actually, we should call it that, don’t cha think? I told Popuri we should go with Kaipalooza again, but she said that makes it sound like the whole thing is about me.”

  
  


How could I forget Kaipalooza? Kai had only started calling it that last year, but we’d been using his last day of the season as an excuse to get wasted since he first opened the Snack Shack. It was always framed as a ploy to sell off the last of the shack’s stock, but it was ultimately just Kai’s yearly send-off party. I guess I was able to forget about it since I was usually shitfaced the whole time. 

  
  


“Well… it _is_ all about you, isn’t it?” I asked with a slight smirk. 

  
  


“Ha, yeah,” Kai laughed to himself before meeting me with raised brows. “So that means you’ll help? I’m not above bribing you with booze.” 

  
  


That was painfully obvious. “Yeah, think I’m good for tonight.” When I was met with a confused stare, I continued, “Just wanna give my liver a break before… Kaipa... Whatever you’re callin’ your dumb shit this year.”

“Oh, _okay_ ,” Kai responded mischievously. “I might have something else to entice you then.” 

  
  


That was enough to pique my interest. “Do you now?” 

  
  


“Yeah, I... may or may not have a spliff or two on me,” Kai said slyly, raising his eyebrows at me. “I was about to go smoke one anyway if you wanna come.”

  
  


“Oh.” Nicotine and weed sounded like a good enough distraction to me. At least it wasn’t liquor. “Yeah, okay.” 

  
  


“Ugh, you’re always down. I’m gonna miss having you around, Gray,” Kai sighed as he put his arm around my shoulders, ushering me down the stairs and outside. 

  
  


I didn’t really want to admit it, but I was going to miss having him around too. 

  
  


Kai walked me to the back of the inn, finding a spot on an empty wooden crate by the back door. I followed his lead, setting shop on the one directly beside him. He reached into his pocket, pulling out a brightly decorated tin stuffed with white rolls and a purple lighter. 

  
  


With one of the spliffs between his fingers, he brought it up to his lips and lit the end. 

  
  


“That sure looks like more than one or two,” I said with a chuckle. 

  
  


He took a few short puffs before passing it my way. “I said I _may or may not_ have one or two.” 

  
  


I accepted the spliff with a snort. As I inhaled, I was rewarded with a warm headrush and… I licked my lips... dry fucking weed and tobacco. 

  
  


“I see you _still_ don’t roll with filters,” I said as I let out the smoke and passed it back to Kai. 

  
  


An amused smile spread across his face. “Sorry, city boy, not all of us are accustomed to the finer things in life.” 

  
  


I was silent as Kai took a few rips, already starting to feel a slight relief and buzzing throughout my body. 

  
  


“So… you doing any better?” Kai asked as he passed back the stick. 

  
  


I brought it up to my lips and took a long drag. “I am now.”

  
  


“Good shit, that’s what I like to hear,” Kai chuckled, taking the paper from my hand. He looked off into the distance as he took a long drag. “Just trying my best to make sure you continue in that direction, even after I’m gone.”

  
  


I couldn’t help but laugh at how serious he looked, though it really wasn’t that funny. “Are you now?” 

  
  


“Well, yeah,” Kai said before passing the spliff my way. “I want to make sure you have _something_ to do when I’m not here.” His subtle wink in my direction didn’t go unnoticed as I took another hit. “I invited your girls from the valley to Kaipalooza.” 

  
  


“My girls from the... valley?” I repeated slowly, holding the smoking paper in front of my mouth. “I... don’t even know what that means.” 

  
  


Kai snatched it out of my hands and brought it to his lips. “Yeah, cuz you’re high,” he joked before inhaling. “Muffy and Jill? You don’t remember them?” 

  
  


“Oh. Yeah.” I thought back to Kai’s party… It felt like many years and bad decisions ago. “I remember. Barely.”

  
  


“Yeah, I know, buddy,” Kai laughed, elbowing me in the rib before handing me what remained of the spliff. “I just figured since you and Claire fizzled out, you might want something else, or I guess I should say,” he paused for dramatic effect, “ _someone_ else to keep you busy.” 

  
  


I rolled my eyes as I inhaled the smoke. That was the last thing I needed, anybody else getting in the way of making things right with Claire. 

“What?” Kai moaned, throwing up his hands. “I’m just trying to look out for you.” 

  
  


And oh how I wish he wouldn’t sometimes. 

  
  


I let out a sigh and handed the roach back to Kai. “Did you invite Claire?” 

  
  


“Yeah, no shit.” He gave the spliff’s remains one last drag before putting it out on the crate below him.

  
  


“What do you mean _no shit_?” 

  
  


“You think I’m going to miss seeing _that_ one last time? Yeah, right,” he scoffed, shaking his head. “Just because you’re all bent out of shape about her doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy myself.” 

  
  


“You’re such a fuckin’ piece sometimes, know that?” Part of me wanted to tell him the truth about everything… but it didn’t feel right. Not yet, at least. I couldn’t risk Kai having that information during a party. 

  
  


“Calm down, don’t get your coveralls in a twist,” Kai teased, pinching the fabric on my shoulders as he stood from his spot. “She didn’t seem too interested in coming, unfortunately.” 

  
  


“Oh.” I couldn’t convince my legs to cooperate just yet. “She didn’t?” 

  
  


Kai narrowed his eyes at me. “I mean no, but…” he trailed off, examining me for a few moments until his jaw fell, releasing a single airy laugh. A smirk quickly took its place. “Oh no, I’ve seen that look before. Somebody’s _smitten_.” 

  
  


I hated how he said that word. “We’re not doing this right now.” 

  
  


“Well, that kinda changes my whole plan,” Kai complained, ignoring my protest, “but I _guess_ I’ll just have to work harder to make it happen.” 

  
  


All I could do was shake my head. The guy was talking complete nonsense. 

  
  


“Alright, come on, _lover boy_ , let’s go find Pope and get to work.” He kicked at my boot as he stood in front of me. “That should get your mind off things.” 

  
  


I had to catch myself as I stood up, adjusting to my heavy limbs and the cloud forming in my brain. 

  
  


“Plus,” Kai started as he walked towards the front of the inn, shaking the colorful tin before shoving it back in his pocket, “there’s more in it for you if you fix your face.” 

  
  


I took a few steps after him, trying to hide how shaky they felt. “Whatever.” 

  
  


Did I want to help? Not really. But I figured I’d ride out the high until I could find something better to distract me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof. Sorry if you thought you were getting a Graire reconciliation but unfortunately it wasn't in the cards for those two. At least not yet. I had a lot of fun writing Cliff's lightbulb moment... even if the conversation ended a little sour towards the end (In my head I kind of imagine those lightbulb moments from Ouran Host Club if anyone's seen that lol). Cliff do be spitting straight facts though. Ann's not the only one dishing out tough love today. She really is the true mvp of this story though 
> 
> Tbh I'm going to miss writing Kai, so like next chapter is basically my last hurrah to have a little fun with the guy hehe. Plus him and Karen together? Ugh. I'm excited for myself lol. I'm already anticipating the next one to be a long one, possibly even a two-parter? We shall see hehe. 
> 
> If anyone is wondering about the ~casual drug use~ usually a spliff is like half weed/tobacco but like I know sometimes it's also just only weed. And a filter is just like, the little piece of paper you roll up and put in said joint/spliff/etc. to use as like.. a mouth piece to prevent yourself from inhaling the contents. Idk if anyone was actually wondering any of this but I figured I'd explain just in case lol. Idk I just kind of imagine Gray being a little bit of a snob about that kind of stuff given his past ;) 
> 
> One of the major song influences for this chap was Dramamine by Modest Mouse. Dramamine is a motion sickness medication, but when taken in large amounts it creates this like, tired, dizzy, brain fog effect--which I thought very much fit how Gray was feeling. Plus the melancholic guitar riff paired with edgier vocals, it very much has the vibe I was trying to achieve. 
> 
> Anywho a big thanks to my fantastic beta-reader rageaphobia, you are the bee's knees!! Also thanks to any fellow humans reading, I hope you enjoy the fun to come :-)


	16. I'm Gonna Try

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karen and Kai conspire to provide an opportunity for reconciliation between Gray and Claire, unaware of the various consequences of their interference.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello happy Sunday! A long update for ya. Not sure if this is the same length as Chapter 13 but it's pretty dang close hehe.

“What did I say about moping?”

  
  


“Huh?” The question returned my awareness to the world around me. Ann sat next to me at the table, snapping her fingers at my face as the other hand held a mangled pizza crust. Karen sat with an empty plate just on the other side; her attention also fixed on me. 

  
  


“You’ve been here for... maybe an hour and have said less than three words,” Ann said accusingly, eyeing me up and down.

  
  


I gave the rest of the empty shack a quick scan, unaware of how long I’d been zoned out. “Okay? It’s fuckin’ hot.” The closest air conditioning output was whirling directly behind me, but that didn’t help in the slightest. 

  
  


As always, the heat wasn’t exactly a welcome guest. While I’m sure Kai and the rest of the town enjoyed the sunshine for the last few days of summer, I couldn’t stand it. The heat just made everything harder, especially things that hadn’t exactly been easy in the first place, like work and sleep.

  
  


Sleep was a nice way of putting it, considering I wasn’t getting much of it. With alcohol, I was waking up in the middle of the night, fearing for my life. Without it, I was tossing and turning the entire time, dwelling on my problems and longing for sleep that lasted longer than two hours. I still wasn’t convinced which was worse, but the last two sleepless nights left me desperate enough to risk drinking in hopes of any sleep at all.

  
  


The only benefit to not sleeping was being too tired to get into it with my grandpa. He saw it as ‘fixing my attitude,’ when in reality, I was just too exhausted to have one at all. What little energy I did have was devoted to work, and that seemed to get him off my back. Well, that and exaggerating how well my last conversation with Claire had gone. 

  
  


While telling him that we’d talked and would “figure things out after the appointment” wasn’t exactly a lie, it sure as shit wasn’t the truth either. I just needed time to figure out what the hell I was going to do next. I knew I needed to be patient, but fuck, it was wearing thin. 

  
  


“Then what’s your excuse for your face?” Ann pointed a finger at me, circling my head with a grin before finishing off what remained of her pizza. 

  
  


“The fuck are you talkin’ about?” I stiffened in my seat as I glanced between her and Karen. “This is just what my face looks like.”

  
  


“Yeah, Gray’s just got a serious case of resting bitch face. It’s not his fault,” Karen supplied with a laugh, Ann eventually joining in before I could protest. 

  
  


“Either way,” Ann said after regaining her composure, “you should be enjoying yourself! It’s the last day of summer!” She looked between me and the metal disk sitting on the table in front of us. “Do you want this last slice of pizza?” 

  
  


“I’m good.”

  
  


Ann’s brows furrowed as she tilted her head. “Okay… well, you didn’t eat breakfast. Are you sure you don’t want something in your system?” With each passing second that I didn’t reach for the plate, she pushed it towards me more aggressively. “I think you should eat it. Maybe you’re just hangry.”

  
  


I reluctantly gave in, reaching for the slice and bringing it up to take a bite. Before I could follow through, a tight squeeze on the back my neck caused me to drop the pizza on the plate below almost as quickly.

  
  


“And he probably just needs a drink, amirite?” Kai chimed in. “Lunch rush finally slowed, Popuri's taking Lillia home. Figured now was a good time for a shift beer. Whatcha think, Gray? Karen? Ann? I have tons of beer that needs to be drank.” 

  
  


Karen accepted a millisecond after the offer left Kai’s mouth, and Ann declined, to no surprise. I tried to ignore the look Ann gave me as I agreed, but her eyes seemed to pierce right through the side of my face. 

  
  


When Kai left to grab drinks, I finally met her disapproving look. “What? It’s one fuckin’ beer. That won’t even buzz me.”

  
  


“I didn’t say anything,” Ann replied in a tone that said it all. 

  
  


“Didn’t have to.” I grabbed the slice of pizza again and took an exaggerated bite. “I’m eatin’ your damn pizza, so can you hop off already?”

  
  


Ann shook her head, a classic eye-roll paired with it. “I see you’ve been practicing being nice,” she retorted sarcastically, kicking the leg of my chair. “And don’t talk to me with your mouth full like that. It’s gross.” 

  
  


After finishing the slice, I turned back to Ann with a huff. “Thanks for the food,” I tried to sound thankful, but I was stressing over my intonation. Did I even sound genuine? 

  
  


“That’s... better,” Ann sighed, verging on a chuckle at my attempt to be appreciative. 

  
  


Chair legs screeched along the floor as Kai took a seat on my other side. He placed a can in front of me and then slid one across the table to Karen with a wink. 

  
  


“I feel like a cheers is in order?” Kai said proudly, opening the can and holding it up towards the middle of the table with one smooth motion. 

  
  


“Well, duh!” Karen agreed, following Kai’s lead. 

  
  


They both looked over to me expectantly, and I copied their behavior, albeit with much less enthusiasm. Honestly, I’d missed alcohol over the past couple of days, which felt pathetic to admit, but not enough so to make a fucking spectacle about it. 

  
  


“To another summer of fun in the books! And the many more to come!” Kai cheered with his signature grin. Karen and Kai sandwiched my can and then threw their heads back to drink. 

  
  


As I finished my sip and returned it to the table, I noticed that Kai and Karen still had their eyes locked as they chugged their beers. Of course, drinking would turn into a competition between them. 

  
  


The hollow aluminum rang as Kai slammed his can on the table first. “Ha, nice try, Kare, but you gotta be quicker than that.” 

  
  


A few seconds later, Karen’s can was sent to the table with a similar clang as she smirked in Kai’s direction. “‘Kay, so maybe you have the speed, but we both know _I_ have the endurance.” 

  
  


I wanted to shake my head, but a thud followed by a discrete “ow-uh” from Karen pulled me to Ann as she angrily whispered at her friend.

  
  


“Yeah, right,” Kai continued, oblivious to Ann’s disapproval of their blatant flirting. “We both know _I_ have the endurance.” 

  
  


“Can you two do this bullshit anywhere else?” I groaned, already tired of listening to them go at it.

  
  


“Yeesh, cool it, you two,” Karen chided, looking between Ann and me with a groan. “We’re just joking. It’s friendly banter.” She focused her sights on me, “You would know if you were actually friendly.” 

  
  


Kai made no attempt to hold back his snickers as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “Gray’s just sad because this is our last day to play before I head out tomorrow.” He looked up at me with a pout. “Am I not giving you enough attention, sweetheart?”

  
  


“Fuck off,” I mumbled, shrugging off his arm. 

  
  


“Well, that, and he’s still all bent out of shape about Claire.” He gave my arm a few ginger pats. “Huh, buddy?” 

  
  


“Goddess, I had no idea it was _that_ bad,” Karen cut me off before I could even reply. 

  
  


Ann let out a sigh from my side. “It’s that bad.” 

  
  


“I’m not all _‘bent outta shape’_ cuz of Claire,” I attempted to defend myself, though I wasn’t even sure if it was a lie or not. A lot of things had been bending me out of shape lately; Claire was just a key player. 

  
  


“Oh,” Karen’s voice went up an entire octave as she shot Kai a roguish look before settling on me. “So... you wouldn’t care if she’s coming or not?”

  
  


I couldn’t deny the way my heart skipped a beat at that sentence. “Is she?”

  
  


“This guy.” Kai shook his head with a chuckle. He looked across the table to Karen. “It was going to be a surprise… but Karen and I _may_ have conspired to make it happen for you.” 

  
  


“You’re welcome, by the way,” Karen sat back in her chair and let out a sigh. “Convincing her to come was no easy feat, and my dad’s probably gonna get pissed, but seems like it's worked so far.”

  
  


“Wait, what?” Ann asked before I could get the words out. “Last time I brought it up, Claire said she wasn’t coming…” She flashed a glare between Kai and Karen, “What did you two do?” 

  
  


“Ha, wouldn’t you like to know,” Karen answered mischievously, she and Kai sharing a devious grin. 

  
  


I wasn’t sure if I _did_ want to know. 

  
  


“Well… actually, you _will_ know in a little bit, I guess. I think she and Rick should be here in a few.” Karen met Kai’s gaze across the table, “We just have to make sure _your_ guy shows up.” 

  
  


_‘Your guy?’ What the fuck does that mean?_

  
  


Before I could even reply with my own surprise, Ann was making a series of confused faces in Karen’s direction. “I just... I guess I don’t know what you could have said to get her to change her mind.” 

  
  


“Seems I just know our dear Claire a little bit better than you do,” Karen teased as she tapped Ann on the nose with her index finger. 

  
  


Ann held her tongue, but I could tell by the way that she pressed her lips together that she was not happy with Karen’s remark. She and I both knew that couldn’t be further from the truth. 

  
  


Kai pushed up from his spot, gathering his and Karen’s empty cans as he walked back to the counter. “Yeah, don’t worry about my end. You know I always come through,” he called back to our table. 

  
  


I took a long sip of beer, trying to push down the worries that I might be sabotaging any hopes of a good night’s sleep. At this point, I was desperate to feel anything other than tired and lost. Drunk and numb seemed like a suitable replacement. 

  
  


“But speaking of, they should be here soon too,” Kai continued as he made it back to our table. He slid behind my chair, gripping the back of it and shaking. “Wanna go wait outside? I’ve been cooped up here all morning. I could use a quick dip.” 

  
  


The ocean was the last place I wanted to be, but as Karen and Ann pushed up in response, I realized I didn’t have a choice. 

Beer in hand, I followed the group outside to a nearly empty beach. A few open umbrellas and packed trash cans seemed to be the only evidence that people had been coming and going all day. Somehow Kaipalooza had become some sort of unofficial town holiday, but of course, Gramps didn’t recognize it as one. Coming after work allowed me to miss most of the midday rush. And most importantly, I’d just barely avoided running into Manna and Sasha as they were leaving the beach—a win in my book.

  
  


Kai immediately took off into a sprint towards the dock as we stepped into the sand. He effortlessly removed his shirt and bandana, transitioning into a cannonball as he reached the end. 

  
  


Karen and Ann exchanged glances, eventually shedding their clothes by a blanket and jumping into the water beyond the dock just as Kai had done before. The trio splashed around, swimming in no particular patterns as they playfully shouted at each other. 

  
  


The glimmering waters looked like an oasis… but it also unlocked an unexpected sense of dread. I used to tolerate swimming, but the thought of it now made my stomach turn. 

  
  


“You coming or what?” Kai shouted from the water, waving his hands dramatically over his head. 

  
  


It was too far to yell back an argument. Reluctantly, I trudged through the sand and kicked off my shoes by the shore. The lapping coast met my bare feet, but I didn’t dare take another step into the ocean. Cold water on my toes was refreshing enough. 

  
  


“Are you really going to make me come get you?” Kai called with a laugh, doing some sort of combination of swimming and jumping towards me until he was able to reach the ground. 

  
  


“Don’t,” I warned him. 

  
  


He continued in my direction until his shorts were dripping on my feet. “Fine,” he moaned in mock-exasperation. “I won’t make you get in… but I _will_ make you wet.” 

  
  


Before I could even shudder at the innuendo, Kai wrapped me in a sopping wet bear hug, fighting every bit of my resistance. Eventually, I pushed him off, but a soaking wet imprint of his body remained on my clothes. I was, once again, frustrated by my roommate's lack of boundaries… though I didn’t want to admit that moisture felt nice. 

  
  


“Come on, doesn’t that feel good?” Kai joked as Ann and Karen swam in the distance. 

  
  


I looked down at the damp blob overtaking the front of my tank. “It’s fine.” 

  
  


“Alright, seriously,” Kai took a step closer, his voice lowering, “what’s up with you? I know you’re not this butthurt over a girl.”

  
  


“Got a lot on my mind, that’s all.” 

  
  


“Well, the only thing that should be on your mind is letting loose and having fun! That’s the Kaipalooza motto.” When I shook my head in response, he let out a sigh and placed his wet hands on my shoulders. “Come on, Gray, you don’t want my last memory of you before I leave to be you moping, do you?” 

  
  


“I mean… no?” Every year Kai acted like it would be the last time he would ever see me again. 

  
  


He snaked an arm around me and started ushering me towards the shack, “Okay, then let’s get you just a little bit looser.” 

  
  


I anchored my heels in the sand to stop us and glanced over my shoulder to Ann and Karen. “What did you have in mind?” 

  
  


“A bottle of tequila that needs to be finished off before tomorrow,” he said slyly. 

  
  


“You and that fuckin’ tequila,” I grumbled, my eyes unconsciously floating back to Ann. “Kai… I dunno.” 

  
  


“You… dunno? What do you mean?” 

  
  


“I told Ann I would stop drinking as much.” 

  
  


“Okay? Well, you’re already drinking,” Kai pointed out, motioning to the nearly empty can in my hand. “Come on! We’ll just take _one_ shot! Real quick. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her, right?” 

  
  


I peeked over my shoulder before returning to Kai. “She’s gonna know.” 

  
  


“How would she know? Are you planning on announcing it?” 

  
  


“No, but—” 

  
  


“Then _how_ would she know?”

  
  


“She just will!” 

  
  


“It’s my last day,” Kai pouted. “Come on, _please_?”

  
  


“...Fine.” I wanted him to stop pestering me about it, but I couldn’t help wondering if one shot was all that bad. 

  
  


Kai smirked and looked around the beach one last time before directing me inside the shack, recovering his discarded clothes on the way. As he swiftly poured two shots on the counter, my heart was pounding. I’d taken shots with Kai in the same spot more times than I could count over the past few years... Why did it feel so wrong now? 

  
  


As both of our empty shot glasses slammed on the counter, I winced, and Kai wasted no time hiding any evidence of what we’d been doing. I chased down the taste with what little remained of my beer, hoping that would be a good enough cover. 

  
  


“Alright, sneaky,” Kai said with a pat on my back after cleaning the counter. “Let’s get back out there before they start asking questions.” He had a point, so I followed him out of the shack in my worst attempt at acting natural. 

  
  


The door slammed behind, and I noticed Karen and Ann approaching us from the blanket where they’d discarded their clothes. Kai gave the girls a nod as we walked down the steps, and I debated doing the same thing, eventually deciding against it. 

  
  


“We were wondering where you two went,” Karen greeted us, though it seemed directed at Kai more than me. 

  
  


I glanced over to Ann and was met with an icy stare, immediately making me wish I’d never even looked. My hand reached for my hat as I looked away, hoping I could pretend we’d never locked eyes. 

  
  


“Oh, yeah,” Kai answered nonchalantly, clapping me on the back, “I needed Gray’s help moving some boxes for later.” He was an impressively smooth talker, and maybe that shit worked on Karen, but I doubted it would on Ann. 

  
  


“Really?” Ann asked, narrowed eyes darting between Kai and me. “That’s what you two were doing?” It definitely didn’t work on Ann. 

  
  


_Fuck. She knows._

  
  


Ann locked her sights on me and opened her mouth to speak when Kai caught everyone’s attention by dramatically clearing his throat. “Ladies... and Gray, the moment you’ve been waiting for.” 

  
  


Puzzled, I looked over to Kai, who just nodded his head towards Rose Square. When I followed his direction, I noticed Rick stomping down the stairs to the beach. A familiar blonde ponytail bobbed a few yards after him, though its energy didn’t quite match the rigid look on Claire’s face. Somebody clearly was not thrilled about a trip to the beach. Or maybe it was the prospect of seeing me. 

  
  


Rick stopped in the sand a few steps in front of the stairs to shout something back at Claire. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but neither seemed excited in any capacity. When Claire’s slow, reluctant steps caught up to him, Rick and her went back and forth—I’m sure about who wanted to be there the least. 

  
  


Truthfully my attention was devoted to deciphering Claire’s body language, trying to get a sense of her mood. But when I caught myself tracing the tanned skin of her leg up to the hem of her shorts, I had to physically redirect my attention back to the conversation in front of me. 

  
  


“That doesn’t bother you?” Kai raised an eyebrow at Karen. “Rick and Claire being all buddy-buddy like that?”

  
  


For some reason, the thought kind of bothered me now that he’d mentioned it. 

  
  


“Eh, not anymore,” Karen dismissed the idea with a wave of her hand. “Honestly, I didn’t even really like Claire that much at first, and it didn’t help that she and Rick were so tight.” 

  
  


It seemed I wasn’t the only one that had come around to Claire. Karen had undoubtedly made her initial distaste for Claire a secret, though. I would’ve had no idea otherwise…. But again, what the hell did I know about girls?

  
  


She let out a surprising laugh as she continued, “But Rick’s just a perpetual big brother. And like, you should hear what they talk about, it’s almost exclusively choring and coop dynamics.” Karen shook her head and nodded towards the pair. “If he wants to get all that chicken shit out on her, be my guest. I don’t wanna listen to that.” 

  
  


“Fair enough,” Kai laughed from my side. 

  
  


“I’m gonna go talk to her,” Ann decided out loud, sauntering over to Claire and Rick before any of us could say something. 

  
  


“You’re not gonna go with?” I asked, noticing Karen still between Kai and me.

  
  


“No… I’m gonna let her get Claire all warmed up before I bring the fun,” Karen absently replied, her eyes especially interested in watching Ann walk away. 

  
  


When Ann was greeting the pair and out of earshot, Karen promptly turned back to me with a purpose. “‘Kay, listen, you gotta tell me, I’ve been _dying_ to know,” she started, quickly looking around to make sure nobody else was listening. “What’s Claire like in bed?” 

  
  


Kai erupted into a chorus of laughter as my skin blazed, and I knew it wasn’t a product of the sun. I brought my hand to my temples, “W-why would you be dyin’ to know that? That’s fuckin’ weird.” 

  
  


Karen shrugged, moving her gaze to where I assumed Claire was standing. “I mean, for starters, just look at her.” 

  
  


It was easier if I didn’t. 

  
  


“Right?” Kai agreed. 

  
  


“And also, like...” Karen continued, to my extreme displeasure, “she’s given me some pretty, uh, life-altering advice in that department. Plus, some of the stories she’s told me... I can’t help my curiosity.” 

  
  


I didn’t even want to think about the implications of that statement… but I was anyway. 

  
  


“Life-altering?” Kai questioned flirtatiously. “What kind of advice does that entail? Please do tell.” 

  
  


“Nothing I’m sure you wouldn’t know,” she bantered back. 

  
  


The two of them together sometimes… 

  
  


Karen kicked sand in my direction and raised an eyebrow. “So are you gonna tell me, or do I have to get you drunk again?” 

  
  


Kai let out an exasperated sigh, “Sorry to burst your bubble, Kare, but I’ve already tried, and he’s sealed shut.” 

  
  


“Come on!” Karen exclaimed, pushing my arm. “What? You don’t kiss and tell or something?” 

  
  


“No, claims he _‘doesn’t remember,’_ ” Kai answered for me in what I assumed was his poor imitation of my voice. 

  
  


Karen turned back to me with a glare. “That’s _so_ lame, seriously, Gray?” 

  
  


“Personally, I don’t believe him,” Kai said to Karen like I wasn’t there. “But it must have been something if he’s _this_ whipped over her.” 

  
  


“That’s what I’m saying!”

  
  


Fuck. I could imagine how even more pathetic I looked to anyone who didn’t know the full extent of Claire and my situation. Still, I definitely wasn’t about to tell either of them the truth. 

  
  


My brain was doing mental fucking gymnastics, trying to find a way to end the conversation. Rick graced me with an exit as he approached our spot in the sand, pulling the two from their discussion about my sex life.

  
  


Rick let out a deep exhale as he reached Karen, wrapping her in a hug and resting his head against hers. “I love you, but please don’t ever make me do that again.” 

  
  


“Bringing Claire?” Karen laughed in response, draping her arms around Rick’s chest. “Was it really _that_ bad?” 

  
  


“I had to convince her to stop working three separate times. And even then… the walk here was brutal.” He pinched his nose right under the bridge of his glasses. “I swear she’s more stubborn than Popuri.” 

  
  


“Yeesh, well, now you know what it’s like for me,” Karen lamented, rolling her eyes. “She’s as stubborn as you then, huh?” 

  
  


Rick smirked at her comment but didn’t say anything. He seemed to finally take in Kai and me as he nodded in my direction. “Gray, how’re you?” 

  
  


“Fine,” I answered with a shrug. “You?” 

  
  


“Oh, not so bad.” Rick glanced over to Kai, and his face soured on sight. “Kai.” 

  
  


“Nice to see you too, Rick,” Kai responded with a sarcastic edge, a fake smile plastered on his face. “I’m _so_ happy you could make it.” 

  
  


Rick narrowed his eyes. “Wouldn’t miss it.” 

  
  


“Wow, you’re just _too_ sweet. I think I’m gonna miss you most,” he said with a wink before lowering his voice to a mock-whisper, “just don’t tell your sister.” 

  
  


Rick appeared to be loading up for some sort of rebuttal when Karen’s hand cupped his cheek and directed his face toward hers. 

  
  


“Why don’t we go for a swim?” she sang in an unfamiliar sweet voice reserved exclusively for Rick. “I bet it’d feel amazing after working yourself to death in the heat all morning.” 

  
  


He reluctantly agreed after shooting a glare in Kai’s direction, and Kai rolled his eyes as the couple walked towards the shore. 

  
  


“I don’t know why she’s even with that guy sometimes,” Kai groaned. 

  
  


“Not sure why you care,” I mindlessly offered, my eyes finally giving in to the sight I’d been denying them. 

  
  


Claire’s apparent ease around Ann was a sharp contrast from earlier. The two were sharing a hug, though Claire looked like she might squeeze the air right out of her friend. Her mouth seemed to move a mile a minute into Ann’s ear—too fast and too far away for me to make out. I couldn’t see Ann’s face but hoped she was getting an apology. 

  
  


“Yeah, whatever,” Kai retorted, pulling my attention away from the embrace. Something about his attitude was starting to piss me off. 

  
  


I turned back to Kai with a cocked eyebrow. “Don’t think I didn’t see you two flirtin’ up a fuckin’ storm, the hell is that all about?” 

  
  


“Calm down. It’s all harmless. You know Karen and I are just friends,” Kai tried to assure me. His confidence was unwavering, but he seemed to forget that I knew their history. “Plus, I flirt with everyone, including you. Popuri doesn’t care. She knows it's all for shits and giggles.” 

  
  


All I could do was shake my head. “I don’t get you.”

  
  


Kai didn’t respond. Instead, he started rapidly hitting my arm, and I could tell he wanted me to look at something—I just prayed that it wasn’t Claire. He motioned at the dock, the opposite direction of Claire, and I let out an unintentional sigh of relief. 

  
  


A small silver dinghy floated at the end of the pier, four unfamiliar faces packed in like a can of sardines. A blonde bowl cut hopped off, one sandaled foot lazily holding the side of the boat close as he fumbled with the dock line. After a painfully long minute passed with no success, a larger guy with dark curly hair climbed onto the dock after him and snatched the rope from his hand before turning to secure the boat. 

  
  


When I looked back to what seemed like half an aluminum can with a motor, I realized the two faces remaining in the boat were not all that unfamiliar. I vaguely remembered the two girls from Kai’s party, though I couldn't remember either of their names for the life of me. The two guys were the ones that I’d never seen before, but I assumed one of them had to be ‘Kai’s guy.’ Whatever that meant. 

  
  


The first guy surveyed the beach as the second helped both girls onto the dock, and Kai waved the group over. 

  
  


I turned to my roommate, already dreading the inevitable social interaction. “Who are all these people?”

  
  


“Well you know Muffy and Jill,” Kai started without looking at me, motioning towards the group as they made their way through the sand. “The goofy blonde one’s Rock, and…” he trailed off, fixed on the fourth member of the group. “Ha, fuck. I remember him from the bar, but I don’t remember his name… uh, Marcus? Marvin? I don’t know, I knew Karen had somebody coming with them, but I didn’t know it was him.”

  
  


When I gave the last guy a second look, he _did_ seem out of place among the group. The rest of his companions looked ready for a day at the beach, dressed in swimsuits, tank tops, shorts. His button-down and jeans looked more suited for choring on a farm. The scowl on his face made it seem like he’d rather be working, or really anywhere else than the beach. Part of me sort of related to that feeling. 

  
  


Before I could inquire more about Karen’s reasons for interfering with people from Forget-Me-Not, Kai was greeting the blonde. “Rock, I’m glad you all could make it!” he said, giving him some sort of handshake hug hybrid. “Thanks for bringing everyone.” 

  
  


“Hey, man!” Rock responded with the cadence of somebody that’d just faced a few blunts to himself. “And I mean, Mom said I had to, but I’m super stoked to be here!” He looked around the beach, his eyes searching the various groups playing in the water. 

  
  


“Yeah, well, tell Lou she’s doing me a huge favor,” Kai smiled, patting Rock on the arm. “I’m probably closing around six or so today, so we can load up all the leftovers after that, yeah? You don’t mind staying for a few hours?” 

  
  


Rock didn’t look away from the beach to respond, “Oh, yeah. Most definitely.” 

  
  


I looked over my shoulder to see what had caught Rock’s attention. Ann and Claire walked along the shoreline in their swimsuits, stopping every few steps to pick things out of the sand, and the realization sunk in. I knew how he was looking at the two of them, and I didn’t even care which one he was checking out; I instantly hated him. 

  
  


“Rock!” one of the girls scolded him, sending the back of her fist into his arm. Blonde curls shrouded her face as she pulled him closer to whisper in his ear. I was just glad I wasn’t the one that had to do something about his fucking staring problem. 

  
  


He nervously laughed as he snapped back to the group, “Ha, sorry ‘bout that. Yeah, no worries. We can stay.” 

  
  


Kai and I exchanged very different looks—mine of annoyance, his of amusement—before returning to the group. “Ah, well, everybody, this is my best friend, Gray. Gray, everybody.” 

  
  


It was the world’s least helpful introduction, and despite wanting to turn and walk away, I sucked it up for Kai’s sake. I tried to give the group a nod, not sure how to simultaneously greet four people. “Yo.” 

  
  


“Hi Gray,” the blonde girl sang with a wave, making me feel guilty for not remembering her name. “It’s Muffy. Remember, we met—”

  
  


“I’m Rock, nice to meet ya, man,” he interrupted, taking a step towards me with an outstretched hand. I reluctantly snatched it, but his loose, sweaty shake instantly made me wish I hadn’t. “Ooh, strong grip,” Rock laughed, shaking out his hand as he returned it to his side. 

  
  


Unconsciously, I looked over to the last guy, who seemed utterly disinterested in the whole affair. He was examining the beach when he noticed me looking and offered the slightest nod in acknowledgment. “Marlin,” he said in a tone that matched the enthusiasm on his face. 

  
  


I mirrored the action, thankful that I didn’t have to suffer through another awful handshake. 

  
  


Marlin turned to Kai, “Lookin’ for Karen.” 

  
  


“Oh, yeah, for sure,” Kai replied, craning his head to scan the beach. “She’s... the brunette over there on the blue blanket... next to that lanky dude.” He laughed at his own dig at Rick, but Marlin didn’t react. 

  
  


“Thanks,” he muttered before trudging through the sand towards the couple. 

  
  


“Well, what do you say we get this party started, yeah?” Kai returned to the remaining group with enthusiasm. “I have a ton of booze we need to get through before tomorrow.” 

  
  


Rock snaked his arms around Muffy and Jill. “Let’s do it!” he cheered as both of the girls attempted to wriggle out of his grip. 

  
  


I nervously looked back at Ann and Claire, who’d made it to the complete opposite side of the beach. There’s no way Ann would notice that I was gone, so I followed the group as they made their way to Kai’s shack. 

  
  


We congregated around the counter as Kai prepared another round of shots. Muffy and her friend leaned on the bar next to me as we waited, periodically looking up at me like she wanted to say something. Rock seemed to be in another world as he wandered around the dining room, gawking in no particular direction.

  
  


“He’s always like this if that’s what you’re wondering,” Muffy said out of the blue.

  
  


I looked down at her. “Huh?” 

  
  


“Rock. He’s… an interesting one,” she laughed, twirling a curl around her finger. “But he has a boat, so…” Her friend on the other side let out a chuckle and shook her head. 

  
  


“Got it.” I wasn’t exactly sure what she wanted me to say to that. That motorized tin can must have been his only redeeming quality. I wasn’t a fan of the guy, but I didn’t particularly care. 

  
  


“Yeah, honestly, it's slim pickings in the valley,” she sighed before looking up at me with a coy smile. “Not like here in Mineral Town.” 

  
  


Was that her attempt at flirting with me? Or was she just trying to make conversation? 

  
  


Clinking shot glasses in front of us blessed me with an excuse not to reply. I eagerly grabbed the glass as it was set down, not wanting to give an opening for the conversation to start back up. 

  
  


Muffy reached for two of the glasses, passing one to Jill, who didn’t seem interested in receiving it. Kai joined us as he leaned against the counter and held up his shot glass. One lonely leftover shot of tequila seemed to catch everyone’s eyes, and heads turned towards Rock, wandering on the other side of the shack. 

“Rock!” Muffy yelled over her shoulder, snapping him out of his daze. He wasted an absurd amount of time moseying from the front of the shop, and Muffy turned to her friend, whispering under her breath, “I swear one of these days, I might actually kill him.” 

  
  


In the least climactic series of events, Rock finally joined us at the counter, and we took the shot. Kai made us cheers to some combination of himself and summer, but I wasn’t listening. I was just eager to distance myself from the world’s most awkward assembly of humans. 

  
  


Kai turned to the group, “So who’s hungry?” He started rattling off items on his menu, and I made my leave. I wasn’t sure where I was going to go, but I knew I wanted to leave. 

  
  


The door rang open before I could get my hand on the knob. Popuri pushed through first like she owned the place, and I was surprised to see Ann come through the doorway behind her. Ann didn’t look mad, but my stomach sank seeing her either way. 

  
  


“Hi, Gray!” Popuri greeted me warmly, giving a wave and skipping away before I could even respond. She made a bee-line behind the counter, wrapping her arms around Kai. He returned the embrace, and the two went back and forth in a low tone, smiling faces only inches apart. I had to look away; something about seeing Kai so sappy made me want to vomit. 

  
  


“Don’t tell me you're jealous of Popuri,” Ann laughed from my side. 

  
  


A scoff left my mouth. “Yeah, right.” I looked back at the couple, “Just weird seeing Kai like that sometimes.” 

  
  


“Yeah.” Ann shoved her hands in her overall’s pockets, looking at the same sight before returning to me, “You got that one right.” 

  
  


Part of me was surprised to see Ann without Claire, and I hated to admit it, but I was curious what they’d been doing. “So, uh, you havin’ fun out there?” 

  
  


“Definitely! Just, Karen had some... seed guy she promised to introduce Claire to, so I thought I’d come find you.” 

  
  


“Well?” Did she want to get on me for drinking? She didn’t look like she was mad, but I couldn’t help expecting the worst. 

  
  


She took a step closer, “Well, um. I’m still kinda surprised Karen was able to get Claire to come… but she seems like she’s in a good mood now.” Ann rocked on her feet, eyes periodically shifting between the window and me. “I was just thinking… and you can tell me if I’m overstepping, but like, if you wanted to try and talk to her… now might be a good time.” 

  
  


“Oh.” That wasn’t what I’d expected her to say. “Uh, no, you’re fine. I…” I took a deep breath, trying to force myself to not sound like an asshole. “I appreciate your help, Ann. Not sure what I’d do without you, honestly.” 

  
  


Ann’s eyes widened for an instant, then relaxed with a laugh. “Yeah, I’d rather not think about it,” she teased before pointing a finger at me. “But remember! Apologize! And be nice! You’re already doing so much better from this morning.” 

  
  


I sighed. “Thanks…” 

  
  


“And we should cool it on the drinking,” she tilted her head down, shooting me a look that said she knew what I’d been doing. 

  
  


“I only—” 

  
  


“Gray, I’m not your mom. I’m not gonna tell you how to live your life,” Ann said sternly, crossing her arms over her chest. “All I’m saying is there's such a thing as moderation. So maybe you just… don’t for the rest of the day? Or at least for a while?” 

  
  


I was already feeling a slight buzz coming on, so that seemed like a deal I could at least try to make. “Fine. I’ll try.” 

  
  


“And it probably doesn’t help that all you’ve eaten today is a slice of pizza!” Ann said with a smile. “Wanna grab a bite?” 

  
  


I couldn’t help but laugh. “I watched you eat that entire pizza to yourself. How are you still hungry?” 

  
  


Ann didn’t acknowledge my jab and looked over her shoulder out the window. “I feel kind of bad that I didn’t ask Claire if she wanted anything, but…” 

  
  


My eyes followed Ann’s out the window, settling on Claire, Karen, and Marlin as the three stood on the beach. I figured Marlin was the seed guy, but the conversation seemed pretty damn lively for something a simple as fucking seeds.

  
  


Even from that far away, I could tell that Claire was beaming with that boundless excitement. It wasn’t surprising; I wouldn’t put it past her to be pumped about seeds of all things. The way Marlin cracked his stoic expression with a crooked smile as he listened to Claire… _that_ was surprising. Along with some other choice adjectives… 

  
  


“Gray?” Ann called from my side, shaking me out of the dark place I’d been headed. Her hand on my arm made me release the fist I’d unintentionally clenched. She looked out the window and then back at me, “Goddess, you’re ridiculous. Let’s go.” 

  
  


Before I could reply, Ann pulled me towards the counter, back to the same place I’d run away from earlier. The valley group was still gathered nearby as Kai noisily prepared their food in the back. Ann approached Popuri’s station in front of the register, musing as if she didn’t know the entire menu like the back of her hand. 

  
  


“Hmmm… honestly, a snow cone sounds amazing right now..” she pondered to nobody in particular. Popuri agreed with excitement, and Ann turned to me with a smile. “You should probably get something with a little more substance, though.” 

  
  


I already knew what I wanted, but I figured now was a better time than ever to practice being nice. “Just uh, get whatever you want. I got you.” 

  
  


“You mean it?” 

  
  


“Why would I lie?” 

  
  


“Well, okay! You _will_ regret this,” she joked. Ann turned back to Popuri with wide eyes, clasping her hands together. “Okay, well, in that case, let’s do _two_ snow cones… oooh, and the grilled pineapple one, hmmm… let’s see, and…” she continued rambling off a few more items that didn’t mesh together. I didn’t even realize I’d been smiling until my mouth felt tight.

  
  


I didn’t care about the impending damage she’d inflict on my wallet. After everything I’d put Ann through, I just wanted to see her happy. 

  
  


“And then whatever Gray’s getting!” she finished, her and Popuri turning their attention to me. 

  
  


“Oh. Uh, baked corn.” Before Popuri could return with a total, my mouth was moving with a mind of its own. “Two, actually.” 

  
  


“Hungry?” Ann pushed my arm with a laugh. 

  
  


“Uh, no. Well, kinda. But the other one’s for Claire.” 

  
  


Ann blinked a few times before cracking a smirk. “Interesting choice.” I wasn’t sure what made the choice interesting. Who wouldn’t want baked corn? 

  
  


“Okey dokey,” Popuri said brightly, reading through the random assortment of food Ann and I had ordered. When she gave me the total, I pulled out my wallet and paid without a word. 

  
  


Popuri grabbed the ticket from the counter and carried it back to Kai. Amidst the kitchen’s chaos, Kai stopped on a dime to take the paper and steal a quick kiss from Popuri. He seamlessly transitioned back into his cooking as Popuri returned with a smile. “It should be ready in a few, you two. Just hang tight, okay?” 

  
  


We took a few steps away from the register, and I leaned my back against the counter. Popuri ran by to deliver a few snow cones to the valley group at the other end of the counter, and I noticed Ann watching the interaction with a raised eyebrow. 

  
  


“Jeez Pop, can’t believe Kai’s putting you to work like this,” Ann teased Popuri on her way back to the register. 

  
  


Popuri stopped in front of Ann and opened her mouth when Kai called over his shoulder, cutting her off, “Hey! I’m not making her do anything.” He turned back to the stove but continued to casually defend himself, “I’ve told her multiple times that she doesn’t have to help—”

  
  


“But I _want_ to help!” Popuri corrected, though I wasn’t sure if it was directed toward Ann or Kai. “I like being able to help out around here when I can. It’s fun!” She let out a giggle and gave Ann a sweet smile before resuming her post at the register. “And it’s nice to be needed sometimes.”

  
  


“Well, that’s sweet,” Ann returned Popuri’s smile. She shifted to Kai as she called over the buzzing kitchen appliances, “Kai’s lucky to have you, that’s for sure!” 

  
  


“You’re telling me!” he called back without looking, though I could tell by the way he said it that he was smiling. I wasn’t sure how someone like Popuri had managed to end up with Kai, but I couldn’t deny that something about them worked. As strange as it was to see. 

  
  


I felt a gentle squeeze on my bicep but immediately realized it was on the side opposite Ann. “Hey,” Muffy said smoothly, her hand giving no indication of leaving its place on my arm anytime soon. “Quick question for ya.”

  
  


“Well?” Her hand felt clammy and uncomfortable against my skin. I lifted my arm to reach up for my hat, effectively shrugging her off without much fuss. 

  
  


Muffy looked back at Jill, who just rolled her eyes, and then back up at me. “Where’s your friend?” 

  
  


“My friend?” She couldn’t have meant Kai; he was still in front of us cooking.

  
  


“Yeah, you know, the cute one with the ponytail,” she said before taking a bite of her snowcone. 

  
  


“Oh.” I didn’t even have to move my head to see that Ann had turned her entire body towards our conversation. “Uh. Not here?” 

  
  


“Hmm. That’s a shame.” Muffy turned back to her friend and cocked her head towards the front door. “Well, if he shows up, tell him to come find me, will ya?” She and Jill turned away and headed for the exit, not stopping to wrangle Rock as he loitered at the counter behind them. 

  
  


“Hey, man!” Rock said with a nod when our eyes unfortunately met. 

  
  


I raised my eyebrows at the kid and turned back to Ann with a sigh. 

  
  


“Um. Who was that?” Ann wasted no time asking. 

  
  


“Rock? I guess he’s the piece that’s taking Kai’s—” 

  
  


“No, the girl.”

  
  


“Oh. Muffy? One of Kai’s friends from the valley, I dunno.” 

  
  


“And... one of Cliff’s friends?” 

  
  


I laughed, wishing she could have seen the two of them interacting at Kai’s party. “Yeah, right. We all met like one time at Kai’s, and he was fuckin’ terrified of her.” That didn’t seem to reassure her, so I tried again, “You don’t have to worry about her.” 

  
  


“I-I’m not—I was just—I’m,” Ann stammered through three separate thoughts before finally getting out a coherent sentence. “I was only wondering, that’s all. Cliff’s just been… kinda short with me lately, and I don’t know… I’m a little worried about him.” 

  
  


“Well, I’m just sayin’ it's not like you have to worry about him tryin’ to get with some other random girl.” 

  
  


“Gray, that’s... “ Ann rubbed her eyes before running both hands down the side of her face, “that’s not what I’m worried about… I just want to make sure he’s okay more than anything.” She leaned herself against the counter and softened her eyes towards the door. “I asked him if he was coming earlier, and all he did was shrug.” 

  
  


“Yeah, well, you’re a good friend.” A much better friend than me, that was for sure. I’d barely said a word to Cliff since he’d brought up my drinking habits, let alone checked in on him. “But maybe you should take a break from worryin’ about other people’s bullshit for a little.” 

  
  


Ann let out a surprising chuckle and bumped her arm into mine, “Yeah, probably, but I can’t help it sometimes. If left to your own devices, who knows what you guys would do without me.” 

  
  


I hated to admit that she had a point. Ann was too good of a friend to me. I just wanted to stop letting her down, making her worry about me, leaving her to deal with the consequences of my stupid actions… Thinking about it was just a reminder of what a piece of shit I’d been to everyone that cared about me. Ann, Gramps, Doug, Cliff, Claire, Mary, my mom … all I ever did was make their lives harder. 

  
  


“I love how predictable you are sometimes,” Kai joked as he approached the counter, handing over two paper trays with a wide grin. “You know, I think about you every time somebody orders baked corn.” His wink didn’t go unnoticed before he nodded toward the food in my hands, “Those ones are made special for you, though, lots of love.” 

  
  


“Right,” I chuckled. The food looked fucking fantastic but not any different than it usually did. So I took his word for it. 

  
  


“And two snowcones for you!” Popuri passed off the cones to Ann, who eagerly accepted. “The rest should be out…. What do you think, babe?” 

  
  


“Oh! Yeah, just hang tight Ann, the rest will be up in a sec!” Kai replied before turning back to the kitchen. 

  
  


I moved my gaze to Ann, already making a dent in the first rainbow ice. “You want me to wait for you?”

  
  


She shook her head and swallowed. “I’ll be out in a little.” A smile crept on her face as she nodded at my full hands. “You should probably deliver your corn while it's still hot.” 

  
  


“Oh, yeah. Right. Thanks.” Bringing food had been a spur-of-the-moment decision. Now that the situation was real, I wasn’t sure if I could get my body to cooperate long enough to actually follow through. 

  
  


After a deep breath, I finally mustered the strength to leave. The entire walk, I second-guessed every possible thing I could say to Claire. The way our last conversation went, it was no surprise when even the prospect of talking to her made me an anxious wreck. I was sweating in places I didn’t even know were possible, and I wasn’t sure if it was from the weather or my nerves.

  
  


Outside on the patio, I searched the beach for Claire, finally spotting her on Ann’s blanket with a litter of bags and clothes around her. She watched the waves crash in front of her, and all I could think about was how awkward it would be if she saw me struggling through the sand on my way over there.

  
  


I was about to walk down the steps to the beach when Karen was ushering Marlin up to the shack, Rick reluctantly on their tail. Karen stopped when she noticed me and turned to Rick, “Be the best boyfriend in the world and help our friend Marlin here get a beer?” she asked, though everyone knew it wasn’t a question. 

  
  


Rick closed his eyes as a frustrated sigh left his mouth. When he opened his eyes, something resembling a smile was presented to Marlin. “Let’s grab a drink,” he said as if the idea had been his the whole time, opening the door with a force that didn’t match his tone. 

  
  


Unfazed, Karen turned back to me and pointed at my hands, “What’s all this?” 

  
  


“Corn.” 

  
  


“Thank you, captain obvious.” She put her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes. “Ugh, talking to you is such a chore sometimes.” 

  
  


“Yeah, cuz it’s always _such_ a fuckin’ pleasure for me too.” 

  
  


“I’m still waiting for my thank you, by the way.” She glanced over her shoulder and then back at me. “Last time I checked, Claire’s here, isn’t she?” 

  
  


“Yeah, thanks.” I nodded my head at the spot I’d seen the three talking. “What _was_ all that shit?” 

  
  


“Just helping Claire make some business connections is all,” she replied with a shrug.

  
  


“Right. Business connections.” 

  
  


“What? It’s not my fault Claire’s so cute,” Karen said as she turned to walk away. “And like, I only ever talk to Marlin over the phone. I didn’t know he was hot.” She grabbed the shack’s doorknob and looked over her shoulder, “Oops.” 

  
  


The door slammed behind her before I could even think of an appropriate response to that level of insanity. 

  
  


I released the tension in my jaw, reminding myself that she had no idea what she was interfering with. It was frustrating that I couldn’t tell her, but I also didn’t want to. There was nothing I could do about my own stupid jealous feelings, so I forced them down and continued on my path. 

I felt like the trays were going to slip right out of my hands as I settled into the sand behind Claire. She sat with her knees against her chest, one hand moving through a small pile of rocks by her feet. Her face was relaxed, the sea breeze blowing damp wisps of blonde hair across the skin of her back. She seemed so at peace... I hated knowing that I was probably about to ruin that. 

  
  


Out of the millions of things I could have opened with, “Hey,” was all I could come up with for some fucking reason. 

  
  


When Claire turned her head to look up at me, I braced myself for anger, indignation, anything and everything in between. But I was surprised to be met with stillness. She didn’t look upset to see me, but she clearly wasn’t excited by my presence. 

  
  


“Well, hi,” was all she replied, but I felt hopeful when she kept those wide sapphire eyes on mine. I searched for any emotion in them, but I couldn’t make anything out—positive or negative. 

  
  


“Hungry?” I tried again. 

  
  


Her eyes curiously moved from mine to the paper trays. “I never asked you for food,” she said before moving back to the horizon. 

  
  


“Never said you did. I asked if you were hungry.” It was a gamble, but based on our previous conversations, there was a chance that she hadn’t eaten yet. I didn’t want to hope that was the case; I just wanted an in. “Did you eat today?” 

  
  


Silence. I never knew if that was a good or bad thing with her. After what felt like an eternity of being bombarded by the pounding in my chest, she looked back over her shoulder. As her eyes returned to mine, relief did as well. 

  
  


“What’d you bring to sacrifice?” she asked, a newfound energy in her voice as she lifted her head to see what was in my hands. 

  
  


I took a step closer to her seat without realizing it. “Uh, baked corn.” 

  
  


Her laugh caught me off guard, and not because it was some forced, bone-chilling ghost of a laugh, but a real fucking laugh. I didn’t realize how much I’d missed that sound. 

  
  


“What’s so funny?” I asked, fighting my own smile. 

  
  


“Just…” Claire hissed, trying to calm her giggles enough to finish the thought, “out of all the things you could have picked… you picked corn?” 

  
  


“What? Why wouldn’t I?” I couldn’t help but scoff. “It’s not just any corn; it’s baked and delicious. It's… just my favorite, so… dunno thought you might like it too.” 

  
  


Claire sounded like she was on the brink of losing herself in a laugh. “Your favorite food… is corn?” 

  
  


“Baked corn,” I corrected her. 

  
  


My comment seemed to send her over the edge into a fit of giggles as she pressed her face into her knees, back violently shaking with laughter. 

  
  


“It's… not _that_ funny—” 

  
  


“I’ve never met somebody so passionate about corn!” Claire cried as she lifted her head, eventually giving back into the laughing. “It's just…” she lightly shook her head instead of finishing the thought. 

  
  


I wanted to bask in the smile she gave me, the way her eyes sparkled when she laughed, but I knew I couldn’t overstay my welcome. The voice in my head warned me I should leave while I was still ahead. 

  
  


I held one of the dishes in her direction, hoping she would take it from me. “Well… uh, just take it, and I’ll stop bothering you.” 

  
  


“Oh.” Claire’s smile faded into a straight line, and she seemed to mold back into the mask she’d been wearing when I first arrived. She carefully relieved the tray from me and held it between both hands. “Well, thanks… y’know, for the corn.” 

  
  


“Yeah,” I forced out before turning on my heels. “Enjoy. I’ll see ya.” 

  
  


This time around, I didn’t even get a step away before I heard Claire call that famed, “Wait.” I’d never gotten so much hope from a single word in my entire life.

  
  


When I turned around, she was staring up at me, lips pressed tightly together. “You…. you should sit,” she finally managed. “It would look weird if you didn’t.” 

  
  


I didn’t think it would have been that weird, but I wasn’t about to argue with the opportunity. Without another word, I took a seat on the blanket next to her, facing the shoreline. When I looked over to Claire, her attention was fixed on the food, and I was suddenly glad I’d taken the gamble. Based on the speed she ate, my guess may not have been that far off. 

  
  


While it had allowed me an entrance, I hated knowing that I could rely on the fact that she didn’t eat as regularly as I thought somebody should. Especially somebody that was potentially growing a whole ass child. I just hoped it was a fluke. 

  
  


It’s not like I was in a position to say anything, though; I hadn’t eaten much that day either. So I ate my corn instead to silence the worries from escaping my stupid mouth; I didn’t want to risk saying anything that would get me on her bad side again. 

  
  


Rushing waters and screeching gulls provided the only noise between us. Truthfully it was nice to just be around her, even if we weren’t talking. But as I finished my food, the anxiety crept back in. I had no idea what the fuck I was going to say, let alone what I could say without ruining everything. 

  
  


Claire set the tray to the side and glanced over at me. Almost as quickly, she moved her gaze down to her feet as she swallowed. “Ann and I found some cool rocks today… do you want to see?” 

  
  


I wasn’t sure what I’d expected Claire to say to me, but an invitation to look at rocks was not it. “Uh, yeah. Sure.” 

  
  


“You just work with rocks and stuff, so I don’t know...” Claire started as she gathered the pile by her feet and shifted onto her knees to face me. “I thought you might like ‘em too, y’know?” 

  
  


She delicately poured the pile on the blanket between us, organizing the colorful array of smoothed stones and sea glass in no recognizable order. Her thumb glided across the surface of each piece she set down, but her hand lingered on one rounded piece of bright blue sea glass. 

  
  


Claire lifted it in my direction with an outstretched hand.“What about this one?” she asked with a soft smile. 

  
  


“What about it?” I focused on the curves of the electric blue pebble, despite wanting to look elsewhere. 

  
  


“Do you like it? It’s such a pretty color,” Claire retracted her hand and rolled the glass between her fingers, “and it's so smooth.” She held it between her thumb and index finger as she lifted it to eye-level. “I picked it up because it kinda reminded me of Ann’s eyes, so I was gonna give it to her.” 

  
  


“Oh. Uh, yeah. It’s pretty.” I wanted to enjoy Claire’s attention, but I couldn’t for the life of me understand why she was being so friendly. 

  
  


Did she feel bad? Or was she trying to make _me_ feel bad? Because if so, it was working. 

  
  


“Hmm, now that I think about it...” Claire’s gaze flickered between me and the frosted glass she held up. “You and Ann have the same color eyes…” she trailed off, staring directly into them. 

  
  


Her lips gently parted like something else might come out, but scorching summer air was the only thing between us. And fuck, how I wanted to close that gap. As her eyes dipped down my face and back up, my breathing was suddenly a thing of the past. I would have missed it if I blinked, but the action made my brain short-circuit either way. I had no idea what Claire was doing or why, but I was too mesmerized to look away. 

  
  


“But, uh,” Claire abruptly dropped her head, hiding the faintest blush that’d spread across her cheeks and any remnants of whatever the hell had just happened. She returned the sea glass to its place on the blanket, and her hand floated around a few different pieces before picking up a speckled grey stone. “Actually, this one made me think of you when I found it.” 

  
  


She leaned forward to give me what looked like a perfect skipping rock, and I held out my hand so she could drop it into my palm. I wrapped my fingers around the soft, weathered surface, eventually opening my hand to admire it in the light. 

  
  


It didn’t glimmer like sea glass, but the stone’s unique pattern and coloration was a sharp contrast. Flecks of light blues and yellows decorated the charcoal background like fireworks, and I wondered how a rock like that could remind Claire of somebody like me. 

  
  


“This one reminds you of me?” I asked in disbelief. 

  
  


“Well yeah!” Claire grinned, looking between me and the stone as if it were the most obvious observation. “You should have it! It’s no corn but… I got a ton of others today, so…” 

  
  


I looked down at my hand, questioning what I had in common with something so colorful and why Claire was acting so sweet towards me. I was getting too comfortable… _way_ too comfortable. And I hadn’t even made an attempt to apologize to her. It was tempting to go along with whatever she was doing, but I couldn’t keep pretending like we hadn’t gotten into it days prior. 

Claire sat back on her feet, shoulders stiffening. “You look like you have something you want to say.” 

  
  


“I… I do,” I admitted, squeezing the stone in my hand. 

  
  


“Alrighty. So...?” 

  
  


I took a deep breath. “Claire, I need to apologize. For a lot of things.” 

  
  


I was only met with silence, but curious eyes encouraged me to continue.

  
  


“I… fuck, I don’t even know where to start.” I shook my head at myself, thinking about how badly I’d fucked up lately. “I’m sorry for ditching you… and not sayin’ anything about Mary. I shouldn’t have left you like that.”

  
  


“Its… I…” Claire tried before sighing and turning away. “I… appreciate the apology. But I should’ve just respected you when you said you weren’t looking for a relationship, y’know?” 

  
  


I couldn’t believe she’d remembered me saying that. Those didn’t even sound like my own words anymore. So much had changed since then… There had to be something else I could say to show that. 

  
  


“And uh, I’m sorry about the other day,” I continued, eager to get all the guilt off my chest. “I shoulda told Gramps no, and I uh, shouldn’t have said what I did…. I didn’t mean it like that.” 

  
  


Claire shifted back to her original seat as I spoke, hugging her knees to her chest. “Then... why did you say it?” 

  
  


“Just… I panicked. I, uh, only wanted to know if you still wanted _me_ involved cuz...” My voice lost traction as one of my biggest worries moved to the tip of my tongue, “I could, uh... understand if you didn’t.” 

  
  


“Gray…” Claire pushed her head into her knees and exhaled before springing back up. “Of course I do! And… I’m sorry if I gave you the impression otherwise. I just needed the space to... sort myself out, y’know?” She pressed her lips together, averting her eyes from mine. “But... it’s hard… not having you around sometimes. Like, you’re the only person that understands _everything_ going on.” 

  
  


“It’s fine. I get it,” I attempted to reassure her, again wondering if it came across as genuine. “But, uh, yeah. Feel the same way.”

  
  


The way she spoke to me was encouraging, but I could tell she had more to say by the way her mouth struggled to stay closed while I talked. 

  
  


“And it's not fair for me to keep you in the dark like that, so... I’m sorry too.” She took a deep breath and turned her entire torso towards me. “My… feelings were valid, but my reaction to everything was not.” The phrase sounded sincere, but it also seemed like she’d rehearsed it. 

  
  


“I’m usually a lot better at managing my emotions, but… I’ve been struggling a little.” Claire’s voice softened as she continued, one hand resting at the side of her neck, “I just… want you to know I’m working on it… and I hope that we can try to communicate more honestly, y’know? Despite whatever... personal issues we have with each other."

  
  


“Oh, uh, yeah, I agree. Honesty’s good.” I was shocked with how direct Claire was finally being, wondering where the hell all this rational thought was a few days ago. 

  
  


Claire shot me a lippy smile as she gathered the rocks sitting between us and put them in her bag. I felt guilty enjoying the sight, knowing that I still had things I needed to get off my chest. 

  
  


“If we’re being honest with each other… fuck, I shoulda told you from the start, but…” I had to look at the sand before I ditched admitting the truth altogether. “Mary and I were sorta seein’ each other for a while before you came.” 

  
  


Her head turned. “I thought you said she wasn’t your girlfriend?” 

  
  


“She wasn’t.” 

  
  


“Seeing each other… dating…” Claire narrowed her eyes at me. “Like, is that not the same thing?” 

  
  


“Uh, no. It’s not.” I wasn’t exactly sure where the distinction was, but I’d been convinced there was one. 

  
  


“Oh.” She blinked a few times, pressing her lips together. “Alrighty then…” 

  
  


“It's just, the night I ended things with her,” my grip on the rock tightened as the words left my mouth, “it was the same night as Kai’s.” 

  
  


Claire snapped her head towards the shore. I couldn’t see her full face, but it _did_ give me a front-row seat to the tensed muscles in her jaw, keeping her mouth screwed shut. As more seconds passed with no response, my stomach twisted itself in knots. Nervously searching for anything to do while I waited, I stuck the rock in my pocket. 

  
  


“Look, I... appreciate the honesty,” she managed in the least appreciative tone, making no effort to look me in the eye. “But like I said before… it was a drunken hook-up. It didn’t mean anything, and there’s nothing between us. I don’t expect anything from you outside of being a parent.” 

  
  


I was speechless. The words were a slap to the face. 

  
  


Nothing between us? From the same girl that’d told me she liked me and wanted to date me less than a week ago? She’d told me to forget about it in the heat of the moment, but I didn’t think she’d actually meant it. If there was nothing between us, then why was she so hell-bent on having _my_ kid? Out of all the fucking people she could pick since clearly, she could have whoever the hell she wanted. 

  
  


Claire grabbed the trash from her side and shot up from her spot, pointing at my discards. “Are you done with that?” 

  
  


I held up the paper tray, only able to muster up a curt, “Yep.” 

  
  


She snatched it from my hand without another word and walked towards the trash can between Kai’s and Zack’s. 

  
  


Sitting on the blanket alone, I tried to make sense of the emotional whiplash I’d just experienced. I thought I’d done everything I was supposed to, but I couldn’t help feeling like I’d done something wrong. It was no surprise, though; even when I tried to do the right thing, I managed to fuck everything up. 

  
  


A gentle push rocked my shoulder. “Hey, how’d it go?” Ann whispered as she crouched by my side. 

  
  


I didn’t want to look her in the eyes. “We’re fine now.” It wasn’t a lie, but… it didn’t feel entirely true either.

  
  


“Oh, yeah, don’t spare the details or anything,” Ann huffed, standing over me. “We can talk later, but Kai asked me to come get you. Guess he needs some help loading boxes or something.” 

  
  


I was pushing up from my spot before Ann was done talking. The way I was feeling, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be on that blanket when Claire came back. Saying what was actually on my mind would probably just fuck things up worse than they already were. 

  
  


Walking back to the shack, I did everything in my power to ignore Claire as she stopped to mingle with Karen and her fucking seed guy. Ann joined the group as we passed, and I kept my head forward. I didn’t want to look because I didn’t want to care. Evidently, there was nothing between us, so there was no reason to torture myself.

  
  


The minute I entered the shack, Kai put me to work packing up crates of food to load onto Rock’s joke of a boat. I wasn’t excited to be helping, but it was a distraction and, most importantly, a means of getting those people back to the fucking valley. 

  
  


My next priority was finding a way to distract myself from Claire for the rest of the night, and I didn’t want to admit how enticing that dwindling bottle of tequila looked. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me on Chapter 13: I'm never going to write a chapter that's this long again!!  
> Also me, today: 🤡
> 
> Me last week: I'm going to have this chapter out by x day!  
> Also me, today: 🤡
> 
> Hahaha jokes aside-I'm sorry for making promises, and I appreciate the patience with this one. It's long. But also I'm so over letting word count run my life. Please let me know if you have any feedback about pacing/details/length anything, I'm always eager to improve~ 
> 
> This one is jam-packed for sure, and there way a lot of behind-the-scenes work that went into making everything happen, if that makes sense? SO also like... let me know if it DIDN'T make sense. Also a lot of little... random tidbits are littered in this one that I KNOW are going to spark some (great) questions. I like doing that hehe. And like... if you're curious about the random Kai/Karen comment all I'll say is: no, you didn't miss anything. But I encourage you to remember what advice Karen gave Gray a couple chapters ago. Hehe its a secret tool that's going to help us later ;-) 
> 
> PLZ don't me mad at me about Gray and Claire lol. Save that anger for the next chapter ;) THERE'S A PT 2 COMING!!! It's already in the works so I'm hoping to get it out sooner rather than later!!
> 
> Again big ol THANK YOU to rageaphobia as always for being such a stellar beta-reader and ALSO being so patient with me. And a big thank you if you're reading!! <3 
> 
> Also music for this one is I'm Gonna Try by Shimmering Stars, it just fit too perfectly for Gray. Except at the end of it, he's on his way to a Novocaine by The Unlikely Candidates moment tbh. Okay lol I'm done I already wrote so much for the actual story, hit me up in the comments if there's something, in particular, you want me to talk about hehe.


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